Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Control
4. Broken
“What the fuck was that about?” I was in the back room, buckling my guitars back into their cases. Pete obviously wasn’t as inattentive as I had hoped.
“I didn’t feel like playing Love Will Tear Us Apart, okay?” I could feel his glare burn into the back of my head. For a while, the only sound was the locks clicking together. I wished he would leave; Audrey would come in any second.
“So you’re going over to Alex’s tonight?” I didn’t expect a response.
Alex was his girlfriend. He was unbelievably nice and friendly when she was around, unlike the monster he became when we were alone. She seemed so in love with him. I knew she was only in love with his façade. The idea that he was this lost soul who stumbled upon fame, only cared about the music and devoted his life to saving children in Africa. Bull. Shit.
I was the only person who knew the real Pete, and I would trade it for naivety any day. I would love to go back to that day, the long drive on an icy highway, have turned around and gone home to a life of normalcy. I would have graduated college, hopefully have lost touch with Joe, and never, ever have met Pete. I would hear of him on the radio, for a brief second think he was a pretty cool guy, and move on.
I will never be able to move on.
Pete loudly clicked his case shut and left. I could finally relax. If I was lucky, I wouldn’t see him for a few days and maybe I would spend the rest of the weekend with Audrey. I continued to stack the cases neatly in a corner, until I heard her voice call out from the doorway.
“Patrick!” Almost immediately, she put herself in my arms and her lips pressed firmly against mine. My arms wrapped around her small waist and pulled her close to me. She was trembling from the cold, but her eyes were warm and caring. I broke eye contact just in time to see Pete glaring at me from outside the door. Feeling devious, I gently pulled the elastic out of her hair, kissed her neck, and whispered “Your place or mine?”
He shook his head gravely and walked away.
“Mine,” she said. “Let me just go home and change, clean up the place a bit. Expect me to call you around eleven, okay?” I nodded and smiled.
“You promise?” I teased.
“With all my heart.” She smiled, kissed me one last time and ran out to her car.
The drive home was long and lonely. I shivered with anticipation, the feeling of wanting something so bad that I just couldn’t shake. I was scared, though. I wanted it to be okay, I would be okay with this. That, I wasn’t totally sure of. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she wanted this to be innocent. She didn’t strike me as the virginal type, but you never know. I just wanted to make her happy. If she was happy, I would be happy. Everything else was up to her.
Once home (if you could call it home, that is), I put a white dress shirt over my grubby black Ramones shirt. I stretched out on my couch and decided to watch late night T.V. until she called. It was only 10:30 and she promised she would call at eleven.
The minutes stretched on like hours and I suddenly became nervous. What if something did happen, and I wasn’t good enough for her? What if her last boyfriend was better than me? I figured him to be tall, dark, handsome, every woman’s dream. Everything I wasn’t. I bet he at least had a full head of hair.
11:05
Maybe she was stuck in traffic on the way home, it had taken me a half an hour and I was closer than she was. I turned off the television and sat at my kitchen table, cell phone in front of me.
11:10
Not as much as a text message, no sign of trying to contact me at all. At this point, I became worried. What if she crashed her car? What if she fell down the stairs or hurt herself somehow? What if someone else hurt her?
11:15 I was out the door. I skipped the elevator and tore down the three flights of emergency steps, into the parking lot. I drove as fast as possible, ignoring speed limits. My heart was racing.
Not her, I pleaded to no one. You can hurt me but please, just spare her.
11:20, I received a text message from Audrey:
Help
I screech into a parking space in the lot across from her apartment. I tried not to think about what he could have done to her. I remembered she said something about her apartment being on the second floor, I took the stairs. All of the doors were closed and bolted, save one. One, all the way at the end of the hall, 214, the door was open a crack.
My heart was beating out of my chest; I prayed she was okay, alive. The living room here was a mess. The pillows from the furniture were scattered everywhere, a lamp was on its side and so was a table. The T.V. was a heap of broken plastic and glass next to an open door.
What I saw inside the next room destroyed me.
The room before me was more chaotic than the previous. The double bed had sheets torn and scattered amongst the room. The wooden headboard had scratch marks on it, as if someone was trying to escape. Bloodied glass from the mirror was all over the floor. My stomach turned over.
“Audrey?” I called out, my voice not very strong. She was nowhere to be seen. I heard a shuffling sound come from the closet. I quickly threw the doors open and there, covering herself with a tattered comforter, was Audrey.
“No…” I fell to my knees. This wasn’t real. It was one thing to hurt me, but Audrey did nothing to Pete, or anybody for that matter. How could anyone do this to someone so…innocent?
I looked at her again. She was shaking violently. One eye was blackened and swelling; the other had a cut underneath it, tears causing the blood to smear across her cheek. Her nose bled heavily and her lip had a cut on it. I reached out to wipe the tears away, but she flinched and retreated further into the closet.
“Oh, Audrey, it’s just me…you don’t need to be afraid of me…” She nodded but she didn’t move. I picked her up in my arms and gently set her down on the bed. She curled up into herself and cried. I pulled the dress shirt off and put it around her. I searched around for other clothes and found sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and flip-flops.
I realized she was covered in bruises from head to toe. I wanted to kill Pete.
I dressed her quickly and carried her to my car, stretching her out on the back seat.
It broke my heart, listening to her cry and whimper from the back seat. I knew what it felt like, but I couldn’t think of how he hurt her. A scene played out in my head. I imagined her making her bed, smiling and touching up her make up in the mirror. There would be a knock at her door; she would hope it was me, surprising her by coming early. But it would be Pete. They would struggle in the living room; he would scream at her and throw the furniture around. She would try to hide, and run into her bedroom. He would beat her, and throw her into bed. Someone of Pete’s size could easily take advantage of Audrey. She would struggle and cry and try to escape.
I knew the scene all to well. I glanced back at Audrey briefly, and I knew her pain.
I carried her to my room and I laid her out on the couch, told her to relax. I ran her a bath as she did for me, I showed her where everything was and let her have her privacy. I sat down outside of the bathroom and started to cry. I didn’t believe I had let him hurt her. She was my everything and he had to make her pay. He wanted the spotlight I put on her, but he would never have it. After ten minutes, she called out. She was sitting in the bath water with her knees up to her chest. She had a blank expression on her face and wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Is everything okay?” I sat on the toilet seat facing the shower.
“I understand now.” She said simply. She was crying again. I sat on the floor and took her hand between mine.
“Audrey, I won’t let this happen again. Please let me just promise you that.” I just wanted to see her smile again; I was still in shock that this even happened in the first place. Her cries suddenly turned into erratic sobs. I put my hand on her back; I tried not to push hard because of the heavy bruising. She looked up at me, her eyes hollow and cold.
“I…I am…” She choked for a moment. I waited for her to speak.
“I…was…a…virgin…” I put my arms around her. She cried into my sleeve. Pete took this away from her; I was going to kill him.
“I…was…saving…it…for…someone…special…” She wasn’t crying anymore, but her breathing was uneven, borderline hyperventilating.
“Someone…like…you…” I felt horrible. If we had never met, this wouldn’t have happened. She would be a normal human, with normal experiences. I held her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
“I’m sorry…it’s all my fault.” She shook her head back and forth, then looked at herself. Ugly, dark bruises were up and down her legs.
“No. It’s his fault. You couldn’t have done anything.” She looked up at me and kissed me lightly on the lips. She broke down sobbing again and pulled the drain out of the tub.
“I feel…like nothing, now. I feel…broken.”
“What the fuck was that about?” I was in the back room, buckling my guitars back into their cases. Pete obviously wasn’t as inattentive as I had hoped.
“I didn’t feel like playing Love Will Tear Us Apart, okay?” I could feel his glare burn into the back of my head. For a while, the only sound was the locks clicking together. I wished he would leave; Audrey would come in any second.
“So you’re going over to Alex’s tonight?” I didn’t expect a response.
Alex was his girlfriend. He was unbelievably nice and friendly when she was around, unlike the monster he became when we were alone. She seemed so in love with him. I knew she was only in love with his façade. The idea that he was this lost soul who stumbled upon fame, only cared about the music and devoted his life to saving children in Africa. Bull. Shit.
I was the only person who knew the real Pete, and I would trade it for naivety any day. I would love to go back to that day, the long drive on an icy highway, have turned around and gone home to a life of normalcy. I would have graduated college, hopefully have lost touch with Joe, and never, ever have met Pete. I would hear of him on the radio, for a brief second think he was a pretty cool guy, and move on.
I will never be able to move on.
Pete loudly clicked his case shut and left. I could finally relax. If I was lucky, I wouldn’t see him for a few days and maybe I would spend the rest of the weekend with Audrey. I continued to stack the cases neatly in a corner, until I heard her voice call out from the doorway.
“Patrick!” Almost immediately, she put herself in my arms and her lips pressed firmly against mine. My arms wrapped around her small waist and pulled her close to me. She was trembling from the cold, but her eyes were warm and caring. I broke eye contact just in time to see Pete glaring at me from outside the door. Feeling devious, I gently pulled the elastic out of her hair, kissed her neck, and whispered “Your place or mine?”
He shook his head gravely and walked away.
“Mine,” she said. “Let me just go home and change, clean up the place a bit. Expect me to call you around eleven, okay?” I nodded and smiled.
“You promise?” I teased.
“With all my heart.” She smiled, kissed me one last time and ran out to her car.
The drive home was long and lonely. I shivered with anticipation, the feeling of wanting something so bad that I just couldn’t shake. I was scared, though. I wanted it to be okay, I would be okay with this. That, I wasn’t totally sure of. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she wanted this to be innocent. She didn’t strike me as the virginal type, but you never know. I just wanted to make her happy. If she was happy, I would be happy. Everything else was up to her.
Once home (if you could call it home, that is), I put a white dress shirt over my grubby black Ramones shirt. I stretched out on my couch and decided to watch late night T.V. until she called. It was only 10:30 and she promised she would call at eleven.
The minutes stretched on like hours and I suddenly became nervous. What if something did happen, and I wasn’t good enough for her? What if her last boyfriend was better than me? I figured him to be tall, dark, handsome, every woman’s dream. Everything I wasn’t. I bet he at least had a full head of hair.
11:05
Maybe she was stuck in traffic on the way home, it had taken me a half an hour and I was closer than she was. I turned off the television and sat at my kitchen table, cell phone in front of me.
11:10
Not as much as a text message, no sign of trying to contact me at all. At this point, I became worried. What if she crashed her car? What if she fell down the stairs or hurt herself somehow? What if someone else hurt her?
11:15 I was out the door. I skipped the elevator and tore down the three flights of emergency steps, into the parking lot. I drove as fast as possible, ignoring speed limits. My heart was racing.
Not her, I pleaded to no one. You can hurt me but please, just spare her.
11:20, I received a text message from Audrey:
Help
I screech into a parking space in the lot across from her apartment. I tried not to think about what he could have done to her. I remembered she said something about her apartment being on the second floor, I took the stairs. All of the doors were closed and bolted, save one. One, all the way at the end of the hall, 214, the door was open a crack.
My heart was beating out of my chest; I prayed she was okay, alive. The living room here was a mess. The pillows from the furniture were scattered everywhere, a lamp was on its side and so was a table. The T.V. was a heap of broken plastic and glass next to an open door.
What I saw inside the next room destroyed me.
The room before me was more chaotic than the previous. The double bed had sheets torn and scattered amongst the room. The wooden headboard had scratch marks on it, as if someone was trying to escape. Bloodied glass from the mirror was all over the floor. My stomach turned over.
“Audrey?” I called out, my voice not very strong. She was nowhere to be seen. I heard a shuffling sound come from the closet. I quickly threw the doors open and there, covering herself with a tattered comforter, was Audrey.
“No…” I fell to my knees. This wasn’t real. It was one thing to hurt me, but Audrey did nothing to Pete, or anybody for that matter. How could anyone do this to someone so…innocent?
I looked at her again. She was shaking violently. One eye was blackened and swelling; the other had a cut underneath it, tears causing the blood to smear across her cheek. Her nose bled heavily and her lip had a cut on it. I reached out to wipe the tears away, but she flinched and retreated further into the closet.
“Oh, Audrey, it’s just me…you don’t need to be afraid of me…” She nodded but she didn’t move. I picked her up in my arms and gently set her down on the bed. She curled up into herself and cried. I pulled the dress shirt off and put it around her. I searched around for other clothes and found sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and flip-flops.
I realized she was covered in bruises from head to toe. I wanted to kill Pete.
I dressed her quickly and carried her to my car, stretching her out on the back seat.
It broke my heart, listening to her cry and whimper from the back seat. I knew what it felt like, but I couldn’t think of how he hurt her. A scene played out in my head. I imagined her making her bed, smiling and touching up her make up in the mirror. There would be a knock at her door; she would hope it was me, surprising her by coming early. But it would be Pete. They would struggle in the living room; he would scream at her and throw the furniture around. She would try to hide, and run into her bedroom. He would beat her, and throw her into bed. Someone of Pete’s size could easily take advantage of Audrey. She would struggle and cry and try to escape.
I knew the scene all to well. I glanced back at Audrey briefly, and I knew her pain.
I carried her to my room and I laid her out on the couch, told her to relax. I ran her a bath as she did for me, I showed her where everything was and let her have her privacy. I sat down outside of the bathroom and started to cry. I didn’t believe I had let him hurt her. She was my everything and he had to make her pay. He wanted the spotlight I put on her, but he would never have it. After ten minutes, she called out. She was sitting in the bath water with her knees up to her chest. She had a blank expression on her face and wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Is everything okay?” I sat on the toilet seat facing the shower.
“I understand now.” She said simply. She was crying again. I sat on the floor and took her hand between mine.
“Audrey, I won’t let this happen again. Please let me just promise you that.” I just wanted to see her smile again; I was still in shock that this even happened in the first place. Her cries suddenly turned into erratic sobs. I put my hand on her back; I tried not to push hard because of the heavy bruising. She looked up at me, her eyes hollow and cold.
“I…I am…” She choked for a moment. I waited for her to speak.
“I…was…a…virgin…” I put my arms around her. She cried into my sleeve. Pete took this away from her; I was going to kill him.
“I…was…saving…it…for…someone…special…” She wasn’t crying anymore, but her breathing was uneven, borderline hyperventilating.
“Someone…like…you…” I felt horrible. If we had never met, this wouldn’t have happened. She would be a normal human, with normal experiences. I held her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
“I’m sorry…it’s all my fault.” She shook her head back and forth, then looked at herself. Ugly, dark bruises were up and down her legs.
“No. It’s his fault. You couldn’t have done anything.” She looked up at me and kissed me lightly on the lips. She broke down sobbing again and pulled the drain out of the tub.
“I feel…like nothing, now. I feel…broken.”
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