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It was Mr. Samuel. I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm going to home ec." I say holding up my schedule.

"And yesterday?" He says folding his arms and looking down at me.

"I didn't feel well. So I went home." I mumbled.

"That's what I told Principal Bonner when he came looking for you." Mr. S said shuffling through some papers in his hand.

"You covered for me?" I said not really believing him. He nodded a little.

"What happened to your hand?" He said nodding towards the bandage.

"I uh cut it on some broken glass." I lied. He nodded.

"Uh I have an open appointment for you today." He said pulling out a paper. I shook my head no. He raised his eyebrow slightly at me. "Now Elle...." He said.

"Can you make it during gym at least." I say sighing a little.

"Gym?" he repeats.

"I don't have a note for this." I say holding my arm up. "Come on you know how they get." I whine.

"Fine." He says scribbling something down and handing it to the secretary.

"Can I get a late pass for home ec too?" I say pushing my luck a little. He nods towards the secretary. She makes a face and hands me a late pass.

"Don't be late for our appointment Elle." Mr. S calls out as I leave. Whatever... I hate him I swear...

I stop in the bathroom and wash my face in the sink. I look like hell... I guess from getting up at 4 am and running around town all morning... Fuck... I dig through my purse and start pulling out some makeup. I didn't have much... Shit where's Chrissy when you need her.

I brushed my hair and put on some makeup. I didn't look half bad... I had some earrings in my purse so I put them on and pulled my hair half way up into a clip I didn't even know I had...

I went to close my purse and I caught a glimpse of my altiods tin... Fuck.... I shut my eyes a little. I don't know if I can do this.... Fuck... I opened it and looked down at the pills...

No... Gerard will never forgive me... Fuck! I slammed it shut tossing it back into my bag and made my way to the home ec room.

"Oh my!" The home ec teacher called out cheerfully as I walked in. "You're late dear!" She said smiling hard at me.

"You know the early bird catches the worm!" She says as I hand her the pass from the guidance office.

"I have a pass." I say plainly to her.

"Well go head and find your partner dear." She says turning around.

"Excuse me?" I say to her.

"We're doing a scavenger hunt for kitchen utensils!" She tells me. I look around. The classroom is set up like little mini cooking stations. Everyone is holding a paper and opening the cabinets looking through them. Oh God... I think I'm gonna die!

"I don't have a partner, I just got here." I tell her.

"Sure you do!" She says cheerfully. "Some one picked your name dear." She tells me. I don't know if I could put up with this every morning...

"Who?" I ask.

"There you are" I hear Pauls voice in my ear. He slides his hand up my back a little as he stands next to me and I cringe.

"No, please!" I say shaking my head at him.

"Lets go people! Ill give you a clue for number two" The crazy lady calls out. "Its not a spatula! That's right it's NOT the spatula!" She laughs as she walks away leaving me with Paul by the door. Oh god. Just kill me now. I dont think I can do this... atleast not sober...

"Come on Elle." He says laughing a little at the teacher.

"What the fuck are you even doing in this class?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "What happened to your arm!"? He yells grabbing it a little.

"ow" I say pulling it back from him. "I fucking cut my arm on some glass." I say and he frowns. "Really I was trying to shut the window and I pushed too hard and my hand went through it." I lied.

He smiled a little. I guess it sounded like something I would do. "Come on we better find this shit before Mrs. Grady flips out." He says pulling me by my good arm towards the table counter thing.

"Who?" I say.

He points to the teacher across the room. "Mrs. Grady." He says laughing a little.

"Paul I'm not being your partner." I say shaking my head at him.

"Aw come on Elle. I know you can't cook." He laughs.

"What?!" I gasp.

"Its alright." He says leaning over and whispering in my ear. "Its not really your kitchen skills that I'm interested in." He says leaning so close I can feel his lips practically touching my ear. I pull away.

"Paul!" I yell a little and Mrs. Grady looks over.

"I tried to tell her number two's not the spatula!" he says shaking his head at me. Mrs. Grady smiles.

"Good work!" She tells him. I roll my eyes. Paul smiles. I sigh and make my way across the room to Mrs. Grady.

"I can't work with Paul." I try to tell her.

She gives me some fucking bullshit about how if I was here on time I could've picked a partner and all this crap...

Bottom line.. I'm stuck with him...

The bell rings and I make my way to study hall and collapse at the table in the back.

"You found your class?" I hear Gerard's voice say and I lift my head off the table. I just nodded. I wasn't about to tell him Paul was in it. Not unless he asked...

"Home ec." I say and Gerard laughs a little. I lean forward and put my face into my hands. Gerard rubbed my back a little.

"What's the matter?" He says softly.

"Are you kidding me?" I laugh a little looking over at him.

"Okay that was a stupid question." He said running his hands through his hair.

"Gerard you told me that the letter said-" I started to say.

"It did Elle." He insisted. "She said that Bill fucking raped her." He said quietly "right after your grandmas funeral." He added.

I felt my heart sink... "What?" I gasped. He nodded. "Gerard my grandmother died before I was born." I whispered a little loudly.

"Yeah I know that Elle." He said quietly.

"No like 3 years before I was born Gerard." I said trying not to cry.

"What?" He said a little loudly looking at me in total disbelief.

"Oh God!" I said leaning my face back into my hands.

'Elle..I didn't... you said it was before and I just assumed.." Gerard shook his head a little.

"What else did it say Gerard?" I said wiping the tears in my eyes away.

"You still didn't read it?" He said like he didn't believe me. I shook my head no. "Aw Elle... fuck.. " He muttered. " I mean it said he raped her after your Grandmas funeral and she got into some heavy drugs-"

"Like what?" I interrupt.

"Heroin mostly." He said softly and I cringed. "But then she quit when she found out she was pregnant and went home to your papa." He sighed. "I just figured it all happened in a matter of weeks not years." He said rubbing his eyes a little. "I'm so sorry Elle." He said softly.

"Its not your fault." I told him. "I should've just read it myself." I said trying not to cry.

"So there's no way that Bill..." Gerard said his voice trailing off.

"I guess not." I say shaking my head a little. "It didn't say anyone elses name Gerard?" I ask weakly.

He shakes his head no. Fuck... "You know I ruined Lia's life." I said squeezing my eyes shut a little.

"Naw Elle." He says grabbing my arm. I looked over at him. "We still would've seen her dad at the movies and you would've told her too, sooner even." He says and I nod. "He got what he deserved." Gerard adds.

"I don't know about that." I shrug. " I mean did you see Lia's mom?" I ask him and he nods. "She wouldn't even look at me Gerard." I say trying not to cry.

"Don't think about that right now okay." Gerard says pulling me into his arms. "They're just fucked up." He tells me. "The whole fucking family Elle." He laughs a little. "You're lucky you're not related to any of them!" He says smiling a little.

"Gerard!" I laugh a little poking him. "Be nice." I tell him. He looked at me like I was crazy. "To Lia at least." I say and he shrugs. "Come on she's going through a hard time." I tell him.

"And you're not?" He says softly.

"She's my friend Gerard." I sigh.

"She's not a very good one Elle." Gerard says kissing my nose.

"Well she's the only one I got-so please." I say softly.

"Okay I'll try to get along with her." He says and I smile.

"Hey what do you want to do for lunch?" I ask and he looks at me like I'm crazy again. "Well yeah, I guess." I laugh a little. I almost forgot about the whole pregnancy test thing...

"Ill meet up with you at lunch Elle." Gerard says kissing me goodbye as the bell rang.


Lunch... it seemed so far away...