Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco

All Was Golden In The Sky

by misguidedghost-x 12 reviews

im Brendon. my life is average, at least i thought it was until this GORGEOUS boy called Ryan Ross came into my life and changed it for better or for worse.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama,Romance - Published: 2010-01-13 - Updated: 2010-02-21 - 43112 words - Complete

All Was Golden in the Sky

I sighed to myself as I pulled on a purple hoodie over my white Guns ‘n’ Roses shirt. Great, I thought, another year of shitty school. I slipped on my black and white Vans and headed out the front door to meet with two of my best friends at the corner of the street. As I was adjusting my bag into a comfier position on my back, Diane and Emma came strolling across the road.
Diane, a middle-ish height girl with a little longer then shoulder length brown hair, was wearing some blue skinny jeans and a Green Day shirt. Emma, basically the same height, with a little shorter then shoulder length bright red hair, was wearing some denim shorts and a Slipknot shirt. They greeted me with a hug, and then set off for school.

“Okay, so who bets we get Miss. Dunkley for homeroom again?” Diane shuddered. I rolled my eyes.

“We’ve had her for two years running; they can’t make us suffer another year!” I moaned, Emma just shrugged.

“Come on guys, we’ve survived 2 years with her, another won’t hurt” She said optimistically. A smile spread on all our faces as we remembered our favourite song which was also our motto.

“Give ‘Em Hell Kid” We said in unison. We laughed and linked arms as we walked through the school gates for another year of ‘hard work’.

Under the oak tree was our place before school, break, lunch and whenever we all had a boring lesson. But boring lessons were usually replaced with army games on the field involving a lot of rolling around and self made gun noises.

The group was there as always. Jon Walker, a tall boy with dark brown hair, Spencer Smith, a short boy with long-ish brown hair and Lilly, a small girl with black hair and orange tips, they were listening to music from Jon’s iPod speakers. We ran up to them and jumped on them, making them curse with shock, until they saw who it was.

“Ahh!” Lilly squealed, hugging Emma, then Diane then me. When we had finished greeting each other and screaming, we all sat back down under the tree and started talking.
After a little while, Spencer stood up, stretching slightly, the sun hitting his head and making his hair look lighter.

“Come on, we should go to homeroom” He said, brushing the dirt of his pants and eyeing someone who was walking past giving the group bad looks. Our group wasn’t hated, but we certainly weren’t liked by some. Sure there are people who are into the same things, but we prefer to keep ourselves to ourselves. But if people wanted a fight, we’d fight.

“Okay, well our homeroom is J26, no idea who it is, most likely a bitch though, let’s go find out” Lilly said, standing up also. Everyone stood and made their way to homeroom. As normal, we were late. And worse? Miss. Dunkley was sitting in a chair at the front, left leg over right, twiddling her thumbs, a smirk playing on her lips. A tall, thin boy stood next to her, facing away from us.

“Ahh, what a surprise I had a feeling you were the pupils who were filling these empty seats up. So, late on the first day, 6 of you. Looks like you’ll also be filling up seats in detention” Miss Dunkley said, writing out 6 detention slips. We all rolled our eyes at her and went to our designated seats, slumping back in them.

“Right, as I was saying, we have a new student, his name is Ryan Ross and he has moved here from New York, now, why don’t you go sit behind Alice there” She said, pointing towards the seat behind Alice and in front of me.


Ryan followed her point and looked over at his new seat. He saw an average looking girl, then looking behind her; he saw something that caused his heart to miss a beat. A boy with dark brown hair, a pair of red glasses perching sexily on his nose and full pink lips. As he started moving towards his the desk, his legs were slightly jellified. He placed his books on the desk then slid into the seat. He tried to get comfier but it was useless in these seats. From behind him, he heard the beautiful boy cough, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, and him to shudder. Maybe, just maybe this year won’t be so bad, he thought to himself.


I looked up at the finger pointing in my direction, normally I would object to being pointed at, but then I realised she wasn't actually pointing at me, but to the seat in front of me. Looking slightly to the right of the finger I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever set eyes on. The boy started walking over, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter. He sat down in his seat and shuffled around slightly, then settled. The sweet smell of strawberries and Cocoa wafted over to me, making me lose my breath and start coughing. Maybe this year won’t be so bad.

Once the group had rushed out of homeroom, we made our way to Music class. We found our seats and sat talking till our teacher showed up. I smiled when Ryan came rushing in, all flustered as he had obviously got lost. He waited by the teachers desk. When Mr. Vinal showed up, he talked to him for a few seconds then took a seat in front of mine, stopping for a very slight moment to give me a slight smile. Ryan’s smile was now stuck in my head, which was defiantly not a bad thing. Diane nudged me and gave me the ‘why are you so happy?’ look. I just shrugged and smiled to myself

“Right class, today I’ve decided that anyone with a musical talent is going to show it, I'm fed up of us just doing stupid paperwork” He said cheerfully. Everyone started mumbling to their friends. My Vinal picked up the register and started scanning though it.

“Diane, come on, I know you can sing” He said, Diane nodded.

“Erm, sir, can Brendon play guitar for me, then you can see us together” Diane asked. My Vinal pondered for a second then nodded. I stood up and took an acoustic guitar from the cupboard. As I sat on a stool, I looked quickly at Ryan; he was sitting up straighter in his seat, which made me all warm in side.

“Brendon, can you play Misery Business?” Diane asked. Of course, I nodded to her and got into position. I started playing and Diane started singing.

“I’m in the business of misery let’s take it from the top…” She sung the lyrics to the famous Paramore song. I added backup vocals to make it more efficient.

Once we had finished, everyone clapped. Well we were pretty awesome. The students who didn’t like that sort of music, or just didn’t like Diane and me sneered.

“Very good you too, very good indeed, right, Emma, you’re up” He said. Emma stood up and took the guitar from me, giving me a smile which I returned.

“Okay, I’m gunna sing and play…Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance, any haters can just try not to listen to the beautiful music” She said, the haters rolled their eyes and the teacher chuckled slightly.

She started playing the acoustic version and singing. The group started swaying their hands to her playing, which made her laugh slightly but carried on. Once she finished, people clapped and people sneered, just like mine and Diane’s performance.

“You’ve improved Emma well done” Mr. Vinal said. He called out a few more people, some did some sort of Rap. Some played piano sweetly. Some played guitar, and one person sung a song they wrote themselves about War.

“Okay, anyone else want to perform?” Mr. Vinal asked. No one put their hands up or called out, so he put the register down.

“Oka-“ He started.

“I’d like to play sir” Someone said. Everyone turned to Ryan. His cheeks reddened, and he waited for the teacher’s approval.

“Oh, right okay, go ahead, I haven’t heard anything from you at all” He said, marking something on the register. Ryan swallowed and stood up; he sat up the front and reached for the guitar. He was shaking as he made little adjustments to the strings.

“Erm…I’m going…going to play and sing a song by Smashing Pumpkins, called Tonight Tonight, I don’t know if anyone will have heard of it” He mumbled. But the group all sat up, listening intently, which made Ryan smile.

He started playing and singing, and he was really good. He voice was calm and pretty. And he was a talented guitar player. Once he had finished people clapped politely. But our group clapped especially loud, loving the performance the new boy had done.

“Well done Ryan, that was amazing, I expect good things from you” Mr. Vinal said, smiling and taking the guitar. Ryan smiled and nodded, making his way back to the seat. As he slid into it, I had a sudden dose of courage and lent forwards, tapping Ryan’s shoulder. He didn’t turn round but he lent back in his seat to listen.

“That was amazing, I love the Smashing Pumpkins.” I whispered excitedly. Ryan smiled.

“Thanks, I love Paramore, and I love your voice” He whispered back, making my butterflies go crazy.

“My names Bre-“


“Okay I’ll see you next lesson class” The teacher said as everyone made a rush for the door. Ryan scooped up his books and rushed off, desperate to not be late for his next lesson. I mentally slapped himself for not saying my name in time.

“Bren, come on, Math” Emma said.

“Emma, I think you have a problem, you always can’t wait to get to Math class!” I laughed, Emma lightly punched him on the shoulder laughing and they all made their way over to Math block.

Once we left maths for Break, we grabbed some drinks from the cafeteria and went over to the Tree, getting comfy under it. We only had a 20 minute break to discuss the new kid.

“So, Ryan Ross eh?” Spencer said, leaning again the Tree trunk and sipping a chocolate milkshake. Diane was sitting next to him. She took a bite out of a bright red apple and chewed thoughtfully.

“I think he’s cute” She said. The girls giggled and the guys rolled their eyes, except me who secretly agreed.

“I think he’s a really talented guitarist” Jon said, lying on his stomach, a straw trailing from his apple juice to his mouth. Everyone agreed.

“He has a beautiful voice…” I said, more to myself then anything...shit. The group all looked at me with raised eyebrows. I quickly corrected himself.

“I meant singing voice” He said. Everyone nodded slightly. Phew.

“I agree, it’s a way nice voice” Lilly said. We sat drinking and eating in silence for a few moments until Emma spoke up.

“I think he’d fit in with us”

“I don’t know, we don’t really know much about him yet” Jon pointed out.

“Yeah good point, but we could get to know him, and if he turns out alright, maybe he could join us?” Emma asked.

“You aren’t saying that because he’s ‘cute’ are you?” Jon asked suspiciously. Emma rolled her eyes.

“No I’m not, you know I like William, and anyways, I think someone else likes him” Emma said, staring me in the eye. No one noticed and just carried on thinking about Ryan.
I looked away, my cheeks possibly glowing. As I did this, Ryan came strolling pass, hands in the back pockets on his skinnies and his bag moving as he did. His head was swerving around, taking in the sights and getting to know the school grounds. My butterflies fluttered and I smiled at him as he looked over. He smiled and nodded, slowing down slightly. Once again I got a dose of courage and got up off the ground and was about to make my way over to Ryan when the bell for lessons went. Ryan had a pained look on his face and rushed off. I fell back slightly and tried to hide the disappointment.

Emma grabbed my elbow and led me to next lesson, Art.

The school day seemed to zoom past because the next thing I knew, the group and me were walking out of the school gates. We walked down a road, then Diane, Emma and I went one way, Spencer, Lilly and Jon went the other. Then once Diane and Emma and I had reached the corner where we met that morning, Diane and Emma went a separate way to me.

As I was about to walk up my garden path, I heard shouts of pain down the road. Curiosity got the better of me and I walked quickly to the source of the shouting. As I turned the corner I saw two guys standing over a boy on the pavement. I suddenly got scared, but was determined to get rid of these guys.

“Oi fuck off yeah, what did he do to you” I shouted, appearing braver then I was. The guys looked at me and sneered.

“Oh yeah what you gunna do about it Urie?” The taller one said. I rolled my eyes.

“Nothing, but won’t your mummies want you home?” I said in a baby voice. I readied myself for a punch, but strangely enough they looked at each other then ran off. Surprised with my own brilliance, I ran over to the boy.

I turned him over to reveal Ryan Ross. I gasped at the state of him.

“Ryan?” I whispered, Ryan could barely keep his eyes open. I picked him up, forgetting how weak I am. But then again Ryan was extremely skinny so that just made things easier.

I carried him back to the house, awkwardly carrying him through the door. I took him upstairs and laid him on my bed whilst I ran downstairs quickly to get a glass of water. A note was lying on the kitchen table. I picked it up. It was from the parents; they were going away for 3 weeks and had left me some money. I rolled my eyes, they always did that. But I didn’t have time to complain about it. When I heard Ryan cough from upstairs I scrunched up the note and threw it on the table, got a glass of water and went back upstairs.

Ryan looked really bad. His beautiful features were covered in blood. I tried to get him to sit up but he couldn’t. I bit my lip and slowly pulled Ryan’s top up over his head, Ryan’s eyes widened but he didn’t stop me thank god.

I gasped, all over his chest was cuts and bruises…Wait, I thought. Bruises wouldn’t come up so quickly. This confused me as there were so many. But Ryan was wincing badly so I ran into the bathroom, got a wet flannel and a towel and ran back into my room.

“Ryan, I’m gunna bath your wounds, please don’t punch me or anything” I said, Ryan nodded and got ready for the pain. I delicately started cleaning up Ryan’s bloody wounds on his stomach, ribs and face. Ryan flinched a lot but didn’t stop me.

10 minutes later and Ryan was bathed and bandaged up. He smiled gratefully and sipped his glass of water.

“Are you okay?” I asked sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Yeah, thanks load…?”

“Brendon, it’s Brendon” I smiled, glad he finally knew my name. Ryan smiled shyly.

“Finally, I know your name” He said quietly. I stopped breathing for two seconds, and then smiled at Ryan.

“Ryan…I don’t mean to be rude, but you have bruises, lots of bruises on your torso…and bruises don’t come up that quickly…how did you get them?” I asked. Ryan’s eyes widened and he sat up in pain. He put his glass down and got up, wincing slightly.

“Thanks…for everything, Brendon” he said quickly, grabbing his shirt and running in pain out the room, pulling his shirt on whilst limping down the stairs and out the front door, leaving me, if possible, even more confused.


For once I was excited to get to school. I have no idea why…
Fuck it, of course I know why. This Ryan kid is sending me crazy. It so hard to control myself, not to run at him and kiss every inch of his beautiful face.

I was bouncing at the corner where I met Emma and Diane, literally bouncing up and down, trying to find them both. They were taking forever to get here, either they were really late or I was really early. Eventually Emma and Diane turned a corner and made their way up the road towards me. I waved at them to hurry them up; they just waved back and carried on at normal pace. I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest.

“Hurry up!” I shouted, unable to hold it in anymore, they exchanged a glance and quickly sped up. As soon as they were next to me I speed walked off in the direction of school.

“Whoa whoa Brendon, what’s the rush? It’s s-c-h-o-o-l. You usually hate it?” Diane asked. I faked a laugh and carried on walking.

“I’m not rushing anywhere” I lied. Diane threw an arm across in front of me, forcing me to stop.

“Oof” Emma gave me a suspicious look, but I pretended I didn’t notice.

“You are completely in a rush, now tell us” Diane said softly. I sighed a deep sigh and looked at the pavement I was standing on.

“I just…I get real lonely at the house sometimes, today was just a day that I really need to be around everyone” I muttered. Diane dropped her arm, but put them both around me, pulling me into a hug. I hugged back.

“Aww Bren, why didn’t you just say, you could of stayed with us, Emma’s family wouldn’t mind at all would they Em?” She asked. I looked at Emma, she still had the suspicious look on her face, but it dropped into a smile.

“Of course they wouldn’t, we already have Diane living with us, and they wouldn’t mind you sharing a room with me because they know you’re gay and wouldn’t try anything” She said, Diane laughed and I pulled away.

“Excuse me! I’m not gay!” I protested, feeling my face redden. Emma raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on Brendon, we all know, even my parents know for fuck sake, just come out!” She laughed; I just stuck my tongue out at her and carried on walking.

Once we reached school, I couldn’t help but quicken my pace. No one objected this time. I looked around, checking every 'Click', running my eyes over every person walking around on their own. But he was nowhere in sight. I didn’t give up hope; I just had to wait a little longer.

“I thought you really wanted to see everyone?” Emma asked, pushing me slightly, making me realize I had come to a stop. I started walking again, not wanting to see anyone but him.


We dragged our feet to homeroom, we were late and we were going to get Detention. What a surprise. But when we stepped through the door, the class was empty except for three people. Gabe Saporta. William Beckett and Ryan Ross. My heart skipped a beat when he shot me a shy smile. I smiled back and crossed the room to sit in my seat behind him.

“Where is everyone?” Jon asked, Gabe sat up a little in his chair.

“No Id-“ He started.

“No one asked you Saporta” Jon laughed; Gabe grinned and replied with his finger.

“We turned up and like no one was here” William explained.

“Oh, were you guys late though?” Lilly asked, they both shrugged, grinning.

“Ill take that as a yes, you know I never figured out why you two don’t hang out with us” She said, grinning.

“Is that a proposal sweet cheeks” Gabe asked, Lilly rolled her eyes.

“It is if you stop calling me pet names, cupcake” She glared.

“Oh, but your allowed?” Gabe pouted, Lilly just shook her head and smirked.

“Anyways, yeah so they have probably gone to the library or something, thinking we weren’t here” She continued as if there was no interruption. I bit my lip.

“We must have been more late then usual” I muttered.

“15 minutes” Ryan said, turning round to face me. Butterflies filled my tummy, but I managed to control myself.

“How come you were late then?” I asked him.

“Oh, I err…got up late”

“Oh right” I mumbled, what is he hiding?

“Thanks Brendon, you know, for yesterday and stuff” Ryan said quietly. I slowly put a hand to his shoulder.

“Anytime Ryan, seriously, I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, for anything” I said equally as quiet, staring deep into his honey orbs, trying to see if he understood my secret message of ‘anything’. That whatever was on his mind that he was hiding, I could help him.
He obviously did as he smiled warmly at me and shook his head lightly.

“Why are you being so kind to me?” He whispered, his smile dropping, I paused a second, taking my hand away from his shoulder.

“I…I’m not sure” I whispered back, biting my lip. Ryan gave a weak smile and gathered his books as the bell went. He hurried out the room.

“Come on Bren, double English” Spencer said, waving his hand in front of my eyes, which were still seeing Ryan’s beautiful features in front of me.

“Yeah…” I said, slowly getting to my feet and following everyone out the room. Over the heads of all the students, I saw his soft brown haired head, being slightly taller than most people here, he was easy to spot.
I then saw two other people coming up to him; they shoved him to the ground and carried on as if nothing happened. Anger raged through me as they carried on walking towards us. I so wanted to do something, say something to them. But I knew I would never win, they were huge, so I watched them walk past me with smirks on their faces. I looked back to Ryan, he was gathering his books, and no one stopped to help, or even acknowledged him.

“Guys, I just need to go get something out of my locker, okay? Save me a seat in English, I’ll be there soon” I said, Jon nodded and they turned the corner to the English corridor. I turned around and looked for Ryan, but he wasn’t there anymore. There was barely anyone in the hallway now, just a few people rushing off to their class.
I started walking in the direction I saw Ryan, faster with each step. Finally he came into view, looking intently up at the big map of the school. I walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder.

“Ryan?” I said. He jumped about a foot in the air and dropped all his books again. His eyes shot to me and his face flushed red.

“Oh, hey Brendon” He mumbled, kneeling on the floor to collect his books. I knelt beside him and picked up a math’s book and a piece of paper. I glanced at it slightly, reading the words ‘Prescription’ and ‘Depression’ before Ryan snatched it out of my hand. My eyes had widened a bit and I had a feeling my jaw had dropped. I adjusted myself.

“Err…here” I said, handing him the Math’s book. He took it without a word and added it to the small pile, then stood up with them. I followed suit, looking away from him, feeling his eyes burning into me.

“Was there something you needed?” He asked politely. You.

“Oh, I saw you being shoved back there and wanted to know if you were okay, by the way, English is that way” I said, pointing back the way I came.

He rolled his eyes at me and started walking off slowly in the direction I just pointed.

“Brendon, you don’t need to act like a hero, you don’t need to pretend to care, okay I'm fine. Just please stop feeling you need to talk to me” He said, I followed after.

“What!? You’ve got it all wrong Ryan; I don’t feel like that at all, I want to talk to you!” I laughed, astonished. He just raised an eyebrow and carried on walking.

“Ryan…Ryan can you just listen to me, Ryan…talk to me dammit!” I shouted, standing still, he turned around and looked at me.

“What do you want from me!” he shouted back. Wow I didn’t know he had a voice that loud.

“I just want to understand you!” I sighed, looking away. It was quiet for a moment, none of us speaking; all I heard was our hard breathing from shouting. I looked back at Ryan to see him staring at the ground, I tear feel down his face, splashing onto the floor.


“Don’t bother” He muttered and ran off to English. I sighed and kicked the wall. Cursing in pain. I started walking in the same direction. Great, I thought, he hates me coz I pushed him too far. Way to fucking go Urie.
I walked into English; everyone was sitting in pairs at the desks. Ryan was standing at the front.

“Brendon, you are 10 minutes late, I can understand Mr. Ross here being late, second day and all, but I'm pretty sure you know your way around by now” Miss Bailey said from her desk. Ryan didn’t turn round. I walked over to them.

“Sorry miss, I had to get my book from my locker and it got jammed and I tried to open it but it wouldn’t budge at all and I went to find help and-“

“Okay Brendon that’s enough,” She laughed, shaking her head, “We’re starting a new partner project, seeing as both Ryan and yourself weren’t here for the pairing, you two shall work together”

I stiffened slightly. Yes yes yes! Wait he’s pissed with me at the moment. Crap.
Ryan made his way to the back desk and I followed, sitting beside him and placing my bag under the desk. I leant my elbow on the surface and rested my cheek in my hand, slumping back a bit. I scanned the classroom, Emma was looking at me, I shook my head slightly.

“Okay, this project involves a lot of getting together. You have to find out everything about your partner, the things they love, the things they hate, their hobbies, home life, school life, there’s a booklet to fill in. I don’t care if you are the worst enemies, I don’t care if your best friends and already know each other well, you will stick to the partners I assigned you to. I tried to be as fair as I could.” Miss Bailey explained.
I heard Ryan groan a bit, but I didn’t dare look at him. Miss started handing out the booklets, I took mine and quickly scanned through it, it was pretty big.

“Ryan I-“ I started.

“Just drop it Brendon, please” He glared, I glared back at him.

“I wasn’t going to go on, I was just going to say I suck at projects” I said, he rolled his eyes and didn’t reply. Anger swept through my body for the beautiful boy sitting beside me.

“Look, we are partners whether you like it or not, so you’re going to have to talk to me at some point” I snapped. He looked at me, his face softening slightly. But it was my turn to turn away…two can play at this game.


“Guys wait here a second, Ryan’s coming round mind to work on the project, so he’s walking home with us” I said, making them all stop at the gate, moving to the side slightly so people could get past.

“You’re starting on it already!?” Spencer asked, shocked. I nodded.

“Why?!” He shouted, I laughed and shrugged.

“We decided it’s better to get it out the way” I explained. It was true, Ryan and I decided in English, the only time we talked in English, that we would carry this on tonight at my house.

“Meh, me and William can’t be arsed to start ours yet, but I’m going over to his at some point to start it” Emma grinned.

“Oooo you and William huh!” Lilly nudged her. She laughed and pretended to smack her.

“Oh please, I’m getting images in my head, ‘Oh William I wish you were this project’, ‘And why is that Emma my love?’, ‘because you would be hard and I’d be doing you on my desk’. ‘Well we can sort that out baby’” Jon shuddered. We all burst out laughing.

“Oh my god Jon, what the actual fuck!” Emma shouted, laughing her head off.

“Hey” A small voice said behind me, I stopped laughing and turned around to come face to face with Ryan. His beauty still gave me shivers.

“Hi” I breathed, smiling lightly. I couldn’t stay mad at him, he might with me, but it was an impossibility to be annoyed with such an amazing person. What the hell am I saying, I hardly know him.

“Ryan nice to meet you man, I’m Jon!” Jon bounced forward and hugged him. I took a sharp intake of breath; he was holding in his arms what I should be holding. I looked at away; it hurt more than it should do. The rest of the group rushed forward, pushing me to the back.

“I’m Emma!”


“I’m Diane and this is sexy Spencer” Diane laughed, Spencer grinned and hugged Ryan. They were all hugging me. I should be hugging him, I so wanted to push them all away, to wrap my arms around him instead, to tell him id look after him through anything that’s running around his mind.

“Hey, it’s awesome to meet you guys too” Ryan grinned, he looked past them slightly and we made eye contact, we both smiled slightly and looked away. I knew I was blushing, but I didn’t look up to him if he was.


As we were walking home, they were bombarding Ryan with questions so I hung back with Lilly.

“Dude, the performance yesterday, I loved it, you were seriously amazing” Jon near enough shouted at him, making Ryan look slightly scared.

“Err well thanks, you like Smashing Pumpkins then?” He asked. Jon’s jaw dropped, but Emma cut in.

“Like? Likes a bit of an understatement for Jon, he fucking worships them!” she laughed, Jon grinned.

“They need to be worshipped by everyone and everything!” He complained. Ryan laughed.

“I totally agree with you, The Pumpkins are Gods.”

“So what other stuff are you into?” Spencer asked, Ryan shrugged and though for a second.

“Erm, Iron Maiden, System Of A Down, Metallica, Blink 182, My Chem, Slipknot, ya know, that sorta stuff, but my favourite band will always be Guns n Roses” He listed. My head shot up.

“Oh God, Urie don’t get to excited back there. Seriously, you two can obsess over them together” Diane grinned. I stuck my tongue out at her. Ryan turned around to face me slightly.

“You like Guns n Roses?” He asked, slightly shocked which I didn’t understand.

“Mmhm” I mumbled. He smiled slightly then turned back round.

“Well guys, this where we leave you. It was awesome meeting you Ryan, you should totally hang out with us some time” Spencer suggested. Ryan smiled a sweet, innocent smile which made me stomach flip.

“It was great meeting you too, and yeah that would be cool” He said. We bade goodbye and Spencer, Lilly and Jon all walked off down the road, leaving Emma, Diane, Ryan and I to carry on walking. But soon enough we reached where Emma and Diane left.

“It was nice meeting you Ryan, like Jon said, come hang out with us sometime” Emma grinned. Ryan smiled and nodded. They both hugged him and walked off, obviously talking to each other but something a.k.a us.

We carried on walking in silence.

“So…” I started, Ryan looked at me.

“Oh you’re talking to me now?” He said, looking surprised. I raised an eyebrow.

“I was only not talking to you because you weren’t talking to me before” I explained, his surprised look disappeared, replaced by a slightly sad one.


“Yeah, I don’t just ignore people for no reason” I shrugged.

We reached my house and I opened the door for us, he muttered Thanks as he walked through. I so wanted to just grab him there and then and hold him close to me. But I stopped myself. Knowing he would probably be freaked out. I shut the door behind me, Ryan was facing me but his eyes, big with surprise, were looking around.

“You have a very nice house, it’s really big too” He said. I shrugged.

“It seems bigger to me than it actually is, no one lives here except me” I said. His eyes found mine and I could see concern in them.

“Oh, why?” He asked. So he could ask questions about my life, but I couldn’t ask about his? I answered anyways.

“Well my mum and dad work a lot, like out the state, so I get this place to myself for weeks at a time” I explained, he bit his lip and stepped forward slightly. He looked like he was torn between running to me, and staying put.

“Don’t you get lonely?” He asked quietly, I swallowed slightly and nodded. He didn’t understand how lonely I could get, and I was scared if I spoke, my voice would crack and I would break down.

“Okay, well you can go on ahead to the living room, and I’ll go get us some drinks and stuff” I said, he nodded, taking off his shoes and walking into the living room. I stared at his shoes in surprise; I haven’t done that in a while. My mother used to tell me to always take my shoes off, as it was polite and I wouldn’t get dirt on the carpet. When they started going away often I ignored this.
But I copied his actions. I took my shoes off and put them next to his. They were a good 2 sizes bigger, which I smiled at. I walked into the kitchen and pulled a 4 can pack of Red Bull out of the fridge, then went to the cupboard and got a packet of chips and a packet of skittles out. I hoped he liked this stuff, but by the looks of his figure, I should really be giving him a stick of celery or something. Well I can assure you there is none of that stuff in this house.

I walked into the living room and sat opposite him on the floor, dumping the stuff next to us and shrugging my bag off of my shoulders and onto the floor. I looked at Ryan and he looked back.

“I hope you like Skittles and Red bull; I pretty much live of this stuff…” I said. He smiled.

“So do I” He grinned.

“But, you’re so skinny, I wish I could eat this crap and stay so skinny, look at me, I’m so dumpy” I complained, poking at my stomach. Okay I wasn’t that fat; I was just making a point. I looked at Ryan and his smile went down a bit, but it stayed there.

“You’re not dumpy Bren, your perfect” He said softly. The butterflies that were constantly in my tummy when he was around, fluttered. I smiled and looked away, grabbing my bag and pulling the booklet out of it.

“Okay, let’s start this bitch” I said, sliding onto my stomach and crossing legs in the air. I got a pen out and looked up at Ryan. He stayed still and quiet. I sighed.

“Ryan please, let’s just get this done, and if it makes you happy you don’t have to talk to me ever again” I muttered looking at the floor. Warm fingers lifted my head up, and I stared into Ryan’s honey eyes.

“That wouldn’t make me happy at all Brendon” He said, a serious look on his face.

“Me neither” I whispered. I felt myself leaning in towards him, but he suddenly dropped his fingers and pulled back. I felt embarrassed and stupid.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” I asked the carpet, well Ryan but I was looking at the carpet.

“I am talking to you” He said, confused, I looked back up at him, glaring.

“You know what I mean Ryan, it seems you have a lot on your mind, but when I try to help you, you block me out completely or you run. I know I only met you yesterday, but I want to help somehow! And it’s not coz I feel I need to, I actually care” I said quietly, embarrassed. Ryan’s face fell a considerable amount, an angel should never be unhappy, I thought.

“I…I’m scared Bren” He whispered, the emotion in his voice so strong, I couldn’t help it any more. I shuffled over to him and put and arm over his shoulder.

“Why, what are you scared about?” I asked softly, rubbing his arm. He just shook his head and burst into tears there and then. It took me by surprise but I wrapped my other round him and pulled him closer. His head fell delicately onto my chest and I felt his tears absorb into my shirt…but I didn’t mind.

“I want to tell you Brendon, so so badly, but I can’t” Ryan cried.

“Shh, shh calm down, shh its going to be alright” I cooed, trying to sooth him. I wanted to know what was wrong, but I’d rather find out when my heart wasn’t breaking from seeing him cry his eyes out.

We sat for a while, until Ryan slowly calmed down and pulled away slightly. He wiped his eyes on the back of his head and looked up at him. His soft eyes were still glassy and his dark eyelashes were stuck together. I lifted a hand from his arm to catch a tear he missed from his cheek, but placing my hand back straight after.

“Thanks Brendon, again” He whispered. I shook my head.

“I’ve already told you, I’m here for you, whenever you need me, and for whatever reasons. When you need to talk, or if you just need to be with someone” I whispered back, leaning my head on his forward, he closed his eyes and nodded. We sat like that for a little longer, Ryan with his eyes shut, and me watching his every little movement, taking it in, as he could be back to blanking me tomorrow. His eyes opened a little to see me looking, then they opened fully, and we stared at each other. It was so hard to control these feelings I had for him. I had never felt like this before, I hadn’t even come close to feeling like this. Why was he so special? Why was he so beautiful? Why was he making me feel like this?

Because he was Ryan Ross. That was enough explanation.


We had decided to just start with me first. So Ryan asked me the questions in the book, and I answered them as best as I could. I hoped that if I could show him it was easy to talk about my own life, he might find it easy to talk about his.

“Favourite colour?” He asked. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of Red Bull.

“I swear, this is like doing a MySpace survey. Honey.” I answered, looking at him. Yes his eye colour. But I swear my favourite colour has been Honey since forever.

“Okay, favourite food?” He asked, after writing down my favourite colour. I thought for a second.

“Oh dude I love most food. Erm, pizza, gotta be pizza” I grinned; Ryan smiled and wrote it down.

“Well we’ve finished the favourites section. I don’t know how many questions these guys thought of coz this booklet's huge. Oh well. Okay if you were stuck-“ Ryan started the next question, but stopped when I grabbed the booklet out of his hands.

“Ryan, any more questions tonight and my brain will explode” I laughed, Ryan grinned and stretched his legs out in front of him. I rested my head on the sofa and stared at him smiling. I didn’t care if I got caught anymore, I couldn’t help it.

“What are you staring at?” Ryan laughed, my jaw dropped and I clutched my head in fake pain, his laugh faded out as I started wriggling on the floor. He crawled over to me.

“Bren, what’s wrong?” He asked, worried.

“My head…its exploding… too many questions!” I squealed. Ryan slapped my chest and laughed.

“Ow bitch!” I said, tackling him to the floor and sitting on him.

“Ow, now you’re the bitch again, I thought something was wrong, don’t ever do that again” He scolded. I pouted.

“Yes mummy” I said. Ryan laughed and reached his hand up to stroke my cheek, my pout dropped and I stared into his eyes again.

“Brendon…” Ryan said softly, sitting up slightly. My heart went crazy.

“Mmhm?” I mumbled. Ryan grinned.

“You need to cut down on the skittles, you’re crushing me” He said. My jaw dropped and I rolled off, lying on the floor next to him and pretending to cry.

“Aww baby Brendon, it’s okay I was only joking” He said, looking over at me, and then scooting closer to take me in his arms. I stopped crying at once and looked at him.
When I brought Ryan home today I had no idea that we would be lying next to each other on the floor, obviously staring into each other’s eyes.
I rested my head on his chest and he pulled me closer. It probably wasn’t that comfortable on the floor for Ryan, but he didn’t seem to mind that much. And I had no objections to how we were positioned.

And we just sat. We didn’t need to talk. We didn’t need to make any noise at all. We were happy being in each other’s company. It felt like we were connecting somehow, even if I didn’t know anything about Ryan. But I will find out, I will somehow prove to him that he can trust me.

“Brendon…” Ryan muttered. I didn’t bother looking up at his face, I would just get lost in his eyes.


“I’m really happy at the moment. I know you want to know about me, and you don’t know how much I want to tell you, to share everything with you. But right now, please let me enjoy this, I’ll let you in as soon as I’m ready” He whispered, I was so surprised by this sudden outburst, that I sat up and propped myself up on my elbow.

“Of course, just please, as soon as you’re ready. I could help, I could help now, I-“ I stopped as Ryan gave me a look.

“Please don’t spoil this Brendon; it’s been so long since I've been actually happy. If I talk about it now, it’s going to disappear, and I don’t want to act like I acted earlier” He pleaded. I reached out to his face and cupped my hand around it; he shut his eyes and leant into my hand.

“Okay, I promise I won’t say anything about it anymore…and by the way, I’m really happy too” I added. Ryan smiled and leant away from my hand.

“Do you know what time it is?” He asked suddenly. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time,

“9:30” I answered, Ryan shot up making me fall off him. He stood up and started shoving all his things into his bag.

“Ryan?” I asked, still sitting there.

“I have to go, I was meant to be in at 9” He answered quickly, rushing towards the front door and pulling his shoes on, I followed after him.

“Do you wanna phone someone and say you’re staying here?” I suggested. Ryan looked at me with a torn expression.

“You don’t know how much I want to say yes, but I can’t, I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow” He said, shoving his arms through the straps of his bag and opening the door.

“Is this something I have to wait to find out about?” I asked, he nodded and wrapping his arms around me, kissing my forehead. My heart exploded with happiness and the butterflies might have exploded as well.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Bren, I hope” He whispered, he opened the door and ran out. I regained myself quickly.

“What do you mean I hope?” I shouted out the door as he took of the down the road at full speed.

“Ryan!” I called again but it was no use. I shivered in the cold, wrapping my arms around myself. I shut the door and went back to the living room, staring at the place that we were just lying in. One of the happiest moments of my life. And he wished he could stay with me.
Does this mean he likes me too, or he is just being nice? Or just searching for a friend.
But my questions will be answered…hopefully soon.

I quickly cleaned up the living room and ran up the stairs. Once in my room I pulled my shirt off my body and flung it somewhere, walking into the bathroom I had joined to my room. I never liked having more money than everyone else. I mean some things are nice, but I felt like one of those kids you get in Fanfic's, who seem to have everything in the world, and their parents don’t even work.
But my parents do work, they work too much, that’s why we have a lot of money, they are so devoted.

Once I was finished in the shower it was hitting 10. I pulled on some new boxers, brushed my teeth then crawled into bed.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow Brendon, I hope.’
I hope so badly.

Needless to say that Ryan starred in my dreams that night.


The sunlight hit my face, making me scrunch it up and turn away from the light. But now I was awake, and I had to get ready for school, quickly because I was suppose to meet Diane and Emma in 10 minutes. I got out of bed and raced into the bathroom, having a quick wash and brushing my teeth. I went over to my closet. I picked out some Grey skinnies and a white shirt, quickly shoving them on, dumping my old clothes in the wash bin and running down stairs.
I never usually ate breakfast, but because I had next to nothing last night when Ryan was here, I quickly shoved some Pop-tarts into the toaster and pressed the lever down, leaving them to cook whilst I put my shoes on. I grabbed my bag, putting it on my bag, and hurried back to the kitchen, taking my house key from the side and pocketing it, just as the toaster popped. I took them both, put some black sunglasses on my head and hurried out the door, locking it behind me.

As I finished the first Pop-tart, Emma and Diane started walking up the road. I swear, I could be late, but still be here before them. They smiled and waved at me, I wiped my hand on my jeans and waved back.

“Hey Bren, nice Pop-tart, what makes you eat this morning?” Emma asked, taking a bite out of it. I shrugged.

“I don’t know, I was just hungry this morning” I said as we started our way to school. Diane laughed, making me and Emma look at her.

“Oh dude come on, that’s the lamest excuse ever. I know you Brendon, you only eat in the morning if you didn’t eat the night before, which means you must have been rather busy last night” Diane said, raising her eyebrows in a suggestive way. I laughed and shook my head.

“I don’t kiss and tell” I said. Oh shit, they would totally get the wrong impression from that.

“YOU KISSED HIM?!” They both shrieked, making me drop my pop-tart. I stared at it, pouting.

“No, I knew you’d take that wrong. We just hung out, worked on our project, we just got carried away doing it so I forgot to eat, and couldn’t be arsed when Ryan left, I just went to bed” I explained.

“Oh, so no juicy gossip?” Diane asked, I shook my head.

“Not for your ears” I said, she grinned.

“So you like him?” Emma asked, I looked at her and shook my head.

“I like him sure, he’s a nice kid, but not the way you think” I lied. Emma just laughed.

“Admit it Bren, you’re gay!” She said.

“No, I’ll admit I’m not fussy what sex it is, but I’m not admitting I’m gay, because I’m not” I grinned. We were at school now; gosh doesn’t time pass when you have interesting convocation going. We walked past the gate and across the grounds to our tree. Everyone was there as usual, and as usual we dumped ourselves down and talked until way past when the bell went.
I was excited for homeroom. I needed to see his face again. To prove last night happened, to see him smile that beautiful smile again, and most importantly, to see his soft honey eyes which always seemed to drag me in.

But I couldn’t help but feel a little let down when he wasn’t in his seat when we arrived. Of course, we got detention, two detentions actually as we missed homeroom yesterday. He did say he hoped he would see me today…so maybe he knew there was a chance he wouldn’t make it in. Why was he so scared about being late home? Gah, so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I promised I wouldn’t pry until he was ready to answer me.
I was in a mood all day, not a bad mood, just a sad mood. Everyone noticed, but was nice enough not to ask about it. Then you had Lilly who had to know exactly what was happening.

“Come on Bren, you are usually the happiest one of us, and at the moment you’re the saddest, what’s up? Did you forget to eat some skittles this morning?” She grinned. I gave a weak smile and shook my head.

“It’s just one of those days where it doesn’t feel like I have enough energy to do anything” I explained, she nodded. She knew exactly what I meant, because she also got these days. For the rest of the day no one bothered me, they involved me in conversations, but they didn’t force me to speak.
I was glad when the bell went for the end of the day. I knew I’d be even lonelier at home, but at least I could be downright miserable and no one would see me.

I didn’t even notice I was walking home with everyone, it seemed like I was moving mechanically, speaking when being spoke to, but not taking in anything.

“We’ll cya tomorrow Bren” Emma said, she had a worried look on her face, so did Diane, so I gave them the biggest smile I could muster.

“Yeah cya tomorrow” I said cheerfully and started walking towards my house, letting the smile drop. My cheeks hurt from the strain I just put on them. I rubbed them lightly. Today has been so bad, how can one boy change me so much, in so little time. It was impo-

“Hey Bren” My heard snapped up and there he was. Sitting on my door step. I smiled and rushed over. He stood up and gave me a quick hug. I hugged back, glad to be in his arms once again, to smell his sweet, cocoa and strawberry smell.

“Ryan” I breathed, relaxing quickly and opening the door. We both stepped in and I shut the door behind us. He took off his shoes and turned to me again; I copied his actions, dumped my bag and walked up to him. I wrapped my arms softly around his middle and pulled him closer. He winced slightly, making me pull back quickly.

“I’m so sorry Ryan, what did I do?” I asked him, he shook his head.

“It’s okay, it’s nothing.” He mumbled. I shook my head this time and took his hand, leading him upstairs to the bathroom.

“Ryan, I know I’m not allowed to ask questions, and I won’t, but if your hurt I’m going to fix it, okay” I said, he nodded weakly and pulled off his shirt. I so wish I had time to stare at his wonderful body, but I didn’t, because I got distracted by A) the bruises. B) the deep cuts. I sighed and soaked a flannel in hot water.

“Ryan, I’m not prying okay. But I’m not stupid, it’s obviously your getting beaten somewhere” I whispered, whilst rinsing the flannel and bringing it back over to him. I softly placed it on the cuts; he winced again but didn’t fight it.

“I know” He whispered back, I looked up into his eyes, they were watering. I don’t know where I got the sudden dose of courage, but I quickly leant up and kissed his cheek.

“Please, please Ryan don’t cry. It hurt so much yesterday, watching you cry but not being able to help you” I said, Ryan wiped his eyes and gave me a weak smile.

“I’m not going to cry. And you do help Bren, by just being here for me, it’s more then I could ask for” He said.

“But it’s not more then I can give…” I said suggestively. But he shook his head slightly.

“I’m not ready to talk yet Brendon, but I promise, when the time comes I’m going to be completely honest with you, every question you ever wanted answered, it will be answered” He mumbled. I nodded and smiled. I finished cleaning up his cuts, then dried them with a fresh towel. I reached up into the cupboard and brought another pack of bandages, covering each cut of Ryan’s.

“Okay, I’m all done” I told him, handing him his shirt again. He quickly slipped it on and walked towards the door. He waited for me to reach him, then he took my hand confidently and we walked together down stairs.

In the living room, Ryan sat down on the sofa, whilst I quickly turned on the DVD player.

“Right, we are going to set an alarm now, so it gives you time to get home and not be late.” I told him, he smiled and nodded.

What would you like to watch?” I asked him as I hovered by the TV. He grinned.

“Do you have Titanic?” He asked. My face lit up with excitement, he listened to me yesterday. Whilst he was asking me questions, what is your favourite movie, came up. And Titanic is my favourite movie. Always has been, always will be.

“Of course I do” I replied quietly, putting it in the DVD player, grabbing the control and sitting down on the sofa. I pulled the blanket from the sofa and covered us both in it.

“I love this film” Ryan said softly, finding my hand under the cover. I grinned and squeezed his hand.

“So do I, as I already told you” I grinned. We settled down as the movie began.

“You know I missed you today” Ryan whispered. I looked up at him. He smiled.

“So did I, I couldn’t do anything, I just felt so weak and useless all day, when I saw you on that doorstep, I swear my heart exploded with happiness” I told him. He smiled and took his hand from mine, making me pout, but wrapped his arm around my middle. I smiled and pulled him closer into the hug. We both shut up and turned towards the screen.


“Do you trust me?” I whispered to Ryan. He smiled slightly.

“I trust you” He whispered back, eyes shut.

“All right. Open your eyes” I breathed.

Ryan didn’t get time to quote the next part of the film, as I closed the gap at last, and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. He stiffened for a second, and then relaxed, putting one of his warm hands on the back of my neck to bring me closer. I smiled and kissed with more effort, Ryan copying my actions.
It felt like I was flying, it wasn’t Rose in Titanic, it was me! It put a warm feeling inside of me and made me want to scream out loud. The butterflies that survived last night had defiantly exploded now.

I pulled away and looked at him, he opened his eyes and we stared at each other for what seemed like hours but were only a few minutes.

“Brendon…” Ryan whispered, leaning in again.

But suddenly my phone went off, it wasn’t my usual ringtone, it was my alarm tone. Ryan quickly shot up.

“I have to go” He said quickly, making his way towards the door.

“Ryan, Ryan calm down, remember we gave you like 15 minutes extra, you won’t be late I promise” I said. He nodded whilst he was putting his shoes on.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He said, he stood up and came over to me. Uh oh, butterflies have invaded my tummy again.

“Brendon…are we…do you want…I’d really like…” Ryan stuttered, trying to form a sentence. I took his face between my hands.

“You don’t know how happy id be if you would be my boyfriend” I said to him, he didn’t say anything, just nodded his head as much as he could. I smiled and leant up to place another kiss on his lips.
But this kiss was better. We both expected it.

It was magical. No it was better than magical. It was the best experience of my life; his lips were soft against mine and moved intact with them. The sweet taste of his mouth over whelmed me, making me want to drop down there and cry with happiness.
He pulled away and rested his head on mine

“I’ve got to go” He whispered.

“Ryan, can you please stay tomorrow night…I don’t like being away from you, it hurts” I said sadly. And it was true. It did hurt. Ryan’s face dropped slightly.

“I'll try to, it hurts to be away from you as well, more then you know” he said back, I nodded and pulled him into another hug.

“Are you coming in tomorrow?” I asked him.

“Most likely, I’ll see you tomorrow Bren, I’m looking forward to it” He called as he walked out the house.

“I miss you” I whispered, but loud enough for him to hear. He turned round and gave me a sad look.

“I miss you too” He whispered, blowing me a kiss and walking off. I watched him until he disappeared out of sight, and then shut the door.

I was going out with him. I had a boyfriend. I had the love of my life.
He was all mine.


Staring at the bench, I waited for Spencer and Diane to come back with all our drinks. It was Lunch time and I hadn’t seen him all day, except for Homeroom, which we weren’t allowed to speak in. Last night was terrible, knowing I had him, but he wasn’t with me. It killed me on the inside. But knowing that he could be staying with me tonight made it better.

“Hey guys, mind if I sit with you” His beautiful voice hit me so hard, my head shot up so fast it kinda hurt. He was standing next to the bench, wearing black skinnies and a plain baby blue shirt. He smiled down at us, well more me.

“Of course!” Lilly said, moving up on the opposite side of the bench, making room for him. He sat down directly opposite me and smiled.

“Hey Bren” He said coolly. I grinned and nodded back.

“Heeeey guys some ones in my seat! Oh don’t worry its Ryan he can sit there” Diane shouted, running over hand in hand with Spencer, holding all the drinks. We got two people a day to go get the drinks coz we were too lazy to all go.

“Hey guys” Ryan smiled; Spencer grinned back and sat down next to me. I opened a can of coke and took a big gulp of it, staring off into the grounds. The sun was high in the sky, and the sky was cloudless and a lovely clear blue. Its times like these you wish you weren’t at school, and were somewhere much nicer to enjoy the day better.

“Bren you’ve zoned out”

“Oh, what, dude sorry I didn’t notice” I laughed, Emma just shook her head. I took another gulp of coke.

“So Ryan, how are you liking the school” Diane asked. I watched him, staring at the beauty that was my boyfriend.

“It’s shit”

“What!” Spencer said. He grinned.

“Its shit because its school, I’d rather be out enjoying the day somewhere else,” I almost gapped as he stole the words from my head, “But it’s cool to be hanging out with you guys” He finished. I smiled at him; he smiled back, and then smiled at the others so it didn’t look too suspicious. I hadn’t told anyone yet and Ryan obviously hadn’t. The bell soon went for afternoon school and we walked off to Math’s. Me and Ryan hung back a bit.

“I take it you haven’t told them” Ryan smiled. I nodded.

“But it’s not because I don’t want to. I’m just not sure how they will take it, and I like it being our little thing at the moment” I explained quickly so he didn’t get offended.

“I know, id do the same.” He said, I smiled and walked closer to him.

“Are you coming round tonight?” I asked him more quietly.

“If that’s okay. And I can stay round, if you want me to, ill just need to get some things from my house first” He said, smiling. I nodded.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked him, he quickly shook his head.

“No it’s okay, I’ll meet you at yours as soon as I’m done” He said, I smiled and nodded.

“I'll see you later Ryan” I said, he gave me a quick hug, quick enough for no one to become suspicious, but long enough to let his scent linger on me for the rest of the day.
After school I rushed off to meet the others. We walked home at normal pace, with normal talk. I didn’t need to rush as Ryan said he needed to go get some things first.
I couldn’t believe he was my boyfriend. It was like some sort of miracle.

“Cya tomorrow Brendon” Diane said as we parted ways, I grinned and waved.

“Cya guys” I replied and walked off at a casual pace, thinking of different films, or things we could do tonight. I let myself in to the house and shut the door behind me. I dropped my bag and took off my shoes. It had now become a habit, like it used to be.

I fell to my knees beside my DVDs and pulled out a few I thought we could watch.
Love Actually, come on its amazing.
The nightmare before Christmas.
And all the Saw films. I don’t know if he liked scary movies, but I got them anyway.

As I stood up, the door bell went. I rushed off to the door and swung it open with a huge grin on my face. Ryan quickly stepped in, kicked the door shut and wrapped his arms around my middle, keeping his right cheek away from my shirt; I wrapped my arms around him, and look at his cheek. There was a huge cut on it and the blood was flowing pretty quickly.

“Shit” I whispered, taking his hand and pulling him quickly up stairs to the bathroom. He sat where he did yesterday with a glum expression on his face. I wet the flannel, rinsed it and started dabbing at the cut.

“Ry, how do you get these cuts?” I asked quietly, it hurt me so much to see him like this. But once again he shook his head and stayed quiet. I nodded and bit my lip, stopping me from arguing with him. As I was working on his cut, Ryan pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my middle and resting his left cheek on my tummy.

“Don’t ever leave me Brendon, I need you so bad” He said quietly. I put down the flannel put a hand on his head; he was too far down to hug. I played with his hair for a while, trying to soothe him.

“I won’t ever leave you Ryan, I promise, I need you too” I whispered back, I quickly dropped to his level, lifted his head up with my finger and placed a small kiss on his lips.
Ryan smiled at me and gave me another kiss. I stroked his cheek, and then stood back up to finish cleaning his cut. I dried it and applied the bandage.
Like yesterday, he waited for me by the door, then took my hand and pulled me to the living room.

“What are we watching today?” He asked, I bend down next to the TV.

“Well there’s Love Actually, The nightmare Before Christmas, Scary Movies, well there’s loads, you pick a movie” I suggested. Ryan smiled.

“Love Actually is my favourite film” He said softly. I laughed a little.

“We sure like some girly films don’t we” I said, he grinned and nodded. I put it in and walked over to him; he put his arms around me and pulled me down next to him, curling up at my side. I took one of his hands in my own and played with his fingers as we watched.


“Ryan what do you want for dinner?” I asked him from the kitchen. He was still in the living room. So when two arms went around my waist, it made me jump pretty high, which he laughed at.

“I don’t mind” He answered.

“Baby you made me jump” I pouted, turning round to face him. Wow, first time id ever called him Baby. I smiled inside my head. He stroked my cheek.

“Aww I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” He said, I smiled.

“I know, so yeah, what do you want for dinner?” I asked again, Ryan let go and sat on my kitchen table, reaching out to me, but not reaching for enough. He made grabbing actions and whimpered. I smiled and walked over to him, slipping in between his legs, wrapping my arms around him and leaning my head on his chest. He put his hands on my arms and kissed my head.

“I’m not really hungry” He said. I looked up at him.

“Yes you are” I complained, he laughed and shook his head.

“I’m really not” He said.

“I’m not taking that for an answer, I’m not leaving you un-fed. And anyways, you need a lot more food by the looks of you twiglet” I smiled; he smiled weakly at me and nodded in defeat.

“Yay, I win. Okay, well I could cook pizza if you like?” I suggested. Ryan hopped down and kissed me.

“Sounds good, I’m going to go wait in the living room” He said, I nodded, he started to walk off, but I grabbed his hand pulling him back, to place another kiss on his lips. He smiled and touched my cheek before walking to the living room.
I put the pizza in the oven, put the timer on and put it to the right gas mark, then joined Ryan back in the living room.


The movie was finished. The pizza was finished. And it was only half 7. Ryan and I were lying together on the sofa, staring into each other’s eyes. It was all pretty cliché.

“You know I can’t get enough of your eyes, they are the prettiest things I’ve ever seen” I admitted, Ryan grinned, but shook his head.

“I disagree”

“How so?”

“Yours are. They are so big and dark brown on the outside, but they get lighter and lighter as they go in. They are amazing” He explained, I smiled and leant in to kiss him; he kissed back and rested his head on my forehead.

“What would you like to do?” I asked, scared he was bored.

“I could happily lay here with you forever” He said quietly, I nodded.

“So could I, but I think we would have to move at some point” I laughed, Ryan giggled slightly and hugged me tighter.

“You know, the moment I saw you, I liked you. Before you, I hadn’t even thought of boys, then bam. You come into my life and everything has changed” Ryan said softly. I shook my head.

“How is that possible, that’s exactly how I felt” I said, Ryan smiled.

“I’ve never felt like this before Ry, it’s all new to me, but I like it, I know I’ve only known you 4 days, but these 4 days have been so different, so good” I mumbled. Ryan nodded.

“What is this feeling Bren?” He asked me quietly. I thought for a moment.

“I think its love” I answered. Ryan smiled and kissed me again.


When it reached 10 o’clock we decided to go up to bed. When we got the landing, I pointed to the spare room and smiled softly. I didn’t know if he would want his own room or not.

“You can sleep in here if you want, it’s the spare room, but I swear it’s bigger than mine” I laughed. Ryan laughed and nodded.

“There’s a bathroom in there and stuff…so I guess ill cya tomorrow, I’ll wake you up if you’re not awake” I said

“Okay, thanks Bren, ill cya tomorrow” He said, he put his arms around me and we both leaned into for a kiss. I smiled and pulled away, waving goodbye as I walked into my bedroom, and Ryan went to his.

After I got washed and brushed my teeth, I slipped out of my shirt and jeans and got into bed. I put my head against the pillow, shutting my eyes. But I couldn’t sleep, I just thought of my angel sleeping next door.
I was considering going to check on him when the door opened. The light from the hallway shone through, but disappeared when the door shut.
Ryan slid in next to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer. I shuffled in, putting a small kiss onto his bare chest then leaning my head on it. Ryan kissed my head and we both relaxed. I smiled, breathing in deeply, his scent made me go dizzy, but in a good way.

“I love you” Ryan whispered.

“I love you too” I replied, shutting my eyes and letting sleep wash over me.


Once again I woke up to the light shining through my window, I clenched my eyes tighter together, trying to block the sun, and turned round in the arms that were holding me. I came face to face with Ryan’s honey eyes. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

“Good morning baby” He said, I shuffled in as close as I could get and smiled.

“Good morning, did you have a nice sleep?” I asked.

“Yes, you were in my dreams” He said, I grinned and looked up at him.

“Do I need to change the sheets?” I asked, trying to keep a serious face, Ryan made a face of horror.

“No! No I didn’t mean like that” He protested, I grinned and kissed him.

“I know baby I was joking, I dreamt of you too, then I woke up and thought of you, and you were here, this is the best morning I’ve had in a while” I said, snuggling back down. Ryan tightened his hold on me.

“Same, Bren…do we have to go to school?” He asked softly, I shut my eyes. I was thinking the same, but we had to go.

“Ryan you know how much I want to say yes, but we gotta go, its Friday, we have all of tomorrow and the next day to be together” I said, Ryan pouted as I got out of his grip.

“Come on baby we need to get up” I said, why did I have to be the responsible one? Ryan refused to get up.

“But Breeeendon, if you stay with me today I will tell you everything” Ryan blackmailed. I shut my eyes, I so wanted to know everything about him, but not this way.

“Ryan…” I started, his eyes softened over and he stared at me. He was so beautiful, so beautiful in fact, that I just had to fall back beside him and kiss his silly smug face.

“Fine, we can skip, but Ryan, you don’t need to tell me anything, I know you’re not ready to” I gave in. Ryan smiled warmly at me and opened his arms, I snuggled into them, putting a kiss on his chest, then his arm, his jaw, his cheek finally reached his lips.

“I love you Bren”

“I love you too Ryan, loads” I said. I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and opened up a new text.

‘Hey Emma, I’m not coming to school today, major sickness going down, ill cya Monday x’

“Who ya texting?” Ryan asked softly, playing with my hair.

“Emma, saying I’m not coming into school” I replied. I pressed send and put the phone back down. I reached up to his face and started kissing him again. He kissed back, running his hand along my side, just as my phone went off. I sighed and took it off the desk. I opened up the new message and Ryan kissed along my jaw line, I smiled and read it.

‘Okay, I’ll tell the others, get well soon bitch x’

I put the phone back, bringing my lips back to his quickly, then resting my head back on his chest. This was exactly what I needed, a day to really get to know Ryan. I know he didn’t want to say anything yet, but I could learn other things about him. We could even work on the nice easy questions on our assessment. That way, I learn more stuff, and we get work done.

“What are you thinking about baby?” Ryan asked softly, I smiled and rubbed my cheek against his chest.

“Other then you? What we could do today, seeing as I got forced into bunking school and becoming a criminal!” I said in mock horror. Ryan laughed and nudged me.

“Like you’ve never bunked before, and anyways, aren’t I worth becoming a criminal?” He said jokingly. I reached up and placed a kiss on his lips.

“You’re worth a lot more then that”


After Ryan gave me a quick kiss, he went into the other room to change into his clothes, whilst I changed into mine. I didn’t bother to dress up or anything, just pulled on some navy skinny jeans and a white Anthrax top and sprayed myself with deodorant.
I checked my reflection, ruffled my hair a bit, and then walked out into the hallway to wait for Ryan. He walked out a few seconds later in some black skinnies and a plain green shirt. I smiled at him and reached out my hand, he took it and we walked down the stairs together.
Entering the kitchen, I let go of his hand so he could jump up onto the kitchen table again, and I searched for food.

“Poptarts?” I asked simply, Ryan flinched slightly and took the packet, looking at the back.

“Are you a vegetarian?” I asked quickly. I didn’t want some sort of meat in them to offend him, but then again I eat them and I’m a vegetarian.

“No, why?” He asked curiously. I shrugged, confused.

“Just wondered why you were reading the back of the box, there’s nothing interesting there, the interesting stuff is in the inside” I grinned; Ryan smiled and gave the box back.

“I was checking out how much calories were in these” He said softly, I rose an eyebrow and set the box on the surface, standing next to him, hand on either knee.

“And why would you do that?” I asked sternly, Ryan gulped and shrugged.

“I don’t want to put on any more weight…”

“WHAT! Ry are you being serious, if I'm honest, you need feeding up, you’re soooo skinny, I wish I was your weight. Seriously babe, you have nothing to worry about, you’re perfect!” I vented. Ryan took my face in his hands and kissed me softly. I smiled and kissed back, then pulled away.

“I'll just give you one if you’re so worried okay?” I compromised. Ryan grinned and nodded.

“Thanks Bren”.

I got 3 Poptarts out the box, two for me and one for him. I un-wrapped them then shoved them in the toasters, pushing the lever down and waiting for them to cook. While I waited, I went over to the cupboard, got out two small plates, and two glasses. Ryan, seeing what I was doing, rushed to the fridge, searched for a second, then pulled out the carton of Orange Juice. I laughed.

“Thank you” I said as he passed it to me.

“Well you let me stay here, the least I could do was pass you some orange juice” Ryan grinned. I poured the juice into the glasses, then gave the box back to Ryan, who out it away. I set down the glasses then rushed over to the toaster where the Poptarts had just popped out. Putting them onto the plates, I gave Ryan his, and we sat down at the table, opposite each other.

We ate in silence, just looking at each other every so often, and then quickly looking away smirking. I pondered on the thought of Ryan checking for calories. Why in the world was he checking for that, he was so skinny already, he didn’t need to be careful, like I should be. I mean, I had almost finished my second Poptart when Ryan was still warily looking at his own.

“Baby please eat. What’s wrong?” I asked him quietly, quite scared to be honest.

“I…I’m scared ill put on weight” He admitted. I pushed away from the table, and rushed round towards him, I bent down on my knees next to him and looked up to his beautiful eyes.

“Ry…okay you don’t need to be scared about putting on weight, I do all the time. What got you onto this weight issue?” I asked him, holding onto one of his hands gently.


“Is it something I have to wait for you to tell me about” I asked, looking down. Ryan lifted my head up again and kissed me…but he nodded, honestly looking upset.

“I’m sorry Bren, you know how much I want, I need to get this off my chest completely. But I’m too scared at the moment” Ryan said, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I squeezed his other hand lightly.

“I want to make you completely un-scared. I want to chase away all your nightmares, all your fears, I want to get rid of whatever is making you hold it all in. I want to just hold you so close and fill you with safety. Can I do that one day…please?” I asked quietly. Ryan blinked once, then tears started filling up in his eyes.

“Bren” He said simply, jumping into my lap, making me stumble slightly, but I hugged him tightly to my body, kissing his head.

“I want you to do all that. I’ve needed someone to do that for a long time, and now I have someone, no now I have you, I can’t even tell you anything, I’m so sorry” He said, crying slightly.

“No baby don’t you be sorry, it’s not your fault at all, I understand, I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk to me, wherever it’s in a week, or 10 weeks. I’ll be here” I promised, resting my forward onto his. He smiled, and kissed my lips softly, reaching his arms up and around my neck, pulling me closer. He deepened our kiss and ran his tongue against my bottom lip. I smiled and parted my lips slightly, but couldn’t help but giggle. Ryan pulled away, smiling, and looked at me weirdly.

“We’re on my kitchen floor…” I stated, Ryan looked around and laughed as well, getting of my lap.

“Sorry, I got carried away I guess” He grinned; I smiled and kissed his cheek, then started cleaning up the plates and glasses. Ryan dried up the things I washed and put them away as best as he could remember where I got them from, then we both walked into the living room, I sat down on the arm chair and pulled Ryan into my lap, we curled up together, breathing in each other’s air and scent. I smiled and made little shapes on Ryan’s arms. I loved how we could just sit together, doing nothing but being in each other’s presence, but still be happy.

“So what are we doing today? It’s only half 9” Ryan grinned. I smiled and shrugged.

“Well I was thinking I want to learn more things about you, like not big things, but the basics, like a MySpace survey. I thought that if we done that section of our assessment, we would get work done, and id get to learn more about you” I said, explaining quickly so I didn’t make Ryan think I wanted to know the big things. Even though I just promised id wait for him to be ready to talk.
To my surprise, Ryan nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds good. But just to warn you, I’m not that interesting, I wouldn’t want to learn more about me” He said, shrugging, I tapped his nose, and then kissed it.

“Well I do, I want to learn every little detail about you” I said. We sat together for a few more minutes, then Ryan stood up, pulled up his jeans a little as they had slipped down. He was wearing skinnies but they were too big. I couldn’t fit one leg into them.

I quickly grabbed my bag and walked back into the living room. Ryan had laid out some cushions for both him and me, and was lying on his stomach. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV onto music channels, but turned the volume down so we could hear each other properly. I opened up the booklet and looked at the first question.

“Okay, full name”

“George Ryan Ross” I looked up at him.

“George? Aww” I smiled, Ryan grinned but didn’t say anything, I wrote it down and asked more questions.

“Favourite colour?”


“Favourite season”


“Favourite ice cream”

“Cookie dough”

“Oh snap!” I said excitedly, Ryan laughed and shook his head.


When we had finished the whole section, it was approaching 1 o’clock. We had stopped for lunch; Ryan looked almost scared as I made me and him some nachos. But he told me he really liked them and that I was a great chef. That obviously gave me a thrill.

I now knew a lot more things about Ryan. He loved summer days at the beach, and at the park. He loved picnics and muffins and Starbucks coffee. He would rather go to a small gig then a big concert. He preferred MySpace to Facebook. His favourite band had always been Guns ‘n’ Roses, he had been playing guitar since he was 8. He preferred dogs to cats, but did like cats, and a whole load more of things.

My phone started vibrating on the arm of the sofa, where me and Ryan were lying together watching Armageddon. Ryan had tears slowly dripping down his face whereas I had buckets of tears rolling down mine. This film got me every time.
I picked up the phone to see a message from Diane:-

‘Are you with Ryan? Coz he isn’t here either’ she wrote. I laughed and showed Ryan, who wiped his tears away slightly, then grinned at the text.

“What are you gunna tell her?” He asked me, putting his eyes back to the screen.

“That I don’t know where you are” I pressed the reply button and typed out a message.

‘No, I’m dying on the sofa watching Armageddon. And I’m pretty sure he isn’t with me, unless he is invisible, he’s probably sick as well, maybe it’s an infectious bug’ I suggested. Yeah it didn’t sound very convincing to me either.

‘Err okay then haha; I didn’t need your life story Bren. Cya tomorrow or whatever’ she wrote back, I put the phone back on the side and wrapped my arms around Ryan’s waist, he shuffled back until his back met my chest. We carried on watching the movie in silence.

“Ry…” I started after around 15 minutes of quiet crying.


“Do you have to go home tonight?” I asked softly, stroking my nose against his ear. He quivered slightly, but I could see his cheeks go up slightly, meaning he was smiling.

“As much as I want to say no, I think I do, unless I go home now, and ask to stay again?” He suggested. I twisted his head so we were face to face.

“Will it get you into some sort of trouble?” I asked, looking at the gash on his face which I had cleaned up yesterday, but had left a scratch on his skin. Ryan looked nervous for a second, then regained himself.

“I don’t know, I should hope not. But I do want to stay with you, so ill risk it” He said. My eyes widened.

“No baby, don’t risk getting in trouble just for me” I said astounded.

“It will be fine Bren, and anyways you’re completely worth everything” Ryan said in a matter of fact tone, which meant the topic was closed. I smiled and leant my face into the crook of his neck, kissing him softly, then returned to watching the remainder of the film.

Once it had finished, Ryan stretched his arms out, stood up then stretched his legs.

“Okay, I’m going to go home for a little, ask if I can stay again, and if I can, get some clean clothes” Ryan explained, quickly running upstairs to get his bag. I waited at the bottom of the stairs, pouting.
As Ryan ran down the stairs again, he saw me.

“Aww babe what’s wrong?” He asked concerned. I opened my arms as wide as they could go.

“I missed you” I pouted; Ryan smiled and wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me closer. We stood hugging for a few seconds until I pulled away and kissed him.

“Be quick baby I don’t think I can last very long without you. Take this key; just let yourself in when you get back.” I said, passing Ryan the spare key hanging on the key rack.. Ryan nodded, taking it and slipped on his black and white chequered Vans.

“Will do, cya later Bren” He said, giving me a quick kiss then heading out the door. I shut it after him and smiled. God did I love that boy.

I turned the TV off, and tidied up a bit, then ran up stairs and made the bed, putting old clothes into the wash basket. As I walked towards my bath room, I slipped my shirt off over my head and started the shower. I took the rest of my clothes off whilst I waited for the water to warm up, then jumped in, instantly relaxing as the hot water pounded against my back.


Once I had finished in the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and went into my bedroom and over to the desk with the mirror.

“I’m such a girl…” I mumbled to myself as I sprayed myself with deodorant, and all sorts of other nice smelling things. I then sat down in the chair and towel tried my hair, but quickly got bored. I looked at the clock, it read 4:30. It was past school so now Ryan and I could go out somewhere and not get caught by officers. I stood up to put some clothes back on. I pulled on new boxers and socks, then shoved my shirt over my head and my jeans onto my legs, zipping them up and fastening the button.
I still couldn’t believe how Ryan was scared to put on weight. If he was scared, I must be shitting myself. But I wasn’t that bothered about my weight. I heard a noise downstairs and stiffened.

“Bren?” I heard Ryan call. I relaxed and opened the bedroom door.

“Up here” I called back, leaving the door open and putting all my towels into the wash bin. When I turned round, Ryan came through the door, shutting it behind him.

“You okay baby?” I asked worriedly, he smiled and nodded.

“Yeah I’m fine, to be honest mum was glad to get rid of me” He chuckled nervously, I smiled and hugged him. He dumped his stuff on my bed and turned to me.

“I woulda took less time, but I quickly had a shower” He explained, pointing to his hair which was wet.

“I woulda been in the shower if you came any earlier” I laughed; Ryan rose an eyebrow at me and smirked in a suggestive way. I laughed and kissed him. He kissed back, putting his hands into my back pockets. I laughed again and pulled away.

“You sure like your kisses today don’t you” I said, Ryan shh-ed me with another deep kiss, I obviously had no objections and kissed back.

“I just appreciate you more and more by the second, and want to show it” He explained, I smiled and kissed him back equally as hard, running my hand up his torso softly, then hooking my hand around his neck to bring him closer to me. He smiled into the kiss and took on hand of my pocket to hold my hand on the back of his neck. We just kissed for a while, not breaking for air, not thinking about anything but the taste of each other’s warm mouths. But finally I broke off and bit my lip, smirking. Ryan opened his eyes, but rested his forehead on mine.

“Do you wanna go out somewhere?” I asked him, he nodded and took my hand, entwining our fingers.

“Where do you want to go?” He asked me, as we made our way down stairs. I grabbed my wallet off the side and shoved it in my pocket.

“Erm, I don’t mind really, I just wanted to get out of here” I laughed, Ryan smiled and nodded as we headed out the front door, shutting it behind us and walking down the road. I smiled to myself slightly.

“What are you thinking about?” Ryan asked, nudging me slightly.

“We are out, in public, holding hands. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out. It’s just…odd.” I said, Ryan blushed and let go of my hand, making it fall to my side. My smile dropped as well.

“No Ry, I didn’t mean odd as in bad, I meant odd as in good, it feels good to be doing this, to not be caring about what people say” I explained, Ryan grinned and reached up to put a kiss on my lips. I kissed back and hugged him, before taking his hand again and walking off.

We decided to go to the mall and check out the shops. It was a nice sunny day, the sky was blue and the grass was green, and there was a few clouds scattered in the sky. A perfect picture. We walked into Starbucks and ordered some Frappachinos, too hot for coffee today. I got a caramel cream and Ryan got a strawberry and cream. We stuck straws in them and walked out into the shops again.
There were quite a few people rushing around, or hanging out at the fountains so we tried not to lose each other in the crowd

“I wanna get some new skinnies” Ryan said, pointing to a shop displaying jeans in the window.

“Okay, let’s go” I said, pulling him into the shop and rushing over to the male section. I sat down on the soft sofas, waiting for him to pick some jeans. Yes I was admiring his arse-


“Huh?” I said, snapping out of my thoughts. Ryan laughed and shook his head.

“Do you like these?” He asked, holding up a pair of dark grey skinnies, with black studs along the pockets. I smiled and nodded.

“They are very sexy, like you” I said, standing up to kiss him. He kissed back then rushed into the changing rooms to try them on. I waited some more, texting Spencer to ask him if anything was happening today.
He texted back a few minutes after.

‘I thought you were sick?’ I laughed and quickly texted back.

‘I was, now I’m better, me and Ryan are at the mall now, are we doing anything then?’

‘Yeah we are heading out to the beach in 30 minutes, want us to pick you up there?’

‘Can you pick us up at my house, so we can get towels and shit’

‘Yeah sure, cya then man’

Ryan stepped out of the changing rooms in his new jeans, they fit his legs perfectly, showing every angle, and making his butt look even sexier. Shh Brendon.

“Wow Ry” I said, standing up and circling him. He laughed and struck a pose for me. I kissed his cheeks and nodded.

“They look awesome, defiantly buy them” I said, he nodded and went to get changed again.

“By the way Ry we are headed off to the beach in like half hour okay?” I called out to him.

“Yeah sure” He called back, going into a cubicle.


20 minutes, 2 Starbucks and a new pair of jeans later, Ryan and I stepped through my front door. We dumped our shoes and rushed up stairs. I got a simple medium size black backpack and stuffed two towels in there and some sun cream.

“Here, you can use these, my mum got them for me ages ago, but they are to small coz I'm a fat arse, your mega skinny so you can have them, I haven’t even worn them” I laughed, shoving a pair of shorts in Ryan’s direction. He quickly rushed into the bathroom to get changed as I got changed in my room. Ryan came out without a shirt on, making me gasp. Ryan blushed and tried to cover his torso up.

“Ry, don’t cover it, let me see” I said, Ryan dropped his arms and sighed. I walked over and gently touched the bruises and cuts on his chest.

“How do you get these?” I asked, not giving a crap about the limits I had. Ryan shook his head but I put my hands either side and stared into his eyes.

“Ryan I need to know, I’m not letting you go around in pain when I just sit here not knowing. Please, I love you, please just tell me how you get these” I whispered, resting my forehead on his. Ryan blinked, and when I thought he was gunna shake his head, he nodded.

“I’ll tell you tonight; okay I’ll tell you everything, every little detail about me and my life. I’m not telling you right now though, because it will take a while, we only got 5 minutes. Plus it will dampen the mood” Ryan said quietly, my jaw dropped.

“You are gunna tell me? Stay round tonight again if you want”

“Mmhm.” Ryan mumbled, but smiled. I grinned and kissed him.

“Thank you Ry” I said, he nodded and kissed me again. I rubbed some soothing crème into his chest, then he pulled on his shirt.

“Shirt?” I asked, confused.

“I don’t want everyone seeing” He explained. I nodded. As we heard Spencer’s car beep, we rushed downstairs, I was still topless, I couldn’t be bothered to put a shirt on. I found some sunnies for myself and Ryan had his own, then we went out to the car.
Spencer’s car’s roof was down, and Emma, William, Gabe, Jon, and Lilly were all squeezed in the back, Diane and Spencer were sitting in the front. I laughed and we jumped in the back with everyone.

“Tight squeeze much” Ryan commented, making everyone laugh.

“Just a bit” Gabe said from somewhere below us.

“Everyone feeling safe?” Spencer asked from the driver’s seat, his hand resting on Diane’s.

“No!” We all chorused.

“Good, off we gooooo” He shouted, zooming off towards the beach.


It was even hotter at the beach, the sun was right above us and lots of people were lying on the beach, soaking up the sun. There were people playing games like volleyball and people bathing in the sea. We parked the car and took our stuff to an empty part of the beach, laying down our towels, then laying ourselves on them.

I lay on my stomach, pulling towards me a copy of the latest Rock Sound magazine that Jon had brought with him. I grabbed my sunnies and started reading, feeling the beautiful sun burn into my back.

“Bren what the fuck do you think you are doing?!” Emma screeched, making me jump.

“What?!” I yelled back, she rolled her eyes and went into her bag, pulling out sunscreen.

“You are gunna frickin burn you twat!” She laughed, applying crème to her hands then rubbing it into my back. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“Thanks Em, have we got any music or anything here?” I asked. Spencer rushed over to his car which was parked only a minute away. When he came back he was holding a huge iPod docking station.

“Who’s got their iPods on them?” He asked, setting the docking station down in the sand, and sitting down on his towel.

“Me me me!” Lilly called, rushing to her bag and pulling out her iPod, she took the ear phones out, dropping them into her bag and putting the iPod into the slot. Avenged Sevenfold started playing.

“Can’t you help me as I’m starting to burn?!” Lilly and I sung in unison. We laughed at each other.

“Okay it’s on shuffle guys, so yeah anything will come on. Who is up for a game of volleyball?” She asked, Jon, Spencer, Ryan, Diane, and Gabe all got up to join Lilly in a game of volleyball. Jon, Ryan and Emma on one team. Gabe, Lilly and Spencer on the other. I watched as they found a vacant net, and a ball, and started playing.

Diane, William and myself sat on our towels together, enjoying the sun and listening to awesome music. But I could feel Diane staring at me in that way she does. I looked at her and smiled.

“What’s up?” I asked casually. She narrowed her eyes, and lay down on her stomach.

“There’s something different about you, and I don’t know what it is” She said suspiciously. I gulped and looked at William.

“What is she on about, I’m not different at all” I said nervously, he rose an eyebrow.

“Dude, don’t try get out of it, it’s obvious you are hiding something” He laughed, applying more sun cream to his arms and lying on his back so he would get a tanned torso.

“Just tell us, we won’t tell anyone” Diane whispered, looking around to make sure no one was there. William nodded in encouragement. I bit my lip and looked over at Ryan, who just hit the ball over the net, laughing. He looked beautiful.

“Okay, you gotta promise not to tell anyone, please” I said, they both nodded and leaned in.

“Me and Ryan…” I started.

“What?” William asked, I rolled my eyes.

“We’re going out, as in together, boyfriends” I said, trying to explain to them. Williams jaw dropped but Diane just smirked.

“Pfft, I knew that was gunna happen. A bit obvious Bren” She said, lying down on her back and putting her sunglasses on. I lay back down on my stomach but turned my head to look at them. William was still shocked.

“Wow Brendon, I never knew you were gay” He said. I shrugged.

“Neither did I until Ryan turned up” I laughed.

“Can I tell you guys something?” William asked. I turned the page of my magazine just as Die Romantic by Aiden came on.

“Of course, anything” Diane said.

“I think a like Emma, well I don’t think, I know I do” He admitted. Diane squealed and even I made a happy noise.

“What?” He asked.

“Oh my god, ask her out, please! She’s like been in love with you for like months now!” I told him.

“Many, many sleepovers of her telling us how amazing you are, just please, get together, go, now!” Diane said, pushing him up off the ground and in the direction of Emma. William laughed and ran over to her. She had just taken a big gulp of water so she didn’t dehydrate, and was screwing the lid back on when William came walking up to her. She smiled and was about to say hey when William took her face in his hands and placed a kiss on her lips. Emma’s eyes widened, but you could see her smiling as she lifted her arms up and wound them around William’s neck.

“Wow, that’s not the usual way to ask someone out, but whatever” Diane laughed, I grinned as Ryan came running over.

“Hey guys” He smiled, sitting down on his towel and pulling his shirt off. Diane gasped and looked at his bruises.


“Oh,” Ryan laughed, “That was last night, I was standing on my chair in my room, trying to put something at the top of my wardrobe, and the chair fucking slid and I go plummeting into the frickin chest of drawers” Ryan lied smoothly.

“That looks so painful” Diane sympathized. Ryan shrugged.

“Yeah it looks it, but it doesn’t really hurt that much anymore, just the bruises a little” He said, lying back on the towel and closing his eyes. Spencer came running over to Diane and kissed her, before lying down next to her. Everyone else came rushing over to relax and enjoy the sun. I wanted so badly to sweep the hair outta Ryan’s closed eyes and kiss his forehead. But I knew I couldn’t. Ryan opened his eyes then to see me staring at him. He smiled and sat up.

“Guys, I need to tell you something” He said, I looked curiously at him, everyone else turned to look.

“Me and Brendon are going out” He said, my jaw dropped, but I laughed.

“Seriously?” Spencer asked, we nodded and smiled.

“Cor took your time, I thought the night you took him back to your house Bren would be the night” Jon laughed.

“But Brendon, what am I going to do when I need a little relaxing time?” Gabe pouted. Ryan looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“He’s joking Ry” I laughed, stroking his cheek. Lilly hit Gabe playfully on the arm, making Gabe attack her with tickles. Lilly stood up and started running away from him, but Gabe followed after. We just shook our heads and laughed.

“Why is everyone so calm and cool about this?” I laughed, lying back down and lacing my fingers through Ryan’s.

“Because it was kinda obvious” Emma said. We shrugged and went back to sun bathing. Ryan’s eyes were closed and his hair was in the same position, but this time I could sweep it across his face. I kissed his forehead, the tip of his nose, then his lips. He smiled and kissed back. I leant my face on his shoulder and shut my eyes, drifting off to sleep in the hot sun.


“No funny business!” Jon shouted as they sped off down the road. Ryan and I laughed as we entered my house. We dumped our stuff at the door and headed into the kitchen.

“Want anything? Yes, good” I said, answering for him. He laughed and hugged me from behind. I tried to get to the fridge, but he was clinging on to me tightly.

“Ry I need to get some food for us” I whined.

“Or, we could go upstairs and enjoy each other’s company” He said in my ear. I shuddered and turned around in his arms to start kissing his lips. If I could, I would spend the rest of my life kissing Ryan. We found our way upstairs and into my room, collapsing on my bed, never breaking the kiss.

Ryan’s hands roamed up my body, tugging at my shirt. He parted his mouth and our tongues battled against each other. My hands made their led and running his hands over my chest. I smiled and ran my tongue along his bottom lip. He parted his mouth and our tongues battled against each other. My hands made their way down towards Ryan’s shorts. He grinned, looking into my eyes, grabbing my hands and putting them into the band of his shorts.

“Are you okay?” Ryan whispered in the darkness, his arms were curled around my waist and I was as close as possible to him.

“I’m perfect thanks, you?” I said, back, Ryan chuckled slightly.

“Amazing” He grinned. I turned around in his arms to face him, just making his face out in the dark. I reached up and stroked his cheek.

“I don’t wanna dampen the mood, but remember what you said you were going to do earlier” I whispered, Ryan took an intake of breathe, but breathed out again.

“Mmhm” He mumbled, I quickly reached over to my bedside table lamp and flicked the switch on, but no light appeared.

“Hmm” I got out of Ryan’s arms quickly, pulling on some shorts, and going over to the main light switch, it also didn’t go on.

“Power cut?” Ryan giggled, I grinned.

“I guess so, I’ll be right back, I’ll go get some candles” I explained, rushing down stairs as best I could without falling over. I got the torch and searched for some tea light candles. I grabbed a bag and a lighter and went back up stairs.

“You okay baby?” Ryan asked, still lying in bed.

“Yup, I got some candles, hang on, let me light them” I said, flicking the lighter on and putting the flame against the wick. It lit up and I put it on the bedside table. Continuing to light up candles, the bedroom was soon lit up with candle light, and I could see Ryan’s face much better. I went and sat next to him, he sat up, quickly reaching for some shorts and pulling them on. He sat up opposite me; I took his hands and rubbed soothing circles into the back of them.

“Okay, if I break down, just ignore it, okay I promised I would tell you, and that time is now” Ryan said sternly. I nodded, unable to speak.

“Okay, where do I start, I guess my dad. My dad…he was an alcoholic, he used to abuse me and my mother when he was drunk, but the rare occasions when he was sober, he would be the best guy ever. He wouldn’t even remember what he did to us. When I was 11, he died, from alcohol poisoning, and a load of other stuff. I cried, I fucking cried for days over that bastard. I hated him so much, but I loved him, I mean he was my dad and everything” Ryan started. He sighed and looked away from a bit, then looked back into my eyes.

“My mother…at first she would just cry, she loved that dickhead more than anything, probably more then she loved me. She cried, and cried some more. Then after about a year of being depressed nonstop, she started taking it out on me. Apparently if I weren’t such a bad kid, he wouldn’t have drunk, and he wouldn’t have died. She started to hit me, and 5 years on its still my fault he died. Hence the big cuts and bruises, I want to stand up to her, but I'm scared I might accidently hit her, and that would make me fucking crazy. And on top of all that…I suffer from depression and have tablets for it.” He finished. My jaw dropped and I just sat there, completely over whelmed by this news. Ryan waved his hand in front of my eyes, making me snap out of my daze.

“Wow…Ry I’m so sorry” I said, pulling him into a hug. He sighed and hugged back.

“Its fine, I’m used to it all now” He said. I shook my head and look into his eyes, seeing pain.

“Nu uh, I’m not allowing this, you are moving out of that house and moving in with me” I said. Ryan’s eyes widened.

“No, I can’t do that Bren, I can’t just leave her” He shook his head and pulled away, but took my hands in his.

“Ryan, I will not let you be beat up like that! 5 fucking years Ryan, that’s 5 years too long” I said as if it was the final matter. Ryan sighed again and lay down; I lay next to him, wrapping my arms around his skinny frame.

“How are we going to do it?” Ryan whispered, I shrugged and look up at him.

“Easy, we go to yours, we pack your bag, we leave a note, we go” I said.

“It won’t be that easy”

“Shh, I like the easiness right now” I muttered, kissing his cheek. Ryan laughed.

“I love you Bren” He whispered.

“I love you too”


The next day, after getting washed and dressed, we headed over to Ryan’s house. Ryan’s shaking hand was in my own firm hand, and we were walking up his path.

“Bren I can’t let you go in there” Ryan whispered, I didn’t reply, just kept walking towards the door. Ryan hesitantly put his key in the door and unlocked it. We stepped in and Ryan shut the door behind him.

“So where is your mum, I’d like to speak to her to be honest” I said, appearing braver then I actually felt. Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Bren shut up; you are not speaking to her. I have the note, and my bags upstairs, then we can just leave…hopefully” Ryan said, taking us upstairs to his room. I only just realized I’d never seen his room before.
We stepped in and I smiled instantly. It was blue and black, and covered in posters of bands and singers. There were two guitars in the corner of the room. A Gibson SG and a Fender Strat. I rushed over and stroked the SG.

“Wow Ryan” I said, he shrugged.

“My mum brought them for me just after Dad died to keep my mind of things” He said, beginning to shove clothes in a suitcase. I nodded and went over to help him. We packed anything and everything we found in his room and I put the two guitars in their bags, they were defiantly coming with us.

“Have you got your tablets baby?” I asked him, he went into his bedside table and brought out a paper bag and shook it. It rattled.

“I have now” He said, putting them into one of his bags.

“Do you want all these posters; we can put them up in my room?” I suggested. Ryan shook his head.

“Nah, I’d rather they just stay here” He said, I nodded. Once we had filled the suitcase and an extra bag, we quietly pulled them and the guitars downstairs and into the kitchen. On the table there were two empty vodka bottles. Ryan raised his eyebrow at them, but left them there. He put the note on the table and stepped away.

“You okay?” I asked, wrapping him in my arms, he hugged back and nodded.

‘Well if you want honesty that’s all you had to say’ I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

“Shit shit shit” I mumbled, letting go of Ryan to grab my phone, quickly exiting the call. I looked at it to see Jon trying to ring me. I muttered under my breath about how he was a twat. Ryan was freaking out just as a thump was heard from upstairs. We stared at each other, and then quickly started grabbing the bags, pulling them to the door. But a figure on the stair case stopped us. I looked up at Ryan’s mother.

“Where do you think you are going?” She asked. Ryan gulped and looked at me, but I was looking at her, taking in her appearance. She wasn’t bad looking. She had a bit longer then shoulder length chocolate brown hair which hung in curls. She was slim, with curves in the right places and had honey eyes, just like Ryan’s just not as pretty. She was actually beautiful, what went wrong?

“I’m moving out mum” Ryan answered in a quiet voice, looking at his battered converse.

“Err I don’t think so George, you’re staying here. Who’s this, your boyfriend?” She sneered at me. I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah I’m his boyfriend actually. And he’s coming to live with me” I said boldly, his mum laughed and shook her head.

“Go home little boy, you’re not having my son in your Fag house” She said.

“Fag house? Oh how original. Look love, it’s been 5 years since your husband died. He was a twat to you, and to Ryan, instead of protecting Ryan after that you fucking start beating him, what’s up with that?” I shouted at her, she looked taken aback. She turned on Ryan and glared at him.

“I told you not to tell anyone” She snarled. Ryan shrugged.

“I’m fed up of it mum, I didn’t do anything to Dad, he died because he drank so much, I didn’t force him to drink! And right when I needed you the most you fucking turned into him!” He shouted at her. I was amazed; I didn’t think Ryan’s beautiful calm voice could go that loud.


“No mum, you need help. You always do this, try to sweet talk me then suddenly turn on me again. I don’t care anymore, I’m leaving with Brendon right now, and you can’t stop me” Ryan said, picking up his bag and turned to the door, I picked up the other, smiling.

“Ryan I can change, I know I can” She whimpered, making me role my eyes.

“Then do it, and call me when you do” He said, opening the door. I stepped out with him following after. He shut the door and turned to me. I smiled and opened my arms. He dropped his suitcase and jumped on me, wrapping his skinny legs around my waist and kissing me on the lips. I smiled and kissed back.

“I’m moving out” He sang to me, I laughed and nodded.

“Ya huh, you sir are moving to the fag house!” I laughed. Ryan laughed and jumped down, grabbing his suitcase again and lacing our fingers together. We walked off to my house.


“Ahh I forgot to phone Jon back” I muttered to myself, Ryan was in the extra room putting his clothes away. He would be sleeping with me in here, but if my mum and dad suddenly came back then they wouldn’t like the fact of two guys sharing a room with one bed.


“Hey Jon, what did you want earlier, you caused disaster mate”

“Oh shit sorry, what happened?”

“I was helping Ryan move out of his house, and well it’s not my place to say, ask Ryan later or something”

“Okay, anyways, yeah do you guys wanna go to park or something, we’re bored and there’s nothing to do”

“Yeah sure, Ryan’s just putting his stuff away then we will meet you there”

“Wait, Ryan’s moving in with you already, how come?

“Again, not my place to say”

“Okay dude, cya soon”

“Yeah cya”

I exited the call and went to join Ryan in the spare room. He was bent over, shoving shirts into a drawer. I went up behind him and went to smack his arse.

“Don’t even think about it Urie” I dropped on to the bed.

“I don’t know what you’re on about” I said sweetly.

“Ya huh, course you don’t, who were you speaking to just now?” He asked, straightening up and sorting his shirt out.

“Jon, he wants to meet up in the park soon” I said, Ryan nodded and closed the drawer with his foot.

“I’m done, let’s go” He said, heading downstairs. I shut the bedroom door and followed him. I grabbed my wallet off the side and slipped on my vans as Ryan put on his chucks.

“Is everyone there?” Ryan asked as we joined hands and walked down the road.

“I assume so, I didn’t really ask, so meh” We stopped off at a smoothie bar, ordering some smoothies.

“Ry, they are looking for someone” I stated. Ryan looked around.

“Who is?” I rolled my eyes.

“The smoothie bar, you said the other night you wanted a job” I said, Ryan smiled.

“Oh I get what you mean, wow, think I should go for it?” He asked, I nodded.

“Excuse me; has anyone applied for that job in the window?” Ryan asked the women behind the counter.

“Nope, do you want to apply?” She asked, Ryan nodded and she went off to get an application form.

“Okay, just put your name, address, contact number and all that” She explained.

“Okay thanks”

We went and sat down on a table whilst Ryan filled out the form.

“Me, serving Smoothies, how weird” Ryan laughed.

“Do I get discount coz you’re my boyfriend?” I asked. Ryan stroked my cheek and smiled sweetly at me.

“Fuck off” He said, getting up to give the form in. I gasped and pretended to cry, making people look at me weirdly. Ryan quickly grabbed me and ran out the shop laughing. Once outside he kissed me and entwined out hands together.

“I’m sorry baby, I love you really” He said.

“I know” I said, stopping crying. We laughed and headed for the park again.


“SUP GUYS” Gabe shouted, running towards us, in only shorts with Lilly on his shoulders.

“Hey Gabe, where is everyone?” I asked.

“By the lake, let’s go” He shouted, running off with Lilly screaming.

“They so want each other” Ryan stated as we walked towards the lake.

“Well, Gabe blatantly wants her, and I think she wants him, just hasn’t realized it yet” I said.

“Yeah, we need to get them together, they are the cutest couple ever” Ryan said, but I shook my head.

“We are the cutest couple ever” I corrected him; he laughed and nudged me as the others came into view.

“Get over here fags!” Diane shouted, we laughed and ran over to them. William and Emma were sitting next to the lake in each other’s arms. Spencer, Jon and Diane were taking photos together with Diane’s camera. Gabe and Lilly were still running around. We went and sat with them.

“So whatcha been up to?” Spencer asked, before posing for a picture. I shrugged.

“Ryan applied for a job” I said, Ryan blushed as everyone turned and laughed at him.

“Dude I need a job!” He protested.

“Nah I thinks it’s cool, I should get one. Where do you work?” Emma said, coming over to with us with William.

“Well if I get it, the Smoothie Bar” He said.

“Wow do we get discount on smoothies then?” William asked. I looked at Ryan and we burst out laughing.

“You lot are so alike, yeah if I’m feeling nice on the day you will get discount on smoothies” Ryan grinned.

“Yay!” Lilly squealed as Gabe dumped her into Jon’s lap.

“Oops sorry Jon” Gabe laughed, sitting down next to me.

“Guys, when you were laughing I took the cutest picture ever” Diane said, showing me and Ryan a picture on her camera. It was us two holding hands and laughing, looking into each other’s eyes. The sorta photo I would have usually found sick, but because it was Ryan, it was beautiful.

“Wow I want a copy of that” I grinned. Diane nodded and put down her camera.

“So what do you losers wanna do?” Lilly asked, pulling of her tank top.

“Oh baby you don’t know what that does to me” Gabe said, biting his lip in a sexy way. Lilly rolled her eyes and laughed.

“I don’t want to know either” She said, adjusting her bikini and lying on her stomach so her back can catch some sun rays.

“She wants me” Gabe shrugged. William put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look, causing us to burst out laughing.

“I can’t be fucked with school tomorrow” Emma moaned.

“You never can be” I said, she shrugged and grinned.

“We got music tomorrow though” Gabe grinned.

“The only good thing about school, oh and fucking around with you guys” Jon laughed. I nodded.

“True true”

A blue disk flew past us at that point, we all turned to watch it as it smacked straight into Gabe’s head.

“OW!” He shouted, rubbing his forehead vigorously. A boy ran up to us with a worried look on his face.

“Shit, sorry dude, I didn’t mean for it to come this way, I was playing with my dog” He said in a deep, mono-tonal but sexy voice. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a purple nightmare before Christmas shirt. His hair flicked over one eye and his whole image was completed with a cheeky grin.

“It’s okay, though I might need someone to kiss it better” Gabe said, hinting at Lilly. She rolled her eyes, but the boy suddenly jumped on Gabe, kissing him smack bang on the lips. We all watched in amazement (and the sexy-ness) of the two guys kissing. The boy crawled off him and stood up again, grinning. Gabe’s mouth was in a little O shape, and his eyes were slightly glassy.

“Dude, oh what, you didn’t mean me? Shit sorry” The boy laughed, stroking the dog that had just run up to him.

“Fucking hell” Gabe laughed, touching his lips. We all burst out laughing, especially Lilly.

“What’s your name?” Ryan asked for next to me. The boy turned to him and smiled.

“I’m Pete...Pete Wentz…and you guys?” He asked, sitting down with us, the dog obediently sitting down next to him.

“Well, I’m Ryan, that’s Brendon my boyfriend, Jon, Gabe, Lilly, William, Emma, Diane and Spencer” Ryan said, pointing to each person in turn.

We all greeted Pete politely and he joined us for the rest of the day, hanging out in the sun. He turned out to be an awesome person, into the right bands, completely into the scene; he had come from Chicago, Illinois. He played bass in a band over there but his parents made him move to Las Vegas. He was 2 years older than us and a College drop-out.

“I can tell we will all get on great” Emma winked to him in a friendly way; he grinned his cheeky smile and stroked his dog.


A few days later, Ryan got a letter through the post saying he had been hired at the Smoothie Hut and that he was to start work on Tuesday, after school, 4 till 8.

“Congrats baby” I grinned, kissing him. He laughed and kissed back.

“It’s not like I tried for months for this, all I did was write out some stuff” He said modestly. I shrugged.

“Yeah but I love you and that was just a good excuse to kiss you” I grinned. Ryan laughed and kissed me again. I smiled and pulled a Misfits shirt on over my head, then headed downstairs to get some breakfast before school.

“Babe do you want Poptarts?” I called up the stairs.

“Sure sure” He called back. I put four Poptarts into the toaster, making Ryan a mug of coffee and getting a Red bull out the fridge for myself.

“Can I use that to take my pills please?” Ryan asked, coming into the kitchen. I cracked it open and passed it to him.

“Of course” I smiled. He smiled and took it, popping the pills in his mouth and taking a gulp to swallow them. I went up to him and put my arms around him.

“Are you okay?” I asked. He looked at me with curiosity.

“Of course I am…why?” He asked worried. I rested my forehead on his and shrugged.

“Well…you told me you take tablets for depression…I never really noticed that bit because I was worried about you being hit. And I want to make sure you’re okay, I don’t want you to be depressed. Hell I don’t even want you unhappy. So from now on, it is my duty to make you un-depressed” I told him. Ryan smiled weakly at me as the toaster popped.

“Babe, depression doesn’t just go like that…it stays with you for a while, I’m really happy right now, because I have everything I want at the moment. But depression is lurking, and it can attack at any point. And I promise to tell you when it attacks…okay?” He grinned. I nodded and kissed him.

“Okay, I just worry about you” I said, pulling away from him and grabbing the Poptarts out of the toaster, passing him two as he drank from his mug.

“Mmm…I know Bren, and I like that you worry, but there’s nothing wrong right now okay?” He said, I nodded and took a bite out of a Poptart.

We finished up and got our school bags, locking the door behind us. We laced our fingers together and walked to the corner where we met Emma and Diane. This would be the first time in school where we show we are a couple. To be quite honest, I was a little scared. But then I remembered that I didn’t give a shit what people think, and I was in love, so it really didn’t matter.

“Hey fags” Emma called. We laughed and waved. Diane hugged us and we all carried on walking to school talking about anything that came to mind.

“I got my job” Ryan squealed. Diane grinned and congratulated him.

“Free Smoothies, fuck yeeeeeah!” Emma shouted, running into the school gates. Diane laughed and ran after her, but Ryan and I stayed walking. We had to walk right through the school, to show that we were a couple.

“Oh my god…are they..?”

“I think they are”

“That’s so cute”

“Fucking fag arses”

“But they are both hot, it’s so unfair”

“Who cares?”

“Eww, that is fucking disgusting”

“Someone pass me a bucket”

“Damn, that must be one sexy make out session”

That was some of the remarks that me and Ryan got today. Obviously not to our faces, but whispers that were really too loud to actually be whispers. It made us happy that lots of people thought it was cute and were happy for us. It made us laugh that a lot of people also thought we were disgusting and sick. Whenever we walked past someone, and they pretended to be sick, we would make out and burst out laughing in front of them as they ran away.

“Okay class sit down” Mr. Vinal said as he entered our Music class. We sat in our seats, Ryan still sat in front of me, but this time I could safely look at his arse, seeing as he was my boyfriend.

“Okay…today we are starting a new project, which will take us right up to the summer holidays. It’s called ‘Rock Band’ but really it’s any type of music group. But it cannot be solo” He said, standing in front of the class, smiling. I looked over at Jon and grinned. This was gunna be awesome.

“Basically, I want you to all get into group of 3-5, pick your parts in the band, and write your own things. This is just for a bit of fun and for a taste of the music industry. I will pick the winner, and when I do, there is a little surprise. So go, get in group” Mr. Vinal grinned. A murmur of excitement broke out through the class. I looked at Jon and nodded. He came over to me and Ryan, quickly joined by Spencer.

“Band?” I asked.

“Fuck yeah!” Spencer laughed. I looked around the class as people made their groups. William and Gabe split up, William going into a group with 4 other dudes who were pretty cool, Adam, Michael, Mike and Andy who people liked to call The Butcher. And Gabe went into a group with 4 others in our class, Victoria, Ryland, Alex and Nate. I looked behind me, to the girls. They were obviously in a group together, but they brought over Gina to be their bassist. They were one fucking hot band.

“Okay, is everyone done? Anyone who hasn’t got a band come to the front” Mr. Vinal called over the noise. Everyone thankfully had a band so it was okay.

“I’d like you to come tell me your band members and your parts in the band, then you can spend the rest of your lessons planning everything. You will need band practices. You will need to write up your own songs! Covers are certainly allowed, but there’s more chance of you winning with your own material” He said, grinning again.

“What’s the prize?” Lilly asked.

“Well...I’m thinking, if I can get it sorted out, that the winner will get to record their song professionally” He answered. An excited babble went over the classroom.

“Okay, Jon, come up here with your band” We got out of our seats and went up to Sir.

“Band members and their parts?”

“Jon Walker – Bass. Spencer Smith – Drums. Ryan Ross – Guitar and backing vocals if needed. Brendon Urie – Vocals…and possibly piano also if needed” Jon told the teacher. He nodded, wrote it down, and then smiled up at us.

“I can see special talent coming from this band” He grinned. We smiled and sat back down.

“Emma, your band please” They went up.

“Emma Thompson – Guitar and backing vocals. Diane Langley – Vocals and Piano. Gina Lambert – Bass. Lilly Swann - Drums.” Emma told him.

“Just like the guys over there, very similar bands…I’m looking forward to see who wins between you two” Mr. Vinal smirked. I looked at Emma and grinned. She winked and walked back to her seat.

“Okay Gabe…”


“Man, music is gunna fucking rock from now on!” Spencer shouted as we walked home.

“Even more than it already does” Diane added.

“Have you guys ever played in a band before?” Ryan asked from next to me.

“Well, we’ve been thinking about it for a while, and now is the perfect chance to be honest” Jon grinned.

“Yup, same with us. And Gina is a pretty kick ass bassist, so I have a feeling we’re gunna beat yoooou” Lilly sung, I burst out laughing.

“Have you seen our bassist, he’s the fucking Bee’s Knee’s man.” I said.

“The cat’s pyjamas!” Spencer added. We grinned at each other.

“Yeah sure sure, haha, cya tomorrow” She smiled, walking off with Spencer and Jon.

“Cya” We called back, and carried on walking home.

Ryan and I walked into my…well our house and dumped our bags. We sat together on the sofa and switched the TV on, not really paying attention to it.

“This band thing is gunna be awesome” I said, playing with Ryan’s fingers. Ryan laughed lightly and nodded.

“I’ve never heard you sing, just do backups and stuff, can I hear you?” He asked, I blushed and shook my head. Ryan pouted but I still shook my head.

“Way to embarrassing, I don’t even reckon I’m as good as Spence and Jon make out I am, but oh well, I guess you will hear me soon enough” I shrugged; Ryan grinned and leant on my shoulder as we watched some movie. About 15 minutes later, the doorbell rang; Ryan got up to go answer it and came back with the whole gang, including Pete.

“Look what the cat dragged in” I said to them, they grinned and jumped onto the sofas.

“What are we watching then?” William asked, wrapping his arms around Emma’s waist.

“Err, Stardust…?” I said, checking it.

“I love this film” Pete said from where he was standing, we all looked at him and laughed. He grinned like a kid.

“What?! It’s good!” Pete defended himself as we pissed ourselves laughing.

“Pete come sit down” Ryan grinned, patting the spot next to him; Pete smiled and crossed the room to sit next to him. We settled in to watch the movie, which actually turned out to be pretty good.

“I told you!” Pete laughed.

“What do you losers wanna eat? I can’t be arsed to cook for you, so I'm gunna order” I told them.

“Eeeee, erm, I want pizza” Emma said.

“Chinese” Diane said.



“Okay, I don’t think we’re gunna agree on one thing, so why don’t you just order food from all different places?” Ryan suggested, I nodded.

“Good idea, you bitches are so fussy, you best have some fucking money” I laughed, dialling the number of a Chinese take away place.


I walked up to the counter and leant on it, cupping my head in my right hand, ringing the little desk bell once for someone’s attention. A head bopped up from bellow.

“Can I help-hey babe what are you doing here?” Ryan grinned. I checked him out, my eyes sweeping from his eyes down to his shoes and back again. He grinned at me and shook his head.

“I swear you’ve seen me in my uniform before?” Ryan asked, sorting out a smoothie another customer had ordered.

“Nope I haven’t, may I add that you look fiiiiiine in it though?” I smirked, Ryan grinned at me whilst walking past.

“You may” He answered before setting the smoothie down at a chocolate brown haired girls table.

“Enjoy” He smiled, before walking behind the counter.

“What time do you get out of here?” I asked, standing up properly. Ryan checked his wrist watch, then checked the shops clock to make sure they were the same.

“Around 7ish, so about half an hour’s times, why?” He asked whilst wiping the surface. I tapped the side of my nose and grinned.

“Wait and see, I’ll pick you up at 7 then” I called over my shoulder as I began to walk out the shop.

“Why are you picking me up?!” Ryan shouted quietly, as to not distract the customers. I grinned at him and waved.

“Love you babe” I called, then closed the door, hopping into Spencer’s car I borrowed. I drove to our favourite park. It wasn’t the closest one, which might have been easier, but this one was a nicer place to be. I parked in the street and went into the backseat where a basket and a blanket were. I smiled whilst pulling them out, locking up the car and walking over to the ponds edge. The grass was a beautiful green colour, there weren’t any dry patches or muddy bits, it was perfect grass. I looked around. The park was pretty much empty thank god.

I dumped the basket on the floor then got to my knees beside it. I flipped the blanket making it unravel and lay it across the grass so it was in a square shape. I then opened the basket and pulled out some bowels and tea light candles. I filled the bowels with water from the bottle I brought and placed the tea light candles in the water so they floated. I did four to each bowel, and put four bowels, one on each corner of the blanket. I next lay out the food, still covered with trays and plastic. Jon was going to light the candles and unwrap the food when I left to pick up Ryan. I stood up and admired my work.

It was beautiful, if I did say so myself, but I didn’t have much time to enjoy the view, I had to pick up Ryan. I pulled out my phone and rung Jon.

“Dude I’m about to go pick up Ryan, be quick down here please, we’ll be back here in 15 minutes” I said quickly, Jon quickly assured me he would be quick, and hung up the phone. I pocketed mine and ran back to Spencer’s car, jumping in (literally, god I love convertibles) and driving towards Ryan’s work. I really really hoped no one fucked up the picnic.

The sun was slowly going down now, just how I wanted it to. The candles would look much better in this lighting, making it more romantic.

I parked just outside the shop. Ryan was standing there, looking cute and innocent in his little button up coat and black skinnies. His hair was a little ruffled from the very slight breeze blowing around.

“How much for the night sexy?” I shouted, beeping the horn. Ryan jumped a little and grinned.

“For you baby, it’s free” He laughed, jumping into the car. I winked at him and revved the engine, driving off and round the corner.

“So where are we going, must be somewhere special if Spence let you borrow his car” Ryan smiled at me, taking my hand from the steering wheel and into his own. I looked at him quickly, smiled, and then put my eyes back to the road.

“It is special, but it’s also a surprise, please don’t ruin it by making me tell you babe” I whined, Ryan stroked the back of my hand.

“I’ll keep shtum” He promised, pretending to zip up his mouth and throw away the key. I looked to see if there was any traffic coming before reaching over to kiss his lips quickly. He smiled but didn’t say anything else for the rest of the journey, just kept running his thumb up and down the back of my hand which was very relaxing.

I drove to the park, just in time to see Jon drive quickly around the corner. Ryan obviously didn’t see him otherwise he would have asked questions.

“The park?” Ryan asked, looking around. I laughed and turned the engine off.

“Don’t look so sceptical Ry” I said. He grinned at me and jumped out the car. I went out the old fashion way, through the door, and locked the car up. He waited for me, holding out his hand, but I ignored it, going behind his back instead. He went to turn around but I covered his eyes.


“I told you, it’s a surprise, just walk” I grinned. Ryan started walking; I took one hand off of his eyes, pushing my other hand further across his eyes to cover them both. I placed the hand I had removed onto his waist and steered him into the right direction.

“This way gorgeous” I said. Ryan laughed and carried on walking. We eventually reached the picnic, I gasped myself when I saw it all lit up and with the food laid out.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked, worry etched in his tone.

“Nothing just…happy two month anniversary baby” I said, removing my hand from Ryan’s eyes and taking his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. He blinked a few times and looked down at the picnic. He jaw dropped and his eyes sparkled with tears. I gasped again and wrapped my arms around him.

“I didn’t mean to offend you so much” I laughed slightly, I felt Ryan shake his head and sniff.

“Bren, it’s beautiful, I can’t believe you done this for me, I didn’t even get you anything, you said you didn’t want any gifts, you didn’t even want a card!” Ryan complained. I pulled away and looked into his honey eyes, the eyes I fell in love with. I stroked along his cheekbone softly.

“Shut the hell up fag ass” I laughed before placing my lips on his and kissing him. It was a small, sweet kiss, only lasting 4 seconds, but every second kissing Ryan was treasured. I pulled away and smiled at him, resting my head on his.

“Come on” I said, pulling him over to the blanket, stepping over the candles and sitting in the centre of it.

“I still can’t believe it” Ryan smiled, eyes starting to water again. I reached over and gave him a kiss.

“Don’t cry baby” I said, nuzzling my nose against his. He smiled and kissed me again before pulling a box of strawberries towards him.

“Omnomnom” He grinned before biting into one. I smiled and started eating a sprinkled donut. We gradually ate our way through the food, and then Ryan spotted something at the bottom of the pile of food. A big arse bag of skittles, the biggest bag I could find. I grinned as his eyes sparkled with excitement this time. I pushed the other food out the way and lay down on my back, pulling Ryan down on top of me. He smiled and rested his head on my chest, ripping open the bag of skittles and throwing a few into his mouth.

“Bren…” Ryan started, chewing thoughtfully.


“Why did you go to all this trouble when it’s only our two month anniversary?” He asked, I smiled and stroked his soft brown hair.

“Because every day spent with you is special, but I can’t celebrate every day as cool as that would be, so I'm doing it every month instead. Wait till we get to one year” I laughed. Ryan laughed and I could feel it ripple through me. I sighed contently.

“I love you Bren” Ryan smiled, looking up at me. I looked at him and smiled.

“I love you so much Ryan, I know this is all a bit cliché, but you’ve really made me the happiest person on this world” I confessed. Ryan put down the bag of skittles and crawled up my chest to reach my lips. We started making out, but not in a sexual way at all, in a sweet loving way. It continued like that for mostly the rest of the evening, the sun had fully set and it was nearing pitch black. I looked at Ryan’s watch where his arm was spread over my body, I had a feeling he was asleep, but I don’t know. It was half 9 at night, and thankfully we hadn’t been interrupted yet.

“Babe…are you awake?” I asked him. He nodded slightly and looked up to smile at me; his hair was in tuffs where he had been lying on me.

“You’re so cute Ry” I smiled, almost crying at his beauty. He laughed softly and kissed me again. He turned on his back, looking up at the stars, still with his arm wrapped over me.

“The stars are so pretty” He mumbled. I agreed with him and he nestled into the crook of my neck.

“I wish we could stay like this forever” I whispered.

“Same, this is perfection” Ryan said.

“You’re perfection” I said, kissing the top of his head.

It got too about half 10 before we decided to pack up and go home to sleep. Or more like I packed up and drove us both home, seeing as Ryan was almost passed out bless him.
I put the roof up over the car when we got home, leaving the basket inside, not bothering to take it in. I picked Ryan up and carried him inside the house, kicking the door shut with my foot. I went upstairs with him, laying him in our bed and taking all his clothes off except his boxers. I then stripped down to my own and climbed into bed with him.

“Bren?” He mumbled cutely. I smiled and kissed his forehead.

“Go back to sleep beautiful” I whispered, he nodded and curled into me. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling the duvet over us and snuggling in for the night.


The next morning we woke up to screaming, and a lot of it.

“BRENDON BOYD URIE. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” I heard a familiar voice shout at me. I stretched a little and tried to open my eyes completely to see who it was. I pulled my arm away from Ryan’s stirring body to rub my eyes. When I could see clearly I gasped and pushed myself away from Ryan.

“Baby?” Ryan mumbled, opening his eyes and turning around to look at me, but seeing someone standing in the door way. He self consciously pulled the duvet up over his body and looked at me again.

“Erm, hey mum, dad” I mumbled. Mum was glaring at me, and Dad looked like he was going to be sick.

“Well? What is this?” She spat, motioning to Ryan in my bed. I gulped and looked at Ryan, then back at my disgusted parents.

“He…this is Ryan, my boyfriend…I’m gay” I admitted to them, there was no point trying to deny anything, they could see it clearly. Dad kicked the wall and stormed off. Mums eyes widened a considerable amount and she looked between us to.

“That’s…eurgh Brendon, that’s disgusting” She said, pretending, or maybe not pretending to heave. I glared at her.

“Shut the fuck up” I said defensively, crawling over to Ryan and putting my arms around him as he looked like he was about to burst out crying.

“We leave you here for a month and this happens?!” She said, shaking her head.

“A MONTH!? I don’t know how many fucking days are in your months! I’ve been left here on my own for fucking ages, then you come home at fucking last and scream at me because I’m not straight, that’s fucked up” I shouted at her. She looked taken aback, but her glare soon came back to her face.

“Don’t ever talk to me like that again, do you hear me? I will not tolerate homosexuals under my roof”

“You’re hardly here, what does it matter?!” I complained. She pointed a finger at Ryan, who coward away from it, into my chest.

“And what the fuck is he doing here? Do you just let anyone live in my house these days?” She shouted.

“No he isn’t just anything, I’m in love with this boy and I really couldn’t care less what a fucking homophobic dickhead like you thinks” I glared at her. She came across the room quickly and slapped her hand across my face.

“I want you out of my house. And don’t bother coming back until you’re normal. You have an hour before I call the cops, you fucking gay shits” She said, looking at both of us then backing out the room, slamming the door shut. I took a deep breath and turned to Ryan.

“Well, that was pleasant” I grinned. Ryan looked at me in disbelief and shook his head, getting up to find his clothes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him, standing up to wrap my arms around his skinny frame. He turned around and looked into my eyes. A slight frown on his face.

“Are you serious Bren? We just got kicked out, we have nowhere to go! It seems like everyone has a problem with us right now” He sighed, coming out of my arms again to put on his jeans. But again I put my arms around him.

“Ryan, calm down baby, we’ll sort this out. I’m going to phone Spence right now and ask if we can stay at his, his house is pretty big. And what do you mean everyone has a problem with us? It’s just our parents, and what do they matter?” I said, kissing his forehead.

“What if she doesn’t want us there?” Ryan mumbled into my chest, I stroked his hair softly.

“Then we ask Emma, one of our friends will have room for us, don’t worry about it. This is a big fuck you to everyone who doesn’t think we’re right together” I said. He looked up at me smiling.

“I love you Bren”

“I love you too, but we need to get packed, we have 55 minutes now” I laughed, Ryan rushed out of the room and into his room to pack all his belongings. While I started to pack mine, I phoned Spencer. He picked up after 3 rings.

“What’s up?”

“Hey Spence, I need a huge favour.”


“Well the ‘rents came home, saw us sleeping in the same bed, kicked us out, we have nowhere to go”

“Holy shit, wanna stay here?”

“Is that okay? Would your mum be cool with it?”

“Sure sure, I’ll go tell her now, she loves you guys more than me haha”

“Thanks so much Spence, we’ll be over in like an hour or so”

“Okay I’ll set up a room for you”


I ended the call with a sigh of relief and carried on with packing my things. I was gunna leave all the posters up. Too many posters, too little time.
Ryan came in, dragging his suitcase, bag and guitar case just as I was putting my own guitar in its case.

“Nearly done?” He asked, sitting down on our bed.

“Ya huh. I’m gunna miss it being just us two, but Spence said we could stay there” I said, fastening the clasps. Ryan’s face lit up.

“That’s awesome; I still can’t believe were getting chucked out though. I could understand me, but you’re their son” Ryan said.

“Yeah but it’s the same with your mum in a way, she couldn’t accept us, but then again you moved out because you wanted to” I shrugged. Ryan shrugged also and stood up.

“Right, let’s go” I said, heaving my guitar over one shoulder, my bag over the other and carrying my suitcase. We walked out the bedroom and down the stairs. Mum and dad were sitting in the living room, watching us. We stood in the door way and smiled.

“Cya” I said, they looked at us suspiciously.

“Why are you so happy, we just kicked you out?!” Mum glared, Dad fidgeted.

“Well no, you kicked us out, dad didn’t say anything. And we’re happy because Spencer said we could live with him, his mum loves us” I said cheerfully, Ryan giggled. Mum looked between us, ready to burst with anger. We walked to the front door and carried our things out to Spencer’s car which I still had. We shoved everything in the back seats and climbed into the front. Mum was standing at the door with her arms crossed. I started up the engine, and just as I was about to drive off, Ryan turned and shouted at mum.

“WE MADE LOVE IN YOUR BED” I burst out laughing at the look on mums face and quickly pulled away, driving fast down the road.

“Glad I got that off my chest” Ryan said, pushing in his seat belt. I laughed and laced my fingers with his.


I pulled into Spencer’s road and parked outside his house. He was lying on the grass with Diane, soaking up the sun.

“Hey bitches” I called. They both looked up and grinned.

“Sup” Diane shouted, putting her sun glasses on her head. We got out the car and grabbed our things. Spencer came over to help.

“So mummy Urie kicked you out” Diane said as we carried our things into the house.

“Looks like it, but Ryan gave her a nice leaving present” I grinned.

“What did you do?” She asked Ryan as we climbed up the stairs.

“I told her me and Bren fucked in her bed” He laughed. Spencer and Diane laughed at this and shook their heads.

“You crazy bitches”

“Okay here’s your room, I hope it’s okay. Just like, unpack or whatever. We’ll be outside; everyone’s coming round in a sec.” Spencer said.

“Okay, thanks so much Spence” Ryan grinned.

“No problem” He replied before taking Diane’s hand and running back downstairs with her. We went in the room and dumped our stuff.

“Wow, this room is huge, I was expecting to be treated like this” Ryan said, looking around.

“Well that’s Spencer’s mum for you” I smiled, wrapping my arms around his waist, kissing his hair softly.


When we finished unpacking we decided to go downstairs to the others. We bumped into Mrs. Smith on the way out the door.

“Oh, hello boys, I hope you’ve settled in fine?” She asked, giving us each a hug.

“Yes thank you Mrs. Smith. And thank you so much for giving us a place to stay” Ryan grinned, putting his arm around my waist. She smiled warmly at us and clasped her hands together.

“Of course! I would never have allowed you to have nowhere to go, you are always welcome here. Especially if you have been kicked out for something as silly as being in love!” Mrs. Smith tutted, she gave us a smile then walked back into the living room. We smiled back and opened the front door, closing it behind us. Everyone was out on the front lawn, enjoying the weather.

“Hey guys” I grinned.

“Heeeey!” Emma squealed from Williams lap. I grinned and sat down, pulling Ryan next to me, I saw Pete grin at him, and Ryan smile back. I'm glad they have made a good friendship, it's nice knowing there is another person around to care for Ryan, just in case. He is my first priority. Obviously all the group would look after him but...okay I'm babbling.

“So what happened man?” Gabe asked. Ryan sighed.

“You can explain, I can’t be bothered” He said. I laughed and shook my head.

“Well basically Ryan and I were in bed, not doing anything, just sleeping and we happened to be shirtless, I mean most guys sleep shirtless right? Mum and Dad walked in, obviously they came home which I really did not expect would happen, Dad kinda just stood there and Mum FLIPPED. It was stupid; she was being really retarded and then kicked us out. I just wish dad would have said something at least. But yeah, so I phoned Spence and here we are now!” I explained.

“Whoa, dickhead much” Emma said.

“Yeah, sorry Bren, I know she’s your mum and stuff, but what a hoe!” William said. I shook my head.

“No need to apologize Bilvy, she’s defiantly a hoe haha”

“If it weren’t for Spence I don't know where we would be at the moment” Ryan grinned. Everyone laughed, leaving Ryan confused.

“Oh Ryro, you don't seriously think we would of left you two without a home do you? We’d probably still be sitting here, your stuff just would have been at my house” Emma laughed.

“I told him that” I said smugly. Ryan punched my arm softly and smiled up at me. I kissed his forehead.

“Oh eww, gay” Diane said. We laughed at this and everyone relaxed a lot more, once the gay jokes came out it was a much more normal atmosphere.

“You’re quiet today Pete” William smiled, Pete’s eyes, which were on Ryan, snapped up to William and sparkled as he smiled.

“Haha sorry, I don't want to say anything that might make you not like me, I like this group a lot” He grinned. Gabe shoved him.

“Stop being a pussy, of course we’re going to like you, you’re awesome” He laughed, Pete grinned his cheeky smile and straightened his legs out in front of him, getting more comfortable. We all really wanted him to settle in, he really was a cool guy and having another member of the group was awesome.

“It’s only 1 o’clock, what should we do for the rest of the day?” Jon asked, stretching his arms and resting his left elbow on Lilly’s shoulder, making her squirm and laugh. Gabe smiled as he watched her wriggling around. I looked at Ryan and he was looking at Gabe as well, he looked up at me and grinned, nodding his head toward Gabe. I nodded my own head and laughed.

“Well at 2 I'm going over to Adams to get a start on the band thing for music” William said, Gabe looked up and nodded.

“I'm going to Victoria’s with everyone to practise as well” He said, I felt funny inside.

“Guys, you don't think this band thing will split our group up will it?” I asked. There was silence while everyone thought, then everyone except Pete jumped on me, virtually raping me.

“Don't be stupid Bren, of course it’s not!” Spencer laughed. I smiled and nodded, content.

“Well we might as well work on our band as well” Ryan suggested. The guys nodded.

“Well what are we going to do?” Diane asked.

“Yeah, we’re gunna be bored if you lot are doing your bands.” Emma agreed.

“Dude, you have your own band, how about working on it as well?” Gabe laughed.

“Oh yeah, I suppose we could. Well I'm going to phone Gina and get her to come here, then we can help each other’s bands out” Diane said to Spencer.

“Okay babe” Spencer said, kissing her cheek.

An hour and a half later, Emma, Lilly, Gina, Diane, Pete, Spencer, Jon, Ryan and I had all squeezed into Spencer’s basement where Spencer kept his instruments (mainly because it was the best place for his drums). Spencer was always into bands so he had a few microphones, guitars and bass’ of his own. Ryan preferred using his own guitar though so ran upstairs to our new room and got his Strat out. We all plugged in and tested our instruments, tuning where needed. I did a few vocal warm-ups.

“Guys...” Ryan said.

“Yeah?” Jon asked whilst tuning a string.

“JON IS TUNING HIS G-STRING” Ryan shouted, bursting out laughing. Everyone looked at Jon and started laughing as well.

“Oh ha-ha guys, like I haven’t heard that before!” Jon said, laughing despite himself.

“No but seriously, we have nothing to play” Ryan giggled. We stopped laughing.

“Oh shit, I forgot about that haha” I laughed.

“Well, what does everyone know?” Gina asked us. We all looked at each other whilst thinking.

“Do you know Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses?” Ryan asked us, I nodded, of course I did.

“Yeah roughly, I’ll pick it up though” Jon said.

“No, but I’ll easily make a beat for it at the moment” Spencer said. We all nodded.

“Okay, be right back ill go get my guitar, Ryan you’re taking lead right?” I asked. He nodded and started tuning up for the guitar part. I ran up the basement stairs, past Spencer’s mum and up the proper stairs, into our room, picked up my guitar case, ran out the room, back down the stairs, past Spencer’s mum again who laughed, back down the basement stairs and into the basement.

“That was quick Bren” Emma laughed.

“I ran all the way” I laughed, grabbing a bottle of water that was on the table and downed half of it. I put it back on the table then took my guitar out, plugging it into the amp and tuning up.

“Okay, let’s just go for it and hope it sounds good” Jon laughed.

“Wooooo go you guys!” The girls and Pete cheered. We laughed and Ryan started playing. We all joined in where we were supposed to and so far things were running smoothly. I cleared my throat quickly and started singing. I heard Ryan’s guitar glitch slightly and smugness flooded through me.

We managed to get all the way through it, with an absolute killer solo from Ryan. I was so proud of him, he’s an epic guitarist.

“That was awesome guys, we defiantly have some competition” Diane clapped.

“Pssh” Emma laughed. We put down our instruments and swapped positions with the girls.

“Show us what you’ve got then girls” Spencer grinned. We sat down on the sofa, Ryan next to Pete, me next to Ryan and Spencer and Jon on either arms of the sofa.

Emma picked up Ryan’s guitar, Gina picked up the bass, Lilly got behind the drums and Diane took the microphone off the stand.

“Right, what are we playing?” Lilly asked, taking a gulp of water. I put my hand on Ryan’s leg as the girls discussed. He smiled at me and laced our fingers together.

“Do you think they have anything on us?” Jon whispered to us.

“Pssh, no. Anyway we’ll ask Pete later who he thinks is better” I laughed.

“What if I lie?” Pete grinned.

“I’ll rape you”

“Is that a threat or a promise” He asked.

“Whatever you want it to be” I smirked.

“Excuse me” Ryan laughed, tightening his hold on my hand.

“I love yoooou” I sung to him.

“As you should” He said, kissing me.

“Once you guys have stopped gaying it up, we’re gunna play The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance” Diane smiled. We all nodded, I gave Ryan a quick kiss before they started playing.

Emma came in with the guitar and they all kicked off. Admittedly they were awesome, of course they were. And they were all hot so that's a bonus. I could hear Ryan quietly singing to himself, he had quite a love for My Chem. They got all the way through without making mistakes, which is odd for the first time...

“Wait, you can’t be that good for first time you’ve played together” I said when they had finished. They all grinned.

“You’ve played before!” Ryan accused.

“Of course we have, we want to win, we’re not gunna leave it until late minute, we’ve practised like 3 times already” Gina laughed putting down her bass.

“Oh you’re sneaky” Jon grinned at her. She shrugged and winked at him.

“Well Pete, who do you think was better?” Spencer asked. Pete’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god, on the spot much?! Both bands were awesome!” He laughed.

“Okay okay, who do you think is most likely to win? You’ve been in a band before, you know the deal with it all” Diane asked. He pondered for a moment.

“Well, the girls were seriously really good, and you’re all totally hot, even though it’s about the music, but the guys had that killer solo and even though they gotta write their own things, I think they really have a knack for the whole band thing” Pete explained. We all nodded taking this in.

“Any advice for us?” I asked.

“Well, for more chance of winning you have to write your own material right? Well I’d say start writing it quite early, because it isn’t as easy as you want it to be. Don't bother covering bands for practise, go straight into writing your own shit” Pete said.

“Okay, who’s any good at writing lyrics?” Spencer asked us guys. I shook my head and so did Jon.

“I'm alright I guess” Ryan said, shrugging.

“Okay, well we will help each other out, but Ryan you’re main lyricist.” Spencer said, Ryan nodded and smiled. I squeezed his hand softly and kissed it.

“How about us?” Diane asked the girls.

“Err, I suck at lyrics personally, I just like hitting drums haha” Lilly grinned.

“Right on” Spencer said, high fiving her.

“Well I’m alright” Gina said. Emma nodded.

“Yeah I could give it a go” She said.

“And I'm alright as well, so basically we will all work together to write lyrics, Lilly you can just help when you feel you can” Diane laughed, Lilly grinned and nodded.

“Wow, this was such an awesome idea for music to do,” I said, “Look how focused we are on it!”

“They probably knew we would enjoy taking matters into our own hands and even though it’s quite a challenge, it’s different and fun” Ryan said.

“Yeeeeah. I love music” Jon grinned.

“Don't we all” Emma laughed.

“Wow, sorry Pete we’re talking about school, we’re leaving you out like a bitch” Lilly said. Pete smiled and shook his head.

“I don't mind at all, this is important, I just like helping where I can” He said.

“Awesome, just tell us if you feel left out at all or if you get bored of us” Lilly smiled.

“Haha will do” He smirked.

3 hours of writing lyrics and practising later, Gabe and William walked through the basement door.
“Hey guys, how’s practise going?” Gabe smiled, sitting down next to Lilly and putting his arm around her, which she shrugged off with a smirk.

“Really good actually” I smiled, looking at the guys.

“Yeah we got some lyrics going at the moment” Jon said gesturing to Ryan who was sitting in the corner, pencil to paper. Gabe walked over to him and sat down whilst Spencer Jon and I jammed a little.

“Hey Gabey baby” Ryan said, using his pet name for Gabe.

“Sup, how are the lyrics going?” Gabe asked.

“They’re alright actually, I'm better at this then I thought” Ryan laughed. Gabe grinned and held out his hand.

“Let’s have a look then”

“They aren’t finished, but here you go” Ryan said, passing Gabe the sheet he was working on.

Watch your mouth, oh oh oh because your speech is slurred enough,
that you just might swallow your tongue,
I’m sure you’d want, want to give up the ghost with just a little more poise then that.

Or was it God who chokes in these situations, running late?
No, no he called in
Or was it God who chokes in these situations
No, no he called in

The hospice is a relaxing get away-

“Ryan...these are really good, and I mean REALLY good.” Gabe said, handing the sheet back.

“Thanks, for the next line I'm thinking of something like ‘where you’re a cut above all the rest, sick and sad patients on first name basis with all the top physicians’” Ryan said, beginning to write that down.

“Ry...who are these lyrics about?” Gabe asked. Ryan looked up at him, a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“My dad” Ryan said bluntly. Gabe nodded and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Keep at it Ryro, they’re awesome” He said before standing up and coming back over to us.

“Is Ryan alright?” I asked him. Gabe smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I didn’t realise he was such a good lyricist man” Gabe said. I nodded.

“Me neither, but ya know. Some people are naturals I guess” I said.

“Yeah” Gabe agreed.

“So how did your band go?” I asked whilst putting Ryan’s guitar away for him, we were calling it a day. Gabe shrugged as he helped put the microphones away.

“It was good, it’s kinda weird not hanging with you guys like every moment of the day, but it was fun and we’re quite good if I say so myself. We have a keytarist man, and she’s hot!” Gabe laughed. I grinned and zipped up Ryan’s case.
“Not as hot as Lilly though?” I asked him.

“Oh of course not, no one is as hot as Lilly. She wants me, she just doesn’t realise it” Gabe sighed. I put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Dude, just go tell her how you feel, it’s worth a shot” I suggested. Gabe smiled and looked up at me. Well I say look up but he’s about 3 inches taller than me.

“I show her every day, she doesn’t care” He said.

“Yeah because you kinda make it look like a joke Gabe. You’re all flirty and funny, but have you ever actually been serious about the way you feel about her?” I asked him. He was silent. Haha I was on top of things here.

“No I haven’t” He finally said. I smiled and shoved him slightly.

“Go for” I said. Gabe grinned and slapped his cheeks a bit.

“Okay, Gabey Baby is in action” He smirked, spun round and walked up to Lilly. She looked at him and smiled.

“Alright Gabe?” She asked.

“Hey, Lils can I talk to you please, like, upstairs or something?” He asked, not sounding as confidant as when he was talking to me. Emma nudged her softly.

“Yeah sure” She said, getting off the sofa and following Gabe up the stairs. I walked over to Emma and sat down.

“What’s Gabe doing?” Emma asked suspiciously. I smiled and leant in closer to whisper in her ear.

“He’s telling Lilly how he feels about her.” I said. Emma gasped a little.

“Really? Like he’s actually going to be serious with her for once?” Emma asked. I nodded and grinned.

“I just said that to him, that he was never serious with her.”

“Yeah me and Lilly were talking about it the other day. She doesn’t want anyone knowing, but she reeeeally likes Gabe. And she loves how he is, all the flirty fun stuff. But if she was ever to go out with him, she wanted him to be serious for at least 5 minutes, just to make sure he can be serious about something” Emma smiled. It was my time to gasp now.

“She likes him?!”


“Oh my god, this is so good. They’ve just gone upstairs, they’re both being serious. Oh my god, our little Lilly and Gabey!” I cooed.

“What about Lilly and Gabe?” Jon asked. Emma and I looked at each other.

“What do you mean?” I asked slowly.

“I just heard you two talk about them, what’s happening with them?” He asked. Emma shrugged.

“Well Gabe likes Lilly and Lilly likes Gabe but she just wanted him to be serious about her for once and Brendon just told me Gabe plans to be serious with her and they’ve just gone upstairs and oh my god I'm so happy!” Emma said, jumping in her seat, she caught my eye.

“What?!” She asked.

“I thought Lilly didn’t want anyone knowing?!” I asked, throwing my arms in the air and letting them hit my sides. Emma bit her lip and looked around, everyone was listening except Ryan who was still writing lyrics, I planned to go over to him in a second.

“Oh shit, oh well, when they’re all happy and in love it won’t matter, until then we will pretend as if we know nothing, got that?” Emma asked everyone, they nodded and carried on with their own conversations. I was about to walk over to Ryan when Pete stood and walked over himself. Hmpf. I’ll sit with Emma instead.

“So when are you going to start writing lyrics?” I asked.

On the other side of the room, Pete sat down next to Ryan and nudged him. Ryan looked up and grinned, putting down the pencil.

“Hey Pete” He said.

“You alright?” Pete asked, glancing at the sheet and reading.

“Yep, almost done these lyrics, I think I got it just right, if the guys wanna change some of them then they can” Ryan shrugged.

“Nu-uh, these are YOUR lyrics, if they don't like them then they can write their own, you shouldn’t let anyone change your lyrics, I swear if someone even thought about changing mine id rape them” Pete laughed, Ryan burst out laughing.

“Rape them?”

“Well not literally, but ya know, unless I'm working on lyrics with someone else, if someone messes with them I'm not happy.” Pete shrugged. Ryan picked the pencil back up and started biting the end of it.

“So you write lyrics?” Ryan asked thoughtfully. Pete smiled and sat down properly.

“Yeah, have done for years now, it’s a kind of release I guess, helps me out from time to time” Pete said.

“Did you write the lyrics for your band back home?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, I love that band, I miss it a lot, hopefully when I go back up there I’ll be older so we can arrange something, keep the band going” Pete said.

“What was your name?”

“Fall Out Boy”

“Isn’t that from The Simpsons...?” Ryan asked.

“Maybe” Pete grinned. Ryan laughed and nudged Pete. They sat in silence for a few seconds, just laughing softly.

“What did you write your lyrics about?” Pete asked, glancing at the lyrics again. Ryan watched his eyes skim over the words, left to right, it made him smile. Pete looked up and caught Ryan staring, to which he blushed. Pete grinned.

“Err, these are about my dad” Ryan mumbled, twisting his hands together in an anxious way.

“Oh right, from what I'm reading, I'm guessing he alcoholic?” Pete asked. Ryan’s jaw dropped.

“Err no! Pssh god no” Ryan stuttered. Pete looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Ryan sighed and cracked his knuckles.

“Yeah he was, and I'm surprised someone understood my lyrics, I could barely understand them myself” Ryan sighed again.

“Well they’re amazing, seriously Ryan.” Pete smiled, putting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” Ryan smiled and sighed for the third time, “So what do you write lyrics about?”

“Oh you know, anything that I’ve experienced, things I love, things I hate, the country, friendship,” Pete mumbled, eyes flickering to Ryan’s at the mention of the last word. Ryan swallowed and looked away, over to Brendon.

“Well I’d love to hear them sometime. I'm gunna go over to Brendon, I’ve hardly spoke to him all day, cya Pete” Ryan said before standing up, taking his lyrics and going to sit on Brendon's lap. Pete sighed and held his head in his hands.

“Don't Pete, just stop.” He whispered.


“Hey baby!” I said, putting my arms around Ryan’s tiny waist and hugging him.

“Hey Bren, you guys alright?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah we’re awesome, are those your lyrics...can I see?!” I asked, pretty excited. Ryan grinned and kissed my nose.

“Of course, you probably won’t understand them though” He said, giving them to me. I gasped.

“Are you saying I'm dumb?” I pouted, Ryan laughed.

“No! Well actually Bren you aren’t the cleverest pencil in the packet” Ryan said, patting my head. I pouted.

“But I'm the prettiest pencil aren’t I?” I asked. Ryan put his hands either side of my head and nodded.

“The prettiest pencil in the world” He whispered before swooping in and kissing my lips.

“Mmm” I grinned, kissing him back. He straddled my hips and I felt a flush of heat. I broke from his lips.

“Whoaaa Ryan, none of that here or I will be extremely embarrassed, not of you of course, of certain things that will happen...yeah you get my drift” I stuttered. Ryan laughed and sat down next to me instead, Emma had gone over to Spencer to talk about Science homework or something.

“Sorry baby” He said, kissing my hand and holding it in his. I held his lyrics in my other hand and read through them. It took me the best part of 4 minutes, but I got there.

“Ry these are awesome” I said, giving them back to him and giving him a side hug, he nestled into my hug.

“Really?” He asked.

“Of course! And I do know what they’re about; they’re about someone who drinks too much... I think” I said. Ryan giggled.

“Yeah, basically it is about someone who drinks too much. It’s about my dad” Ryan said. The gears clicked in my mind.

“Ahh-ha! I knew it” I grinned, Ryan laughed kissed my neck.

“OH MY GOD GABE PUT ME DOWN!” We heard someone scream, everyone looked at each other then at the source of the noise. Two seconds later Gabe came running into the room with Lilly on his back.

“GABE PUT ME DOWN NOW!” Lilly laughed, clutching on for her life. Gabe grinned and spun her around, dumping her next to us then bending down to kiss her.

“WHOA did we miss something?!” Ryan asked. Lilly grinned and took Gabe’s hand.

“We’re getting married!” She exclaimed.

“WHAT?” We all screamed, Gabe and Lilly started laughing their heads off.

“Jokes guys oh my god haha, we’re going out though!” Gabe said, kissing Lilly’s hand. They both started laughing again then started to make out.

“Oh my god...we created hell” Emma said to me. I laughed and nodded.

“Indeed we have, but at least they look cute” I said.

“I'm going to get a bottle of water, you guys want anything?” Ryan asked. I shook my head, and everyone else just said no thanks. I watched Ryan going up the stairs and smiled at what was mine, all of him.

As Ryan entered the kitchen someone was sitting on the counter caught his eye.

“You alright Pete?” Ryan asked, opening the fridge door and pulling out a bottle of chilled water. He unscrewed the lid and took a big gulp. Pete looked up and smiled.

“Yeah I'm good thanks” He said, playing with his hands. Ryan hesitated then walked further toward him.

“Wanna talk about anything?” He asked, putting the lid back on the water bottle and putting it on the side. Pete looked at Ryan’s face, shrugged then looked back down.

“Kinda, but it doesn’t matter.” Pete said. Ryan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Just tell me” He laughed. Pete jumped down from the surface and started to walk away, Ryan grabbed his arm and swung him round. Pete advanced on him so quickly that Ryan thought he was going to hit him...he wished he did hit him to be honest.

Pete kissed Ryan.

It was like the world stopped in those 5 seconds, but not in a good way. When it started moving again, it moved very quickly and Ryan thought he was going to be sick. He shoved Pete off him and rushed toward the bin, throwing up the contents of his stomach into it. Pete just stared in shock.

“Ry...are you okay? Was I that bad?” Pete asked, stepping closer. Ryan held up a hand, coughed, then took a deep breath.

“What the FUCK was that?!” Ryan shouted in a hushed tone. Pete looked around.

“Why are we being quiet?” He asked. Ryan wiped his mouth, then took a drink of water, swished it round his mouth to clear the sick then spat it out in the sink. He pulled the bin bag out of the bin and tied it up, putting it outside the backdoor quickly, then coming back to put another bin bag in.

“Because I don't want everyone to know what you just did!” Ryan said, furious. Pete sighed.

“Didn't like it then?” He asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the kitchen table. Ryan threw his arms up in the air, feeling them hit his sides with force.

“Of course not, why did you just kiss me?! I clearly have a boyfriend who I love” Ryan said. Pete shrugged.

“You asked if I wanted to talk about anything, and I did” He shrugged. Ryan took a deep breath again.

“Yeah TALK Pete, talking does not involve a kiss!” He said.

“Well let’s talk now. Clearly, I have shown you my feelings towards you, have anything to say about them?” Pete asked, sitting at the table now.

“No I don't, well except the fact that you can’t have feelings for me Pete, it just complicates things. I’m gunna have to explain to Brendon why you kissed me now, he’s not gunna be thrilled” Ryan said, rubbing his temples. Pete shrugged again.

“Just don't tell him, no one saw us, you don't tell, I don't tell, we all go away unhurt, well I say all of us, of course my hearts been broken and my feelings crushed, but who cares about Pete anyway” Pete said, sighing. Ryan raised an eyebrow.

“Don't pull that stunt on me” Ryan said sternly.

“What stunt?” Pete asked, innocently.

“The whole ‘boo hoo I'm so hurt’ stunt” Ryan said.

“Well I am hurt, but I'm pulling no stunt” Pete said, trying to look honest.

“Yeah I’m sure”

“Hey guys, are you coming back downstairs?” Gina asked, suddenly coming into the kitchen.

“Err yeah sure” Ryan said, grabbing his bottle of water and walking out of the kitchen. Gina eyed Pete suspiciously, smiled then walked away as well. Pete reluctantly got out of his seat, shook his head a bit, then followed them both downstairs.


“Dudeeeeee I got us all invited to that huge party tonight” Jon said, running over to us that next Friday.

“Oh awesome, I was planning to go anyways” Lilly laughed. She was sitting on Gabe’s lap, which was her new favourite place to sit at lunch.

“Well yeah, but now we’re officially invited so they can’t tell us to fuck off when we arrive” Jon grinned.

“Good point” Spencer nodded, letting Diane have a bite of his bagel. I only just realised how many couples were in our group. Me and Ryan. William and Emma. Gabe and Lilly. Spencer and Diane. It was just Jon, Gina and Pete without partners. Talking of Pete...

“Is someone gunna text Pete to tell him about the party tonight?” I asked.

“I’m on it” Lilly said, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

“Do you actually know where it is Jon?” Emma asked.

“Of course I do, it’s only down the road from Spencer’s” He said.

“It best be a good party, last one you told us about was shit Jon” William laughed, Emma grinned and hugged him.

“True” I said. We all ended up going down to the lake, spending all our money on weed and getting extremely high. Good times.

“Well I'm not guaranteeing anything, but ya know, if its shit we’ll just do the same as last time, which ended up being one of the best nights of our lives” Jon laughed.

“It was, but still, haven’t gone to a decent party in a while” Diane said.

“Even thought everyday you’re with me is like a party” Spencer said, rubbing his nose against hers. She rolled her eyes.

“Of course baby” She smiled, kissing him. I laughed and turned to Ryan.

“You don't have work tonight do you babe?” I asked him.

“What day is it today?” He asked.

“Friday” I answered, hoping he wasn’t working.

“Shit, I am, until 9, I’ll text you when I'm finished and you can come pick me up and we’ll go back to the party” Ryan suggested. I nodded.

“Sounds good” At that moment the bell went for afternoon lessons.

“Music!” Spencer squealed, running off to lessons.

“I'm going to kill him one day I swear” Diane laughed, running after him and jumping on his back.

In double music we just had to go into the practise rooms and basically do what we were doing in Spencer’s basement.

“Ry do you have your lyrics on you?” Jon asked.

“Of course” He pulled them out of his bag and handed them over.

“I started putting the guitar to it. So if I play, Brendon sings, then you and Spence kind of work your way into the song, and keep note of what you’re doing, so if it sounds good, we can do it again” Ryan suggested. Jon and Spencer nodded.

“Right Bren, I'm gunna sing it first, then you’re gunna sing it okay?” He asked. I nodded and smiled.

“Okay” He cleared his throat and started singing his song in his cute slightly monotone but sweet voice. I concentrated on the way he was singing which parts. Once he had finished I nodded and took the sheet of lyrics.

“Okay, let’s do this” I said, I took a drink of water and set up a microphone. Ryan looked at me and nodded, he counted 3 then started playing. He nodded when I needed to come in. It was a little shaky at first as it was first time playing it, but about a quarter of the way through Spencer started making up a drum beat for it, it took a little longer for Jon to pick up a bass line though. He started one, didn't like it, started another, didn't like that one, but third time lucky and he kept it up.

Nearing the end of the song, Jon and Spencer faded out so that just me and Ryan were playing/singing, which sounded pretty epic if I do say so myself. I carried on the last note and we finished. We heard clapping coming from the door. It opened and Mr Vinal walked in.

“That was really good guys, seriously” He said.

“It’s a little out of it at the moment, it’s our first time playing it” I said, turning the microphone off for the minute.

“Seriously? Well you all picked it up very well, is it your own song?” He asked.

“Ryan wrote it” Spencer smiled from behind the drum kit. Ryan smiled nervously.

“Wow, you certainly have some talent Ryan, I'm going to be keeping a close eye on you in future, again well done guys, I'm going to go check on the girls and see how they’re doing, keep up the good work” He said, grinned, then left the practise room.

“Whoa, weird” Ryan laughed. I grinned and looked at my band mates.

“Is that what you had in mind Ry?” I asked. He smiled and nodded.

“It was better, seriously guys this is really good work” Ryan said,

“Spencer you came up with a beat really quick, and it goes with the song perfectly. And Jon, third time lucky man, good bass line” I said, clapping him on the shoulder. He grinned.

“Thanks man”

“Right, from the top then?”


That night at Ryan’s work it was stupidly busy. He had been working non-stop all night, everyone seemed to want smoothies. His feet and legs ached from the amount of walking around he’d been doing. His throat hurt from talking so much and he had a headache due to the noise. So when it turned 9 o’clock and the last customer left, Ryan was relieved. He quickly cleaned up, chucked his apron onto the counter and grabbed his bag. He put it on his back, locked the safe and turned the lights out. He found his way to the door and left the shop.

“Hey Ry” A voice said in the darkness, making Ryan jump.

“Shit Pete, you scared the life out of me, what are you doing here?” Ryan asked angrily. Pete shrugged and started walking next to Ryan.

“Wanted to see if you wanted to hang out tonight” He said.

“Not really Pete, I'm about to text Bren to tell him I'm not going to that party, I'm exhausted” Ryan said, pulling his phone out.

“Well we can go back to mine if you want instead of the party?” Pete offered, Ryan rolled his eyes.

“I'd rather just go home” Ryan said, sending the text to Brendon.

“Come on Ry, we’re still friends, we can hang out” Pete complained. Ryan sighed as his phoned buzzed. He opened the new message.

Okay babe, I miss you :( I’ll see you later xxx

Ryan smiled and put his phone away. They walked up the path to Spencer’s house. Pete was still tagging along.

“Oh fuck...Spencer’s mums gone to her sisters for the weekend, she left tonight, Brendon and Spence have the keys” Ryan said. He started muttering angrily to himself. Pete grinned triumphantly.

“Come to mine then, no strings attached, just until they get home” Pete said. Reluctantly, Ryan agreed and they set off to Pete’s house which was literally around the corner thank god, Ryan couldn't bare the amount of walking he had down today.

“Do you get lonely living on your own, because you’re parents are like Bren’s aren’t they, never there” Ryan asked. Pete shrugged.

“It’s not really lonely, just gets a bit boring sometimes, so I'm glad when people come over and hang out” Pete said. Ryan nodded.

They got to Pete’s house and walked in the door, Ryan shut it behind him and dropped his bag on the floor, taking his chucks off. Pete did the same.

“Want something to drink?” Pete asked going into the kitchen.

“Err yeah okay, anything you’ve got” Ryan called, running upstairs to Pete’s room because that’s where they always hung out. A couple of minutes later Pete ran upstairs with a 4 pack of Red bull.

“Here ya go” He said, chucking Ryan one.

“Cheers” He said, cracking it open and taking a gulp of it.

“So what do you wanna do?” Pete asked, sitting next to him. Ryan put his drink on the side and shrugged.

“I don't mind, anything you want” He said, instantly regretting it as Pete got a shine in his eyes. Next thing Ryan knew Pete had jumped on him and stuck his tongue down his throat. Ryan wasn't used to such roughness, Brendon was delicate and caring. The roughness, to be fair, was quite a turn on for Ryan. He took himself by surprise when he didn't pull away immediately. He kissed back, colliding tongues with Pete. He felt Pete grinning, thinking he’d won. Ryan pulled away.

“Pete, I can’t do this, I love Brendon” Ryan said quietly.

“Oh come on Ryan, he won’t find out will will be our secret” Pete whispered seductively. Ryan felt his face, and other areas, flush with excitement. He pulled Pete back down on top of him. They continued to make out passionately. This was something different for Ryan, not the passion, but the going behind someone’s back part. He loved Brendon, of course he did, but he liked an adventure also and this was his kind of adventure. Pete slowly put his hands either side of Ryan, making him lie back on the bed. Pete slowly lowered himself onto Ryan, putting a little weight onto him. Ryan let out a soft moan and put even more effort, if possible, into kissing Pete.

Ryan’s hands moved down to Pete’s belt and started to loosen it. Pete broke off and looked Ryan in the eye.

“Ry...are you sure?” Pete asked, being the reluctant one now. As much as he’d love it, he didn't want to pressure Ryan any further then kissing. Ryan nodded and pulled Pete’s mouth back to his. He leant up and rolled over so that Pete was now lying on the bed. Ryan’s hands slowly undid the belt, and pushed Pete’s skinnies down. Pete gulped with excitement. Ryan grinned and pulled Pete’s boxers down also. He nodded and smirked, lowering his head.

“SHIT” Pete gasped, arching his back and instantly breaking out into a sweat. He didn't know what to do with his hands so one went into his mouth to stop him from screaming and the other went to the back of Ryan’s head to help guide him, though Ryan had pretty much everything in control.

“Ry...Ryan...oh my GOD” Pete shouted. Ryan finished, got up and spat into the bin in the corner of the room. Pete lay there panting, he looked over at Ryan.

“Whoa Ry...” Pete said, out of breath.

“Enjoy?” Ryan asked, smirking. Pete raised an eyebrow, then pulled Ryan down on top of him, ripping his clothes off on the way.


3 hours later, Pete and Ryan lay in a bed, covered in sweat and God knows what. Ryan sighed, regretting it already. They shouldn’t have done that, more importantly he shouldn’t have done that. Yeah it was fun, it was new, but he had cheated on Brendon, the person he loved more than anything in the world.

“Is it alright if I grab a shower quickly?” Ryan asked Pete, he mumbled something that sounded like a yes, so Ryan got off the bed, grabbed his clothes and phone and went into the bathroom. As soon as he got in, he locked the door, dumped his stuff and turned the shower on. He felt hot tears slide down his face, so he stepped into the shower and wiped them away. This was bad, very bad. Bren will know, he will find out somehow.

Ryan finished quickly, got out and wrapped a towel around his middle. He grabbed his phone and sent a quick text to Brendon.

I’m at Pete’s, I had no keys, I wanna go home, can you meet me at the house nowish? Xxx

He pressed send, then quickly got dried and changed. He put the towel back, and quietly opened the door, sneaked down stairs, grabbed his bag and put his shoes on and was out the door in record time. He felt a little bad for leaving Pete in bed, un-aware. But he was most likely asleep now anyway. And Ryan had a Brendon to get too. He ended up running to Spencer’s house in spite of himself. It only took him 3 minutes and Brendon was there already, sitting on the door step. He stood up when he was Ryan running towards him.


Ryan jumped into my arms and hugged me like there was no tomorrow. I laughed and clung onto him.

“Hello to you too” I grinned, kissing Ryan’s head.

“Are you alright?” I asked when Ryan didn't respond. Ryan nodded his head and let go of me.

“I just missed you today” Ryan said, taking my hand and leading me to the house, I unlocked the door and we stepped in.

“Is Spence still there?” Ryan asked. I nodded.

“Yeah, he said it was the best party he’d been to in ages” I laughed. Ryan’s face dropped.

“Shit, I made you leave the party, I'm really sorry” He said, hugging me again, I wrapped my arms around him gently.

“Shh, calm down babe, I wasn't having fun anyway, I was thinking of you all night, I was worried about you, are you okay?” I asked, rubbing his back. He squeezed tighter.

“Yeah I was just exhausted from work and I was missing you, and Eurgh, it’s been a bad day” Ryan pouted. I held his hands in mine.

“Let’s just go to bed, you’re obviously shattered” I smiled, he nodded and started up the stairs. I followed after him. We stripped down and got into our bed, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close.

“Now just relax baby, its Saturday tomorrow and we don't have to do anything if you don't want” I suggested. Ryan nodded and sighed softly. I smiled and kissed his head.

“Night baby” I said, but I think he was already half asleep.


The next morning I woke up before Ryan, bless him, he was so tired. I left him in bed, kissed his forehead, then started to get changed. I pulled on some skinnies and a Misfits shirt. Ryan’s phone beeped from the bedside table, Ryan stirred but didn't wake up. I smiled at him and went and got his phone. First I looked at the clock, half 10. Hmm, who would this be, hopefully he didn't have work today or something.

One New Message: Pete

You left me last night :( x

I read it and frowned, then remembered Ryan went to Pete’s last night...why would he leave without telling Pete?

“What are you doing Bren?” Ryan asked sleepily, I looked over then sat on the edge of the bed.

“Pete text you” I said, Ryan sat up and took the phone, he read the text and smiled.

“He was sleeping on the sofa, I didn't wanna wake him up so I just left” He explained, putting his phone back on the side. I smiled and nodded, a reasonable explanation.

“Go back to sleep baby” I smiled, stroking the hair from his face. He smiled and took my hand.

“I won’t be able to now, but do you want to make me a cup of coffee?” He asked, I smiled and nodded.

“Of course I will” I got up and made my way to the bedroom door.

“Oh and Bren?”


“I love you” Ryan said.

“I love you too Ry” I replied, grinning to myself all the way to the kitchen.


As soon as Brendon left the room Ryan grabbed his phone and started texting Pete.

Last night didn't happen, don't bring it up, and don't text me things like that!

He pressed send, sighed, then lay back down in bed. He pulled the covers up to his chin and stared up at the ceiling. Why him? Why did Pete have to like him?

One New Message: Pete

You can’t pretend like that didn't happen Ry, you enjoyed it ;)

Ryan almost burst into tears as he read the text, of course, Pete wouldn't be able to just drop it. He opened up a new message and started typing back,

I can pretend, just leave me and Brendon alone and forget that ever happened, it meant nothing.

Pete text back in record time.

Ahh...Brendon. Well we’ll see how much it didn't mean to you when I pull Brendon into this.

If Brendon hadn’t actually just walked into the room holding two mugs of coffee then Ryan would have put his head under a pillow and screamed his lungs out. He quickly deleted his inbox and smiled at Brendon.

“Thanks babe” He said, taking one of the mugs and blowing on it before taking a sip.


“Mmm good coffee” Ryan grinned. I laughed.

“Of course it is, I made it, I made Spencer one as well, he has the worst hangover ever. But Diane took it in the end, oh yeah Diane came back with him last night” I explained. Ryan nodded and smiled.

“So what are we doing today?” Ryan asked. I shrugged.

“I was thinking maybe just going to the mall, doing a bit of shopping or something, get something to eat” I suggested, sipping my coffee. Ryan nodded and put his mug on the side.

“Sounds good, I'm gunna get dressed” He said. I nodded and slipped back into bed where it was nice and warm. It smelt like Ryan on this side (funnily enough as he sleeps here) I breathed in deeply and smiled. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted Jon whilst waiting for Ryan to get changed.

Yo, you guys wanna go to the mall today?

Jon replied saying he was too hung over to do anything today. I laughed and replied with an alright.

“Is anyone else coming today?” Ryan asked, pulling a t-shirt over his head, then sitting next to me.

“Jon isn’t, to be honest I think they’re all too hung over” I laughed, Ryan grinned.

“How about we stay here and watch films in bed then?” He suggested, I smiled and nodded.

“Sounds like a plan to me” I said, I slid over to my side so that when Ryan came back into bed he could be on his.

“What film, ill run downstairs and get it” Ryan said. I shrugged.

“You choose” I said, drinking my coffee while Ryan went to pick a movie. He came back upstairs holding the case for Romeo and Juliet, the Leonardo DiCaprio version. I laughed.

“Fag” I grinned. He laughed and put it in, grabbing the remote and getting back into bed. He pressed play and we settled down to watch it.

By the end of the film, I was of course was in tears whilst Ryan was as straight-faced as anything.

“How can you not cry at this? The whole ‘he-thinks-she’s-dead-so-kills-himself-but-she’s-actually-not-dead-finds-him-dead-kills-her-self’ thing?” I sniffled. Ryan smiled and wiped my tears away.

“I don't know, usually I do but it hasn’t affected me today, but then again. I’d do the same, if I found you dead, God forbid, I wouldn't be able to live” Ryan said thoughtfully. I looked down at him and raised my eyebrows.

“You would be able to live and you’d do it well, if you ever did find me dead I wouldn't want you to even think about topping yourself!” I protested, Ryan grinned and shook his head.

“You wouldn't know, you’d be dead. But either way, hopefully you’re not gunna die soon anyway” Ryan said.

“Mmmm” I agreed as the film finished.

“Next film” Ryan said.


It was nearing 6 o’clock, Brendon had decided to go meet up with everyone as they had all just about recovered now. Ryan stayed at home, saying he felt stupidly sick. Brendon wasn't happy on leaving him alone but Ryan persuaded him to go have fun. Once Spencer, Diane and Brendon had all gone out to meet the others, Ryan quickly texted Pete to come round now. Not to do anything, just to talk about things. He was there in no time, Ryan was sitting in the living room when the doorbell went.

He got up and answered the door, Pete stepped in with a confused look on his face.

“I thought we were gunna pretend nothing happened” Pete said. Ryan nodded and shut the door.

“We are, I was just hoping you had that clear. No telling anyone what happened, especially not Brendon, he doesn’t need to know, because it didn't mean anything. It was just spur of the moment” Ryan said sternly. Pete smirked and looked at Ryan. Ryan started to feel a bit insecure.

“What? What are you cooking up in that mind of yours?” Ryan asked, folding his arms. But Pete grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the staircase. Ryan pulled away.

“Nu-uh, didn't you understand anything of what I just said Pete?” Ryan asked. Pete giggled.

“I thought you didn't want Brendon to know?” Pete smirked. Blackmail. The dirtiest trick Pete could pull. Ryan gulped and allowed Pete to pull him upstairs.

This is for Brendon's benefit, Ryan kept saying to himself. Hoping he’d be able to convince himself. Pete pulled him into Ryan and Brendon's bedroom, Ryan shut the door with his foot. And they carried on from the night before.

Except this was different, Ryan went down reluctantly this time, Pete put more of a show on, over exaggerating his pleasure...and Brendon walked in.


“Hey Ry I...oh my god” I stopped, staring at the mess in front of him which was Ryan and Pete. Ryan stood up and stepped towards me, I stepped back.

“Brendon, it’s seriously not what it looks like, please believe me” Ryan said straight away. Oh my god, I'm such a dickhead, how long had this been going on behind my back.

“I thought you loved me” I said bluntly to Ryan. Ryan stepped closer again, I didn't move. All I could see was Pete in the background with a smirk on his face.

“Brendon! I love you more than anything in the world!” Ryan said, near tears. I took a deep breath.

“Explain...leave out the bit where you kissed Pete in the kitchen, Gina told me that bit already, which is actually why I came here in the first place” I said simply, Ryan sighed.

“Look, that day in the kitchen Pete came onto me. And yes Pete I'm going to blame you completely for that because it was you entirely, you made me be sick god dammit, but yeah, Pete said he has feelings for me, I didn't return them of course, I love you. Then the other night...when you were at the party, I didn't plan any of it, but I went to Pete’s coz I was locked out, and things just went too far...” Ryan mumbled.

“Oh my god” I felt physically sick and had to put a hand over my mouth. Pete stood up and came over to us.

“Mmm baby you enjoyed it, that's why you suggested I came over today, I have the text you prove it” Pete smirked, putting an arm around Ryan.

Next thing I knew, Ryan was on the floor and my fist was extended. I gasped.

“Shit” Pete whispered as Ryan lay out cold. Truth be told that was meant for Pete and his skanky hands. But I hit Ryan instead, shit. I was too angry to stop right now, I rushed out of the door and out of the house.

My mind was empty as I walked along the street, I didn't know what to do or where to go, all I felt was completely broken hearted. As I entered the town I spotted Starbucks and made my way in, quickly ordering a latte. Thoughts started coming back to me as I waited for my drink. Ryan staying at Pete’s, that’s why he was so clean when he got back, he must of taken a shower after having sex with Pete. No one would be that clean after just an innocent day at work. When Pete text Ryan, the way Ryan quickly made an excuse. The look on Pete’s face when I walked into the room, like he expected it to happen.

“Latte?” Someone called.

“Cheers” I said, taking the drink and going over to a spare table by the window. I looked out, rain had started to fall gentle from the sky, this was a change from the normally hot weather in Nevada. As the rain fell, so did the tears. Slow and warm.

I groaned quietly to myself and wiped them away, sniffing and taking a sip of hot coffee. Why did this happen? Wasn't I good enough for Ryan? He trusted me, he told me all about his life, what he’s been through, he hasn’t told anyone else. He trust me with that why was he going off with Pete?

I seriously thought Pete was a cool guy, how could he do this to me as well, drape himself all over my boyfriend, touch his body like I do. It just wasn't fair.

And the last thing I saw, Ryan on the floor out cold, because of me. I hope he knows it wasn't meant for him...but then again maybe he does deserve it. He had been stringing me along, fucked Pete behind my back. We were in love. Oh yeah, and he ‘loves me more than anything in the world’? Yeah this proves it Ry thanks.

I downed the coffee and stared into space. I heard laughter from the table behind me and tried to block it out, I couldn't bare happiness right now when it feels like my whole world has come crumbling down.

Twenty minutes and 3 lattes later I was still sitting in Starbucks. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket a couple of times, but I didn't have the energy to answer it, or even get it out of my pocket. I didn't want to speak to anyone at the moment. It was still raining, it hadn’t picked up pace at all, just slowly dripping. As if ready to suddenly stop, yet it doesn’t. I sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time this afternoon. The door opened and a gust of wind blew my hair. I looked up to see Spencer and Emma; they saw me and rushed over with scared looks on their faces.

“Brendon?! Why haven’t you been answering your phone?!” Emma practically screamed at me, grabbing my shoulders. I shrugged out of her grip.

“I don't want to see anyone” I mumbled, looking away.

“ you know what’s happened?” Spencer asked, sitting down next to me. I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face.

“Of course I do, hence the no talking to anyone, sitting in Starbucks on my own” I said. Emma raised her eyebrows.

“Are we on about the same thing here?” She asked, my gaze turned to her.

“What, the fact my amazing boyfriend fucked Pete behind my back and I walked in on him giving Pete head? Oh yeah then he decided to tell me that he loves me more than anything? I'm sure we’re on about the same thing” I muttered. Spencer and Emma’s faces were filled with shock.

“What. The. Hell” Emma stuttered.

“Man, I am so sorry, but Ryan’s in hospital and we need to go see him” Spencer said, hand on my shoulder. The world froze for a couple of seconds until I caught my breath.

“Ho...Hospital?” I asked. Emma’s eyes filled with tears.

“Ryan took a big hit, he was knocked out and wouldn't wake up, Pete took him to hospital, he phoned telling us to go there now, it’s important. And to bring you, we’ve been spending an hour trying to find you!” Spencer said. I stopped breathing again.

“This is my fault...” I whispered, tears filling my eyes and spilling over. Spencer put his arm around my shoulders.

“Don't be stupid Bren, this isn’t your fault, and I just can’t believe Ryan did that to you...especially with Pete.” He said. I started full on crying.

“No Spence you don't understand, it IS my fault, I accidently punched him and knocked him out, I meant to hit Pete but got Ryan” I wailed, Spencer pulled me into his chest and I cried my heart out.

“Oh Bren” Emma said softly, stroking my hair from across the table. I coughed, cried and sniffed until I couldn't anymore. I could hardly breathe at the moment.

“Come on, let’s go to the hospital, you might be angry with him, but he’s still your boyfriend, you still love him” Emma said, they took me to Spencer’s car, I got into the back and Emma sat next to me, holding me close whilst Spencer drove. It took about 15 minutes to get there and park. I got out the car and froze.

“I can’t see him...I did this to him” I whispered. Emma took my hand and Spencer put his arm around my shoulders.

“Come on Bren, you can do this, I promise everything will be alright” Spencer said, walking toward the entrance. We went to the main desk and asked for Ryan Ross’s ward. They told us and we made our way up to it.

William, Gabe, Lilly, Diane, Jon and Pete were sitting in the waiting room, all nervous, all quiet. My eyes burned into Pete’s as everyone looked up to see us come in. He quickly looked away from me.

“Oh Brendon” Diane said, rushing over to hug me. I hugged back half heartedly, she shouldn’t be giving me sympathy at all.

“I want to see him” I chocked, trying not to cry. Diane nodded and took my hand, dragging me toward the room in which Ryan was. She opened the door, pushed me in then closed it again, at that moment I felt completely alone.

But I wasn't alone, because lying in the bed was Ryan, and he looked terrible. I rushed over to him, but paused suddenly. I did this to him, I shouldn’t be in here, I...I’m a monster. I turned my back on Ryan and headed toward the door. My hand touched the handle when I heard a cough from behind.

“Bren?” Ryan mumbled. I turned around and saw his eyes were half open. I slowly approached his bedside and looked down at him.

“Bren is that you?” Ryan mumbled again, I cleared my throat and nodded.

“Hey Ry” I said, stroking the hair out of his face.

“Can someone get my boyfriend, I miss him so much, his names Brendon...Brendon Urie, he’s amazing, you should see him” Ryan smiled slightly, still looking pretty dazed. I smiled and sat down in the chair next to his bed and took his hand in mine.

“What does he look like?” I asked Ryan, grinning. Ryan sighed softly.

“He’s a little smaller than me, usually wears tight jeans and converse. He has these big lips and the most gorgeous deep brown eyes...he’s perfect” Ryan said. My heart fluttered and I smiled again.

“Does he treat you right?” I asked softly. Ryan made a weird face in his sleep/not really asleep.

“He does, but I did something bad, so so so so bad, I can’t believe I did it” Ryan mumbled, slurring his words as if he had one drink too many.

“Whoa, whoa what did you do?” I asked. I obviously knew exactly what he did, but too make sure it wasn't a dream, I wanted to hear it again.

“I slept with another guy, I’m not sure why I did, I mean Bren is amazing in bed so it’s not like I need more fun in the bedroom, Pete isn’t even that great a guy, I guess it was just spur of the moment or something,” Ryan sighed softly again, “I just know I fucked things up, no wonder Brendon hit me, I deserved it”

“NO, don't ever ever ever think that Ryan, you did not deserve what I did to you” I gasped, holding his hand tight. Ryan stirred and opened his eyes properly. He stared up at me with wide eyes.


“Ryan” I sighed, sitting back down.

“Why am I in hospital?” Ryan asked, looking around. My eyes filled up with tears and I just couldn't stop them from spilling.

“Oh Ry, I'm so fucking sorry, I can’t believe I did this to you” I cried, Ryan slowly sat up, wincing with pain and opened his arms. I climbed up onto the bed and into his arms. He slowly rocked me, letting me cry it all out.

“Shh, Bren please don't cry, this isn’t your fault, in all truth its mine” Ryan sighed.

“N-no, Ry, p-p-please don’t t-t-think it’s your f-f-fault, I p-p-punched you accidently and now y-y-your here” I choked hysterically. Ryan kissed my head softly and hugged me tight.

“I cheated on you, I deserved that punch whether it was intended for me or not, please, just please forgive me Bren, I love you so much, you might not believe it anymore but I do, and I fucked up so bad, but I'm nothing without you” Ryan whispered to me. I looked up at him, stroked along his cheekbone, and then kissed him slowly. We broke apart and I looked into the honey eyes I loved from the moment I saw them.

“I love you, so much Ryan. I’ll forgive you, if you forgive me for punching you and putting you in hospital” I said. Ryan smiled and kissed my forehead.

“Done deal” He grinned.
“George Ryan Ross?” Someone asked, coming into the room. I could only assume it was a doctor.

“Yes?” Ryan said, sitting up a little more, I got off him and sat back on the chair, I clasped his hand in mine.

“We’ve been looking over the scan we took and have some news to tell you, but first off...are you family?” The doctor asked me. I straightened up.

“I’m his b-“

“He’s my brother” Ryan said quickly, smiling.

“Hmm...Okay then” The doctor didn't look convinced, but hey, what’s he going to do. Ryan grinned at me and squeezed my hand.

“Okay, yes so we were looking through the scan we just took, it’s quite odd for you to be out so long with just a little knock...” The doctor started, but my mind was diverted. Were things really looking up? Things fucked up a little, but mine and Ryan’s relationship was strong enough to overcome all those things was-

“BRAIN TUMOUR?!” I screamed. I looked over at Ryan, the blood was slowly draining from his face.

“Please lower your voice Sir, now, we plan to work on this straight away of course, but our experts tell us that this tumour has been nestled there for quite some time, slowly getting bigger. We’re assuming that the knock today must do I put it...’set it off’” The doctor said, usually quotation marks with his fingers. The breath had been knocked out of me completely, and it took me a couple of seconds to remember how to breathe. Ryan’s grip on my hand became tighter and tighter, like he was comforting me although I wasn't the one with cancer.

“Now Mr. Ross, I understand you take pills for depression, how long have you been taking these?” The doctor asked.

“Erm, about 2 year’s maybe” Ryan said quietly, in a voice that just made me want to protect him from everything.

“Okay, well you will need to stop taking these pills, they may interfere with the chemo we will be giving you soon. I’m assuming you want the chemo yes?” The doctor asked. Ryan nodded slowly.

“Good, now, you’re going to have to be in hospital for a couple more days, but for now I will leave you with your friends and family to discuss things” The doctor smiled and left the room. I looked up at Ryan whose eyes were still staring at where the doctor was.

“Ry...” I started, a million thoughts were running through my brain.

“Don't Brendon, please don't, I know what you are going to say” Ryan said, shutting his eyes tightly and taking 3 deep breathes. I sighed and looked away, fighting back tears.

“And what’s that?” I asked quietly. Ryan opened his eyes to roll them.

“This isn’t your fault at all...there’s just a tiny bit of information I didn't tell you about my life” Ryan said. This knocked the breathe from me again. More secrets?

“How about telling me now then, you know, I am your boyfriend after all” I said, I could hear the anger in my voice.

“Don't get angry with me Brendon, I didn't think I’d ever have to explain any of dad had a brain tumour okay, when he died and mum got abusive, she hit me really hard, just like this, and I had to go to hospital and they found it. I guess it got passed down onto me. It’s no way your fault, like the doctor said, it just triggered it off” Ryan said stiffly. I stared at him, at his beautiful face, at his soft brown hair which will all be gone soon...because of me.

“None of this would have happened if I didn't hit you, the tumour would have stayed the same...oh my god” I mumbled.

“No Brendon! Don't even think about doing this to me again, stop blaming yourself for everything! It’s not your fault, the tumour was growing anyway, it would have come up at some point” Ryan said, distressed. I shook my head and took my hand away, standing up. I bent over Ryan and kissed his forehead.

“I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you Ry, you deserve so much better than this...” I said, walking toward the door.

“Where are you going?” He asked desperately. I sighed and took one last look at him.

“Home, you deserve better than me, but I'm not going to live without you, bye Ryan” I said numbly. As soon as I shut the door I heard Ryan yell out to me. He must have understood me then, he’s a clever one.

“Bren? Are you alright, what did the doctor say?” Jon asked, everyone looked at me, but the door re-opened and they turned their attention to Ryan who had got out of bed.

“Bren” He said. I didn't look at him as tears had formed in my eyes yet again. And I ran. I just ran away from everyone, all the trouble I had caused.


The rain was still beating down as I raced through the streets. Ryan was following me, the only way I knew this was because I knew him, and I knew he wouldn't just let me do this without putting up a fight. I didn't turn around to see him, I blocked every sound apart from the rain, so if he was calling my name I wouldn't know. The rain was calming, I always liked the rain, I would miss it. My heart beat faster with every step and I picked up my pace, running straight to Spencer’s house. Please don’t be in Mrs. Smith, please don't be in. I kept repeating this to myself in hope that it would somehow reassure me she wasn't home. If I was meant to do this, then she wouldn't be there.

I ran across the road, hearing a car screech and blow his horn but ignored it, it was nothing to me. I ran straight up the path, and quickly crossed my fingers that the door would be open. I turned the door knob and the door swung open. I took a deep breath of air and slammed the door shut, not even thinking about locking it so Ryan couldn't get in, I was far too preoccupied. I was upstairs now, in mine and Ryan’s room, grabbing the first shirt tie I could find. I was glad Ryan sometimes liked to wear them or I had no idea what I would have used. I rushed into the bathroom, just as I heard the front door open and slam shut.

“BRENDON BOYD URIE, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” I heard Ryan shout, I shook my head to get rid of his voice, completely blocking him. I tied the tie around my neck. As morbid as it was, I could still see the humour in it. Boy has boring life, boy realises he is gay, boy finds boy, boys live happily ever after. Oh wait, that didn't happen. Boy has boring life, boy realises he is gay, boy finds boy, boys get chucked out their house, boy cheats on boy, other boy hits him, boy hangs himself.

How cliché.

I stood up and went over to the bath, looking up at the shower curtain rail. I stood on the edge of the bath and tied the other side of the tie onto the rail tightly. I hoped it would take my weight, just long enough to do the damage. I couldn't believe I was doing this; it was something I would usually laugh at. Well not laugh at, but be a bit sceptical of. But now I can relate to those people, I’ve hurt the boy I love, I practically gave him a brain tumour. I don't deserve to live, and he deserves a lot better than me. He’s just too damn stubborn to realise it. I could just ‘emo out’ and harm myself. But what good’s that, I'm still around to hurt people. Oh man, the girls and guys, they’re going to hate me for this. Oh well.

“Who’s going to stop me” I muttered. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, just as two arms closed around my middle tightly, startling me a little.

“I am” Ryan whispered to me, kissing my back softly then resting his head upon it. Tears started flowing slowly from my eyes again; I'm surprised I had many left.

“Ry, I already told myself, if Mrs. Smith wasn't in then this was meant to happen” I sniffed. Ryan started un-doing the noose around my neck slowly. I felt his cold hands against my neck and shivered, maybe from the cold, maybe just because it was Ryan.

“If this was meant to happen then I wouldn't have ran all the way from the hospital after you, and just un-tied this” Ryan whispered, reaching up and kissing my neck. I shivered again and watch the tie hanging from the railing. I turned around and jumped, well fell into Ryan’s open arms, crying my eyes out and getting his shirt wet.

“Rya-a-an I’m s-s-so s-s-sorry-“

“Shhhh” Ryan said, putting a finger to my lips and wiping my tears away as best as he could. He attached his lips to mine and kissed me softly, stroking my face gently. I started to kiss back, which made him get more enthusiastic. I pushed him so his back hit the wall with a light thud. His eyes shun with excitement and he smiled as he re-attached our lips. After what seemed only seconds, he took my hand and led me into our room, his eyes never leaving mine. I gulped and kicked the door shut behind us.


“When do you think Spence will be back?” I asked quietly. I was leaning on Ryan’s bare chest and as bony as he is, it’s still my favourite place to be.

“I don't know, I think he knows to give us some space at the moment” Ryan replied, his arm was around me and he was drawing little patterns on my bare skin, it gave me goosebumps but I didn't mind much.

“Bren I need to talk to you” Ryan said suddenly. I didn't like that tone and I didn't like where this was heading. I sat up on my elbows and looked at him.


“I...what you were going to do, that's a big no, a huge no in fact. You must not ever think like that ever again okay? If I...die from this then I don't want you to do that to yourself” Ryan said desperately. He looked me straight in the eyes, putting a hand under my chin so I couldn't look down as I was about to.

“Bren...please promise me you will never, even think about hanging yourself ever again” He said. I took a deep breath -I seemed to do that a lot lately- and nodded.

“Say it” Ryan insisted.

“I promise I will not think of hanging myself ever again” I whispered. Ryan smiled softly and kissed me gently.

“Thank you” He said, leaning back against the pillows. I put my head back on his chest, kissing it quickly.

“I’m sorry I did this to you Ryan...” I mumbled into his chest. I thought I was going to get shouted at, but Ryan’s hand just stroked my hair and he kissed my head.

“Oh Bren, when are you going to realise this isn’t your fault in any way? I’ve known I had a tumour for a while now, and I didn't tell you, that's my fault. I cheated on you, I deserved that hit even though it wasn't for me, and the hit triggered the tumour, so that’s my fault as well. And it’s my fault you seemed to think you weren’t good enough for me, if I hadn’t done any of that shit with Pete none of this would happen. So please Bren, you break my heart every time you say it’s your fault, or you apologize” Ryan said, I was certain I could hear a tear in his voice as well. I hugged him tighter.

“From now on I want to be the best boyfriend I can be for you, is that okay?” I asked him, looking up and smiling. Ryan grinned back and brushed the hair from my face.

“You already are the best boyfriend for me, but yes, that’s great” He laughed, kissing my nose. I sighed contently and lay my head back down, shutting my eyes and slowly drifting to sleep. Maybe things were going to be alright after all.


It had been five months since the whole ordeal and things were great. Gabe and Lilly were still happy, Spencer and Diane sadly were on a break, not because they weren’t in love anymore, but because Diane wanted to concentrate double hard on her exams, she wanted the right grades to get to the college she wanted. She loved Spencer a lot, but she couldn't balance the two and she desperately wanted to be accepted at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.
Emma and William had gone away for the week to England to visit some of Emma’s friends and had returned with something new. A sparkling promise ring on Emma’s finger. This was obviously a MAJOR deal for us, and we celebrated with a highly sophisticated party...nah fuck that, we had a huge piss up.

Jon and Gina finally got together, after months of endless flirting and all of us telling them to get together, they did and they’re amazing.
No one saw Pete after that day at the hospital, he just disappeared. No one was bothered.
And me and Ryan? Oh we’re awesome, our love has just grown and there is a lot more trust there now. And we reached our one year mark. That was an enjoyable night I assure you. He didn't need to have chemo any more, as the tumour wasn't doing anything, so that’s very good news.

I was on my way to meet him after work now actually, we had band practise tonight. OH. Oh, oh oh! The best part of the last 5 months. Well our band won that thing in music, naturally, we were awesome. Although the girls were pretty good as well. But the ‘little surprise’ Mr Vinal had planned wasn't actually that small. It was a chance of a record deal. He sorted everything out, and he wasn't promising we were going to get signed, but he said there’s a very good chance.

So 3 weeks later none other than Frank Iero turned up on our door step. I mean seriously, Frank Iero, it’s not every day the guitarist of my chemical romance comes to your house. He was planning, hopefully, to sign us too his record label ‘Skeleton Crew’. We played for him, he loved it, we were happy, he signed us. We were scheduled to be the supporting act for my chem’s tour of the states soon and too say we were excited is an understatement. We have to have tutoring on the tour bus, but who gives a fuck?! We’re going on tour!

“Hey babe” Ryan said, he chucked his cigarette on the floor and stood on it, blowing smoke from his mouth. He kissed me then took my hand. Oh yeah, Ryan had taken up smoking full time, I wasn't that thrilled, but it didn't change him at all, he was still the same Ryan and to be honest it was quite sexy to watch.

“How was work today?” I asked him, swinging our hands.

“Eurgh like most other days, crowded.” He laughed; I grinned and kissed his knuckles.
“Oh well, I have a surprise for you at home, Mrs. Smith helped me set it up” I said, Ryan looked at me with curiosity.

“What is it?” He asked. I rolled my eyes and grinned.

“It’s a surprise douche bag” I said.

“Last time I had a surprise after work it was a picnic, but I know you and you wouldn't do something twice” Ryan said thoughtfully. I just smiled and let him think to himself.

When we were home, Ryan quickly ran upstairs to change out of his work clothes and to dump his bag. I waited for him at the bottom of the stairs. When he walked back down I took his hand and walked into the kitchen.

“Aww Bren” Ryan smiled, kissing me quickly. On the table, was a big dinner Mrs. Smith and I had cooked. I even went the whole way and added candles. I rushed over to light them, then turned the light off. Ryan’s eyes literally glistened with happiness.

“You really shouldn’t have” Ryan smiled as I led him over to his seat. I laughed and kissed his cheek.

“I wanted to surprise my wonderful boyfriend after a hard day at work, is that so bad?” I grinned, sitting at the other end of the table. Ryan blushed a little and took a sip of water.

“Well I feel bad! I never do nice things for you!” Ryan pouted. I smiled and picked up my fork.

“I have you and that's all I need, now eat you skinny bitch”


“That was amazing, thank you so much” Ryan said, leaning back in his chair. I stood up and took his plate as well as mine over to the sink. I filled the sink up with hot soapy water and started washing up.

“Anytime my love” I replied. Ryan came over and started washing up.

“Bren...” He started. I looked over, smiling.

“Yes?” I asked, Ryan paused, looking at me.


“So Mr. Ross, you were originally going to have chemotherapy in two weeks time?”

“Yes that is correct” Ryan replied, sitting on the hospital bed anxiously. He was twisting his hands together, a habit in this sort of atmosphere.

“Well...I’m sorry to have to say this...but chemo won’t help you” The doctor said. Ryan’s heart skipped a beat.

“Wh...what?” Ryan stuttered. The doctor put a re-assuring hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“You have the maximum of 6 months left, I advice you spend it with your loved ones, doing as much as you can. You won’t show many signs of illness, you keep your hair obviously and your looks won’t change much. We are guessing that you will feel extremely light headed, as soon as this happens get to hospital, we will try to help as much as can...but we can’t promise anything”

“Can’t you do anything at all? Because the thing is Doc, my boyfriend, yeah that guy who I ran after...well this news will kill him, literally” Ryan said, desperately. The doctor raised an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you worried about dying at all?” He asked. Ryan shrugged.

“It’s not something that scares me really; I just couldn't imagine Brendon not being here. He’s so talented, and if something as selfish as me dying were to take him away, Eurgh, it’s a horrible thought really” Ryan shuddered.

“ really do love him don't you?” the doctor said. Ryan smiled a huge smile and nodded.

“He’s saved me in so many ways; I suppose I could say if it weren’t for him, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I defiantly wouldn't be here to hear this information”


“Spencer, I need to tell you something, I'm trusting you as my best friend not to tell anyone okay?” Ryan started. Everyone was at the mall as it was a cold day and they had nothing else to do. Ryan and Spencer had gone to Starbucks to get drinks for everyone.

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” He asked, biting a straw he has picked up for the fun of it.

“You know I was at the hospital the other day”


“Well they told me some news. Please don't freak, but I'm not having chemo anymore” Ryan said. Spencer’s eyes sparkled.

“Don't you need it anymore? Surely that's good right?” He said excitedly.

“Chemo won’t work...I have six months to live...” Ryan said. Sadness washed over him as he finally took it all in, he had to leave his friends...his Brendon. He had to leave them all behind.

“Oh my god” Ryan and Spencer said in unison. They looked at each other, tears in their eyes.

“I can’t believe it” Spencer mumbled, shaking his head. Tears went down Ryan’s face.

“Well it’s only just hit me, so ya know” Ryan said, wiping the tears away.

“I’m so sorry Ryan...I...oh my god I don't want you to die” Spencer gulped.

“EIGHT LATTES!” Someone shouted. They grabbed a tray and started piling the drinks onto it. As they walked back to the others slowly, as to give them more time to talk, they smiled at each other.

“It does suck doesn’t it” Ryan laughed slightly.

“You’re telling me. So you’re not going to tell Brendon, he’s going to notice something when you don't lose your hair?” Spencer asked.

“ least not yet. I’ll just tell him I don't need it anymore because the tumour isn’t doing anything bad. I don't want to scare him” Ryan said.

“RYAN!” Brendon shouted from the water fountain. Ryan sighed and looked at Spencer.

“Look at him...he’s so happy and I love him so much, I couldn't take that away from him. I’ll tell him when he’s ready to hear...when I'm ready for him to hear”

End flashback.

“Ryaaaaan?” I laughed, Ryan had completely blanked. I flicked water at him, but suddenly he fell to the ground.

“Ryan?!” I shouted, dropping the plate I was washing and kneeled on the floor next to him. His eyes were rolling to the back of his head. Shit shit shit.

“Ryan, talk to me, what’s wrong?” I urged, resting his head on my lap.

“Ho..hos-“ He muttered. I stroked his hair out of his face.

“What? I can’t understand you Ry” I said desperately.

“Hospital” He mumbled before going out cold.

“FUCK” I cried, I picked him up as Spencer came running downstairs.

“Hey what’s all the shout...what’s wrong with Ryan” He said, stopping suddenly and looking terrified.

“Spencer, drive him to the hospital, please” I said, rushing past him as fast as I could whilst carrying Ryan. Spencer grabbed his car keys, slipped on his Vans and followed me to the car. I sat in the back with Ryan, trying to make him wake up. Spencer drove as fast as legally possible, and maybe a little over, to the hospital.

“Spencer I’m so scared” I said, Spencer sniffed; I could tell he was crying.

“So am I Bren” He gulped, wiping his eyes and concentrating on driving. When we got there, I picked Ryan up again and rushed him into the hospital, Spencer hot on my heels. I practically screamed at the receptionist that Ryan needed help straight away. Doctors came and took his from my hands, rushed into a room and shut the door in my face. I let out a cry and broke down to my knees.

“Brendon, come here” Spencer said, taking my hand and leading me to the seats. I followed and sat down, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“Wh-what’s happening to him?” I choked out. Spencer sighed deeply and turned to me, he put his hands on my shoulders.

“Ryan never told you did of course he didn't, he loves you far too much” Spencer muttered. I gulped and stared at him.

“What are you on about? What didn't Ryan tell me?” I asked. Spencer let go of me and clasped his hands together.

“Before I tell you anything, I want to say Ryan didn't tell you this because he didn't want you to be scared or unhappy, or worse, try to kill yourself again. Okay...when Ryan said he didn't need chemo wasn't because the tumour wasn't doing anything. It was because they couldn't do anything about the tumour. He was given 6 months to live...I guess six months are over” Spencer said. I blinked, taking the new information in.

“ Ryan can’t die... I need him” I whispered. This wasn't right, a world without Ryan? No. Just no.

“I know, it’s horrible to think about, I'm so sorry Bren, I really wished that 6 months wouldn't come so quickly” Spencer whispered. I shook my head.

“I didn't say goodbye...I can’t even, no, oh my god no” I muttered. Spencer eyed me.

“Bren?” He said.

“NO” I shouted, running into Ryan’s room. He was lying in the hospital bed, looking peaceful as ever.

“Ryan, babe, you’ll pull through I know you will” I smiled, rushing over to him. Thankfully no one stopped me; they just looked at me with silly looks on their faces. I glared at them and stroked Ryan’s face. This would be kinda cute if it wasn't for the doctors around me and that annoying noise, I don’t know, it kinda sounded like one of those flat line thi-wait.

I looked up to Ryan’s screen.

“No. No Ryan please don't do this to me, please stay” I burst out, tears fully going down my face. I climbed onto the bed and lay next to him, holding his still warm, dead body next to me.

“Sir I really don't think...” Someone started; I glared at them then shut my eyes, praying to anyone that this wasn't real. That Ryan wasn't dead and wasn't ill at all.

No one answered my prayers.


If I couldn't feel tremendous amounts of pain I would have thought I was dead. I was somewhere dark and cold thought, which kind of feel likes death to me. I wasn't comfy either; I was leaning on something pointy and kinda sharp. But moving was too much hard work right now when I could barely think for myself. Why, why did this happen? Why Ryan? He was the most amazing, lovely boy you could ever find. So why does cancer choose to destroy him. Seriously, it could of taken me instead and I wouldn't have any complaints...well of course not id be dead. Ha...I made a joke. Wow.

I slowly got up and felt around the walls in the dark. I found the light switch and turned it on, the bright light hurt my eyes. I blinked a few times and my eyes adjusted. I was in some sort of cupboard I knew as much...and oh. What’s this? Pills! And lots of them! Oh dream come true. These little babies will make all the pain disappear and that's what I need right now. I grabbed the closest put, I didn't bother looking at what it was, I didn't care. I just needed the lovely numbness you get from taking too many pills. I piled them straight into my mouth and swallowed them all. It was hard without some sort of liquid to take them with, but I had to make do I guess. I grabbed another pot and did the same thing, turned the light off and sat back down.

“Mmmm” I mumbled to myself, smiling in satisfaction and closing my eyes. I’ll just sleep until they take effect. Goodnight world, see ya later, well maybe anyways, ha.


“Bren...Bren wake up you douche bag” I heard a voice in the distance. I struggled to wake up, but this voice was too familiar for me to ignore. Too much like it should mean something to me, if that makes sense. Probably not, I took hella pills. Ha, good times.

“Brendon Boyd Urie you wake up and hug your boyfriend right now” The voice said. My eyes opened at once but I covered them with my hand. The place I was in was way too bright for my liking. Someone took my hand and pulled it away from my face. Ryan stood in front of me. I shook my head.

“Oh fuck it, I’m dead aren’t I, oh great, this is gunna kill the guys, first you now me. I know I had it coming for me but seriously. Oh well I suppose at least I'm with you” I grinned, standing up and hugging Ryan. He hugged back, he was warm and comforting, he was my Ryan.

“Oh Bren, you aren’t dead. You just overdosed on fuck knows what pills and they’re trying to bring you back now, so I probably don't have long. Now, you promised me you wouldn't do this” Ryan said, holding my hand and walking forwards. I followed him; we weren’t going in the direction of anywhere because there was nothing here. It was just white.

“No, I promised I wouldn't hang myself, I took too many pills. Ryan, is this a dream or am I actually seeing you, I never really believed in any of that sort of stuff, but ya know.” I asked. Ryan laughed and kissed my forehead.

“Of course it’s a dream Brendon, this stuff isn’t real at all. You’re so silly sometimes. I suppose that's one of many reasons I love you though” He smiled. I grinned and swung our hands.

“Ryan I can’t do it, I know I promised you I wouldn't do anything, but...I can’t live without you, it’s impossible” I choked. Ryan dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning his head on mine.

“You can Brendon, you’re a strong person” Ryan said.

“But I love you so much, how am I meant to go on without you?” I asked.

“And I love you too, but I'm gone now. Dead and gone, and I'm not coming back anytime soon. You can move on, you don't have to forget me at all, of course you don't. But you defiantly don't have to kill yourself or harm yourself in any way. Now I know it’s going to be hard baby, but please, do this for me yeah?” Ryan said, stopping us and wrapping his arms around me.


“If you’re dead then who’s going to be Lilly’s gay best friend who dresses her at her wedding...whenever that will be” Ryan grinned, lifting my chin up and kissing my nose.

“You’re right, I have that job perfected” I grinned. Ryan laughed and kissed me properly. I kissed him back, savouring the taste of his lips, his tongue. Just savouring the taste of Ryan.

“I’ll do it...for you” I said as we broke for air. Ryan smiled and hugged me tightly.

“But I'm going to miss you so much” I said. Ryan smiled.

“I know, I'm going to miss you as well” He said, kissing me and beginning to walk away.

“ do I know you’re really going to miss me if this is a dream?” I shouted after him. I heard him laugh softly.

“Sleepy time is over Bren, I love you” He called, then disappeared.

“Huh?” I muttered, then everything spun, I was tumbling down, down down.

2 Years Later.

Brendon walked down the streets of New York. It was midday, it was sunny, and the smell of summer was in the air. He was on his way to the venue his band and himself were playing tonight. Panic! At The Disco had made it big, who would ever think a band made from a music class project would ever be headline touring all over America and the United Kingdom.
Brendon unzipped his black jacket, taking it off and slinging it over his arm, way too hot for layers. He smiled to himself and checked the time.

“Shit” He muttered to himself. It was all very well enjoying the lovely day, but he promised Spencer he would be at the venue at 4 o’clock. It was quarter past. He sped off to the venue and met Spencer outside.

“I know I'm late, I'm sorry I got sidetracked” Brendon grinned. Spencer raised an eyebrow but smiled.

“Let me guess, beautiful day, casual stroll?” He asked. Brendon put an arm around his shoulders and walked into the venue.

“You know me so well Spence”

It had been a two years since Ryan’s death and Brendon’s almost death. The first couple of weeks were horrible, well let’s make that the first couple of months. But after a while it settled in. Ryan was not coming back, and Brendon wanted to make him proud where ever he was. He couldn't just waste away, he had to do something. Ryan’s funeral was beautiful though, a day Brendon would never forget.

“We are gathered here today for the funeral for George Ryan Ross, son, friend, beloved” The vicar said. Brendon looked to the sky and smiled a little. It was the sunniest day they had had in a while. Ryan’s favourite sort of weather. The whole group was there naturally, and many other friends, acquaintances, and even Ryan’s mother had turned up. Brendon was strangely thankful for this. Ryan would have been happy.

“Would anyone like to say some words?” The vicar asked. Brendon stood up and faced the crowd. He took a deep breath and smiled.

“Ryan Ross...what can I say about him hey? Well he turned up in our lives just as suddenly as he left. As soon as I saw him, I had these feelings rushing through me that I never thought I could feel. I mean, I was straight, and then this gorgeous boy turns up and challenges that, how dare he?!” Brendon started. The crowd laughed at this and smiled keenly at Brendon.

“Well, that was a very lucky day for me, because Ryan has made me the happiest person in the world. We had our ups and downs, of course we did. But I always knew we’d pull through, because we were bloody perfect for each other. I am who I am today because of Ryan, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Rest in peace beautiful, you deserve it” Brendon finished, blowing a kiss at Ryan’s coffin then placing a rose and Ryan’s favourite guitar pick on it.

“I love you forever...I can do this” Brendon whispered.


“HELLO NEW YORK!” Brendon shouted into the microphone. The entire arena exploded with screams and cries. Brendon laughed, and it echoed out.

“We are Panic! At The Disco, we have some friends in the crowd today. Gabriel Saporta who you might know from a little band called Cobra Starship? William Beckett from The Academy Is...? ring any bells?” Brendon asked. The crowd burst into screams again.

“Oh bless you all, nah I'm just name dropping now. We also have Emma and Lilly here for once! Usually they bugger off with their boyfriend on their tours, but they managed to get to the gig tonight. So cheer for them New York!” Brendon said, playing the crowd like a cat with a piece of string.

“Two more announcements and I promise we’ll play some music for you beautiful people. I’d like to be the first person to announce Jon Walker and Gina Lamberts engagement! Yes they are going to tie the knot, those sexy sexy bass players. And also I’d like to congratulate Miss. Diane Langley for graduating from the University of Nevada! We always knew you could do it! Now, it’s time for some music...”

Jon grinned and Spencer and nodded, they both kicked in with a song called I Constantly Thank God For Esteban.

“Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction...” Brendon began to sing.


“Shhhhh, I need to talk to you all for a few minutes about a special someone. Two years ago today my boyfriend died. Ryan Ross? You may or may not have heard of him. But he was a musical genius, he was seriously amazing and I just wish he could be here to witness this. But sadly cancer took him. When he first died I overdosed because I didn't want to take the pain...”

“If you, or anyone around you is thinking about suicide or self harm, STOP. It’s not the right way okay guys, talk to someone, talk to anyone. You can get through it, there is always a way out if you’re willing to try find it. This song is dedicated to Ryan Ross; it’s called Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks. It was, in fact the first song Ryan ever wrote. If you can hear us Ryan, then this song is for you, and we love and miss you each and every day beautiful. I’ll think of you most when all is golden in the sky”

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