Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The End Is Only The Beginning
He tasted like stale beer and cigarettes. But I didn't care. He slid his hands down my back and pulled me tightly towards him He was definitely drunk. He was squeezing me so tight I almost couldn't breathe. I pulled away from him slightly and reached around to unlock the door. I fumbled with my keys in the door as he kissed my neck. The door opened and we fell inside. I was walking backwards down the hall as we kissed. I pushed my door open with my foot and pulled him down on the bed on top me.
He slid his hand up my shirt and kissed my stomach. I sat up and took my shirt off. He pushed me down and was kissing my neck. I wrapped my legs around him. The phone was ringing but I didn't care. All I cared about was Gerard. I had to have him...The answering machine picked up and Frankie voice echoed through the room. Gerard abruptly stopped kissing me and sat up.
"Uh Elle. Its Frankie...I guess you're not up...uh..I was just calling to check on you..Ummm I hope you're feeling better....from yesterday and all..I guess I'll see you tomorrow..." And he hung up.
"Fuck...Frankie." Gerard said.
"Mmm, no" I moaned
"What?" he said trying to get up
"No I don't want to fuck Frankie...I wanna fuck you." I said giggling. I tried to pull him down but he stood up.
"no Elle...shit." He said pacing
"Come on Gerard!...what the fuck is it now?" I demanded "You're such a fucking drama queen" I said tossing a pillow at him.
He caught it and tossed it back at me and sat on the edge of the bed. "Fuck Elle...I told you not to fuck with my friends..." He say and I frown.
I sat up and kissed the side of his neck. "mmm hmm" I said pressing my face into his neck. He tried to push me back but instead pulled me onto his lap.
"Come on Elle." he said looking into my eyes. "You know Frankie’s got a thing for you." He tells me.
I shrugged and stood up in front of him. I slid my bra straps off my shoulders. I reached around to unhook my bra and Gerard reached his hand and stopped me. What the fuck was he still on Frankie??? I moaned "Well it’s not my problem if he's got a thing for me." I said pushing my chest towards Gerard’s face. He was still sitting on the bed. I ran my hands through his hair.
"Not your problem?" Gerard laughed. "Fuck Elle...you've been leading him on..." He slid his hands up the back of my skirt and was running his hands along the lace trim on my panties. He started kissing my neck again. I climbed onto his lap.
I laughed. "I have not."
"Are you kidding?" Gerard stopped kissing my neck again. " you fucking kissed him..."
I moaned "I was just fucking arou...oh I get it." I said standing up again."So where does that leave us."
Gerard just stared at me. I could tell by the look on his face... He didn't know. There were no answers. Only questions now…
I found myself lying in bed alone.. Thinking of Gerard. He insisted on driving home. I didn't want him to go.. Plus he was still so fucking drunk...He was drunk...Fuck...what if doesn't remember any of this tomorrow...No stop it Elle...you're being fucking paranoid...How could he not remember..mmm..his kisses were so soft...I was drifting off to sleep.
I dreamed of Gerard all night. The way he smelt..the way he tasted...I woke up and I was covered in sweat. Fuck. I went to the bathroom and took a long cold shower.
I wasn't quite sure what to wear. I didn't want to provoke Frankie. but I didn't want Gerard to change his mind either. I decided to wear a skirt even though it's like 30 degrees out. Fuck Frankie. If he makes a move I'll just shoot him down and that will end that. Yeah..Im actually doing him a favor.
I pick a short flared denim skirt and a black cashmere sweater. I really beat the crap out of my ankle yesterday walking without my crutch. The only shoe I can fit on my foot is a pair of black suede snow boots. Well maybe it'll snow. I light up a joint and start smoking it while I dress.
I must've lost track of the time cause I made it in to photo lab just as the bell rang. Gerard was sitting back in his chair. I looked over at him and smiled. He started to smile then pretended like he was actually yawning.
"So I bore you now?" I teased. Before he could answer Mr. Edwards held up a paper.
"Miss Waller." he called out. I looked up. "The office." He growled. Frankie laughed.
"I didn't do anything!" I cried. He walked over and placed the paper in front of me. I picked it up and rolled my eyes. What the fuck? I take my crutches and swing my bag over my shoulder.
"Can I carry her bag down?" Frankie’s asking. Mr. Edwards is erasing the board.
"No..Im ok.." I say and I head to the door quickly. Fuck that was close. I've gotta try to stay away from him..until...until what? what the fuck were we doing?. It sounded like a good idea last night..pretending that nothing happened. I know Gerard just didn't want to hurt Frankie... I mean I didn't want to hurt Frankie either but what the fuck. How long did we have to wait... until Frankie moves on...
Maybe I can fix him up with someone... Oh shit..I just passed the door.- no wait thats the nurse..where the hells the office? Oh fuck I'm lost! I close my eyes a second and take a deep breath. I open my eyes and there's a pair of eyes staring back at me like inches from my face. I scream...loud... Shit. its only Mikey.
"What the hell?" he says. A white haired lady sticks her head out of the office door a few feet away. She's heading towards us now.
"God damn it Mikey you scared the crap out of me!" I said punching his arm.
"What the hell are you doing in the middle of the hall?" He asks
"That's what I'd like to know..both of you." the lady scowls.
"Uh..bathroom pass?" Mikey says weakly and hold up some kinda plastic card shaped like a computer. She nods and he takes off down the hall. Gee thanks a lot Mikey just fucking leave me here with Cruella de ville.
"Office?" I say holding my slip up.
She snatches it from my hand and reads it ."This is for the guidance counselors office." she says. I stare at her blankly. Is she waiting for me to say something.?!? "Go ahead" she says motioning for me to go. Go where? I'm still fucking lost.
I shake my head. "I don't know where it is?" I tell her. I give her a weak smile. She doesn't look amused.
"Third door" she says pointing to the left. I take my slip back from her. Fuck what a bitch. I bet she's the one I talked to on Friday...Oooooh. I bet that's what this is about. when I called out Friday... I limp into the office. There's a lady by the desk. She looks kinda familiar. I think she's my counselor. Either that or she's the lady who rang me up at the supermarket..oh fuck..Frankie shortchanged her like 60 cents...damn you Iero...maybe that's why she's here... well I don't have any money......I'll just fucking tell her that. I mean she could go fucking ask him.
"Michelle Waller?" She says. I just nod. here it comes...she wants her money... "I'm Ms.Roberts your counselor." she says. I breathe a sigh of relief. God Elle, pull it together...I'm so fucking stoned...I wonder what it would be like to be at school and not be fucked up? Maybe I should ask..no no just keep quiet. I think to myself. I don't even know what she wants.
I follow her into a small office. She closes the door and hands me an emergency contact card and tells me I need to fill it out again. Apparently I need some sorta adult contact person listed. I put Lia’s mom. I mean she doesn't give a fuck about Lia so I don't know what she'd fucking do for me..but whatever. I stand up to leave but Ms. Roberts stops me. She wants to talk. ...talk? talk to who?? oh talk to me? I sit back down.
She seems to think that I've been having a hard time dealing with papa death and with Christmas coming and all. I shake my head. No I'm fine I tell her. She persists.
"Well now Elle, I've spoken with your boyfriend and hes concerned." She says scribbling something on her pad. It reminded me of Lia and her dream notebook....wait what did she just say???
"Boyfriend?" I ask...she couldn't mean...
"Paul." she says scribbling some more. Oh I'm gonna fucking kill him! I shake my head. "What are you thinking about?" Ms. Roberts asks pushing the tissue box towards me. Well let's see right now I'm counting off ways to kill Paul..Alphabetically of course.. First there's a for arson… b for beaten to death...uh then comes c- choke....and then d-drowned....ooh e -eaten by killer sharks...
"Elle?" Ms. Roberts asks, pretending to sound concerned.
I look up. What does she want from me. "Look Ms. Roberts...Its nice of you to pretend to be concerned and all but honestly ..If I was Allison Andrews..we wouldn't be having this conversation." I said getting up.
"Allison Andrews?" Ms. Roberts asks confused. Ha! now she sees how I feel.
"yeah cause you only counsel kids with last names M through Z right?" I said picking up my bag. The bell rang.
"Elle. I.." She started and I shook my head. "Ok then I'm gonna make another appointment for you next week." she said scribbling again. I shrugged and stormed out. Well it's hard to 'storm' on crutches but I think the harsh way I swung them made my point.
I couldn't wait to see Gerard in study hall.
Hmmm....I wonder if he'll let me see his notebook now... After all this I think I deserved to.
He slid his hand up my shirt and kissed my stomach. I sat up and took my shirt off. He pushed me down and was kissing my neck. I wrapped my legs around him. The phone was ringing but I didn't care. All I cared about was Gerard. I had to have him...The answering machine picked up and Frankie voice echoed through the room. Gerard abruptly stopped kissing me and sat up.
"Uh Elle. Its Frankie...I guess you're not up...uh..I was just calling to check on you..Ummm I hope you're feeling better....from yesterday and all..I guess I'll see you tomorrow..." And he hung up.
"Fuck...Frankie." Gerard said.
"Mmm, no" I moaned
"What?" he said trying to get up
"No I don't want to fuck Frankie...I wanna fuck you." I said giggling. I tried to pull him down but he stood up.
"no Elle...shit." He said pacing
"Come on Gerard!...what the fuck is it now?" I demanded "You're such a fucking drama queen" I said tossing a pillow at him.
He caught it and tossed it back at me and sat on the edge of the bed. "Fuck Elle...I told you not to fuck with my friends..." He say and I frown.
I sat up and kissed the side of his neck. "mmm hmm" I said pressing my face into his neck. He tried to push me back but instead pulled me onto his lap.
"Come on Elle." he said looking into my eyes. "You know Frankie’s got a thing for you." He tells me.
I shrugged and stood up in front of him. I slid my bra straps off my shoulders. I reached around to unhook my bra and Gerard reached his hand and stopped me. What the fuck was he still on Frankie??? I moaned "Well it’s not my problem if he's got a thing for me." I said pushing my chest towards Gerard’s face. He was still sitting on the bed. I ran my hands through his hair.
"Not your problem?" Gerard laughed. "Fuck Elle...you've been leading him on..." He slid his hands up the back of my skirt and was running his hands along the lace trim on my panties. He started kissing my neck again. I climbed onto his lap.
I laughed. "I have not."
"Are you kidding?" Gerard stopped kissing my neck again. " you fucking kissed him..."
I moaned "I was just fucking arou...oh I get it." I said standing up again."So where does that leave us."
Gerard just stared at me. I could tell by the look on his face... He didn't know. There were no answers. Only questions now…
I found myself lying in bed alone.. Thinking of Gerard. He insisted on driving home. I didn't want him to go.. Plus he was still so fucking drunk...He was drunk...Fuck...what if doesn't remember any of this tomorrow...No stop it Elle...you're being fucking paranoid...How could he not remember..mmm..his kisses were so soft...I was drifting off to sleep.
I dreamed of Gerard all night. The way he smelt..the way he tasted...I woke up and I was covered in sweat. Fuck. I went to the bathroom and took a long cold shower.
I wasn't quite sure what to wear. I didn't want to provoke Frankie. but I didn't want Gerard to change his mind either. I decided to wear a skirt even though it's like 30 degrees out. Fuck Frankie. If he makes a move I'll just shoot him down and that will end that. Yeah..Im actually doing him a favor.
I pick a short flared denim skirt and a black cashmere sweater. I really beat the crap out of my ankle yesterday walking without my crutch. The only shoe I can fit on my foot is a pair of black suede snow boots. Well maybe it'll snow. I light up a joint and start smoking it while I dress.
I must've lost track of the time cause I made it in to photo lab just as the bell rang. Gerard was sitting back in his chair. I looked over at him and smiled. He started to smile then pretended like he was actually yawning.
"So I bore you now?" I teased. Before he could answer Mr. Edwards held up a paper.
"Miss Waller." he called out. I looked up. "The office." He growled. Frankie laughed.
"I didn't do anything!" I cried. He walked over and placed the paper in front of me. I picked it up and rolled my eyes. What the fuck? I take my crutches and swing my bag over my shoulder.
"Can I carry her bag down?" Frankie’s asking. Mr. Edwards is erasing the board.
"No..Im ok.." I say and I head to the door quickly. Fuck that was close. I've gotta try to stay away from him..until...until what? what the fuck were we doing?. It sounded like a good idea last night..pretending that nothing happened. I know Gerard just didn't want to hurt Frankie... I mean I didn't want to hurt Frankie either but what the fuck. How long did we have to wait... until Frankie moves on...
Maybe I can fix him up with someone... Oh shit..I just passed the door.- no wait thats the nurse..where the hells the office? Oh fuck I'm lost! I close my eyes a second and take a deep breath. I open my eyes and there's a pair of eyes staring back at me like inches from my face. I scream...loud... Shit. its only Mikey.
"What the hell?" he says. A white haired lady sticks her head out of the office door a few feet away. She's heading towards us now.
"God damn it Mikey you scared the crap out of me!" I said punching his arm.
"What the hell are you doing in the middle of the hall?" He asks
"That's what I'd like to know..both of you." the lady scowls.
"Uh..bathroom pass?" Mikey says weakly and hold up some kinda plastic card shaped like a computer. She nods and he takes off down the hall. Gee thanks a lot Mikey just fucking leave me here with Cruella de ville.
"Office?" I say holding my slip up.
She snatches it from my hand and reads it ."This is for the guidance counselors office." she says. I stare at her blankly. Is she waiting for me to say something.?!? "Go ahead" she says motioning for me to go. Go where? I'm still fucking lost.
I shake my head. "I don't know where it is?" I tell her. I give her a weak smile. She doesn't look amused.
"Third door" she says pointing to the left. I take my slip back from her. Fuck what a bitch. I bet she's the one I talked to on Friday...Oooooh. I bet that's what this is about. when I called out Friday... I limp into the office. There's a lady by the desk. She looks kinda familiar. I think she's my counselor. Either that or she's the lady who rang me up at the supermarket..oh fuck..Frankie shortchanged her like 60 cents...damn you Iero...maybe that's why she's here... well I don't have any money......I'll just fucking tell her that. I mean she could go fucking ask him.
"Michelle Waller?" She says. I just nod. here it comes...she wants her money... "I'm Ms.Roberts your counselor." she says. I breathe a sigh of relief. God Elle, pull it together...I'm so fucking stoned...I wonder what it would be like to be at school and not be fucked up? Maybe I should ask..no no just keep quiet. I think to myself. I don't even know what she wants.
I follow her into a small office. She closes the door and hands me an emergency contact card and tells me I need to fill it out again. Apparently I need some sorta adult contact person listed. I put Lia’s mom. I mean she doesn't give a fuck about Lia so I don't know what she'd fucking do for me..but whatever. I stand up to leave but Ms. Roberts stops me. She wants to talk. ...talk? talk to who?? oh talk to me? I sit back down.
She seems to think that I've been having a hard time dealing with papa death and with Christmas coming and all. I shake my head. No I'm fine I tell her. She persists.
"Well now Elle, I've spoken with your boyfriend and hes concerned." She says scribbling something on her pad. It reminded me of Lia and her dream notebook....wait what did she just say???
"Boyfriend?" I ask...she couldn't mean...
"Paul." she says scribbling some more. Oh I'm gonna fucking kill him! I shake my head. "What are you thinking about?" Ms. Roberts asks pushing the tissue box towards me. Well let's see right now I'm counting off ways to kill Paul..Alphabetically of course.. First there's a for arson… b for beaten to death...uh then comes c- choke....and then d-drowned....ooh e -eaten by killer sharks...
"Elle?" Ms. Roberts asks, pretending to sound concerned.
I look up. What does she want from me. "Look Ms. Roberts...Its nice of you to pretend to be concerned and all but honestly ..If I was Allison Andrews..we wouldn't be having this conversation." I said getting up.
"Allison Andrews?" Ms. Roberts asks confused. Ha! now she sees how I feel.
"yeah cause you only counsel kids with last names M through Z right?" I said picking up my bag. The bell rang.
"Elle. I.." She started and I shook my head. "Ok then I'm gonna make another appointment for you next week." she said scribbling again. I shrugged and stormed out. Well it's hard to 'storm' on crutches but I think the harsh way I swung them made my point.
I couldn't wait to see Gerard in study hall.
Hmmm....I wonder if he'll let me see his notebook now... After all this I think I deserved to.
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