FicWad

"Hey, Mr. Nuhall. Hey Mrs....Lady..."

Dev snorted as Jos's greeting trailed off, the male titling his head to the side as he tried to figure out how to address the woman who was so clearly not Dev's mother.

"That's Emily," Dev said. "This is Jos. And we are going to be going now."

"Hold on, dear," Emily purred, voice hard. "Stop a second, so we can get a chance to meet this new boy of yours."

"Emily, we will have time to meet Devon's friend later. Let them go do their thing. Teenage boys don't appreciate adults intruding on their space." Mr. Nuhall's voice was calm, and slightly distant as he shifted Emily against his side, eyes never once leaving the TV where a rerun baseball game was tied up in the ninth.

Joscelin hovered, uncertain for a second, then followed Dev's lead and made for the stairs, unnerved by the way Emily twisted to follow them with her gaze as they made their way to the second floor.

"That was kind of weird," Jos said as he slipped into Dev's room, absently locking the door behind him, gazing around with interest.

"Normal, actually," Dev murmured, walking over to feed Bob, then collapsing back onto the bed, watching Jos as he wandered about, looking things over and examining anything that caught his interest.

"You're putting it off," Dev said quietly, interrupting Jos's close scrutiny of Bob's feeding habits.

"I know," Jos said, not turning away from the fish. "I don't really know how to start."

"Try the beginning."

"No, that doesn't work," Jos sighed, turning to face Dev, hesitating a second before walking over to sit on the bed, body slowly tensing up.

"OK. Then start with what happened today in the balcony. What was that?"

"That...that was panic." Jos said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"You aren't going to make this easy, are you," Dev sighed, smiling wryly. "Why did you panic?"

"What you said, it...it triggered a memory, I guess you could say. And I...reacted badly."

"Yes,"Dev spoke after a pause. "That is one way of putting it. You said it triggered a memory. What of?"

Jos licked his lips and brought his legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees. Dev stilled when he recognized the defensive posture. "He used to say that,"Jos whispered.

"Say what?" Dev asked, confused.

"That I should relax, let him have control."

Just relax, Jos. Let me have control for alittle. Stop making such an issue out of it.

Jos shivered as he heard the words as clearly as the day they were spoken, tone slightly chastising, slightly cold, and filled with lust.

"Jos,"Dev said quietly, swallowing hard, trying to hold back his fear. "Did you get raped?"

Jos was silent a moment, staring into the distance. Dev's mouth went dry. Oh god, he thought. He did. Sweet Jesus, how the fuck-

"Did I?" Jos spoke, tone distant. "Not really. Not like your thinking. It wasn't really anything physical, I guess. It was more...mental."

"You're not making me feel better," Dev muttered. "Mental can be just as bad. Worse."

"Yeah,"Jos said with a grim smile. "I know."

Dev took a deep breath. "Jos, if you can tell me, I think...I think I need to know. Can you...?"

"It happened over the summer, before sophomore year," Jos spoke, trying to force his voice to stay steady, trying to keep the fear out of his tone. "My parents sent me to a Habitat For Humanity thing for the summer, because they were going away on some convert the wild natives thing, and they didn't want to bring me along. I met him the first day there. He was...beautiful."

Getting out of the hot, cramped van, looking around. Seeing him coming out of the store, calm where everyone else was flustered, cool where everyone else was hot.

Dev winced at the tone of Jos's voice. Clearly he still hadn't gotten over whatever this guy had done to his head, because that last word had sounded way too worshipful for his liking.

"Nineteen years old, 6 foot four, huge and strong, all muscles, no fat on him. Dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes. Just...amazing. I thought he was an angel, when I first caught sight of him. Instant turn on. I hadn't felt anything like that before, have only felt it once since, and I just...was floored."

Watching, breathless, as he looked up, glanced over, swept his gaze over the group then paused, returned to Jos. Stared. Fire sparking in his eyes, visible across the street. An instant answering reaction.

Jos took a deep breath, struggling with how to continue, finally finding the words, curling up a bit tighter as he spoke. "Twenty four hours from first seeing me he realized I was gay. Within forty eight he made his first move, within seventy two he kissed me, and within ninety six he had me. It took him less than four days, and I was caught."

"Did he start out bad," Dev prompted when Jos fell silent, thinking, shivering slightly at whatever his thoughts showed him.

Jos glanced up at Dev, then quickly down as if unable to meet his gaze. "No," he said quietly. "It first it was...great. He just had...something...and it captivated me. He was nice, he was kind, he was gentle, he was great in bed, and he was happy to have me. He was the only other gay man besides Jerry I had been around in nearly a year. And the attention he gave me was just...amazing."

His warm body pressed against his back, feeling the heat, the fire. Cool hands, competent, gentle, eager to teach, eager to learn. Welcoming, the first welcome since Jerry, the amazing feeling of finally not having to hide, heady and addictive.

Joscelin took a deep breath, steeling himself against the memories he tried so hard to avoid. "It started out very subtly. Just...he didn't like being on the bottom, but he would...A harsh word here and there, but he would be sorry, apologize, make it up to me. Things would be good again for a bit, then there would be another remark, some off hand comment, like he wasn't thinking. And it just started to happen more and more often, and things just changed..."

Hints of coldness in his eyes. Coolness, growing roughness in bed. Exciting, at first, fun. A cutting remark, painful, but surely deserved. A disgusted look, cringing because he knew it was his fault. But the gentleness later, the caressing, the murmured words always made it better.

Dev watched Jos for a moment as he trailed off into silence, taking in his expression, the haunted look, the defensive position. Without a word he moved closer and wrapped his arm loosely around him, gently stroking his arm, offering what he could. Jos turned, leaning against his body, letting out a shuddering breath.

"You're probably wondering why I didn't just leave," he sighed. "Jerry did, still doesn't really get why I didn't. I mean, logically he can grasp it, but he doesn't get the...the feelings that went along with it, I guess. It was like... he was everything, I guess. The thought that I could get away didn't even occur to me. I hung onto his every word, I longed for him to touch me, to show approval, to be happy because of me. And I just...died...whenever he got mad, and I just like knew that it was because of me. That I had done something wrong. And I hated that, so it was always a fight to please him."

Feeling horrible, knowing the hurt, upset look was because of him. Trying to make it up, failing, trying again, finally succeeding. The joy of having mended things, the lingering thought that soon he would need to do it again, but this time, maybe this time it would be better, this time he could try harder to not do it again.

"It took me a long time to figure out that that was what he wanted. That he got off on it, the fear, the degradation, just...fucking with my head. It was what he did, why he was so eager for new blood, why he was so excited at finding me. He started to get bad, get more physical in bed, rougher, harsher. He began to care less about me, how I was feeling, and focusing only on what he wanted. Cutting remarks, ones I was sure I deserved. Just...looks, comments. Anything and everything he could do to bring me down. But subtly, it had to be subtle. Because that was the game, that was the fun."

The realization, after, when he was staring at the stars from the roof, ignoring the biting cold of the air, that for him, everything had just been a game. That he hadn't cared at all. Just a pawn, nothing but a thing to play with and toss aside, nothing but a toy to get off with, to brag about.

"He was a manipulator," Dev said quietly. "Sadist, sounds like. Got off on controlling people, hurting them."

"Pretty much," Jos whispered, burying his face against Dev's chest, letting the sound of the male's steady heart beat calm him, center him.

Hard hands holding him, pressing him into the mattress, excited breathing in his ear. Gritting his teeth, closing his eyes, burying his face in the blankets, trying to understand what was wrong with him.

"How did you get out?" Dev asked after a while. "I've heard of people in relationships like that, and most don't even realize anything is wrong. They think its normal, even after they get out."

"It took me a while," Jos admitted. "But I did figure it out. I kind of started to feel off about it when he started asking for more and more from me, started having me do things I wasn't comfortable with, things he knew I didn't really want to do. I started to notice things then, I guess, but I assumed it was all me, being afraid like he said, not being a real man. Irrational and difficult."

His smooth, frustrated voice. "Gods, Jos, what the hell? This is completely normal, I don't understand why the hell you're acting like this. What's wrong with you?"

Dev stiffened in anger, pulling Jos closer to him. How could anyone do that, he seethed. Why would anyone want to do that to him? He's just so...

"I finally figured it out about two weeks before we were leaving to head back home," Jos said, his voice pulling Dev out of his angry thoughts. "I just...was not feeling good that night, and I made that clear. But he tried to have sex anyways, and then when I protested and got mad he hit me. Punched me in the stomach. It was the first time he had ever gotten truly physical with me, so it was a shock."

Crouched on the floor, curled over, the pain spiraling outward, the nausea, having to hold it back. Looking up in disbelief, looking for him, seeing only coldness, uncaring...cruel.

"The pain of it, though, it just like...cleared my mind, and for an instant I saw what was happening, and I realized I needed to get out. That realization just hung around in my head for the next week, jumping forward whenever he was mean, whenever he talked of me staying with him, of not wanting to lose me. And then, about a week later, he just...went too far."

"What happened?" Dev asked grimly, knowing he needed to hear it all, but dreading what Jos would say.

"He..."Jos hesitated, then started letting it out in a rush, as if he needed to voice what had happened. "He brought in a stranger, one night. Said that he was in the mood for some more fun. Wanted to have a threesome. And I took one look at this other guy, and said no. There was no way in hell I was going to do that. And he got mad. Angry like I'd never seen it before. And as he was yelling at me, screaming for me to stop being such a weak little pussy and grow up, I just saw him, for the first time. Saw the coldness, saw the meanness, saw what he wanted to hide."

Staring at him, then at the stranger. In his thirties, a wedding ring on his finger, already hard, staring, hungry, reaching down to fondle himself. Looking over, looking for the joke, looking for the humor. Seeing only lust, only coldness. Seeing only rage, and excitement at his fear.

"His friend grabbed me, hit me, threw me down. And with that, when the guy tried to force me, whatever hold he had, whatever he was doing to keep me with him just crumbled. I shoved them away, I got pissed, and I got out, then, that minute. Iwent back for my stuff when I was sure no one was there, and I somehow managed to avoid him for the last week, until we finally left."

Lashing back, shoving back. Watching as the anger and rage changed into disbelief, arrogance. Feeling the rage, burning anger. Hatred. Pushing past them, walking out, ignoring their angry shouts to come back, the pain flaring with every step as his sore body protested. Hearing his voice trying to draw him back. The pain at ignoring the immediate urge to turn around, to try to make it better.

Dev closed his eyes, shifting to lie back on the bed, pulling Jos down with him, wrapping his arms around him. Swallowing hard he cleared his throat. "Is that why you were so different sometimes, sophomore year?" He asked, recalling how jumpy Jos had been then, the mood swings and the sudden withdrawn silences and need to be alone.

"Yeah,"Jos whispered against Dev's chest. "I just...needed time, I guess, to figure out what happened."

"You're parents don't know, do they?"

"They've got no idea. And you better not tell them."

Dev opened his eyes at the sudden vehemence of Jos's tone. "Why not?" He asked, surprised. "I wasn't going to, but why do you want to keep it from them so bad?"

Jos pushed off the bed to look down at Dev, his grey eyes serious. "Because then they would have to find out I was gay, too. And I don't want them to know that."

Dev frowned. "Couldn't you tell it without revealing that you were gay? I mean, females are perfectly capable of being manipulative."

Jos raised an eyebrow. "My parents are Baptist," he said dryly. "Extreme, extreme, old fashioned, make your own rules and follow them Baptists. Men are supposed to be he-men. Women are supposed to rule the house. Do you really think they would believe that a girl did that to me?"

"When you put it that way, no, not really..."

"Yeah."Jos snorted. "Besides, they know me. Much as I try to stay out of their way and avoid my mom's scripturally wrath, they do know how I act."

Dev smiled slightly, recalling the one time he had worked on a project with Jos before. He and the two other kids they were working with had gone over to his house, where Jos had proceeded to take control of every detail and crush all opposition. "Still, they have to have some idea something is up. I mean, I was only around you for like six hours a day, and I didn't even see you all the time then, and I noticed. You lived with them."

"They just pegged it as normal teen mood swings, gave me a new bible, and started making me go to youth groups, where the counselors suspected I was on heroin and inhaling permanent marker fumes."

Dev blinked. "Well then. That must have made you feel great."

"Absolutely fabulous," Jos said with a grin, laying his head back down on Dev's chest. Dev smiled and pulled Jos closer against him, sighing as he shut his eyes again and slowly thought over what Jos had told him, putting the pieces together with things Jerry had said and the way the two of them sometimes acted. Frowning he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, turning an idea over on his mind.

"Jos?"he finally asked tentatively.

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever considered...you know...coming out?"

Jos went still against his chest, then said quietly. "Yeah, a few times. But I know it would never go anywhere."

Dev cocked his head to the side, shifting so that he could lie on his side and watch Jos. "Why not?"

Jos sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's just...I see some of the things Jerry goes through, and I know I don't want to have the same things happening to me. Getting things written on his locker is the least of it. You probably don't notice. Most people don't, unless they look for it, or Jerry tells them about it. Plus, it never really happens when you're around. Like people don't want to piss you off."

Dev frowned. "Why would they be worried about pissing me off?"

Jos smiled and rolled onto his back, running his fingers through Devon's hair before he answered. "You can be shockingly oblivious sometimes, you realize that? They're worried because you are...popular. In the social elite. You're friends with Jessica, friends with Ana, dated Adrianne. Probably lost your virginity to her too, didn't you?" Dev blushed and ducked his head down as Jos smiled. "Yeah, you did. And because you're popular, you have the power to make or break someone, socially, whether you use it or not."

"You're popular too, though," Dev pointed out "I mean, Jessica invited you to all her parties, Ana sat with you at lunch last year."

Jos's smile was bitter. "Jessica is friends with me because she likes me, and isn't aware of the fact that she has no chance. She invites Jerry because she knows Jerry is my friend, because he makes her laugh, and because she knows certain guys like to have him at parties, because he'll sometimes give them a blow job if they ask nicely and he's in the right mood. I can handle myself in the popular crowds, but I don't fit the mold well enough for them to accept me. You don't either, really. They just haven't figured it out yet."

Dev was silent, thinking, trying to figure out who was asking Jerry for blow jobs, and slowly processing the rest of Jos's words. "What do you mean by fit the mold?" He finally asked.

"Dev, you're...different. You stand up for people, you're friends with September, you said yes when Rene asked you to the dance. You actually have a brain in your possession. You are willing to be seen talking to Jerry. Hell, you're willing to touch Jerry. Do you realize how much that sets you apart from the other people in the circles you normally run in?"

Dev blinked, suddenly embarrassed. "Um...no?"

Jos grinned. "Obviously not. You fit in now because you play football, you dance well, you are insanely good looking." He paused, then gentled his voice. "And because you like girls. If you come out, if I came out, it wouldn't go over well at all. Adrianne is not going to like that fact that she had sex with abisexual man. Alexis is not going to appreciate that she frequently tries to feel up a gay man."

"I...wait, Alexis does what?" Dev asked, surprised by the flare of jealousy he felt at Jos's words.

Jos smiled as Dev immediately latched onto the fact that other people were trying to feel him up. "Alexis has made it her mission in life to get me in bed, Ithink, because damn is that girl persistent at parties. Last week she was more focusing on you, I think. But whenever she's on the sidelines resting or whatever it is she does she just sidles over and tries to get her hand between my legs."

Dev was silent, digesting the information, trying to put that together with the cheerful, slightly sultry girl that Alexis always appeared to be. "Has she ever succeeded?" He finally asked.

"Almost,"Jos laughed. "She's gotten close once or twice when she's 'stumbled.' But so far, she remains thwarted."

"OK, back to original topic," Dev said after a silence, when he contemplated why he felt like he wanted to go out and hurt Alexis. "What about...I don't know...your family? Have you ever considered telling them?"

Jos snorted. "Yeah, for like five minutes when I got home from bible camp. Then Igot scripture quoted at me, was told to get ready for church, and overheard them talking about sinners needing to burn, and realized hell no. Telling them would never work. I mean, you heard the way they were talking at dinner. They aren't going to change that just because their son is gay."

"What about me?" Dev asked. "Do you think I should tell?"

Jos closed his eyes, wishing Dev hadn't asked him. "You probably shouldn't be asking me, seeing as I'm biased." He answered reluctantly. "Jerry would be someone better to ask, seeing as he's out already. I think that eventually, it would be a good thing. Having to hide such an important part of yourself from your family isn't fun. But then, there's the fear of getting rejected. And then there's the fact that if you came out, my parents would pronounce you a devil's child and not let you near our house again."

Dev blinked. "Are you serious? They're that bad?"

"Yeah. Horrible. Complete homophobes. They only suspect Jerry, and they hate having him near me. Your dad could probably handle it, though, if you did tell. He seems pretty open minded. The Emily person, though. Another homophobe. Don't let her know. She seems like she doesn't like you much to begin with and this would only add fuel to the fire."

Dev frowned, staring over at Bob as he thought. "Jos, why don't you...you know...leave?"

Jos went still, then resumed running his fingers through Dev's hair. "I've thought about it a few times. More than a few, really. But, I don't have anywhere to go. I mean, I couldn't stay in town. My parents would pull strings and force me to go back. And leaving? I just...I could never do that."

"Why not?"

Jos met Dev's eyes, then leaned up and brushed his lips against Dev's, soft and brief. Because you're here, he thought, instead saying "Because the people Iknow are here. And because, once I got out, I know what would end up happening to me."

Dev shifted and laid his head and Joscelin's chest, running his hands in small circles against the male's stomach. "What would happen?"

"I...I used to have this friend online." Jos answered reluctantly. "He was in asimilar situation, ran away from home, fell off grid. I thought everything was going great with him, until a few months later. He told me his parents had gone and found him, brought him home, and that he was only too happy to go with them..." Jos trailed off, not wanting to finish.

"What else?" Dev asked. "There has to be something that would make him so happy to go home when he ran away in the first place."

Jos sighed. "He ran away to the city, because that was the only place he could think of going. His money ran out, his food ran out, he didn't have any place to live. So, when a guy offered some money in exchange for...things...he took the opportunity. And then when the next guy asked, he took that one too. And then he was offering before guys could ask, because he needed the money to get by, and it was the only way he could get it."

"By things you mean sex?"

"Yeah."

Dev frowned. "That one case doesn't necessarily mean that all runaways would-"

"I've talked to at least six other people since then," Jos broke in. "They all said the same thing. Eventually, when you have nothing and you're cold and hungry and you don't know where you're next meal is coming from, you don't turn an offer down. Besides, only one more year till college. I only have to deal with them for one more year, then I'm out."

Dev nodded his head. College was coming soon. He had applied, of course, but he didn't really think he would get into any of the schools. When he really thought about it, Dev knew he didn't want to go to college at all. He wanted to stay in high school, where he had his friends, his family. Jos.

Dev blinked at the sudden thought. He wanted to stay with Jos? What...

"What has you tensing up so fast?" Jos asked, voice lazy as he tangled his fingers in Dev's hair.

"Just...thinking."

"Uh-oh. I've told you before, thinking is bad."

Dev let out an exasperated sigh. "Seriously, I'm...I don't know. Worried, I guess."

Jos went stilled and tugged Dev's head up so he could meet his eyes. "What are you worried about?" He asked, dropping his playful air.

"It's just...us, I guess. I mean, we went so fast. I guess I'm just confused by it."

Jos was silent for a moment, then he sighed. "I never meant for it to go so fast. Ithought we would start off, date, kind of get comfortable with the whole idea of being in a relationship before we did anything. But I guess we kind of jumped the gun."

Dev raised an eyebrow. "Kind of jumped the gun? Jos, the gun wasn't even there. We plowed right through it."

Jos smiled. "Yeah, I guess we did, didn't we? What has you worried, though? You've been in relationships before. Is it because its me your having one with?"

Dev sighed. "No...well maybe...yes? I don't know. I guess I'm afraid. I mean, I just found out I like guys. And I'm dating one, now, I guess, though I don't know if what we do qualifies as dating. It all went so fast, I just have no idea what to do."

"You're taking the whole bisexual thing a lot better than most people initially do,"Jos said quietly. "I'm kind of hoping you're just very accepting by nature, and not in shock or anything like that. And," Jos hesitated, considering his next words. "I would like to date you, Dev. I want to be near you, to...to just be around you, I guess. I've wanted to for a long time, and I guess now that Ifinally got it I'm so excited I didn't really see you're side of things..."

"What's my side?" Dev asked quietly, meeting Jos's eyes, noting the worry in them, the hesitance.

Jos licked his lips. "That you just realized you aren't the person you thought you were. That maybe you're not comfortable yet, and that maybe you need me to back off and give you time to sort things out."

Dev cocked his head to the side, leaning up and sliding his lips across Jos's. "Not quite," he murmured, "So you can stop looking so worried. It's kind of like...I just noticed a part of me that I was ignoring before. And things just kind of clicked into place, and so I'm seeing things differently now, and it's a little unexpected. And...I would like to take it slower, I guess, or at least do normal couple things. Because I think that's what we are. And...I kind of want to act like one, as much as is possible..."

Jos smiled slightly. "Normal couple things? What's that, like going to the movies, going out to eat?"

"Yeah,"Dev said. "Haven't you ever been on a date before?"

Jos blushed slightly. "Not really, no."

"Not really? Like what, you went on half a date? Or you never got out of the planning stages?"

Jos snorted. "Close. I used to go out with girls to help preserve the whole straight image things when my parents started really riding me about dating. But I never really paid attention to what was happening..."

Dev raised an eyebrow. "Well you sure as hell better start. I'm not spending money to go to a movie with you so I can sit and get ignored."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Jos answered with a grin, leaning up and pressing his lips to Dev's, pulling him down to the bed and slipping his tongue forward, slightly surprised by the sudden heat winding through his body. Normally after thinking about what had happened to him Jos didn't want to be near people...now he wanted Dev's touch.

"Jos?"Dev breathed, running his hands down Joscelin's back as the male shifted and rolled on top of him.

"Hmm?"

Dev sucked in a hard breath as Jos flicked his tongue across a sensitive spot on hid neck, pulling back to laugh slightly before leaning down and slipping is tongue into Dev's mouth again. "Will you go out with me?" He gasped out when Jos pulled back to breath.

Jos paused and closed his eyes, breathing deeply, inhaling the scent of Dev's body. No one's ever asked me that before, he thought. Not anybody I cared about. Lowering his head Jos pressed his lips to Dev's again, running his fingers through the male's hair.

Jos pulled back and looked into Dev's eyes. "I would love to," he whispered raggedly before lowering his head down for another kiss.





"I'll work on my parents tonight," Joscelin said over his shoulder, glancing back at Dev as they walked down the stairs. "They probably won't have a problem, but it's good to be sure before I go and try anything."

"What are you planning on trying?" Emily asked, pausing a second before looking up from her book, knowing how much in unnerved Devon. She raised her eyes to the boys as they paused, hesitating before continuing down the stairs. Dev eyed her warily, the other boy giving her an odd look before murmuring something under his breath to Dev and hurrying from the house.

Dev watched the blonde boy leave, staring after him a moment before sighing and stepping onto the floor, his bare feet oddly silent against the hard wood. Emily watched with a scowl as he moved in near silence into the kitchen. Damn boy knew she was put off guard by how silently he moved, and he exploited the fact whenever he could.

Shifting positions in her chair Emily curled against the arm, tugging her skirt to hang better across her legs before raising her head, tracking Devonacross the kitchen as he made himself a snack. The boy was a hindrance, she thought, not for the first time. Always getting in my way, flaunting my rules, undermining my authority, stealing his father's attention away. I need to do something about him. Somehow I need to make Joseph see that his trust has been misplaced, that his son is not the golden boy he thought he was.

"Devon, you know not to eat those," Emily chided, keeping her voice sweet, smiling slightly as Dev pulled his hand back from the bag of Oreos he had been reaching for.

"I am allowed to eat them as an after school snack," Dev responded coolly, eyes flashing slightly as he lifted a soda to his lips.

Emily gave him a sweet smile. "I know you are, dearie. But it took you so long to get home, its much too close to dinner for you to be filling up on sugar."

Dev glanced at the clock ticking quietly on the wall. "Its still two hours till dinner, Emily. I just got home from football. I'm hungry."

"Well, Devon, maybe if you had gotten something to eat right away when you came home before disappearing upstairs with your little friend," Emily said with adelicate pause before her last word, noting the flicker of anger flashing across Dev's face. "Then we wouldn't have this problem now, would we? But you did not think ahead, and I am afraid that you'll have to suffer the consequences."

Emily met Dev's eyes, meeting him stare for stare as he slowly crossed into the living room, body tense as he clamped down on his emotions. "I would like to speak with my father," Dev said quietly.

Emily smiled smugly. "Joseph isn't here, Devon. It's just you and me for the next hour, and I am afraid that he left me in charge, not you. So, I suggest you go back up to your room now and continue whatever it was that you were doing before you came down." Emily paused, feigning thought."Though it might be a little hard, seeing as your friend isn't here. I'm sure you'll get by, though, wont you?"

Dev couldn't hold back his glare this time, Emily saw as she stretched out a toned leg over the arm of the couch, drawing his attention down to her bare skin. Devon stared for a second, eyes fixed on the hem of her skirt before he slowly brought his gaze back up to her eyes.

"Something I've always wondered, Emily," He said, voice low and smooth. "Why exactly do you hate me so much?"

Emily cocked her head to the side, flicking at her blouse with a perfectly manicured nail, watching Dev from beneath her eyelashes as she considered her answer. When she had met Joseph for the first time she had immediately known this was the man for her. Trusting, mellow, widowed. Just what she was looking for. Someone who needed female companionship, but wasn't too attached to what was in their wallet.

Things had gone great, until the day Joseph brought Emily home for the first time, inviting her over for a family dinner. She had been excited when she stepped out of the car, though she worked hide not to show it. Joseph's house was huge compared to the tiny, rundown apartment she had grown up in, and it was clearly well cared for. Perfect, Emily had thought, striding confidently up the steps toward the front door.

The minute she laid eyes on the kids, though, she knew that her plans weren't going to go as she expected them to. The younger one, Jack, he was no problem. Emily could tell that he lived in his own world of video games and as long as nothing interfered with that he would be fine. Devonwas the problem. He was wary, had a quick temper, and was still very attached to the memory of his mom, enough that he wasn't going to accept a substitute. He had taken in her appearance with a cool stare, dislike becoming more and more apparent in his eyes as he sat silent through dinner, trying to project acongenial front.

This will not work at all, Emily had decided after gauging him from across the table. I need him on my side, because it was blindingly clear that he held his father's respect, and what his son's wished would greatly impact any decision Joseph made. Emily recalled the other men she had been around she had graduated high school fifteen years ago, and decided the best course of action was to appeal to the boy's libido. Only to find that his eyes passed over a pair of half bare breasts and a slice of smooth thigh without interest, settling instead on the barely clothed men fighting on the TV show he had immediately turned to.

Gay, Emily had realized with disgust. Probably a major closet case, too, from the way Joseph was talking about his latest girlfriend. There would be no seducing him, she thought sourly. Which meant that the only course of action was to make Joseph believe that Devon wasn't the son he thought he was.

"Well?"

Emily focused her eyes again on Dev's impatient figure as he waited for her answer. She slowly swept her eyes over him, taking in the shadowy bruises on his wrists, the tense muscles beneath his clothes, the aggressive stance and slightly swollen lips.

"Because you are a challenge," she answered softly, voice hard and unforgiving. "And you are in my way."

Dev nodded as if that was the answer he had expected. "To challenges, then," he said, lifting his soda in silent acknowledgment before turning to make his way back up the stairs. Emily watched his retreating form, smiling sweetly as she timed her next words just right.

"Oh, and Devon?"

Dev paused halfway up the steps, turning to look down at her, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"You seem to have bruised your lips, and your wrists. You might want to do something about that before you go out again. We wouldn't want your friend to see you like that and think someone was hurting you." Emily smiled sweetly up at him, knowing her eyes were bright with triumph.

Dev met her gaze, face revealing nothing. "No," he finally said softly, turning to disappear up the steps. "We wouldn't want anyone to think that."





"Well, what happened?" Jerry hissed under his breath.

Jos looked up from his math book, glancing around the kitchen for signs of his parents. "He asked, I told," Jos breathed in answered, turning back to his book, keeping one eye on the kitchen door, wary of his parents.

"You know I want more details than that," Jerry sighed, exasperated. "I expect a full account of what happened, a word by word rendition of what he said." Jerry's eyes darted toward the kitchen door as it opened and Mrs. Vera walked in, pinning him with a suspicious glare. "Because I was absent that day," he tacked on, "And I need help with science..."

Mrs. Vera looked up at the sudden silence, staring at Jerry with cold eyes and an expression on her face as if she had just stepped in something nasty. "Please, don't stop on my account," she said, voice grating slightly. "I am sure that you need all the help my son can give you. Carry on, Joscelin."

Jos kept his eyes fixed down, glaring beneath his lashes as Mrs. Vera swept out of the kitchen, having entered for no apparent purpose. Jerry waited a moment, then let out a snort of amusement. "If only she knew the kind of help her son has given me," he said with a wicked grin, dodging the pen Jos flicked at him.

"Not where they can hear," Jos said, fighting down a smile.

"Well, tell me what happened or I might start accidentally letting slip a lot of things."

Jos shook his head. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything,"Jerry exclaimed. "What did you think? What he said, what you said, how he took it, what he did, what he was thinking, what he-"

"Little focused on Devon, aren't you?" Jos said, raising an eyebrow.

"I figure that's what you would have noticed. But if you managed to pick up on anything else but Dev feel free to talk about that too." Jerry laughed, quieting down as a loud thump sounded from the living room.

Jos glanced at the door a moment, then scooted his chair over, dragging a science book across the table in case his parents walked in. "It was like this," Jos breathed. "We got to his house, and I met his dad again, though I'm not sure if he remembered me, and this girlfriend person, Emily. I've got her pegged as areal gold digger type. Gave me a major homophobe vibe too, which sucked."

Jerry tapped his pencil considering. "She probably has you and Dev pegged as acouple," he finally said, shaking his head.

"What?Why do you say that?" Jos asked, surprised.

"Well, I know you two are trying to be careful and all, but if you know what to look for the signs are glaringly obvious," Jerry breathed. "And gold digger types who play other people to get by tend to be very, very aware of those around them. Helps them gauge reactions and stuff like that. My guess is that she suspected Dev, and when she saw you she got her confirmation."

Jos stared at the far wall, frowning slightly. "Is she going to do anything with it?"

"Probably not. My guess is that she'll hoard it and use it to her advantage when the time is right."

Jos was silent, trying to remember everything he could about Emily, but drawing abig blank beyond her vague physical appearance and cold eyes. He hadn't really been concerned with her at the time, but now he wished he'd paid attention more.

"Jos,"Jerry snapped his fingers in front of the male's face, making him jerk backward in surprise. "You don't get off telling the story. Keep going."

Jos sighed. "He asked, made it easy for me and just listened, unless he didn't understand something. I just...let it out, I guess. It felt surprisingly good to voice it all...And he didn't get freaked out or anything. It was weird, like he knew when I could handle getting touched and when I couldn't. Anyways, I think he was kind of expecting it, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been."

"See, I told you that you need to talk to people about it," Jerry said, satisfaction in his voice. "It helps, trust me. Is that all you talked about? I know sometimes you want to get distracted after you talk about it, and sometimes you want to just brood."

"I don't brood." Jos said, slanting a look at Jerry. "Much. And we talked about some other stuff after. He asked about normal stuff, coming out, running away because of my parents, got all indignant when he found out Alexis is always after me."

Jerry laughed at Jos's happy grin. "Dev has you wrapped around his little finger, you realize that, right?" Jerry asked, shaking his head with a smile.

"Yeah,"Jos said, sounding pleased. "But he doesn't know yet, so I'm going to take advantage of that for as long as possible."

Jerry's smile turned wicked. "I'm surprised that you two didn't do anything more than talk. Losing your edge?"

"Hardly,"Jos snorted. "That happened before."

"Before?Before you started talking? What, you wanted to get it out of your system first?"

"Not exactly..." Jos said, shifting around uncomfortably, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "I went down to check on him, after he got hurt, and he wasn't wearing much, and he was having trouble undressing himself because of his wrist, so Ioffered to help, and he said yes, and things just kind of happened from there."

"Just kind of happened." Jerry said. "Of course. I'm sure it wasn't planned by you at all."

"It wasn't."

"If you say so."

Jos grinned and shoved Jerry. "Shut up," he muttered, then frowned as if something had just occurred to him.

"What's up?" Jerry asked, climbing back onto his chair. "You're looking very serious all of a sudden. I thought sex made you happy."

"Not so loud," Jos said absently, glancing toward the kitchen door, listening amoment for his parents. "And I just realized we forgot a condom..."

Jerry stilled, his smile slowly fading away. "He's clean, isn't he?" Jerry asked, voice low and tight.

"Yeah,"Jos said. "It's just...we keep nearly forgetting so often, and then this time we do. It's kind of worrying me."

Jerry chewed his lip for a moment, thinking, then sighed. "I think as long as you're both clean, then you are pretty much safe. But I don't want to encourage the forgetting or anything, so just...try not to get so caught up in things. You might want to talk about the whole thing with Dev tomorrow."

"My second relationship talk in two days. Must be my lucky week."

"You talked about you and Dev already?" Jerry asked, eyes whipping around to fix on Jos. "Why?"

Joscelin shifted under his friends gaze, considering holding back the information and quickly tossing aside the idea. When Jerry really wanted to know something he was unrelenting until he finally learned what he wanted to. "He was kind of worrying about how fast we went with the whole thing, jumping straight into sex and skipping the get to know each other part. We agreed to do some normal couple things, movies, dinner, that kind of stuff."

Jerry eyed Jos a moment. "I'm kind of surprised you agreed to that."

"Why?"Jos asked, glancing over at Jerry in surprise.

"You have a...large appetite. Choosing to back off, that's going to be hard for you."

Jos met Jerry's eyes a moment, his lips slowly curving into a wicked grin. "I said I would go on dates with him. I never said that I would back off."

Jerry snorted and shook his head. "You ever considered becoming a lawyer, Jos?Because you are annoyingly good at the literal meaning stuff."

"Nope. I want to be a psychologist. Besides, I don't pull it that often. I want you and Dev to trust me. I don't want to lie with you guys, unless it's absolutely necessary."

"That's reassuring," Jerry murmured, his fingers a blur as he started tapping his pencil again. After a moment he turned to Jos, eyes grave. "You said that you don't want to lie to Dev, that you want him to trust you."

Jos nodded slowly, suddenly wary of where Jerry was going with his questions. Jerry cocked his head to the side, examining Jos's reaction before continuing. "Then did you tell him everything about what happened to you? Or did you not mention any names?"

Jos winced, staring down at the table. "No," he whispered, closing his eyes and inhaling a deep, shuddering breath. "Jerry I...I cant do that. Please just, Iknow you want to know. I know you want to help. But..."

"Relax, its OK." Jerry murmured, voice gentle, alarmed at the sudden tension in Jos's body, the fear in his voice. "I wont push it. I just want to help, you know that.

A sharp nod. "I know."

Jerry hesitated, then cautiously probed again, one last try. "If you did tell the name though, then Ash could do something. Could help somehow. One word, Jos, that's all it would need to be. We could work from there."

Jos squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "I can't Jerry," he whispered, voice barely audible. "I don't want to remember even that much. Leave it alone."

Jerry nodded, keeping his tone soothing, knowing better than to touch Jos to try to calm him down. "OK, hon. Its fine. You don't need to say a thing. But..."

Jos gave him a careful glance, recognizing the regretful tone, knowing that this wasn't going to end just yet.

"Say Dev asks. Say he wants to know, he wants to help, whatever. You said you wanted to be honest with him. No secrets and all that. Jos, this is a pretty big secret. You cant hold onto it forever. If he asked, would you tell him?"

Jos licked his lips. "If he ever asks...I might." He breathed, voice barely audible. "But I don't want to, Jerry. How can I tell him that, without something happening? How can I tell him something like that and not expect things to change?"

"Things have changed already," Jerry said softly.

Jos nodded. "But telling him...that would make it real, Jerry. And I don't ever want to do that."

Jerry was silent, staring a moment before carefully reaching out and hugging Jos close, ignoring the way he shied away from the touch. "Jos, it is real." he murmured. "It happened, its over and done with. But if you want to be honest with him...you're going to have to tell him eventually. He is going to start to wonder, and eventually he'll work up the nerve to ask, no matter how much it might hurt you."