FicWad

"we all are hunny" he whispered stroking my hair
"i just want to know ...everything!" i whispered harshly
"i don't know how well you'll handle it ... everything is ... well it just might not be what you need right now" he sighed.
"did i leave because gerard hit me?" i asked staring at the floor.
"it was part of it"
"well tell me what the other part was frankie please!" i begged grabbing his hand and staring eagerly into his eyes.
"gerard was going through a tough time and he wasn't coping well ... you tried, you really did but nothing any of us could do was ever good enough. we began to lose him ... we lost him to he drink and the drugs and he wasn't our gerard anymore, thats the gerard you fell out of love and he didn't start to do anything about it until he felt he had truly lost you. he cleaned up his act but he won't truly forgive himself until you do ... and you can't truly forgive what you don't remember lucy, although he was a horrible person then he isn't now and i don't think i can help you remember how to hate him. im sorry" frank blinked back a few tears and left.

well i was officially hurting everyonethat bothered to care about me, i cryed a bit myself and curled uo in my bed again ... frank didn't answer my question and i was left feeling hollow and empty, my hand was still on my stomach like i was searching for something ... anything to move in there ... but it wouldn't, i suppose i knew it wouldn't but i could keep hoping and praying then maybe, just maybe i could wake up with gerard happy at my side and i could feel whole with new life that was to be mine inside me, and we could finish painting the nursery and be a happy couple just enjoying life, but i guess i should grow up, i had been hurt and broken and my baby had been stolen from me. i cried the last of my tears out and gave up.

i was brought back from my daydream ihad slipped into by a knock at the door.
"its mikey, can i come in?" i nodded numbley then realised he couldn't see
"yeah" i whipered just loud enough for him to hear. he was holding a big plate of food
"hungry?" he grinned. my stomach growled and answered his question, he laughed and handed me the plate and sat with me while i ate.
"thankyou mikey" i smiled weakly, it tasted so good and i ate it all even though i was ver full
"that used to be your favourite so i thought i'd make you it .... you know thats the first real food you've eaten in a year!"
that thought seemed so surreal tome, it was like i wasn't human and the time i was in hospital was ... wasted? lie arobot not eating or drinking, not smiling not talking no really living, fresh tars started and mikey hugged me tight.
"i'm sorry mikey, i don't know whats wrong with me, my emotions are all over the place. i feel so silly" i sniffed
"dont you worry about it. we'll see you through this, i promise!"
and you know what? i reall did believe him.