(#) warjournalist 2010-04-01Alright, much better with the details this time. Good use of Nero & a nice plot point with this 'demon museum' and Virgil coming back to life. But I just need to reiterate the need for physical details. Paint me a picture. Even if it's just a crayon drawing or a sketch, I need to know what I'm looking at in my mind.
And again, this was all from Nero's perspective yet he seems like he doesn't have any thoughts of his own. Use thoughts & opinions of your characters to fill in the blank space between actions & dialogue.
This story seems to be getting better & better quality-wise. I hope that continues. Take what you will from my reviews, but I am anticipating another chapter.
Author's responseHey...sorry I haven't updated the story in such a long while. I actually did finish it, I simply did not post it the rest of the way on here. I shall do so now.
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