Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Darling, I want to destroy you
‘Hi Gerard. How are ya?’
‘Hey Vee. Yeah I’m ok.’ He pulled me into his arms and the butterflies in my tummy began to flutter again. I became aware of my arms around his body. I wrapped around him a little tighter as I rested my head on his chest. It just felt so right. I could stay like this forever. I realised that I was holding onto him a little longer than I should. I quickly let go of him and stood back, slightly pushing him as I moved away.
‘Woah! What’s up with you little girl? Pushing me around!’
‘Sorry Gee… I just…’
‘It’s okay you don’t have to explain your insanity to me. I have learnt to accept it.’ We laughed as we lit our cigarettes.
‘So how have you been since everything that happened yesterday?’ Shit! I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up. I don’t particularly want to discuss this with Gerard. I just wanted to enjoy our time together, and forget about everything at home. ‘Okay I guess. He came to my place last night.’ His expression didn’t change with this information. I couldn’t bare looking at him, so I diverted my eyes to the ground as I continued. ‘They must of discharged him a few hours after we left. He wanted to know why I didn’t pick him up. But I feel asleep so I never got his calls, or yours for that matter. Sorry I didn’t get back to you.’
‘It’s okay I figured if you really needed me you would of got in touch with me. And as a bonus you have my number now!’ He let out a small smile. We finished our smokes, and I didn’t dare continue on explaining what happened the rest of the night. As we walked towards the entrance he said ‘So you two are still together?’ He didn’t look at me as he asked the question, he just kept staring straight ahead.
‘Yeah we are. We talked…’ I didn’t get to finish my sentence because he had picked up his pace and made his way into the lobby. The glass door slammed in my face as I watched his footsteps go further and further away from me. I yanked open the door and made my way towards the reception back office. He saw me as I walked in. He swiftly moved out of the office out to the front desk. It was quite clear he was avoiding me.
Once again I spent my shift at one end of the desk and he on the other. He didn’t even bat an eyelid in my direction. I grew increasingly bored and the time seemed to tick by so slowly. I wasn’t sure what I should do. I don’t like having him so close yet feeling so far away from him. So many thoughts ran through my head. I wanted to tell him that the reason why I am staying with Damien is because underneath it all I really do love and I don’t want to lose him. I wanted to tell him that I am so scared of being alone. I wanted to tell him how jealous I am of him and his wife and kid and his perfect life. I wanted to tell him how happy he makes me every time I see him. My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.
‘Hilton Airport, Virginia speaking, how may I help?’
‘Oh Virginia its Lindsay here, Gerard’s wife.’
What the fuck? How does she know who I am? ‘Hello how are you?’
‘Good, good. How are you darl. I heard about what happened to you when you went to the hospital. Gerard was so worried about you last night. I’m so glad he went to your place to check up on you. I don’t think he would of gotten any rest at all if he didn’t see you.’
What the hell was she on about? ‘Yes it was so kind of him. It’s nice to know he cares. Did you want me to put him on?’
‘Thanks darling, you take care of yourself now, if you need anything you let Gerard know okay.’
‘Um, okay thanks. Hang on a second.’ I placed Lindsay on hold and walked over to Gerard. ‘Your wife is on line two.’ I watched him pick up the handset then I turned and walked into the back office.
I had a million new thoughts running through my mind and I didn’t know where to start. I dug about in my handbag till I found my phone. I immediately rang Damien. His phone rang out. Fuck. I sent him a text message. ‘R U sure Gerard didn’t come to my place last night.’
His reply was almost instant. ‘Yes im sure. Y do U keep asking me?’ I called him again. And again it rang out. ‘Y don’t you answer UR phone? His wife just told me he came past.’
‘She’s lying’ was all he said back. Fuck! I grabbed my cigarettes from my bag and marched down to the staff smoking area.
I was muttering to myself the whole walk down and even while I was smoking. ‘You know talking to yourself aloud, isn’t a healthy habit.’ I dropped my smoke in shock as Gerard walked out from behind the dumpster.
‘What are you doing behind there?’
‘Smoking.’ He dug his hands into his pockets as he walked towards me. ‘I heard you spoke to my wife.’
‘Yeah, she seems really nice. You are very lucky.’
‘I guess she told you.’ He stood a few inches away from me and stared at the ground. He rocked back and forth on the balls of feet waiting for me to reply.
‘Yeah she did. I didn’t know you actually did come past. I know you said so in a message but I didn’t know you actually did.’
‘Well the thing is I did and I didn’t. I did go to your place, but I saw another car in your driveway. I assumed you had one of your friends over keeping you company, and I didn’t want to interrupt.’
‘So you never knocked on the door?’
‘No, never. Why?’
‘Oh no reason. Just me and my insane thoughts again. So your wife knows about me?’
He pulled out another cigarette and exhaled. ‘Of course she knows about you. I talk to her about you all the time.’
‘Doesn’t she think it’s a little strange that you talk about me and that you hang out with me?’
‘No. Why would she think its strange. We’re just friends, she knows that and I know that and that’s all she needs to know.’ I must have had a strange look on my face because he asked me what I was thinking. I shrugged my shoulders and told him not to worry. I didn’t wait for him to finish his smoke, instead I left him on his own as I made my way back to the desk.
That night I had another dream about Gerard. And like the other one it was filled with sex. He would never let me touch him, and kept saying that this was all about me. All he wanted to do was send wave after wave of pleasure through my body. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but when I woke up I began to think that maybe my dreams were trying to tell me something.
‘Hey Vee. Yeah I’m ok.’ He pulled me into his arms and the butterflies in my tummy began to flutter again. I became aware of my arms around his body. I wrapped around him a little tighter as I rested my head on his chest. It just felt so right. I could stay like this forever. I realised that I was holding onto him a little longer than I should. I quickly let go of him and stood back, slightly pushing him as I moved away.
‘Woah! What’s up with you little girl? Pushing me around!’
‘Sorry Gee… I just…’
‘It’s okay you don’t have to explain your insanity to me. I have learnt to accept it.’ We laughed as we lit our cigarettes.
‘So how have you been since everything that happened yesterday?’ Shit! I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up. I don’t particularly want to discuss this with Gerard. I just wanted to enjoy our time together, and forget about everything at home. ‘Okay I guess. He came to my place last night.’ His expression didn’t change with this information. I couldn’t bare looking at him, so I diverted my eyes to the ground as I continued. ‘They must of discharged him a few hours after we left. He wanted to know why I didn’t pick him up. But I feel asleep so I never got his calls, or yours for that matter. Sorry I didn’t get back to you.’
‘It’s okay I figured if you really needed me you would of got in touch with me. And as a bonus you have my number now!’ He let out a small smile. We finished our smokes, and I didn’t dare continue on explaining what happened the rest of the night. As we walked towards the entrance he said ‘So you two are still together?’ He didn’t look at me as he asked the question, he just kept staring straight ahead.
‘Yeah we are. We talked…’ I didn’t get to finish my sentence because he had picked up his pace and made his way into the lobby. The glass door slammed in my face as I watched his footsteps go further and further away from me. I yanked open the door and made my way towards the reception back office. He saw me as I walked in. He swiftly moved out of the office out to the front desk. It was quite clear he was avoiding me.
Once again I spent my shift at one end of the desk and he on the other. He didn’t even bat an eyelid in my direction. I grew increasingly bored and the time seemed to tick by so slowly. I wasn’t sure what I should do. I don’t like having him so close yet feeling so far away from him. So many thoughts ran through my head. I wanted to tell him that the reason why I am staying with Damien is because underneath it all I really do love and I don’t want to lose him. I wanted to tell him that I am so scared of being alone. I wanted to tell him how jealous I am of him and his wife and kid and his perfect life. I wanted to tell him how happy he makes me every time I see him. My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.
‘Hilton Airport, Virginia speaking, how may I help?’
‘Oh Virginia its Lindsay here, Gerard’s wife.’
What the fuck? How does she know who I am? ‘Hello how are you?’
‘Good, good. How are you darl. I heard about what happened to you when you went to the hospital. Gerard was so worried about you last night. I’m so glad he went to your place to check up on you. I don’t think he would of gotten any rest at all if he didn’t see you.’
What the hell was she on about? ‘Yes it was so kind of him. It’s nice to know he cares. Did you want me to put him on?’
‘Thanks darling, you take care of yourself now, if you need anything you let Gerard know okay.’
‘Um, okay thanks. Hang on a second.’ I placed Lindsay on hold and walked over to Gerard. ‘Your wife is on line two.’ I watched him pick up the handset then I turned and walked into the back office.
I had a million new thoughts running through my mind and I didn’t know where to start. I dug about in my handbag till I found my phone. I immediately rang Damien. His phone rang out. Fuck. I sent him a text message. ‘R U sure Gerard didn’t come to my place last night.’
His reply was almost instant. ‘Yes im sure. Y do U keep asking me?’ I called him again. And again it rang out. ‘Y don’t you answer UR phone? His wife just told me he came past.’
‘She’s lying’ was all he said back. Fuck! I grabbed my cigarettes from my bag and marched down to the staff smoking area.
I was muttering to myself the whole walk down and even while I was smoking. ‘You know talking to yourself aloud, isn’t a healthy habit.’ I dropped my smoke in shock as Gerard walked out from behind the dumpster.
‘What are you doing behind there?’
‘Smoking.’ He dug his hands into his pockets as he walked towards me. ‘I heard you spoke to my wife.’
‘Yeah, she seems really nice. You are very lucky.’
‘I guess she told you.’ He stood a few inches away from me and stared at the ground. He rocked back and forth on the balls of feet waiting for me to reply.
‘Yeah she did. I didn’t know you actually did come past. I know you said so in a message but I didn’t know you actually did.’
‘Well the thing is I did and I didn’t. I did go to your place, but I saw another car in your driveway. I assumed you had one of your friends over keeping you company, and I didn’t want to interrupt.’
‘So you never knocked on the door?’
‘No, never. Why?’
‘Oh no reason. Just me and my insane thoughts again. So your wife knows about me?’
He pulled out another cigarette and exhaled. ‘Of course she knows about you. I talk to her about you all the time.’
‘Doesn’t she think it’s a little strange that you talk about me and that you hang out with me?’
‘No. Why would she think its strange. We’re just friends, she knows that and I know that and that’s all she needs to know.’ I must have had a strange look on my face because he asked me what I was thinking. I shrugged my shoulders and told him not to worry. I didn’t wait for him to finish his smoke, instead I left him on his own as I made my way back to the desk.
That night I had another dream about Gerard. And like the other one it was filled with sex. He would never let me touch him, and kept saying that this was all about me. All he wanted to do was send wave after wave of pleasure through my body. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but when I woke up I began to think that maybe my dreams were trying to tell me something.
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