FicWad

It was Jessica... I mean who else could it be...She was standing over against the wall with Paul. Paul was kissing her, well more like pawing her over desperately... It was actually quite disturbing. I mean he was practically groping her under her dress and no one was looking... Well no one except Gerard that was...

He kinda dropped his grip on my waist like he was going to go over and I don't know...stop them maybe? I'm not sure
why though... Jessica seemed to be enjoying herself...that was until she saw Gerard was looking. Then all of a sudden she shifted her weight under him like she was struggling. Oh give me a break! Gerard totally bought it too... His eyes flashed a little and I could feel him starting to pull away.

But before he had a chance, that bitch librarian appear and grabbed Paul right off of Jessica by the shirt collar no less...We weren't close enough to hear what she was saying but judging by the way she was waving her finger at them, she wasn't to pleased with their public display of affection either...

Gerard raised his hands back up on my waist a little like nothing happened... Like nothing happened? Is he kidding me? I stared up at his face watching him watch them for a moment and then he turned his gaze back on to me.

"And for your next trick?" I say curtly. He just looked at me.

"Trick?" He says not really listening... I could tell he was still preoccupied thinking of Jessica.

"Sure." I say snickering at him. "Don't you know Gerard, you just shattered my heart into a thousand pieces, with your last one." I say and his face dropped slightly like he didn't know why I would say such a thing. "So unless you're next trick is gonna be somehow magically putting it back together, I think I'm just gonna go on home." I say and he frowns as I take my hands off him tossing them up in the air in defeat... I turn and rush off the dance floor and away from him as quickly as I could. I had to get away... I needed some air... Fuck... I needed something more than air... I needed a fix...bad...

"Elle." A voice cries out following me into the hall. Fuck. I went the wrong way. I was so fucking wrapped up in my thoughts I went out the wrong door in the gym. I was half way down the hall now instead of outside... "Honey are you alright?" the voice says. I look over my shoulder. It was Bob...

"Yeah I just needed some fresh air." I sigh collapsing back against the row of the lockers on the wall.

"Fresh air in the hall?" He kids.

"I got lost." I sigh closing my eyes. I leant against the lockers and tried to take a deep breath to steady my emotions like Gerard taught me. It kinda helped a little...I could hear Bob's footsteps growing closer.

"What happened?" I hear him say softly. I open my eyes up. He was leaning on the lockers next to me. I shrug pathetically and he reaches over and brushes the hair from my face. "You wanna talk about it?" He says and I divert my eyes from his.

"I don't want to bother you with my problems Bob." I try to tell him and he smiles.

"Then who?" He says looking around the empty hall.

"Who what?" I say totally thrown off looking around too.. We were all alone.

"Well you said I'm your best friend..." He laughs. "If you can't talk to me then who?" He says and I smile.

"Aw Bob its just..." I sigh.

"Jessica." He says and I look at him in disbelief... How did he know that?

"I saw you looking over at her before you ran out." He says lowering his voice down cause it was kinda echoing a bit in the empty hall...

"Great." I mumble... Fuck. I did it again... Running off like that with out thinking... Leaving Gerard alone, in the middle of the dance floor no less ...Fuck I must've made quite a scene... And if Bob saw me and Gerard arguing that means everyone did...Including Jessica...Shit she's probably thrilled to death...

"Didn't you guys talk about that already." Bob says and I shrug. "Didn't he explain to you why he was concerned?" Bob tells me and I frown.

"Yeah we did...we did talk and I told him I did understand his concerns for her- and that I was okay with it." I say and he nods a little and looks over my shoulder. "But what I didn't know...what I didn't know when I told him that Bob, was that she was gonna fucking come first to him." I say and Bob frowned a little.

"Elle how could you think that?" I hear Gerard's voice call out behind me. I wasn't expecting him to follow me... Honestly I thought he'd be pissed that I ran away... I mean I did promise him that I wouldn't do that again and yet I did... I just keep fucking up today... I can't wait for this day to be over... I sighed a little as he grabbed my arm and spun me around facing him. "How could you even think that Elle." He repeats and I just look up at him.

"How could I not?" I say biting my lip a little. "You just can't seem to keep your eyes off her." I sigh. "And if that bitch librarian didn't stop them you were going to right?" I say and he just looked at me and didn't answer. I shook my head a little aggravated.

"Yeah okay I was gonna stop him." Gerard says and I roll my eyes... "Elle I told you- I can't just fucking sit by and watch him use her like that." He says harshly. I shrugged. "I'm not gonna just watch him do the same thing to her that he did to you. He's a motherfucker, you know that better than anyone!" He says getting a little worked up.

"But that's the difference Gerard." I say raising my voice up in frustration, it echoed through the hall... "He's not using her. She's using him!" I cry out and he looks at me like I'm nuts. " And you can't even fucking see that that's what she's doing." I say and he frowns a little.

"Elle." He says shaking his head a little in astonishment. I look over at Bob for some help. He kinda bit his lip a little. He didn't want to get involved... Lucky for him he didn't have to...

"Bob are you coming back in?" A girls voice calls out. I look over and the chick he was making out with before was standing in the door way... kind of impatiently too...

"I'll be right there Julia" He says glancing over at her then back at me.

"Go ahead Bob." I encourage him. "Go back in, we'll be fine..." I tell him glancing over at Julia. She looked like she was getting pissed... Great not only am I ruining my night I'm ruining Bobs too... fuck...

"I'll talk to you later alright." He says and I nod as he walks away leaving me and Gerard alone in the hall... It was silent for a moment. I just looked up at Gerard. His eyes were kinda shifting... He was thinking about something... He looked back down at me and shook his head a little.

"Elle I just don't get it... I thought we already settled this." He says and I shake my head no.

"I thought so too Gerard but..." I shrug. "I thought I understood but...I just don't think I can sit there all night watching you watch her." I say and he sighs a little..."Is that why you wanted to stay?" I ask him and he shook his head no. "I mean honestly now Gerard, did you want to stay tonight just to dance with me or was it really just so you could keep an eye on her?" I say and he just looked at me...

"Wow." I say stepping back from him when he didn't answer.

"Elle." He reaches for me.

"No just the fact that you didn't answer was answer enough." I say squeezing my eyes shut to stop myself from crying as I collapse back against the lockers... Suddenly I feel his hands on my face, cupping it lightly. He ran his thumbs along under my eyes wiping away the few tears that had escaped...

"Elle I want you to listen to me." I hear his voice say softly and I don't open my eyes. "I don't know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours...but you have to know that you always come first to me." He says and I open my eyes up and look up at him, he was smiling.... "I love you so much, you know that right?" He says and I nod.

"You truly love me?" I ask.

"With out a doubt." He replies.

"And do you trust me Gerard?" I say taking his hand in mine.

"Of course baby." He chuckles stroking his finger along my ring...

"You truly trust me." I repeat. He smiles.

"Yes Elle I do." He responds.

"Then trust me when I say this Gerard. Jessica is up to no good." I say and he starts to frown. I raise my eyebrows a little and he pouts instead. "I'm serious Gerard." I tell him. "She knows that you're just too good of a person to stand by, that's why she's doing this." I say and he just looked at me. "She doesn't need your help Gerard." I tell him and he nodded a little hesitantly. "And fuck knows I'm trying." I sigh.

"Trying what Elle?" He asks a little confused.

"I'm trying to be a better person Gerard." I tell him like its so obvious... I mean it was obvious... but he's just looking at me like I'm not making sense... "I'm trying not to be so selfish." I explain.

"Who said you were selfish?" He asks a little taken aback.

"No one has to say it Gerard it's obvious." I tell him and he frowns.

"Elle I'm not quite sure what we're talking about anymore." He says giving me a quizzical look.

"I just... I'm just a horrible person okay, I'm selfish and I'm jealous, and I'm cruel." I say and he frowns. "I know your motives are pure." I say and he just looked at me. "I know you love me and only me and I know that you just can't help yourself sometimes when it comes to protecting people you care for." I say and he lifts my face up to his. "And yet I cant help myself... I can't stand thinking you're worried about her." I say tearing up again.

"Okay first you are none of those things." He says and I just look at him not really believing him..."And you know I don't care for her like I care for you." He says and I nod.

"I know Gerard..." I sigh. "I don't mean to ruin our night with my insanities... I'm just so...I don't know what's wrong with me today" My voice trailed off and I started to cry as my emotions overtook me. "I thought I could make it through today with out taking anything but I can't...its just too hard" I say as the tears poured down my cheeks...

"Yes you can Elle." He says pulling me into his arms. "I'm so proud of you baby for not taking anything now don't you know that." He says as I bury my face into his chest.

"I just don't think I can deal with this anymore Gerard." I say as he squeezes me tighter.... "I thought I could but I should've known..." I sniffle. "I should've fucking known that today was gonna be no different...I thought that as long as I had you I'd be okay and then I saw you looking at her and I'm sorry... I just lost it." I sob, my eyes overflowing with
tears. "I just can't do this..." I say shaking a little.

"Don't say that." He whispers trying to console me in his arms. "You can do this Elle." I hear him say as I pressed my face into his chest.

"Not alone." I sigh.

"Aw you're not alone baby." He says squeezing me closer. "Trust me...I'll always be there when you need me. I will not ever let you down, I promise you that..." He says as he held me tightly in his arms and stroked my hair gently until I stopped crying... . "Aw Elle...I'm so sorry...I don't ever want to be the reason that there's pain in your eyes." He says and I sigh.

"Gerard you don't cause me pain. I cause myself pain." I tell him and he leans over and kisses the top of my head.

"You wanna go home Elle, we'll go home." He says and I shake my head no. "You don't want to go?" He says a little confused...

"No." I say pulling myself together and stepping back from him. I took a deep breath and held my head up high. "No I wanna show you." I say fluffing my hair a little.

"Show me what?" He says hesitantly.

"That I can do this." I say adamantly. "That I'm worthy of your love." I say and he smiles at my seriousness...

"Elle don't be ridiculous." He laughs a little.

"I'm dead serious Gerard. I want to show you that I can do this. I wanna prove to you that I'm not always some big mess." I say and he smiles and pulls me close to him. "I don't want you to have second thoughts thinking your marrying some kinda emotional wreck." I say looking down at the ring on my finger...

"Elle you don't have to prove anything to me." He tells me and I look up at him. His eyes were kinda cloudy "This morning Elle." He says lowering his voice down to practically a whisper... "What you did I..." He sighed a little.

"Gerard that was all my fault with Will don't you see what I'm doing to you?" I say and he shakes his head no.

"Don't you ever say that was your fault Elle." He tells me firmly. "There was something seriously screwed up in his head." He tells me. "And I almost lost you again cause of it." He says shutting his eyes a little. "I know I shouldn't have put so much on you today asking you to marry me and all, I just couldn't stand the thought of..." His voice trailed off a little.

"Of what Gerard?" I ask softly.

"Elle don't you get it...things can change so fast, in the blink of an eye everything could be gone." He says and I look down at the floor anxiously... I knew what he was feeling... I felt the same way watching the bullets fall from the gun..."And I lost so much time with you already." He says and I look back up at him confused. "I mean all those years, I was too afraid to say anything." He says lowering his voice down.

"Why?" I ask.

"I don't know." He sighs. "I guess I was afraid you didn't feel the same and since you had a boyfriend...." He tells me stroking my cheek gently.

"Well I didn't know how you felt." I say and he smiles. "You could've been more obvious Gerard." I tell him and he starts to laugh.

"Elle I love you baby but you happen to be dense when it comes to these things." He says and I frown a little.

"I am not!" I argue.

"Elle you remember that day at Lia's house way back when, when you were still with Paul and Lia was with Ray." He says and I make a face.

"Well what day exactly?" I say as he runs his hand through his hair.

"The day that we bought ice cream from that ice cream truck, It was right after Lia and Ray got together." He says and I nod a little.

"Yeah and I dropped mine." I smile remembering. "And you gave me yours." I say and he nods.

"Yeah and you were driving me crazy." He says licking his lips a little.

"What?" I laugh.

"The way you were licking it." He exhales a little remembering.

"Oh Gerard stop!" I laugh. "You're making it sound so dirty." I say and he smiles.

"It was Elle." He says and I roll my eyes. "Don't you remember, you were making such a scene Lia gave you a spoon?" He says and I think back.

"Yeah but that was cause I was making a mess of my face." I say and he smiles.

"No.." He chuckles. "That was cause Lia didn't like me looking at you." He says and I frown. "And then Frankie started making jokes about how I wished I was your spoon." He says and I just looked at him curiously... It sounded vaguely familiar but... "And I thought that was it you know... that you were gonna know that I liked you and you were gonna tell
me to fuck off since you were with Paul..." He says and I just looked at him waiting for him to go on but he didn't...

"Well what did I say?" I ask trying to remember...

"You said 'Oh I like this game' and you wanted a turn." He laughs.

"Was I high?" I ask.

"I don't know, I suppose." He shrugs. "And then you said if you could be a utensil you'd be a -"

"A spatula." I interrupt nodding. "I love spatulas." I say and he smiles.

"Yeah and Lia said you'd be a knife... and a dull one at that." He laughs and I pout..."The whole thing went right over your head baby." He chuckles.

"And you're sure you wanna be tied down to me for the rest of your life?" I say as he leans forward to kiss me.

He nods a little as his lips press onto mine briefly...

"Mmm and then some." He teases as I reach up and pull him back down into my mouth... "Come on Elle I'm gonna bring you home." He says breaking our kiss. I was gonna ask him if he was sure. But I could tell just by looking in his eyes...And I was glad. I needed to be in his arms tonight more than anything...

A feeling of calm washed over me as he took my hand in his and we walked towards the exit... Kinda like the feeling you get the first few seconds after inhaling a nice line of coke... But just like with coke the feeling doesn't last...

"Gerard wait!!" a voice called out frantically from behind us down the hall...

"You need to come...and come quick!...its...Jessica !"