Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Sobriety Diaries.
Serious thinking..
2 reviewsWe had a show in less than half an hour and I was drunk and high and everything in between...
1Ambiance
We had a show in less than half an hour and I was drunk and high and everything in between. I didn’t know how I was gonna pull off this performance. I’ve never tried to perform this fucked up.
I was shitfaced, di god knows how many pills, and a gram of coke. Going onto that stage I knew my perfdormance would be, well…shitty. The show started out very shakey and never got better. I spent majority of the show rolling around on the floor feeling like I would hurl at any moment. Mikey, Frank, and Ray took turns playing over by me to see if I was okay. At one point I ran to the side of the stage and threw up a little, then kept going on with the show. As soon as the curtain closed I ran for the first visible trash can and made friends with it for the next half hour. Everything came back up. I felt like complete hell. I was visibly shaking. I tried to stand up and fell right back to the ground. I felt to pairs of arms help me stand and walk back to the dressing room where I passed out.
When I came to, I was utterly confused and didn’t know how I ended up changed and on the bus. Mikey walked past and noticed I was awake and sat down to talk.
“Gee, what the hell is going on with you anymore? Are you trying to dig yourself into an early grave? You keep this up and you’re gonna die. Call me crazy but I don’t want to lose my brother.”
Mikey’s words stung, but like I said, I knew what I was doing. I could handle myself. I didn’t need my younger brother telling me what to do.
“Gee? Are you even listening to me?”
“Yeah. I’m fine Mikey. Everything is under control.”
The look on Mikey’s face broke my heart with what I said. He slowly shook his head and stood up and walked away. He may not think I heard him as he walked away, but I did.
“I can’t watch you do this anymore.”
I closed the curtain on my bunk and cried. Though I didn’t know exactly why? Was it what Mikey had said? Was it cause I truly was unhappy with how my life was? Maybe I couldn’t do this anymore. They could always find a new lead singer couldn’t they? If it gets any worse, I’ll fix it for them. I can OD on everything I have then they could move the fuck on with out me. If I get worse, that’s just what I will do. I decided to try and text Brian, see if he was awake to talk. Maybe talking would make me feel better.
G: u up?
B: kinda. Sup?
G: just, kinda down.
B: u wanna tel me y u feel down?
G: Idk..maybe I do have a problem like evry1 says.
B: well, wat r u gonna do bout it?
G: idk, idk. I guess its not a problem. Idk, sry I bothered u..
B: g, its okay to admit u have a prob. Im always here to talk.
I never answered back after that. Did I really just almost admit that I had a problem? I cant really think that. I never thought it to be a problem before. Ugh…I should just sleep this off. Tomorrow should be better. I hope..
I was shitfaced, di god knows how many pills, and a gram of coke. Going onto that stage I knew my perfdormance would be, well…shitty. The show started out very shakey and never got better. I spent majority of the show rolling around on the floor feeling like I would hurl at any moment. Mikey, Frank, and Ray took turns playing over by me to see if I was okay. At one point I ran to the side of the stage and threw up a little, then kept going on with the show. As soon as the curtain closed I ran for the first visible trash can and made friends with it for the next half hour. Everything came back up. I felt like complete hell. I was visibly shaking. I tried to stand up and fell right back to the ground. I felt to pairs of arms help me stand and walk back to the dressing room where I passed out.
When I came to, I was utterly confused and didn’t know how I ended up changed and on the bus. Mikey walked past and noticed I was awake and sat down to talk.
“Gee, what the hell is going on with you anymore? Are you trying to dig yourself into an early grave? You keep this up and you’re gonna die. Call me crazy but I don’t want to lose my brother.”
Mikey’s words stung, but like I said, I knew what I was doing. I could handle myself. I didn’t need my younger brother telling me what to do.
“Gee? Are you even listening to me?”
“Yeah. I’m fine Mikey. Everything is under control.”
The look on Mikey’s face broke my heart with what I said. He slowly shook his head and stood up and walked away. He may not think I heard him as he walked away, but I did.
“I can’t watch you do this anymore.”
I closed the curtain on my bunk and cried. Though I didn’t know exactly why? Was it what Mikey had said? Was it cause I truly was unhappy with how my life was? Maybe I couldn’t do this anymore. They could always find a new lead singer couldn’t they? If it gets any worse, I’ll fix it for them. I can OD on everything I have then they could move the fuck on with out me. If I get worse, that’s just what I will do. I decided to try and text Brian, see if he was awake to talk. Maybe talking would make me feel better.
G: u up?
B: kinda. Sup?
G: just, kinda down.
B: u wanna tel me y u feel down?
G: Idk..maybe I do have a problem like evry1 says.
B: well, wat r u gonna do bout it?
G: idk, idk. I guess its not a problem. Idk, sry I bothered u..
B: g, its okay to admit u have a prob. Im always here to talk.
I never answered back after that. Did I really just almost admit that I had a problem? I cant really think that. I never thought it to be a problem before. Ugh…I should just sleep this off. Tomorrow should be better. I hope..
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