Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

I Cant Begin To Let You Know Just What Im Feeling

by reppingMychem 0 reviews

lots of drama, Excitement, Sadness. In the end Gerard and Frank get married. Bert asks Mikey to marry him in after he reception

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [V] [X] - Published: 2009-11-30 - Updated: 2009-12-01 - 6729 words - Complete

I stood over the washtub with it in my hands

Waiting for the color to change and a cross or line to form.

i looked in the mirror for the shortest of times
but something blue stole my attention

Things were beginning to change, The color
I nervously awaited for the finial result

The stick started to shake in my hand and the box of it in my other hand

two blue lines appeared on the stick thing
I quickly checked the box

Tears flew down my face

I was hopping from one foot to the other waving my hands around

Gerard wasnt gonna be home for another 2 hours and i had no idea on how i was gonna tell him

i double checked the pregnancy test over and over again

"Me... Im gonna be a dad!"

There was no way possiable to stop myself from crying and smiling.
Gee always beats everyone home so i knew exatly how i was gonna tell him

I headed for the door, Took the keys jumped in my car and went to the first store i could find

I killed the engien and went inside looking for chocolate whipped cream.
When i found it i went back to the front of the store and grabbed a basket

i held the basket up under the shelf and pushed all the bottles of whiped cream in there.

"Hello" The check out person said trying to be friendly

"Wow this sure is alot of whipped cream"
"Yeah i have something importaint to tell my boyfriend"

i watched her as she realized what i ment
Her face fell

I gave her a quick smile, My Gerard is anything but discusting

"Have a good day" I called as i left that mean person with a screwed up face

I sat in the car and i remembered candles

I got another basket and went to the candle display
and did the same thing as i did with the cream.

I knew that bitch didnt want me to go to her check out. But i did just because i creeped her out

She stared scaning and didnt say one word. I knew she was still horrorfied about what i said.

"I need these to light up the darkness to see where im going" being pretty vocal about it meaning fucking Gee
"You know you are a horriable horriable person"

"Yes i am"
"God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve"
"Well if thats what god wanted why would he let it happen"

I picked up my bag of candles and left, I know i fucked her on that one Haha stupid bitch!

When i was back in mine and Gees room i started placing unlit candles everywhere i possiably could
Then put the cream around the bed.

I put the black rose petals on the bed (I got them on the way home aswell)

My phone was ringing and i knew it was Gerard telling me that he was on his way home

"Hey Babe"
"Hello Gorgeous"
"Are you just leaving?"
"In about 20 minutes, Hope you dont mind i just got one more thing to finish then i'll be home"
"OK Have fun"
"I will, I love you"
"I love you too Gee"

I hung up and went to get dressed into my maids outfit, Never used it before but i've had it for the longest of times.

Once i was safetly in it i 'Borrowed' One of Mikeys long coats because it was really cold
Then i got to work on lighting candles.

When they were all done i heard Gerards car pull in so i turned off the light and went into the bathroom

"Honey Where are you"
"Im in the room" i called back

He walked threw the door and trust him to say what he said next

"Fuck has the power gone off again"

i giggled

"Nope" I said walking out wearing the outfit with boots that nearly come upto my thighs a little side hat and a feather duster

"oh well hello there sexy" He said wrapping his arms around my hips

I kissed gerards lips just enough to turn him on. It didnt need much.

I pulled his top over his head and turned around so he could unzip the back of my dress.
When he did that it fell down off me

I turned to face him and pulled my self against his chest.
It was cold but it began heating up.

"What have i done to deserve this?"
"Everything Gee"
"Ok well im not complaining"

He undid his pants and followed me to the bed.
i put my head on a pillow and Gee leaned over me

I pushed my lips onto his.
His lips were forcing mine open and then he pushed his tounge threw my mouth

he put his head next to mine and started sucking my neck

"Oh Gee" i said softly

I pushed him over so he was on his back now and picked up a bottle of cream
I shook it took the lid of then sprayed it on Gerard.

I saw his face light up.

I sprayed it on his stomach all the way down to his dick

I started from the top and licked him all the way down to his dick
Once i was there i felt gerards head get throwen backwards.

He was moaning my name along with a whole lot of 'Ohhs' and 'ahhs' And 'uhhs' pretty cool really

I felt him getting stiff and i felt me going faster and faster then he came in my mouth

"Fuck Frankie" I could hear him say as i swalloed

But i wasnt done

"Turn around Gee"

he gave me another smile and did as i asked
I kissed his back and took in a few deep breaths before i shoved myself into him

I took hold of his hips and thrusted myself.

My thrusting got faster and faster my mind was telling me to slow down
But i couldnt i was getting to excited

Me and Gee were exchanging moans and i could feel the sweat pouring off my face
My hands started to get slippery and my hair was hanging over my face.

I came but i tried to pull out before i did so..
it didnt happen

"Fuck Frank, Anymore suprises?" Gee asked as i fell into his arms
"Just one more"

"and that is?"

I kissed his beautiful lips that i had gotten so use to but every time i kiss them its allways something new

"You love me right?"

I smiled at him and he smiled back

"You have aids?"
"what, no thats not it at all"

"oh ok then, Tell me hurry up"

I took gerards hand and looked into his eyes.
I sat up and pulled him up with me too.

We were both at eye level

I took his other hand

"Honey you can tell me"
"yeah i know im just trying to find the right words"

"Your breaking up with me?"

I leaned in and kissed him

"I love you too much" I wispered in his ear

I kissed his lips one more time, i left my lips on his

"Honey, Im pregnant"

Gerards lips smashed against mine so hard it forced me backwards onto the pillows

His kissing was something i'd never felt before.

"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, Thats why i did all this"

i saw his eyes water up. he sat up so i could move again

"Oh my god, Were gonna be parents"
"I know"

His smile was lighting up this room and he sat smiling into nothingness

His hands took mine. then his face turned towards me. and our eyes met

"Frank, Were gonna be parents" He said wispering
"I know Gerard, I know"

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me right into his chest.
His lips touched my head

"I love you so so so fucking much Frank"
"I love you too Gee"

I knew he was trying not to cry.
i pulled away from his chest and took his face in my hands

"Your allowed to cry Baby"
"I know its just-"

a tear fell down his face

"its what weve always wanted and now its come true"

I nodded

Gerard put his hand on my stomach.

"Hello Baby" he said to it

i laughed because it was just the cutest thing to ever see.

I pulled his head up with my index finger and kissed his lips

His tounge pushed past my lips and his hands went on my back and pushed me closer to him.

I was sitting on his folded legs wearing nothing but boxes the same as Gerard.
My fingers wrapped around Gerards hair

My lips found Gerards but he pulled away

"when did you find out?"
"Today like two hours before you got home"

Gerard gave me a little peck on the lips and then Mikey walked in

"I'll come back later"
"Yeah you do that" then he left again

Me and Gee had agreed to tell everyone eles over dinner which was now.

The food was set out, so were the plates and cutlery the only thing missing was Mikey but he was always late

Him and Bert walked threw the door. I hadnt expected Bert to be here but whatever then
They sat where they normaly would. Across from us

then Mr and Mrs Way at opposite ends of the table
we were having the usual wednesday night dinner.
Steak, Tomatoes, Salad, Chips and eggs.

Me being Vegeterian i only ate four of those things
Gerards right hand was rested on my leg and he ate with the fork in his other one

He keept squeezing my leg every now and again, I guess to let me know everything would be fine.

Finaily everyone was done and Mikey had got up to walk away

"Mikey, Can you come back here please me and Frank have some news"

I felt Mr and Mrs way gawking at me. I Put my hand down on Gees
Mikey and Bert sat at the table again and i was squeezing Gees hand this time

"its ok" he said to me

"well Son what is it?"

He looked to me and i gave him a nod.

"Well You know how me and Frank love each other very much?"
"Yeah" I heard a whole lot of voices reply

"Franks pregnant"

"WHAT? THATS A FUCKING AMAZING" i heard Mikey squeel as he came running over hugging us both

Mrs Way put her hand over her mouth
"Congratulations Boys" Mr way said as he came and hugged us as well

I had stood up by this stage

"Mom?" Gerard asked sounding nervous

She got up and slowly walked over to Gee and wrapped her arms around him and was crying

"Come here Frank" she said and she put her arms around us both it was a group hug

"thank you boys so much"
"What for?"
"Giving me my first Grandchild"
"Oh its ok Mrs Way"

Then Mikey and Bert joined us

"Im gonna be an Uncle" Mikey was wispering
"Yes you are" Gee said sounding like he was the happiest person alive

Me and Gee were in bed watching The Hangover

"Boy or Girl?"
What do you want more, Boy o-"
"Me too"

"Well lets just hope so"

"Mikey seemed the happiest"
"Yeah he did, All about being an Uncle"

"hes gonna spoil Baby"
"That he is"

"Not as much as us though"
"No where near as much as us"

"I can not wait. Were gonna be the best parents ever"
"That we are sweetie"

"I love you My Gee"
"I Love you too Honey"

I woke up to feeling really uneasy
I threw off the blankets and walked quickly to the bathroom just the other side of Gees room.

Shut the door and put myself over the toilet and puked. It was bringing back terriable, terriable memories
from when i was bulimic.

Thankfuly Gerard helped me over come that He was allways there for me
and at that moment i felt his hand go on my shoulder and felt him pull my fringe out of my face

"its ok honey" i could hear him.

Then i was certain that it had all come out. Because that was the most puke i've ever seen.

I flushed the toilet and Gerards hand helped me up
He kissed my forehead

"You still manage to look fucking beautiful"

I smiled at him as he got a facecloth and wet it

"Here you go"

I took it and ran it over my face. It was really cold and it felt good

"Fuck Honey, These next nine months are gonna be so hard" i said crying into Gerards chest
"Yes they are Frank, But we are gonna make it and you know that"

"im so sorry Gee"
"What the fuck for Frank?"

"For crying right now"
"No, You've gotta get use to this"

His lips touched my forehead then there was a knock at the door

"Come in Mikey" Gee said

Mikey barged in with Mrs Way not far behind him

"Morning Boys"
"Morning Mrs Way"
"Hey Mom"

Mikey walked up to our bed and gave me and Gerard a hug

"I-I... Still cant believe it. Me Mikey is gonna be an Uncle"
"Yeah you are Mikes"

"do you want some breakfast Frank, Anything?"
"No thank you Mikey"



Mikey set off down out the door.

"Gee would you give me a minute with Frank please?"
"Yeah sure mom"

His lips touched my hand and i gave him a smile

Mrs Way sat next to me on the bed

"How can i help Mrs Way?"

She took my hands just like Gerard does when hes about to tell me something importaint

"Frank, Im so very happy for you and Gerard"

"but are you sure this is right? because if you choose to have an aborti-"
"No. No way Mom me and Gee have always wanted this, Please we would never do that. That is such a crule thing to do"

"Ok Frank i was just making sure your both 100% sure about this"
"100%, More like 999999%"

"Ok then Frank im happy. Im gonna be a grandma!"
"Yip, And Gees family is possiably gonna be the only Family our baby has apart from Me and Gerard"

"Your not gonna tell your Mom and Dad?"
"Yeah we are, They just wont care. Just like when we got married they didnt care they only came for the food"

"Thats sad Frank, but you are both gonna have our complete support right threw"
"Thanks Mom that means heaps" I said crying again

"Oh Frank come here" She said pulling me aginst her.

"Thank you"
"What for Frank?"

"Talking to me"
"well im allways here, except when im at work but you have my number there. Im allways up for a chat"
"Thank you"
"No problem" she said kissing my forehead

"im going to work now i'll be home later, anything you need?"
"Nothing at all"

i got up and showed her to the door

I was lying on the bed looking up to the roof thinking about what our future would hold
There was a knock at the door

"come in"

Gees face appeared from behind the door
i gave him a smile

"what did you knock for?"
"didnt know if you were busy or not"

"Nope im not"
"ok then"

"Do you want me to stay home today?"
"No, go to work you got that thing to draw"

"Its not importaint"
"Gee go to work"

"ok Honey"

He leaned in towards me
His lips touched mine and my tounge went in past his lips and his tounge did the same

"I'll see you when i get home"
"I'll be right here possiably"

"I love you Frank"
"I love you too Gee"

I Heared his car leave and because it was raining i went and made a milo then went back to bed to sleep


I opened my eyes and saw my phone lighting up i tiredly picked it up

"hey honey did i wake you?"

"Yeah but its ok i should get up now and clean"

"Yes Sir!"

"Im gonna be an hour late"
"Thats ok sweetie"

"not really"

"Cause i wanna be at home with you"
"I'll be fine, im a big boy"

"Ok then, Mikey will be home before me so let him know if you want-"
"Yes honey i will now get back to work"

"Love you"
"Love you too Honey"

I hung up because i knew Gerard would keep talking and he needed to work

i looked at the time on my phone and it was two oclock

"Fuck i've sleept all day" i said to myself.

I knew no one was home but yet i was still talking to myself

I finialy found the energy to get out of bed and start cleaning

"Hey Mikey, Im in here"

"Why are you doing the dishes?"
"Got bored"

"Go sit down i'll finish 'em"
"For fuck sakes Mikey! Im pregnant not fucking retarded" i said storming out of the kitchen into my room

"Fuck!" i fell down onto the bed
Then i realized what i had done

I took my pillow and cuddled it crying into it.

i think i cried for five minutes when there was a knock at the door. I didnt move because i knew it was Mikey

"yeah Mikey?"

"Can i please come in?"
"Yes Mikey"

He walked in and sat on my Bed with something in a brown paperbag. It was a veggie burger, I could smell it

"Mikey im-"
"Its ok Frank"

"no its not Mikey, I shouldnt have gone off like that please im so sorry words cant even say"
"I know it wasnt you Frank, You never snap, it was just your hormones"

"I hope i dont do it again because i feel really bad about it"
"Its ok. I went and got you this" He said putting the burger infront of me

"Thank you Mikey"
"Its ok i only went to the store"

"Not just for the burger, For everything"
"Frank, its fine Honestly"

he smiled and it reminded me of the day i first met him.
I Gave him a hug and he kissed my forehead

I sat back down and took a bite of my burger

Me and Mikey just sat in the room in complete scilence but it ment alot to me to have him here

"Is that Gee Back?"
"Yeah i think so"

"I'll Leave you guys to it then"
"No,No Stay its ok"


I saw Gerards beautiful face come in from Behind the door

"hey beautiful"
"Hello" Mikey answered as he flicked his hair backwards

"Uhhh Not you Mikey"
"Oh, I see. I can tell when im not beautiful"

we all laughed

"How was your day Honey?"
"Good, i finished my thing that you made me go to work for today"

"Well thats good isnt it?"
"yeah i suppose, because now i can spend time with you"

"And me!" Mikey quickly shot in there
"yes and you Mikes"
he just smiled to himself

"Well im gonna give you guys some time so i'll see you later, I think Berts gonna come see you later on"
"Ok cool"

"Thanks Again Mikey"
"Its ok frank"

"Why are you thanking him Frankie?"
"he knows"

"I'll call you when dinners ready?"

Mikey left and it was just me and my Gee

He sat on the bed with me in his arms and he had his hand on my stomach

"i bet hes gonna be beautiful"

"..Bet hes gonna look like you"
"I hope he looks like you Frankie"

"Because your just... Perfect!"

His lips touched my hair and i just managed to feel it

"i love you frank. Forever"
"I Love you Forever too Gee"

"It is"

"How was your day?"

"why just alright?"
"well i slept then i did the dishes and had a mental at Mikey"

"What for?"
"He told me to relax or something and i just went psycho"

"Honey, You had better be ready for a whole lot of that"
"Yes i know and i just want to apoligize now for if and when i loose it with you"

"Its ok, I'll know what it is"
"I know you will"

I moved my head up to look into Gerards eyes and his face came closer and closer to mine.
His lips gave me one little peck.

That just didnt do it.
I sat on Gerards legs and put my hands around his neck

Next thing i knew Gee had my top off and was trying to get my boxes off too.

I took the bottom of Gerards top and pulled it over his head.

"fuck your Beautiful"
"What i am Gee is horny now hurry up and fuck me" i said against his lips

"Ok then"

He went behind me and pulled off my boxes then got up locked the door and turned some music on
He jumped back on the bed and i heard him through his jeans on the floor

I tensed up as i waited for him to thrust him self into me
Then all of a sudden he thursted three times before he was properly in.

His thrusting was slow to start with. But god damn it was fucking good. The best feeling in the world

"...Frank.." He was softly moaning

"Mikey Fuck off im busy"
"I wanna talk"
"Im giving Frank a massage now go away"
"Its importaint"

"Sure you dont wanna talk to him?"
"No, now shut up and take it like a man"

He started to quicken. and we were both letting out our fair share of moans
I knew Gerard would cum very very soon. Its just how he was.

"fuck Frank" He said just after he pulled out

We were both trying to catch our breath

"You cant smoke anymore can you Beautiful?" He said looking into my eyes moving my hair from my face
"No i dont believe i can"

He got out of bed and took something from his jeans.
Theyr his smokes. What the fuck was he doing

Then he threw them in the bin.

"I'll give up with you"
"Oh my god baby" I said with tears falling down my face.

"You dont have to"
"I want to"

"Thank you so much"

His lips collided with mine

"its ok"

"Im gonna go have a shower and then i dunno we'll do something?"
"Yeah, Ok and i'll go talk to Mikey"

"Have fun"
"I wont"

Gee left the room and i went and turned on the shower

I walked out to find Gerard comforting his Baby Brother who was crying into Gees chest

"Holy Fuck, Whats wrong?" I said rushing over to our bed and sitting next to Mikey
"Bert finished it with me" Mikeys said trying to hold back his tears

"He said h-he found some one new"

"Oh Mikes. Im so so sorry"
"what did i do, I thought he loved me?"

"I thought he did to sweetie, But sometimes people are just fuck wits"

Gee looked at me werid when i called Mikey sweetie but i dont care. He needs comforting

"im gonna go see him"
"Gee dont"

"Frank, hes made my Brother cry, No one does that. NO ONE!"
"Yeah i know honey but please just stay here, you'll hurt the poor guy"

"So. He hurt Mikey"
"Dont go down to his level, Please Gerard. Im begging you to stay here" I said as i touched his hand.

"Can i atleast call him?"
"... I spose so"

He got up and left. I pulled Mikey so he could lean on my shoulder.

"Im really sorry Mikey, you dont deserve this, Your far to good for him"
"Your Just saying that"

"No Mikey, Im not"

He looked up at me and i kissed his forehead

"I love you Frank"
"I love you too Mikes"
"Your the little brother i never had"
"And your the big brother i always wanted" i smiled at him

We could hear Gerard yelling and Mikey started shaking.

"i dont want him to hurt Bert, I still love him and i know deep down somewhere he loves me to"
"I bet he does Mike. He'd be stupid if he didnt"


Then there was a thud. The phone i take it
Mikey was shaking more than before and sobbing.

"Its ok Dude" I said patting his head.

"fuck that Guy Mikey, Hes a fucking retard you dont need him"
"Yes i do Gerard i-i fucking love him so much"

"Mikey please just forget him"
"No Gerard. I wont forget him i LOVE HIM what part of that dont you understand?"

"The Love part"
"I dont tell you to forget Frank do i?"

I did not like where this was going.

"No because Frank hasnt fucking cheated on me. Its a completely different story"

"Gee baby" I warned
"but Frank that guy is a creep who deserves to rot in hell"

"DONT TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT" Mikey screamed as he got up and left
"what the fuck?"

I got up and walked around so i was standing infront of Gee with my arms around his waist and my head on his chest

"what did i say Honey?"
"he loves Bert gorgeous, And its not our choice to choose who he can and cant love"

"but i just wish he could see how much of a creep that guy is"
"He will. But in time Gerard and when he sees it we need to be there to help him"

"Yeah ok"
"I'll go check on him"

i knocked twice on Mikeys door


i just went in.

"I said go away"
"Im not going anywhere"

I sat on Mikeys bed i could see where his tears had fallen down his face.
Then i saw Blood running down Mikeys arm

"What the fuck Mikey!" i said pulling the sleeve of his top up
"Fuck off Frank!"

I put my hand over my mouth when i had read what his pouring with blood arm said
I love you Bert

I put my hand over his wrist and held on as tight as i possiably could to try stop the bleeding and as i did so he tried to pull his arm away

"Please just leave me Frank" He said crying and i didnt even notice i was crying too. Untill then
"No Mikey. No fucking way"

"I want to die! i dont want to be in anymore pain please just go and shut the door behind you"

"Frank- Frank please" Mikey Managed to say after finialy breaking down.

I pulled him against me so his head was at my chest and i wraped my arms around his neck

"Dont worry Mikey, It will all be ok, You dont need him"
"Yes i do. I fucking love him please let me go"

"Stop talking Mikey, go to sleep i'll hold you and im not letting you go i promise"
"Frank please i dont deserve your help"

"Course you do"

I heard Gerards car start and leave


"Nothing Mikey"

it took about half an hour before Mikey was fully asleep.
I layed his head on his pillows then checked his wrist. It stoped bleeding but i took a bandana and wrapped it around his wrist just in case

I pulled the blankets over him and kissed his forehead

"I love you Mikey"

i walked out his door, Shut it and turned off his light.
I washed the blood off my hand and changed my clothes

I Pushed in Gerards phone number it rang five times

"Honey, where are you"

"it dosnt matter"
"Yes it does please come home i need to talk to you"

"i'll be home soon"
"Please come home Gee Please, I need you"
"ok Baby, I'll come home now"

"thank you"
"I love you"
"I love you too"

"Frankie?, Frank baby im home"

i got out of bed and met him in the hall way

"whats the matter, You've been crying"
"Its Mikey baby im really scared"

"He tried to kill him self"

"What?!" he said with his voice breaking then the tears began falling from his eyes
"Im really sorry Babe"

"what do you have to be sorry about?"
"I hurt Mikey, I tried to stop the bleeding but i was hurting him and he was yelling at me to leave but i didnt"

"i know, i know i heared, you didnt hurt Mikey, You saved him"
"And he was crying saying he loved bert and all of this other stuff and i just feel so bad"

"its not your fault. Its Sean Dylan's"
"the guy from art school?"

"Oh my god him and Bert?"

"Dont tell Mikey, Please"
"i wont"

5 months past Me and the entire Way family had decorated James' New room.
He was a boy and we named him after Mikey because 4 and a half months ago Bert killed himself and Mikey was really down

I write in my diary every day and im getting huge!!
We have everything we need for James. Mr and Mrs Way brought him his Crib and Push Chair

Mikey got him a whole lot of clothes and shoes and what not he even got a top made for him that says
I love my Uncle Mikey. It is the cutest thing

Gees got him some books and toys and just a whole lot of things

My family didnt care at all. They hate me and Gerard and they have ever since we got together.

Gee had designed James' room.
Its black and Blue.

On the Blue Gerards drawen an assortment of things from Zombies to Vampires to Bumble bees and alot of random things
i knew he would love it

Gee came in with some tomatoes on toast

"here Baby Eat this"

"well im going to work i'll see you later on?"

I balanced the plate on my stomach

He put his beautiful lips onto mine.
I knew he wasnt expecting it but i put my tounge in his mouth and he did the excat same to me

I took his hair in my hands.


"im gonna be late" He said against my lips

"I love you"
"I love you too Gee"

he kissed my forehead then took my top and pulled it over my stomach
He kissed my stomach

"I'll talk to you when i get home my son"

"Bye baby"
"See ya"

That really had to be the cutest thing. Gee talking to our un born son.
It was just gonna be me and Mikey home. As normal.

Mikey quit his job after Bert passed.
Him and Mikey got back together for 4 months but then Mikes found out he was still with Sean so thats really why Bert did what he did

Me and Mikey began to get really really close. Normaly we talk for about an hour in bed. Then we go for a walk
have some lunch and do some yoga.

But he hadnt come in to talk yet. Hes probably still sound asleep.

I heard a big thud down stairs and i rushed into Mikeys room.
He was in there but he shut the door as soon as i got in.

"Frank, no matter what dont stand infront of me. Ok?"

some dude with a baseball bat kicked Mikeys door open and i started crying because it put me in panic

"YOU TOOK MY BERT AWAY AND NOW IM GONNA TAKE YOU AWAY!!!" he said screaming at mikey

I realized who it was and it was sean

"NO!" i yelled jumping infront of Mikey. Trying to protect him.

It hit me The bat hit me.

"FRANK!" Mikey screamed as he ran towards me.

I was on the floor crying but Sean was still kicking me in the stomach

"If i cant take you Mikey. I'll take something that means the world to you"

"PLEASE, PLEASE STOP" i screamed over his yelling
"Fuck up Barbie"

Mikey punched Sean in the face and i was curled up on the ground praying for the pain to stop and my Baby to be ok

"Dont you ever fucking touch Frank again" i could bearly hear Mikey but there was alot of breaking going on

I tried to get back up to help him but i couldnt move.

"please James, You'll be ok Please dont die" I was crying to my stomach

"Frank can you move at all?"
"i think hes gone Mikey, Please. Please help me"

I looked to mikey threw my clouded eyes to see him bleeding everywhere

Mikey leaned over me so i put my hands around his neck and i was amazed he could pick me up
He carried me to his car and belted me in

"You'll be ok frank, The doctors will help you" he said getting in the car and driving with his hazard lights on


He took my hand

"Squeeze my hand with the pain Frank"

I nodded. Then i did the breathing from my birthing classes

I squeezed Mikeys hand and it felt like i broke it

"sorry Mikey"
"Its ok, just keep squeezing. Were nearly there"

My eyes were over flooding with tears

I saw the hospital sign emerging from the distance
and Mikey stoped the car right out side the door

"i cant carry you but i'll get a wheel chair"

He ran off and came straight back with a wheel chair

"C'mon Frank theres doctors waiting inside"

I sat my ass in the wheel chair and he pushed me threw the doors where 3 doctors where waiting for us

"My Names D.r Howard Benson, How far along are you?"
"5 months"

"Ok have you had anyother pains besides this"
"None at all"

"ok were going to take you into an ultra sound room and do a scan to find out how things are"
"No not yet Gerards not here"

"Would you like us to get him?"
"Mikey can you-"

"Yea please just go and have that scan thing"
"I dont want to with out Gee"

"Mr Iero, Your baby could be in danger please. We dont have the time"

He just had to turn me around praticly and we were there

"Do you want some help?"
"Yes make sure My son is ok"
"were in the process of doing that"

i got on the table and they put the warm gel on my stomach.

The doctor who wasnt my midwife gave me a smile
"You wont feel A thing"

Then he pushed down the stick thing on my stomach

"Ow!! your a liar, It hurts"

He keept looking from the screen to my stomach, From my stomach to the screen, over and over

I looked at the screen looking for James.

"where is he, I-i cant see him"
"Im just trying to find him"

"What do you mean find him? Hes in my stomach its not like he can get up and fucking leave"
"Please Frank calm down"

i took in a few more breaths

"oh.... no"
"what, What oh no?"

I looked to the screen to see James

"Why is that bad, Hes there"
"im- so sorry Frank" He said as he turned of the screen and put the stick wand thing back

"what?" i said breaking out in tears
"Your son-"

"hes a person, he has a name and its james"
"James, Has got no heart beat"

"What are you saying hes deformed?"
"im terriably sorry Frank but i have to do this-"

"Do Wha-"
"Time of death 12-"
"NO!!! NO-"
"12:14 PM"

"Im so, so sorry Frank. I'll have someone book an emergency abortion"

I pulled my legs up to my Head and rested my head on my legs
This can not be real i have to be dreaming

"no. no this- no"

He opened the door and i heard Gerard

"wheres My Frank?"
"I am very sorry But James was not strong enough to make it. Im so sorry"

I heard Gee and Mikey both run to my side


Gee wraped his arms around me

"im-im so sorry Gee, Its all my fault" i was wispering.

I could hear Mikey crying and it reminded me of when Bert was taken from him

"its not your fault Baby"
"It is Mikey told me not to get in the way and im so so sorry Mikey"

"Its not your Fault Frankie, please dont be sorry"

We all sat there crying for an hour.

"Frank are you ready"

"c'mon babe it'll be ok"
"No i dont want him to go" i said crutching my stomach

"I Know honey, I dont want to say good bye eather but its just what we have to do"
"Please Gerard you cant let them take our son"

Tears fell down his face and i knew i had to except the fact that we had to give him up
No fight for his life. Just say good bye

Gerards hands took mine

"please Baby, you have to. Im gonna be there too"

I nodded my head

"i'll go get you a-"
"I'll Walk"

"Are you sur-"
"Yes, I dont need your charity"

"baby, Calm down theyr just trying to help you out"
"Gee, I dont want it, I want our Son back"

"I know you do" He said as he kissed my forehead.
"We both do"

Gerard put his arm around my waist and helped me up. Mikey being on the other side of me
I gave Mikeys hand a squeeze because i didnt want him to think this was his fault.

His glasses were all steamed up and his face all red.

we were outside the room we obviously had to go in

"You'll have to wear a gown"
"No i wont"

"You have to"
"And you HAVE to do your job and last time i checked that was saving people"

"Please Mr Iero calm down"
"Calm down, We have just lost our son and your trying to tell me to calm down. Fuck you!"

"honey" gerard wispered in my ear
"No Gee. Its the truth" i said breaking down agian.

Gee pulled me into his chest and patted my hair.

"They say everything happens for a reason Babe"
"Well they shouldnt"

"Hey come on Baby dont talk like that!"

I pushed my head harder and harder into his chest

"Please, Please let it all just go away Gee. This is just to-"
"I know"

he lifted my head just a little bit and his lips found mine.

"I love you Frank"
"Love you too Gee"

"Come on Frank, we have to go now, or we wont get another chance"
"Go on sweetie, You'll be fine and me and mikey will be right here when you get out"

I turned around to see Mikey suporting his big brother as he held him up

"James lee Way 2000 eternal" Mikey said stareing into the ground

"I love you Mikey"
"I love you too Frank"

I kissed gerards lips because i knew he couldnt come with us

"I fucking love you Gerard"
"I fucking Love you too Frankie" He said with a kiss on my lips

The man pulled me away and made me dress into this robe thing. It was black... It was cool

I layed on the bed looking around at all the lights and needles and what nots

"Now when we put this mask on you we would like you to count back from 10"

the guy put the mask on, it smelt like strawberrys

"ok Away you go"

I love you Gerard Arthur Way"
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