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I made it through the next two classes somehow. Mikey watched me intensely the whole time we were in math class. I can't even count how many times he asked if I was okay. I dropped my pencil once and he lunged over snatching it off the floor before I could even blink. "I got it Elle- don't worry." He tells me... Oh Mikey.... Ray on the other hand kept looking over at me in social studies like he wanted to say something but didn't know what.

Now the lunch bell was ringing. I saw Gerard standing by the exit door as Ray and I walked out. Ray was saying something about not wanting to eat in the cafeteria with Sara after what happened last time. He wanted to come with me and Gerard for lunch. I looked at Gerard. He looked at me.

"I don't really care anymore." I sighed shaking my head a little. There was no use pretending. Almost everyone knew anyway...

"Where we going?" Ray says as he starts his car.

"We were uh, going to Wal-Mart." Gerard says plainly.

"For lunch?" Ray says looking at us funny.

"Can I borrow twenty bucks Ray?" I ask suddenly remembering I still have no money. Neither does Gerard.

"Fuck I forgot about that!" Gerard mumbles.

"No, its no problem." Ray shrugs. I smile a little. "Is everything okay?" He says as we pull up in front of Wal-Mart.

"Yeah." I sigh looking out the window.

"I think the gauze is in the back." Ray says as we walk in. Then he hands me a twenty-dollar bill.

"The what now?" I say a little confused.

"Aren't you getting a new bandage Elle?" He says softly pointing to my arm. I've been banging it around all day. It was bleeding through the gauze again. Actually I don't think it ever stopped bleeding... Fuck...

"Oh yeah I better" I say feeling a little queasy looking down at it.

"Well what did we come here for?" Ray says looking at me and then at Gerard.

"Ill be right back." I tell Gerard softly. Ray raises his eyebrows a little. He wanted to know what was going on. "Just tell him." I say to Gerard as I walk away. I mean everyone practically knows already... I just couldn't take it anymore...

I head down to the pharmacy section and grab a pregnancy test and a roll of gauze bandage thing. I paid for it and walked back towards the front of the store. Gerard and Ray were sitting in the chairs for the portrait studio right across from the bathrooms. Gerard was slouched back in his chair with his legs extended out shaking his head a little as he spoke. Ray was sitting upright, leaning towards him slightly with an intense look on his face as he listened. I glanced at them as I went by but didn't say anything. I pushed the door to the ladies room open. There was no one in there- thank god.

I went into the stall and peed on the fucking stick and nothing happened. I just stared at it. No line, no fucking pink dots. Nothing. Fuck... I come out of the stall and grab the box from the trash and read the instructions. It says you gotta wait two minutes... What the fuck! I slide the stick into my back pocket and wash my hands. Or rather hand... I decided to re-wrap my other though hand while I waited. The bandage was pretty beat up and there was blood soaking through a little...

Let me tell you... that was not a good idea... The sight of blood makes me queasy. And when I saw my blood drip from my arm as I unwrapped the bandage; Fuck...I started to feel weak... My whole arm was raw. There were little fuzz balls from the gauze stuck in the wound. The whole cut was red and puffy and it hurt just looking at it. I tried not scream in pain as I ran it under the water. It stung so badly, tears filled my eyes the pain was so intense. I watched as the blood mixed with the water. I was waiting for the water to run clear but it wouldn't stop... I couldn't take the pain anymore... I pulled it out from under the water and as the air hit it, it burned...fuck... I panicked a little.. I started shaking. I hope its not getting infected. Fuck...

I dried off my arm and tried to wrap it. I couldn't do it. My hand was shaking too much... I couldn't twist the gauze around tight enough. The blood started dripping again...Fuck... I couldn't even look at it, let alone try to wrap it tightly. I grabbed some paper towels and wrapped them around my arm loosely to stop the blood and ran out of the bathroom crying a little.

I ran right into Gerard's arms. "I cant do it." I sobbed as he wrapped his arms around me. "I tried.. I just cant.." I sobbed. Some people walking by stopped and were looking at us. Ray just stood there nervously.

"Elle-you have to take it... we need to know." He said softly as he hugged me.

"No." I said pushing away from him a little. "This!" I say holding my half wrapped arm up. The paper towels were a little bloody now.

"Do you need help miss?" A tall guy said coming towards us. I don't know if he worked there or if he was just being nosey...I shook my head no and grabbed Gerard's arm. " Stay right there" The guys says to us. "I'm going to go get you some help." He says holding his hand up.

"No I'm fine." I say pulling Gerard towards the door. "Come on lets go." I tell him. He makes a face but lets me drag him out of the store. Ray follows behind us.

Gerard got in the back seat with me. I cried a little as he peeled the paper towels off that were now stuck to my arm. Ray looked over his shoulder at us but didn't say anything.

"Holy fuck Elle." Gerard said loudly looking down at my arm. "What did you do?" He said examining my arm.
"I think you should really go the ER or something Elle, if it's still bleeding." Ray says starting the car up.

"You saw this!" Gerard exclaims loudly.

"Yeah I saw when Mikey was wrapping it yesterday." Ray says softly.

"Fuck." Gerard mutters as he starts wrapping the bandage tightly. "He said it was bad, but I didn't think that... shit Elle." He mumbles shaking his head a little.

"I said I was sorry." I whispered. Gerard looked up at me.

"I know baby." He says sighing a little, wiping the tears in my eyes as Ray pulled on to the highway.

"Can we stop and get something to eat?" Ray says looking over his shoulder at us as he drove.

"Its your car." I tell Ray. He laughs a little and pulls into a little deli shop. We all get out. I was feeling pretty weak and a little queasy from seeing all that blood. Or was maybe it was from losing so much blood...We ordered the food to go. I mean I didn't see why we had to take it to go... We were already late, what difference does a few more minutes make. As we waited on line to pay Gerard went to grab me a juice from the wall freezer thing and I leant back against Ray. I felt like I was gonna pass out standing for so long.

"You okay?" Ray says putting his hand on my shoulder and steadying me a little. I nod. Gerard comes back and puts a bottle of apple juice on the counter.

"Is that okay honey?" He says to me and I nod. "I don't want you complaining later that you cant drink it." He teases and I smile.

The old guy at the counter rings up everything. He tells them how much but I didn't hear. I was spacing out. I think I lost a lot of blood...too much maybe... Everything was kinda dark... cloudy like... Fuck... maybe I just need to eat... I felt myself swaying again... Ray grabbed me a little tighter.

"You got any change left baby?" Gerard says looking over at me. I nod and pull everything out of my back pocket and toss it on the counter. Including the pregnancy test. Gerard looked at me funny. I think he thought I didn't take it...
The old man behind the counter picks it up and holds it up looking at it.

"Well now- congratulations!" He says to all of us.

"What?" I gasp looking down. I felt all the blood drain from my face. It felt like it was draining from my face down into my arm and dripping on the floor. Wait... It was dripping on the floor. The bandage Gerard wrapped wasn't tight enough. The blood was slowly dripping down my hand rolling off the tip of my finger and landing on the floor...

"So which one of you is the father?" I hear the man laugh.

"I don't know." I say as everything went dark...

"Elle!" I hear Gerard's voice yell out and I feel Ray gripping me tighter as I went weak in his arms...

The next thing I heard was Rays voice saying something about bringing me to hospital. I struggled to open my eyes.
"No." I mumbled. "I don't like hospitals." I said weakly opening my eyes. I was sitting in the front seat of Ray's car. The door was open and Gerard was leaning in fussing with the bandage on my arm. We were like six blocks from the deli.

"Elle, I think you should." Gerard said reaching over and stroking my cheek.

"No I just want something to eat." I told him and he looked at Ray.

"If it's still bleeding after school, then I'm bringing you Elle." Ray says firmly. I nod. Gerard gets into the back seat and reaches over and rubs my shoulders as Ray starts the car.

"There's no lettuce on this" I say opening the chicken salad sandwich Gerard bought for me. It was a little warm too...

"Well we can't go back." Ray laughs a little.

"Why?" I ask and Ray smiles. He tried not to but he couldn't help it. "Why Ray?" I repeat.

"Its nothing babe" Gerard says reaching over and squeezing my shoulders. I look over at him and see out of the corner of my hand his knuckles are kinda red. I grab his hand tightly.

"Gerard!" I yell a little. "What the hell happened?" I say. He doesn't answer. I look over at Ray whose still smiling. "You better tell me right now!" I yell looking over at the clock... Fuck we were like a half hour late now... How long was I out?

"You should've seen the guys face Elle." Ray laughs a little.

"What?" I say confused.

"When you said you didn't know who the father was..." He says smiling. "Don't you remember?" He says looking over at me. I look at Gerard. He shrugs a little. He looked a little guilty, but I'm not sure why... "Well I guess that's when you passed out." Ray laughed again.

"What's so funny Ray?" I demand.

"Well the guy behind us, that was cleaning off the tables, umm" Ray said smiling a little.

"The bus boy?" I ask.

"Yeah he said..." Ray said stalling a little

"Well- he said what?" I insisted.

"He called you a slut." Gerard says smirking a little rubbing his knuckles.

"And?" I said wide-eyed.

"And he clocked him Elle." Ray said laughing a little.

"Ray that's not funny!' I exclaim looking over at Gerard. He was smiling now.

"He didn't even see it coming." Ray continues to laugh a little. "He just turned and -BAM!" He says mimicking it.

"Gerard." I sigh shaking my head a little.

"And the guy behind the counter!" Ray says looking over at Gerard.

"What?" I say

"He pulls out a fucking bat Elle and is screaming for us to get the fuck out as he came around the counter." Ray laughs.

"Oh god!" I sigh feel queasy again.

"I mean I'm just holding you up in my arms" Ray says very animatedly "And the fucking guy swings the bat and totally misses Gee and hits the fucking bus boy with it as he was getting up!" Ray laughs.

I look over at Gerard in total disbelief. He's laughing a little too.

"Dude, I so thought the cops were gonna get us too!" Gerard says to Ray.

"The cops!" I yell so loud they both stopped laughing and looked at me.

"Well the cops came Elle." Gerard said plainly.

"I think they were at Dunkin Donuts across the street actually." Ray says nodding a little.

"And?!" I say to them.

"And I fucking threw you in the car and took off." Gerard says like its no big deal. "Come on now baby." He says reaching over and rubbing my neck a little. "I'd never let anything happen to you." He says to me.

"Tommorow we're eating in the cafeteria." I tell Gerard.

"Why?" He smirks.

"Cause its just safer." I sigh.

"I just don't understand why you said you didn't know whose it is Elle?" Ray says as we pull into the school lot. The bell was ringing... Looked like we only missed one period.

"What do you mean?" I say to Ray as we get out. I look over at Gerard. I thought he told Ray that...

"I don't know Elle." Ray says softly to me. "That was only two weeks ago... I don't see how it could be his." He said looking down at me.

"You don't think that-" I start to say.

"I don't think it's likely." Ray says shrugging a little. "I mean I don't know too much about that shit,but I'm pretty sure." He tells me.

"Are you really sure Ray?" I say looking over at Gerard.

"You should see a doctor Elle, but yeah I'm really sure." Ray sighs.

Gerard pulls me into his arms and kisses me hard. "Told you it was mine." He whispers to me and kisses me again...
Gerard kept looking at me and smiling all through art class. Maybe Ray is right... maybe it can't be Brutus'... Fuck... I can't remember the last time I had my period either... With all the drugs and stress I haven't been 'regular' in years... And the last time I went to a doctor was god know how long ago...

Gerard walked me to the guidance office. He said he'd meet me by my locker after school and if my arm was still bleeding then he was bringing me to the ER. I was too tired to argue anymore...

I went in and sat at Mr. Samuels's office. He wasn't there yet. I was just about to get up and leave when he walked in.

"So you can be late but I cant?" I say as he sits down.

"Elle, I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday." He says leaning back in his chair. God that pissed me off when he did that. I just shrugged. "I don't think you understood what I was trying to say." He tries to tell me.

"No I understood you just fine." I say roughly.

"I'd really like to help you Elle." Mr. S starts again. It's the same shit with him all the time.

"If you want to help me then I told you." I say loudly. "You can tell me about my mother." I say leaning forward a little.
He sighs. "I think that would be best coming from your father." He says shaking his head a little.

"I don't have a father!" I tell him roughly. "God how many times do I have to tell you this!" I start to yell at him. "You don't even fucking listen to me!" I say and he makes a face.

"We talked about your language Elle." He says leaning forward.

"Yeah well that's the only fucking thing we talked about cause you wont tell me shit!" I say and he gets up and closes the door.

"Okay Elle. You want me to lay it all out there for you." He says sitting back down. 'I don't think its going to help you much though." He says sighing a little. "You're mother use to dance when she was your age, well a few years younger- ballet." He says. "Did you know that?" He asks me.

"No" I say staring at him intently.

"She was quite good too." He sighed remembering a little. "We use to date, back then." He adds. I felt my heart flutter...could it be... could Mr. S be my father.

"And then one night your Grandmother was driving her to her recital and she um forgot her shoes or something." Mr. S said getting a funny look in his eye. "And um, they turned back... there was a terrible accident." He said looking off into the distance. "Your Grandmother was killed." He said plainly looking right at me. "And your mother" he sighed. "She was pretty hurt too."

I just stared at him. I knew my Grandma died in a car crash but...

"She broke her leg- swore she'd never dance again.- she blamed herself for the accident" Mr. S said his voice shaking a little. "And then after the funeral she umm... well she pulled away from me." He said looking down at the papers on his desk. He didn't know why... I knew why... Bill Watson sure knew why...

"And that's when she started doing drugs." Mr. S said looking back up at me.

"Yeah but that's what I want to know about." I said a little desperately. "I want to know what happened then!" I said a little louder than I meant to.

"You should ask your father about that Elle. I wasn't in her life at that point anymore." Mr. S sighed.

"I told you I don't-" I started to say.

Mr. S cut me off. "Look, I know he's a bad guy Elle, but I'm sure if you asked, he'll tell you everything you want to know."

I shook my head no. I shut my eyes a little and a took a deep breath. "Ask who?" I said to myself a little frustrated.

"Well Nick." I heard Mr. S say. I opened my eyes and looked back up at him...

"What?" I gasped a little.

Mr. S just looked at me blankly...

"Nick, he is your father isn't he?"