Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > If I Should Die Before I Wake
This is the last chapter of this story. I apologize to anyone that wanted this to carry on farther. I would continue this, but I tire of writing the same piece much too easily. Not to mention I feel completely brain dead at the moment. But thank you to anyone who read, rated, or reviewed this. You guys make the world spin 'round.
It is often debated how one is granted entrance into Heaven. The characteristics required are not known to man. But the Catholic Church, much like many individuals and other religions, have their own beliefs on this matter. To enter Heaven, by Catholic standards, one must first be baptized. This cleanses the soul of a human’s first fault, original sin. After baptism, one’s life must then be ruled by the bible and church. If one strays off the narrow path, he must repent for his sins. If God, the all-forgiving, does not forgive then one is banished to Hell for all eternity.
I do not agree with these beliefs though. I do not believe that one needs to be baptized or live by the bible. One does not even need to believe in God to be allowed through the gates of Heaven. These tasks are much too insignificant. My belief is that only one characteristic is needed to achieve access into Heaven. It is the most difficult of tasks and requires an entire lifetime to complete. But if one can pass this test, then it is declared that they are righteous, and they are good. If one can learn to forgive themselves a place in Heaven they have secured.
My entire life I have struggled to forgive myself for all the wrong-doing that I have done. Every mistake that has hurt not only me but others has added to my ever growing collection of guilt, hidden deep inside my chest. The guilt would not disappear.
I have done things that I am not proud of. I have hurt people that I never had the intentions of hurting. And this guilt never allowed me to forget. It has been my constant reminder of all the flaws I possess. I have tried desperately to ease the guilt, but these attempts have only worsened the feelings.
In the distance, I heard the sound of an approaching train. I should have considered this odd, being that these tracks were long ago abandoned, but I did not. I glanced down at the scars on my wrists. Strangely enough, I did not feel any remorse for engraving these marks on my skin. And so I laid myself down on the tracks without a second thought.
My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
My past sins seemed unforgivable.
In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good.
But I have managed to forgive myself.
I have sinned against you, whom I should love above all things.
I should have never hurt you, Lord.
I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more,
And to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
But I cannot hurt you anymore, for I am forgiven.
Our Savior, Jesus Christ, suffered and died for us.
I have once suffered.
In His name, my God, have mercy.
But I trust that you, God, will now have mercy on my soul.
On the tracks I still laid as the train was now rapidly approaching. I was not fearful though. There is no place for fear when there is no place for regret. My soul was drained of the negative. It felt as if I was completely empty inside.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the ending to my life. I still could not help but to wonder if the train would take me to the golden gates of Heaven or if I was taking a dark ride to the gates of Hell.
It is often debated how one is granted entrance into Heaven. The characteristics required are not known to man. But the Catholic Church, much like many individuals and other religions, have their own beliefs on this matter. To enter Heaven, by Catholic standards, one must first be baptized. This cleanses the soul of a human’s first fault, original sin. After baptism, one’s life must then be ruled by the bible and church. If one strays off the narrow path, he must repent for his sins. If God, the all-forgiving, does not forgive then one is banished to Hell for all eternity.
I do not agree with these beliefs though. I do not believe that one needs to be baptized or live by the bible. One does not even need to believe in God to be allowed through the gates of Heaven. These tasks are much too insignificant. My belief is that only one characteristic is needed to achieve access into Heaven. It is the most difficult of tasks and requires an entire lifetime to complete. But if one can pass this test, then it is declared that they are righteous, and they are good. If one can learn to forgive themselves a place in Heaven they have secured.
My entire life I have struggled to forgive myself for all the wrong-doing that I have done. Every mistake that has hurt not only me but others has added to my ever growing collection of guilt, hidden deep inside my chest. The guilt would not disappear.
I have done things that I am not proud of. I have hurt people that I never had the intentions of hurting. And this guilt never allowed me to forget. It has been my constant reminder of all the flaws I possess. I have tried desperately to ease the guilt, but these attempts have only worsened the feelings.
In the distance, I heard the sound of an approaching train. I should have considered this odd, being that these tracks were long ago abandoned, but I did not. I glanced down at the scars on my wrists. Strangely enough, I did not feel any remorse for engraving these marks on my skin. And so I laid myself down on the tracks without a second thought.
My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
My past sins seemed unforgivable.
In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good.
But I have managed to forgive myself.
I have sinned against you, whom I should love above all things.
I should have never hurt you, Lord.
I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more,
And to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
But I cannot hurt you anymore, for I am forgiven.
Our Savior, Jesus Christ, suffered and died for us.
I have once suffered.
In His name, my God, have mercy.
But I trust that you, God, will now have mercy on my soul.
On the tracks I still laid as the train was now rapidly approaching. I was not fearful though. There is no place for fear when there is no place for regret. My soul was drained of the negative. It felt as if I was completely empty inside.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the ending to my life. I still could not help but to wonder if the train would take me to the golden gates of Heaven or if I was taking a dark ride to the gates of Hell.
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