Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Forever and Ever

Fear and Regret

by MCArmyWife 10 reviews

Gerard admits to his mom and brother that he has already met Annabelle.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Fantasy,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2010-03-25 - Updated: 2010-03-25 - 2523 words

Gerard sat listening Mikey explain to their Mom about Annabelle Lewis's plan to write a book about the band. Three days had passed since his chance meeting with the author and still he continued to replay the incident in his mind.
"I've never read any of her books" Donna admitted, "But I understand they are very good."
Mikey nodded, "Yeah, Gee and I love her work." He looked over at his brother. "Man, I can't wait to meet her. I'm glad the tour starts the day after tomorrow."
Gerard was shocked to realize he was excited about that too. When he'd first arrived in New York he had been secretly dreading the tour but now his feelings had changed. "Actually I've already met her."
"What?" Mikey asked clearly shocked, "You're kidding right?"
Gerard sat back and shook his head, "No, I'm not joking. I ran into her outside Brian's office the other day."
"And you're just telling me now?" It was clear Mikey was quite put out. "Well what's she like? What did she say? Is she as beautiful as the photo?" He was bombarding Gerard with questions.
Gerard smiled, "She seemed nice. We didn't really talk. I literally ran into her." he shook his head at the memory. "Knocked her down. I was trying to shove my phone in my pocket and wasn't looking where I was going.,"
"You knocked her down?" Mikey said slowly, "Holy shit. Was she mad?"
"No, she was very understanding about it."
Mikey was relived, "So does she look like the photo on her dust jackets? Is that how you recognized her?"
Gerard took out a cigarette and lit it before answering. "I didn't recognize her. I mean I thought she looked familiar but I think it was her hair that confused me."
Donna frowned, "What about it?"
"Well the photo Mikey is talking about is black and white but her hair is very dark. And you can't see what her eyes truly look like."
His mother and brother stared at him.
Gerard tried to explain. "Her hair is actually so light it's almost white. And her eyes are such a stunning light blue."
Mikey was shocked to hear Gerard's description of Annabelle. He sounded in awe of her.
Donna spoke, "So she bleached her hair?"
"No, she said that is her natural color. She told me the dark color was because she didn't want to be recognized."
"Why?" Mikey asked.
It was so easy for Gerard to understand how Annabelle felt yet he didn't want to admit this to his family. He shrugged, "I'm not sure."
Donna took a drink of her soda and mused out loud, "The way you describe her makes me think of your 'angel' woman."
Gerard's head snapped around to face her, "What?"
With a laugh Donna explained. "I'm sure you don't remember but when you were little you met someone you described as an angel woman. For weeks you talked about her."
A slight memory surfaced in Gerard's brain but it wouldn't focus. “When was this?"
Donna thought a moment. "You would have been about seven I think. Mama had taken you out to the park but it has started to rain. When you two were walking home it started to pour so the two of you stopped to wait it out under a shop awning. Mama told me that a woman joined you two and according to her the woman was beautiful and she'd been very kind to you. She saw that you'd dropped your sand pail down the road and had picked it up and returned it to you."
Gerard searched his mind for the memory again. Slowly small details of that day emerged, "I think I remember." He said slowly.
Donna nodded, "Mama thought it was cute how you were so attracted to the woman. When you got home you told me all about the angel lady who you'd met."
In his mind he was now seeing that day. He remembered how disappointed he'd been that he and his grandma had to leave the park so suddenly when the rain had begun. He remembered them starting for home but that it had begun to pour so they'd stopped and it was then he'd realized he'd left his sand pail behind in the park. That pail had been so important to him as it was a gift from grandma. As the memories began to fill his mind he tried to remember the woman. He shook his head realizing he was picturing the woman as Annabelle but that was of course impossible. That had been over twenty-five years ago. The woman who'd returned his bucket would be much older than Annabelle.
Mikey broke into his thoughts, "So did she say anything about the book? Is she gonna be at the venue for our first show?"
Gerard forced his mind back to the present. "Dude, we really didn't talk that much. I didn't realize who she was until she was leaving."
"Well since you ran into her she must be in town." Donna said, "Maybe you could invite her over for dinner."
The idea shocked Gerard and he wasn't sure why. "Ma, I don't know her. I can't just call her up."
However Mikey loved the idea, "I bet Brian could call her personal assistant and ask for her number. I mean she's gonna be writing a book about the band so she'd probably like the chance to talk to us and met mom."
Gerard frowned, "I don't know. She's probably busy." The idea of meeting Annabelle again frightened and excited him. He didn't feel ready to deal with either emotion.
Mikey pulled out his phone. "Well we won't know until we try." He punched in Brian's number and was soon explaining the situation to their manager.
Gerard sat smoking his cigarette growing more nervous by the minute.
Donna spoke softly to him while Mikey was still on the phone. "Are you alright, son?" She understood her eldest mental health was fragile. It had been that way since the divorce.
He tried to smile, "I'm fine, Ma."
She knew it was a lie. Each night before sleep she said a prayer for him. The fear he would slip away from all of them again tore at her heart.

"Annabelle, I relieved a call from Brain Schechter." Clare said as soon as her call was answered. "The Way's wish to invite you over for dinner tonight."
Sitting down the paintbrush in her hand Annabelle frowned, "For dinner?"

Clare laughed, "Yes, Annabelle. You know that meal taken in the evening."
"I am aware of the meaning of dinner." Annabelle said with a small laugh, "I am just surprised by the request."
"Yes, I understand how unplanned events can throw you into turmoil."
Annabelle sighed, "Not turmoil. I just had not planned on speaking to anyone until the actual tour began."
"So I should decline the offer?" Clare asked sounding bored.
The question was met by silence for several minutes while Annabelle made her decision. "No, please tell them I would love to have dinner with them tonight. Let me know when you have the details."
Clare sighed, "As you wish."

Mikey disconnected and gave a whoop. "That was her secretary. She'll be here at six. I'm gonna run home and get Alicia." He said standing.
The announcement spurred Donna into action. "What should I make? She's not a vegetarian is she?"
Gerard felt his hands growing clammy and his heartbeat quicken. He tried to take a calming breath to quiet the anxiety attack he feared was coming.
Donna moved towards the kitchen. "Maybe homemade pizza. That way if she is it would be easy to remove the meat." She continued to think out loud as she disappeared from sight.
Gerard puffed deeply on his cigarette lost in thought. Why was he afraid to see her again? He had been looking forward to the start of the tour knowing she would be there. Now however the old demons were resurfacing. He just wanted to go back to his hotel and lock out the world. He stood. "Hey ma. I'm gonna go back to my hotel and change." He yelled out towards the kitchen.
"Okay, son." Donna answered "See you at six." She was busy searching the cabinets for the necessary ingredients.
Gerard left the house knowing he would not be returning.

"And this is a picture of Gerard when he was about six." Donna said handing the photo to Annabelle who was sitting next to her on the sofa as they poured over the photo album.
Annabelle blinked but quickly recovered, "He was quite handsome."
Across the room Mikey laughed, "No, he was pretty."
"Stop that." Donna told her youngest son but there was laughter in her voice, "Annabelle is right, he was handsome. Still is."
Mikey rolled his eyes, "Nope, he's still pretty."
Alicia who was sitting next to her husband looked at Annabelle. She had been visiting with them for the past half hour but her friendly nature made it seem they were all talking with an old friend. "So, did you always want to be a writer?" She asked growing tired of watching Donna show photos.
Annabelle met her gaze, "No, not at all.' she answered honestly. "I love to paint, mostly watercolors."
Alicia nodded, "Oh, you were a starving artist."
It was easy just to nod and let Alicia think that was the case. In truth Annabelle would never find herself in need of money.
"So you wrote your first book. Was it hard to get published?" Mikey asked joining the conversation.
"I was very lucky." Annabelle answered. "The first publisher I submitted my manuscript to loved the story."
"Well I can understand why." Mikey said happily. "It's a wonderful book."
Donna shut the photo album and looked over at her youngest son, "Try calling your brother again. I don't understand why he's not here."
Mikey nodded and took out his phone.
"I'm really sorry about this, Annabelle." Donna said looking over at her guest. "I'm sure something has come up but he should be here soon."
Annabelle smiled, "It is not a problem. I’ve enjoyed sitting here and getting to know all of you. And please, call me Anna."
Donna found herself drawn to this young woman. She'd been a bit worried the famous author would be standoffish but that was not the case. Anna was sweet and very down to earth.
"If I could inquire," Anna said to her host, “As I was waiting for you to answer the door I saw in your flower garden what I believe is Nightshade. Am I correct?"
Donna shrugged, "I'm not sure what is growing out there. When I sold my house I brought with me starts of plants that had been in my mama's garden. Out back there is another flower garden too."
"May I take a look?" Anna asked.
"Of course." Donna smiled. "Come on you can go through the kitchen door. I'm going to pop the pizza in the oven." She stood and Anna followed.
"Still no answer." Mikey reported disconnecting.
"Well he's going to have cold pizza when he gets here." Donna said with a sigh. She stopped at the refrigerator to take out the pizza while Anna continued on to the back door.
Once outside Anna took a deep breath and smiled. This evening, while unplanned, was going splendidly. She truly enjoyed those she'd met. Moving slowly she gazed at the flowers noting the names of each. She loved flowers, always had. Still she wanted to get a closer look at the plants she'd seen outside the front door. The pathway that led around the house was stone and she quickly found herself rounding the house. She stopped in her tracks when she saw him standing at the front door. He hadn't seen or heard her he simply was staring at the door. Anna took a deep breath then silently glided up behind him.
"Your mom is beginning to worry."
Gerard was startled by her voice and spun around.
Anna smiled, "I am sorry I did not mean to frighten you. I was enjoying a moment in this clean night air and looking over your mothers flower gardens."
He forced himself to speak, "Sorry I'm late. I had something come up." He lied.
She smiled softly, "I am glad you chose to come."
For a moment it sounded like she understood how hard the decision had been. He'd forced himself to be here. "Uh, well I was supposed to come." He answered. "I was expected for dinner."
She took a step nearer to him. "Just because something is expected does not mean it will occur."
As she had done before it was almost as if she knew his true thoughts. He gazed at her without speaking. Then suddenly darkness began to fall and he sighed. "So have you eaten dinner?"
"No, we were waiting for you. Donna is just putting the pizza in the oven."
He nodded, "Good, I'm hungry." He tried to make his voice sound normal. He tried to hide the anxiety in his voice.
Anna moved up the first step so that he was two steps above her now. "I am hungry also."
Gerard couldn't stop staring at her. What was it about this woman that drew him in? He was disappointed to see that she'd pulled her beautiful long hair back into a bun. He realized he wanted to see it down like before flowing freely. That thought shocked him. He hadn't felt anything towards any woman in so long and he hadn't wanted to either. He shook his head to dispel the thought.
"Gerard, should we take the path?"
Her words confused him. "What?'
Anna laughed, "I meant should we take the path back around the house to the back door. I went out that way and I am sure Donna is wondering where I have disappeared to."
"Oh." He relaxed slightly, "Yeah, sure." He took a step down but she didn't move. Gerard suddenly caught a whiff of her perfume. It was soft and yet familiar. Anna stood a moment then backed down. She knew he was following closely behind.
"Your grandmothers flowers are lovely." She said as the rounded the house.
"My mom's flowers." He corrected.
Anna slowed her pace so that they were now walking side by side. "She told me these are starts off your grandmothers flowers."
"Well yeah, that's true." He said glancing over at her then quickly looking away. "Grandma really loved flowers."
"As do I." Anna admitted.
They reached the back patio and saw Donna thought the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. "She's gonna be pissed I'm late." He muttered.
"She understands." Anna said softly. “Never doubt that."
Her comment puzzled him. "Understands? He tried to bring the conversation back to a normal level, "That I had shit I had to do? I hope so."
Anna moved past him and put her hand on the door latch but before sliding it open she whispered, "No, she understands fear and regret."
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