FicWad

I couldn’t figure out why Gerard was ignoring me. I mean he wasn’t exactly ignoring me but he wasn’t acting like we were together either, it was strange- and I didn’t like it…

"Michelle Waller?" A woman says breaking me from my thoughts. “I’m Ms.Roberts your counselor." she tells me and I nodded as I grabbed my purse off the floor and stood up. I followed her into a small office. She closes the door behind me and went over to her filing cabinet drawer.

She then hands me an emergency contact card and tells me I need to fill it out again. Apparently I need some sorta adult contact person listed. I just stared down at it blankly. I didn’t know what to put. I mean I remember I had put Lias moms work number down, but I didn’t know it anymore. Not by heart at least.

“Um Im gonna have to take this home and fill it out.” I apologize to her and she nodded like that was fine. I stood up to leave, thinking we were done but Ms. Roberts stops me. She wants to talk. ...fuck.

I tried not to make too many faces as she started babbling on. She seems to think that I've been having a hard time dealing with my papas death. She wants to talk about it…

“Um really Im fine.” I try to tell her but she persisted.

"Well now Elle, I've spoken with your boyfriend and he is concerned." She says scribbling something on her pad.

"Paul?" I snickered a little, the memory coming back into focus. I forgot he sold me out to the school shrink like that…

"Mmhmm." she continued to scribble some more.

“Okay Paul is NOT my boyfriend.” I tell him forcefully and she paused her pencil a second at my tone. “No seriously, write it down.” I encouraged her but she was done writing. She slid her chair in to the desk more and looked over at me. “Hes just mad cause I broke up with him.” I tried to explain and she nodded a little.

She said she understood but she didn’t. She said she was worried that I was making decisions based out grief. And then something about how I could change everything around me but it wouldn’t really change anything and that just set me off.

"Look Ms. Roberts...Its nice of you to pretend to be concerned and all but honestly I don’t want to talk to you and Im not going to." I announced getting up.

"Elle-." She started and I shook my head insistently. "Ok well I'm gonna make another appointment for you next week." she said scribbling again. She wasn’t going to give up, and I really didn’t have a choice. I mean I didn’t have to talk to her. I could just sit in her office and stare at the wall, but they would force me to her office week after week.. Fucking Paul Im gonna kill him is all I could think as I made my way to math class.

I missed all of study hall with Gerard because of this shit. I tossed my bag to the floor in annoyance as I took my seat. Mikey asked me what was wrong but I just shrugged him off cause class was starting.

Once more I struggled all the way through it. Partially cause I just sucked at it, but partially cause I couldn’t stop thinking about what Ms Roberts said. Could that be true? That I could change everything and still get the same result at the end?

Soon enough class was over. I was gathering up my books waiting for the bell to ring when I noticed Mikey was looking at me.

“So are you gonna come help with my math or what?” I asked him and he just looked at me a little blankly. “Aw come on I fucked your brother last night.” I pointed out as the bell rang overhead.

“What?” He widened his eyes at me and I frowned.

“Gerard didn’t tell you?” I asked a little crushed inside.

“Um no.” Mikey made a face at me now. “Eww and um please don’t.” He cringed as he held his hand in my face. I forgot how Mikey gets about shit like that.

“Come on Mikey.” I laughed swatting it away. “I know you want to hear all about it.” I laughed and he tried not to laugh himself now.

“Eww no.” he insisted as I tried to balance my bag on my shoulder. I don’t know how I was managing to carry all this shit with my crutches but I was…

“Elle seriously you did not fuck my brother to get me to tutor you in math did you?” Mikey asked and god help me I think he was serious.

I was just about to tell him how insane that was when a voice called out from behind me in the doorway, answering for me.

“No she fucked him to piss me off.”

“What the hell Paul!” I cried out at the sight of him. He roughly stepped in the class room and tore my bag of my shoulder.

“You don’t listen.” He hissed at me as he threw it over his shoulder. “I told you-” he starts to grumble at me.

“No YOU don’t fucking listen.” I spat back cutting him off and when I looked over my shoulder Mikey was gone.

“Come on.” Paul forced me to the hallway.

“Jesus Christ Paul.” I rolled my eyes at him and he looked at me like what was my problem.

“Wait youre pissed with me?” He grinned like it was amusing.

“Yes.” I widened my eyes at him. "I tell you to leave me the fuck alone and you wont.“ I tried not to yell at him since we were in the hall but it was hard to keep my voice down but he just kept grinning. “And then you go and fucking talk to my consular.” I tell him and he stops grinning and looked at me seriously.

"Ok Elle come on..Im just worried about you...You wont tell me whats going on.." he says touching my hair. I flinched back.

“We are over, that’s whats going on.” I tell him and he frowned.

“So youre with him now?” He asked and I shifted my eyes a little. I really didn’t know. I guess Paul thought I was just avoiding his question.

“Naw you know what, Ill just ask him.” He kinda cracked his knuckles as he said it.

“Don’t you dare.” I paused outside the social studies doorway now.

"aw Elle you leave me no choice..." He said forcing my bag back on to me.

“Paul!” I cried out threateningly but it was too late. He was already jogging down the hall. I know he heard me too that fucker…

Damn, I had to talk to him. I had to fix this. I had to end shit with him before he ‘talked’ to Gerard that was for sure.

I don’t know why I was having such a hard time with Paul. It was like nothing I said was making a difference. Maybe it just wasn’t time yet? I mean my papa died early. It was only the first week in November, I got Paul off my back the first week of December. Fuck Im not gonna go through this another month with him.

I decided to tell Ray I wasn’t coming to lunch with him and Gerard to Lias today. I figured Id go to the cafeteria and try one more time to get through to Paul and maybe stop and have a chat with the larrys. Get their opinion on the whole time line thing too.

Ray first said that they would eat in the cafeteria too. I guess he thought cause of my ankle that that’s why I wanted to stay in and he figured they would keep me company. So I had to tell Ray how Gerard and I were together, and how I might have accidentally told Paul about it. He made a face but I insisted I would be able to fix it and to just keep Gerard away from Paul until at least after lunch and he agreed that was probably for the best…

But the one thing that really bothered me about my conversation with Ray was that he didn’t know. Gerard didn’t tell him either that we were together. He didn’t seem to tell anyone. Made me wonder if maybe it didn’t mean anything to him… or even worse- if he regretted it…