Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > So Shut Your Eyes

What If

by MCArmyWife 10 reviews

Gerard learns of Elena's latest visit.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2009-12-12 - Updated: 2009-12-13 - 2968 words

Gerard threw down his bags and heaved a huge sigh of relief. God, it felt good to be home. The long trip flight had taken its toll and he was mentally and physically exhausted. For now he planned on taking a shower then crashing. He'd sleep until he woke then he'd take care of the business he had to deal with before leaving for Kansas.
The hot shower should have made him relax but it had the opposite effect. He found himself thinking about the times he and Willow had showered together. He uttered a curse when his dick started to harden at the memories. How easy it would be to release the tension himself but he didn't. He didn't want it to be that way. In some weird unexplained way he thought doing that would sully the memory.
Once in bed closed his eyes and tried to sleep but it was impossible. He told himself it was just jetlag but he knew that was a lie. All he could think about was getting on the plane and flying to Kansas. So instead of sleeping he went over the plans he had already made for the trip. At the airport he would pick up a rental car then drive to her house. The navigation on his phone already had the route to her home programmed in. He so badly wanted to go now but it was impossible. There were details about this comic he had to deal with and meetings he had to attend. He knew Friday couldn't come quickly enough.
Finally giving up on the idea of sleep he crawled out of bed and decided to head to the study to look over some papers from Dark Horse regarding the newest installment of The Umbrella Academy. As he settled himself behind the deck his mind returned to the morning he and Willow left for the Paramour. His hand reached out to touch the framed picture of his grandma. With a smile he remembered the look on Willow's face when he'd first seen the way she'd decorated this room. She'd been so worried he'd be upset. He shook his head sadly. Willow had understood how much he had cut himself off from the world after the divorce. She had known he was hiding from life, from emotion. The ringing of the phone pulled him out of the memories.
"Hey, Gee. I didn't wake you did I?' Mikey asked.
"No, but what are you doing up? Last I heard you and Alicia were heading to bed and weren’t planning on emerging into the world for days."
Mikey got right to the point. "I have to tell you something."
Gerard heard something in his brother’s voice that worried him. “What's wrong?"
Looking over Mikey saw Alicia nod to him in an encouraging way. They had discussed this and Mikey had finally decided to tell Gerard about their grandma's appearance. "Gee, before we left London I saw Grandma.”
Gerard sat up straighter, "What? Why didn't you tell me before now? When did you see her?"
Mikey explained, "When I ran back to the bus to get my book.”
"Well what happened?" Gerard asked quickly.
"She showed me some images but I didn't understand them."
"What images? What did she show you Mikey?" Gerard asked suddenly feeling unexplainably frightened. Now he was sure by the sound of Mikey’s voice that something was wrong.
"She showed me Willow." Mikey whispered.
Gerard reached for a cigarette out of a nervous habit. "Willow? What did she show you?"
"Gee, just listen. I’m not sure what any of it means, okay?"
"Man, tell me. What did grandma show you?"
"I saw Willow crying. She was alone and sobbing.” Mikey said softly.
"Where was she? Did you see what was happening?"
"No, all I could see was Willow lying in a bed crying. And I knew something was very wrong. Grandma also showed me an image of you."
"Me?" Gerard repeated, "What about me?"
"You were alone in a dark room." He hadn't shared the rest of this with Alicia but he knew he had to tell his brother, "You were sitting at a table with a half empty whiskey bottle.”
Gerard let his words sink in. "She was showing you that I started drinking again."
"But you haven't." Mikey said quickly. "See, I'm no good at this shit. I don't understand."
Gerard had a sinking feeling he did understand. "She was showing you the future." He said softly.
Mikey spoke quickly, "But Gee remember if that's true then it can be changed. The night we met Willow she saw I was in danger from the images Grandma showed her but Willow saved me. I think this is the same thing. I think grandma is showing what can happen but it can be changed.”
Gerard was so quiet Mikey started to think he'd disconnected. "Gee?"
"Yeah, I'm still here." Gerard said leaning back in the chair and taking a deep drag off his cigarette. "I hope you're right, Mikey. I hope she was just trying to warn us about what could happen."
"I'm sure that's what it is." Mikey said hoping Gerard really believed his words.
"I got to get to her." Gerard whispered to himself.
Mikey heard and understood. "I know you do. And tell her how much Alicia and I miss her."
Gerard sighed, "I will." Suddenly he knew he couldn't wait. "Man, I'll call you back in a little while. I'm gonna see if I can fly to Kansas tomorrow."
"But don’t you have a meeting with Scott tomorrow? You told me there were things you couldn’t put off before you go." Mikey reminded him. "And we’re supposed to meet with Brian tomorrow afternoon to get things lined up so we can record the new album.”
"This is more important." Gerard said pushing back from the desk. "I can't wait any longer. I’m sorry but I have to do this.”
Mikey understood. “I know Gee. I’ll call Brian and tell him we’ll have to set up another meeting.”
‘Thanks, man.” Gerard said softly.

“He’s doing what?” Brian asked in disbelief. Before Mikey could respond he went on, “He can’t. We’re meeting with the label executives tomorrow. He has to be there.”
Mikey had expected this was the way the phone call would go. “He’s not going to be there. He’s dealing with some important personal issues.”
Brian tried to control his anger, “Mikey, man come on. We’re already behind because we put off going into the studio to tour with Muse. You guys need to get into the studio and start laying down the tracks. I got the label breathing down my neck on this one.”
“I know that but it can’t be helped.” Mikey answered.
“So let me guess this has something to do with Willow, doesn’t it?” Brian could barely keep the contempt out of his voice. He now regretted he’d ever gone along with allowing her to travel with the band. Things had gotten better for Mikey but now Gerard was messed up. This couldn’t have come at a worse time.
Mikey decided to tell him the truth. “Yeah, he’s flying to Kansas to see her.”
“Shit.’ Brian muttered. “Can’t he just call her? Ask her to come to him?”
“We have no way to contact her. Her phones been disconnected.” Mikey explained patiently. He didn’t like Brian’s attitude but he understood part of it was justified. The meeting that was being postponed was important.
Brian digested that bit of information. “So you mean Gerard hasn’t spoken to her for a while?”
“Not since she left the Paramour.” Mikey admitted.
“Well maybe that’s because she wants it that way. Gotta say I was surprised she repaid that money but maybe that was her way of making a clean break. Maybe she doesn’t want anymore contact with Gerard.”
Now Mikey’s anger began to surface. “I don’t believe that. There was a misunderstanding between them and he’s going to set it right.”
Brian sat back in his chair and thought a moment. Suddenly a thought occurred to him. “Oh fuck. Don’t tell me he thinks he’s in love with her.”
“He is in love with her.” Mikey answered angrily “Although I’m not sure what business it is of yours.” He’d never had hard feelings with Brian about anything but things were changing. Brian’s distrust and apparent dislike for Willow was getting to him.
Brian was shocked by his words. “Hey, don’t get pissed at me about this. I’m just trying to look out for the band. I don’t want to have all of us go through what we did when Gee divorced. Remember how that was? He was so fucking sure it was the real thing and look at what happened. That woman broke him down. I just don’t want that to happen again.”
“It won’t.” Mikey said wishing he were sure his words were true. “Willow is different. She wouldn’t hurt him like that.”
“Well obviously she’s already hurting him. He wanted her to move to New York to be with him so why didn’t she? Have you ever considered the idea that maybe she doesn’t love him?”
Mikey sighed, “I know she loves him. He needs to find her and get this all straight.” As he finished speaking he remembered his grandma’s visit. “He needs to do this as soon as possible.” It still scared him remembering the image of Willow sobbing.
Brian sighed, “Yeah, whatever. So how long is he gonna be gone? I mean he’s not planning on staying there is he? Shit, I need to know when I can reschedule the meeting.”
“I’ll let you know as soon as he tells me.” Mikey answered. They spoke a few more minutes then disconnected.

Brian looked over at the clock. It was late but chances were Gerard would still be awake if he was making preparations to leave for Kansas tomorrow. He drummed his fingers on the desk as he waited for Gerard to answer.
Gerard had just made his plane reservation when he received Brian’s call. For a moment he debated on wither he should answer. He really didn’t want to talk to his manager who he was sure was going to try to talk him out of his plans. Taking a deep breath he connected.
“Hey, Gee.” Brian knew he had to stay in control of the conversation so he had to watch his words carefully. He wanted to subtly plant seeds of doubt in Gerard’s mind so that when the inevitable happened, as Brian believed it would, Gee would be ready. “So I understand you’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Yeah, Man. I’m sorry about fucking up the meeting but this is important.”
Brian cleared his throat. “Yeah, Mikey told me you’re off to talk to Willow. Too bad you can’t just call her.”
“That doesn’t matter.” Gerard said staring at the photo of his grandma on the desk. “I need to talk to her in person.”
“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Brian asked softly.
Gerard frowned, “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Brian sighed, “Well it just seems to me that maybe this is something that Willow doesn’t want. Maybe the disconnected phone says it all. Look, I just worry but what if she doesn’t want to see you?”
That was the very thought that was haunting him. What if it really was too late? Was he being a fool going to her? Gerard sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. “I hope that’s not true.” He finally said. “But I have to know.”
Brian continued to push, “Maybe you should give it some more time. Think this through.”
“It’s been almost four fucking months since I’ve seen her.” Gerard reminded him.
“And in those four months she hasn’t tried to speak to you. Maybe that says it all.”
Suddenly all the doubts and fears hit Gerard. Maybe Brian was right. What if he got there and found she’d moved on with her life? Memories of the last night they’d spent together forced their way into his mind. He’d heartlessly fucked her that night. He’d been so afraid when he realized he loved her that he’d lost it. Was it possible she couldn’t forgive him?
“Gee, I’m just trying to look out for you.” Brian said breaking into Gerard’s memories. “I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”
Now the memories of the hurt he’d suffered because of his divorce filled Gerard’s head. “Yeah, I understand.”
Brian felt bad in a way for what he was about to do but he tried to convince himself it was in Gerard’s best interest. “You know, McBride called me while you were in Europe.”
At the mention of his ex-wife’s lawyers name Gerard sat up in his chair. “What the fuck did he say?”
“Just how unhappy that he and his client were that they were unable to contact you.” He took a breath then asked, “Gee, what the fuck does she have on you? What is really going on? Maybe I can help.”
Gerard sighed, “There ain’t nothing you can do. I’m gonna pay my whole fuckin’ life for trusting her.”
Brian saw his opportunity, “I’m sorry, man. I just hope that never happens to you again.”
Gerard felt his earlier resolve to see Willow slipping, “Yeah, me too.” With that he disconnected, picked up his grandma’s photo and hoped with all his heart he was doing the right thing.

The flight to Kansas had done nothing to calm Gerard’s nerves. His stomach felt like it was tied in knots. What if Brain was right and she didn’t want to see him? This thought was still going through his brain as he drove the rental car. His hands were clammy as he tightly gripped the steering wheel while listening to the droning voice on the preset navigation. Looking through the windshield at the rolling farmland he wished something would look familiar to him but it had been so dark the night he’d made this trip with Willow. That trip had been almost four months ago and yet it was still fresh in his mind. Now he realized even then as he’d tried to convince himself he didn’t like her, he’d been lying. He’d been attracted to her the first time he’d laid eyes on her and it had scared the shit out of him. What if he’d been braver? What if he’d let go of the pain he’d held in his heart? Shaking his head sadly he knew the answer. If he had he wouldn’t be feeling this pain now. Willow had to forgive him. She just had to.
“Make a right on 248th and your destination is on the right.” The voice said snapping him back to reality. He was almost there. He turned and saw the white farmhouse in the distance. As it drew closer he felt his heart begin to quicken and his mind began to race. What if she wasn’t home? What if she was but refused to answer the door? What is she did and told him she never wanted to see him again?
“Shit, get a grip.” His voice filled the car. He took a deep breath and pulled into the gravel driveway. A car he didn’t recognize was parked just behind the house. He pulled to a stop behind it and cut the engine. He hoped this was her roommate Kelly’s car but where was Willow’s car? Taking another calming breath he opened the car door and walked up the flower bordered stone pathway to the porch. When he stood at the door he closed his eyes a moment then raised a shaky hand to knock.
Several minutes later the door opened and a blond woman peered out. She had a very surprised look on her face.
“Hi, I’m Gerard. Can I please speak to Willow? Is she here?” Gerard asked when the woman continued to stare.
Kelly realized a moment later she was being rude. She had just been so shocked to open the door to see Gerard Way standing on the porch. She pulled the door open wider. “Hi, I’m Kelly.”
Gerard smiled, “Willow’s roommate. Nice to meet you. Is she here?” He felt his stomach begin to churn again when Kelly’s smiled slipped.
“Uh, come in.” She took a step back to allow him to enter.
The cool interior air felt good but it did nothing to calm the sudden feeling of dread that was winding its way into his heart. He followed Kelly into the small living room and sat down. He noted the homey feel to the place and wished he’d come inside the night he’d been here but he’d been so rude when Willow had suggested it.
“Uh, Gerard.” Kelly took a seat across the room from him. “She’s not here.”
He’d assumed that. “When we she be home?”
Kelly broke the news gently, “She doesn’t live here anymore.”

AUTHORS NOTE: Hello everyone. Hope you are all having a nice holiday season. And I hope you haven't forgotten about this story. LOL Take care. Love Elena XOXO
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