FicWad

Snow. Normally I would describe it as magical. Snow always seems to make everything beautiful, fluffy, breathtaking. The clothes you wear during the winter are great too. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats! The best things in my life have always happened when it snowed. My first kiss, the first time anyone said 'I love you' to me the day I met Gerard. And the day that we had a snow day and Gerard came over to my house just to get snowed in, we spent the whole day curled up together on the couch watching horror movies.

But today I can't describe it as anything more than terrible. The way the dirty grey slush looks as it gets pushed aside by my feet and the way the horribly bitter cold cuts through my clothes and makes my skin turn blue. I hated it and I hate the fact that I have to walk all the way home in it but the snow had stopped falling hours before. I had just spent six hours at a Christmas party where I had to sit and watch all my friends cuddling with their lovers. I wasn't so fortunate. My lover was gone. I wish I could say that he was dead. That would be easier for me. Instead I have to stay and put up with the continuous stabbing pain of seeing him flirt with other girls.

Gerard and I had been together for about a year. We were happy. He had moved in with me, we shared a warm bed every night, and I always fell asleep and woke up to his loving arms wrapped around me. I naively thought that it would always stay that way. Until the day he made my world crash down around me.

Flash back

I was sitting on the couch at home watching cartoons while waiting for Gee to return from "grocery shopping". I knew that wasn't what he had been doing. It doesn't take three hours to shop. I had been suspicious and worried but I kept telling myself that I could trust Gee. He would never hurt me on purpose and that we would work through what ever was going on. But as soon as he walked through the door with a small grin on his face with no shopping bags, and sat down next to me smelling of a woman, I could tell. I knew what was coming but it didn't soften the blow any.

"Frankie, babe, we need to talk." He started and placed a hand on my knee. I really wished he wouldn't touch me, it would make this so much more painful if he did.
" 'bout what?" I asked. I figured playing dumb couldn't hurt any.
"Well the thing is..... I kind of.... Hmm.. I found someone else." he said in a sad tone with sympathetic eyes. His eyes stabbed a knife through my heart but the actual words did the most damage. They actually ripped my heart out until it was lying on the floor with Gerard stomping on it. Or at least that's what it felt like.
"You what? What does that mean for us?" I questioned.
"I met the girl of my dreams! And that means there is no 'us' anymore. I'm sorry. I love her.. We would have never worked anyway and she can give me a real family with my kids. I packed my bags earlier while you were gone to look at guitars. I'll be moving out after this chat. I'm sorry." he replied . The way he said chat made me angry. Like we were just talking about the weather or the latest movie to be released instead of ending the entire future I had planned and hoped for. Numbness was slowly fogging my brain but my body could still clearly register the pain. Tears pricked the back of my eyes but I was determined to not let them out, I would not cry in front of Gerard.

"How long have you been seeing her?" I knew this was a bad idea but it came out of my mouth anyway.
"About a month. I wanted to be sure I liked her before I left you. I'm sorry." he said while nervously staring at his shoes. After he said that I knew that I would never recover from this. My heart would never be the same.
"So you were cheating on me!" I yelled as I leapt from the couch to face him.
"Frankie, babe,..."
"Don't you dare call me that! I am no longer Frankie or babe to you. Just leave I don't want to see your face." I whimpered.

After the words left my lips he let our eyes meet for a few seconds and from that look I could tell he was truly sorry, but it didn't help the pain any. I waited until he left completely to cry my eyes out. I cried for so long that I started to feel dizzy and light headed. I had already started wanting him back. After I had no more tears I finally let the numbness take over and I just stopped thinking. I would spend the next month in that state. That day I realized that I was wrong, he would hurt me.

End flash back.

And I continued being wrong. Every day at band practice or any time I saw him really another knife was pushed into my heart. I was sure by now that it was damaged beyond repair, useless to everyone including myself, that I would never love or be loved again. And tonight didn't make it any better, it made the pain way worse. At the party he had brought his slut of a new girlfriend because of coarse the girl of his dreams turned out to be wrong for him. Half way through the unpleasant party her other boyfriend showed up. Of coarse Gerard managed to get into a fight with him and smash the windshield of my car. Needles to say Gerard and the whore broke up and I have to walk home because there was to much glace in my car to drive.

A dark black Volvo pulled up beside my place on the sidewalk. At first I thought rapist but then I recognized the car. My night just kept getting worse. Gerard slowly rolled down his window "Frank get in the car." he demanded. I knew that he felt sorry for breaking my car but I didn't want to sit through an painful and awkward long car ride. "No" I mumbled while slightly turning my head away from him and swiping at my tears. After thinking about the night he dumped my I couldn't hold it in and started to cry and I didn't want him to notice. "Come on Frank it's cold, you still have a long way to go, and it's the least I could do." he pleaded. I lightly shook my head to indicate that I wasn't going to take his help. He was driving at an extremely slow pace so that he could keep up with me as I walked. We walked and drove on like that for a few minutes with neither of us saying anything. Then I could hear him give an exasperated sigh as he put his car in park. By the time he got out I was already ahead of him and he had to jog a little to catch me. When he did he gripped my arm and spun me around to look at him. Tears were still streaming down my face and I could see the pain in his eyes as he saw me crying.

"Frankie...." he whispered while he stepped closer to me and ran his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away my tears.
"What?" I sniffled a little.
"Please get in the car.....we need to talk anyways." he softly said, the hand that was wiping the tears just stayed to caress my skin.
"No" I whimpered and my eyes moved towards the ground as I shamefully leaned into his touch.
"If you don't get in the car then we're going to talk out here in the cold anyway." he told me. After not getting a response from me he went on.
"Fine then we'll talk out here. Frank I'm sorry." He said like he was absolutely sure in what he was saying. I still couldn't look him in the eyes.
" 'bout what?" I asked not expecting his answer.
"For everything. The way I treated you. For breaking up with you at all. I was soooo wrong I have never been happier than when I was with you. After I left I missed you and I want you back...... I want you to forgive me. I know that you probably wont. That I will most likely never have you back but I had to try. I need you please forgive me and take me back." he begged. This time I did look in his eyes. They were gleaming with unshed tears and I knew that they were the eyes of an honest and truly sorry man.
"Why should I trust you Gee? You broke my heart. How do I know that you won't do it again? That I'm not just an easy fuck that you'll use until you find another girl?" I had to be sure before I considered taking him back.
"Truthfully you shouldn't trust me Frankie. And you will never know how much it hurts me to know that I hurt you. I don't even know why I did it. I'm claiming insanity! But I do have a way to prove to you that it won't happen again." Gerard whispered as he pulled me closer to him, into an almost hug position. He wrapped his arms around my waist and mine automatically went around his neck.
"What is that?" I asked. I was sure he could fell the warmth from my breath because we were so close. Instead of responding he fumbled around in his coat pocket for a bit. Then he pulled out a ring. It was a simple silver band but it was beautiful.

"Marry me Frankie." he stated more than asked.
"How do I know that this isn't some spur of the moment thing Gee? That ring could have been for any one of your plentiful girlfriends and you're using it on me just because you don't want to be lonely." I didn't want some whores sloppy seconds. Gerard just smiled and handed me the ring.
"Look on the inside Fee." He whispered through his grin. I did as he said and looked on the inside. At first I didn't see anything but the lighting on the street wasn't good. I moved it around a little until I could get it in the light. On the inside it said I love you Frankie and I will never leave you. Ever. The print was tiny and I could barely make it out but once I read it I knew.

"So will you marry me?" He asked.
"Yes. I will. But Gee it will take me some time to fully trust you again. You understand that right?" I responded. My entire body was slowly filling with joy and I was loving the break from the pain.
"I understand Fee but as long as you will be with me forever then I can wait for you to forgive me." He smiled.

Tears of joy were running down both of our faces as we tightly embraced. After a few minutes of hugging we shared the best kiss of my life. I figured sometime during the kiss it had stated to snow again seeing as soon as we broke apart I could see the fluffy white flakes falling down.
"Did you know Gee, that the best thing always happen to me when it snows?" I asked as I looked at the ring on my finger admiringly with a large smile on my face.