FicWad

After changing out of his wet clothes Gerard crawled into his bunk and closed his eyes. He could hear the others talking and laughing about tonight’s concert back in the practice area. If things were different he’d be out there with them but tonight he couldn’t. He just needed to be alone.

He rolled over and curled up on his side. Memories of Willow filled his mind and there was no way to stop them. He remembered everything about her, her voice, her smell, the feel of her skin on his and that incredible feeling that passed between them. The memories filled him with sadness. What he’d done earlier weighted heavily on his mind.

He hated to admit to himself but he wanted so badly to believe Mikey. He wanted to believe that things could still work out. If he could just talk to her, make her understand that he’d lied when we said he could never love her. Would that change things?

“Fuck.” He muttered. Love? What was wrong with me? Am I really that stupid to love her? He couldn’t let go of the fear she’d used him. If only he hadn’t had Brain pay off her bills. That was his mistake. He would always wonder if that was why she’d left him. He’d always wonder if it was because of the fuckin’ money. Had she gotten what she needed then moved on just like his ex-wife?

Suddenly another voice in the back of his mind called him a fuckin’ idiot. Willow wasn’t that kind of person.

“Gee?”

He rolled over to see Ray standing looking down at him.

“Yeah?”

“You wanna talk?” He sat down on the bunk across from Gerard with a concerned look on his face.

For a moment Gerard simply stared at him. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. I’m so fuckin’ confused.”

Ray lowered his voice, “Cause you’re afraid she used you, right?’

Gerard nodded surprised that Ray understood, “Yeah, and I don’t wanna think that way.”

“Then don’t.” Ray advised, “Until you look her in the eyes and talk to her, just don’t.”

“What do you think?’ He asked leaning up on his elbow.

Ray sighed, “I think Willow is as fucked up as you about things.”

Gerard was shocked by his words, “What do you mean?”

Glancing down the hall to make sure no one was listening he explained, “Think about all the shit she told us when we first met her. She really had no one in her life she was close to. She’d lived her life pretty much feeling like an outsider. Her own parents made her feel like a freak.”

Gerard remembered her calling herself a freak, “Yeah, they fuckin’ did.” He said feeling a wave of anger. “How fucked up is that?”

“And think how much she changed when she was with us. She let herself become friends with us. She trusted us and let herself believe we cared about her and it was the truth.”

“So why did she run?” Gerard asked softly. “Why won’t she talk to me?”

Ray thought a moment then decided to tell him something he thought was important. “I talked to Willow the day Brian showed up at the Paramour. She admitted to me that she loves you but she didn’t believe you felt the same.”

Gerard closed his eyes, “Fuck, I told her I couldn’t love her.”

“So you lied to her.” Ray said softly.

Gerard was about to answer when his cell rang. He picked it up and glancing down at the screen saw it was Brian. “I gotta take this. He called a couple of times earlier and I ignored it.”

Ray nodded as he stood. “We’ll talk later.”

Gerard watched him walk down the hall then answered.

“Hey Gee. How’s it going?’

“Fine.” Gerard hoped his would be a short call.

“I just wanted to tell you I got a letter from a lawyer in KC today.”

Gerard was momentarily confused, “Kansas City? What about?’

Brian cleared his throat. “It contained a check. Willow paid back all the money you spent to pay off her bills.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either.” Brain admitted.

“Was there a note or anything?” Gerard asked.

“Just an explanation written by the lawyer saying it was to repay the money.”

“Why the fuck did she do that?” Gerard’s voice was so loud the others on the bus stopped talking.

“Don’t know, man.” Brain answered. “Just thought you’d want to know.”

Gerard’s mind was reeling. How could she have gotten the money to pay him back? “Yeah, thanks.” He disconnected before Brain could say more.

Mikey walked down the hall towards him. “Gee? What’s up?”

“Willow paid the money back.” Gerard said softly.

Mikey sat down in the spot previously occupied by Ray, “She paid it back? I don’t understand. Where’d she get the money to do that?”

Gerard shook his head, “Got no fuckin’ idea.” He looked down at his cell still in his hand and scrolled down to a number, “But I’m gonna find out.”

Mikey spoke softly, “Gee, her number’s been disconnected.”

Gerard looked up at him, “What? How do you know that?”

“I tried to call her.”

“Fuck.” Gerard threw the phone and it bounced off the wall back onto his bunk. “Why didn’t you tell me?’

Mikey didn’t answer.

Gerard fell back on his pillow, “I need this fuckin’ tour to be over. I’m gonna find her and get this shit settled.”

“Yeah, you should.” Mikey nodded. “When we get back you can just go to Kansas and talk to her.” He really believed in his heart that once they were face to face things would be okay.

“Fuck, I hope she’s okay.” Gerard whispered. He closed his eyes and saw her face. He had to find a way to make things right.




Thousands of miles away Willow wiped up the spilled milk off the table and sighed. It has been a long day and she was bone tired. Around her people talked and laughed but she blocked out the sound. Suddenly without warning her mind was filled with memories of Gerard. She saw his face, heard his voice. A tear escaped from the corner of her eye. If only things could have been different. If only she hadn’t deceived him but there was no turning back. She forced herself to stand up straighter then swiped at the tear. Life goes on, she reminded herself. It had to go on.




The next stop on the tour proved to be a difficult one. Gerard had grown unusually quiet. The others understood and tired to give him some space. It was obvious to everyone he was struggling with a lot of emotions.

The band had just arrived at the venue, a century old theatre, when it happened. One minute Mikey was practicing when suddenly he stopped and turned ghostly white.

“Mikey?’ Gerard moved quickly to his side.

Mikey stared at a spot just over his brother’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?’ Gerard asked reaching out and touching his arm. The other band members stood watching not knowing what to do.

The action seemed to break the spell. “Nothing, it’s okay.” Mikey said looking at Gerard.

Gerard took his arm and led him off the stage to a quiet place in the darkened hallway. “Bro, what did you see?”

Mikey took a deep breath, “I guess that’s what Willow called a Malveloent.” A shudder passed through his body. “Fuck, that’s scary.”

“What did it look like?” Gerard asked.

Mikey smiled slightly, “Shit, you don’t want to know.” He still was shaking slightly. “I wish Willow was here.” He said honestly.

At the mention of her name Gerard grew angry. “You should at least be able to talk to her about this.”

Mikey realized he needed to explain. “Gee, I said I wished she was here but it’s not necessary she be here or I talk to her. Don’t you understand? If it wasn’t for Willow helping me to understand what just happened would have pushed me over the fuckin’ edge. I would have thought a demon from hell had come to get me.” He softened his voice, “Knowing Willow has made me a stronger person. I can deal with this shit.”

Gerard looked at his brother closely. Why hadn’t he seen it before? Yeah, Mikey was scared but he was far from falling apart. Willow had been good for him. She had helped him understand, she had given him strength. He nodded, “Yeah, I’ll always thank God for the day she came into our lives.” He whispered.

Mikey impulsively leaned over and hugged him. “It will all be okay. I just know it.”

There was something about the tone of Mikey’s voice. “You just know it?” Gerard asked. “What do you mean?”

“I just know.” Mikey said with a smile. “Just have faith.”




That night alone in his hotel room Gerard took a long shower then settled down in the huge bed glad to be off the bus for the night. He thought back to what had happened earlier to Mikey. He wondered why Mikey still wouldn’t tell him exactly what he’d seen. Had it been that terrible? He still found it difficult to believe his brother possessed the ability to see the dead. Often he found himself wondering if he would like to have the ability. If it meant seeing his grandma then yes, he would. However he knew there was much more to it than that. He wondered how Willow dealt with it like she did.

He sighed and allowed himself to admit how much he missed her. It was amazing to think that a woman who he’d only know a short time could have left such an imprint on his heart. Right now he would give anything to hear her voice. He jumped when a moment later his cell rang. It reached over and grabbed it off the nightstand. The number came up as UNKNOWN.

“Hello?”

His greeting was met with silence. “Hello?” He said again.

Willow’s grasp on the phone tightened. On her lap the crumpled piece of paper on which Kelly had written his number shook. She was telling herself this had been a mistake. It was wrong to call him but she had just so desperately wanted to hear his voice.

Gerard listened to the soft breathing. “Hello?’ he whispered.

Willow closed her eyes and was about to disconnect when she heard his voice.

“Willow”

She quickly closed the phone and bowed her head. It had been a mistake to call him. But how had he known it was her? Could he feel her like she still felt him everyday? Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Willow? Where are you?’ A strong voice called out.

Quickly she wiped her eyes, stuffed the piece of paper in her pocket and stood. “I’m out here, Jessie.” She called out.

A moment later the tall blond man appeared, “Well come on. We’re all waiting for you.” He took Willow’s arm and dropped a quick kiss on her cheek before they walked inside.




Authors Note - I want to thank you all for your continuted support and I love the reviews. As you can see by the differnt type I am away from my regular computer. Things right now are crazy in my life but I am trying to keep up. There will be another chapter on Sunday but I'm afraid, at least for the holiday season I will only be able to post once a week. I hope you all will continue to read anyway. Love ya all. Elena XOXO