FicWad

I Could Love the Devil by Uriel Rebble (11-29-05)

You don't even know how long I've been watching you;
It was a one-week intrigue that led to
A one-year fascination that continues now
Into its third cycle of obsession.

It has taken just that long to get you to look at me.
I do all I can to hear your voice speak words meant only for me,
Full of spite and malice they may be,
I keep on taunting, pushing for you to belittle me over and over.

For in your words there is an infinite moment of pleasure,
Knowing that you know I am alive and I mean something to you,
Even as a detestable object of deep-seated hate,
Which is never worth the despair that comes when I lose your gaze.

I have begun to count the days until our last meeting,
Choosing carefully the words that won't really change your mind in the end.
You'll only break my heart with disgust and laughter,
But if you didn't, you would fall short of my expectations.

I realize that you are nothing like how I imagine you to be -
Possessive, aggressive, deeper than you really are.
Having you wouldn't make me happy in the least,
Yet I can't turn away from you and I don't know why.

Because in you I see the one thing I've been looking for -
Something I tasted long ago, a forbidden fruit that drives me to you every day.
Even if it takes forever, a lifetime of pulling you over the edge with me,
I'll carve out my own place inside your heart.

Author's Notes: I actually meant for this poem to encompass how my feelings for this particular person have changed over the years, but I'm lazy. So it's just about how I think of her currently. I felt like a stalker when I wrote it. (And she was sitting next to me when I wrote the final lines, too.)