Categories > TV > Supernatural


by wincest 0 reviews

You asked me why my eyes bled, but I refused to tell you. (( Rated for Dean's thoughts ))

Category: Supernatural - Rating: R - Genres: Angst - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2006-04-21 - Updated: 2006-04-22 - 363 words - Complete


You asked me why my eyes bled, but I refused to tell you. Just as you had refused to tell me. I know, in due time, that your secret will come out, but mine will die with me. You can never know. No one can.

You looked hurt when I told you it wasn't any of your business, like you never kept anything from me. I wanted to laugh. Both of us have secrets; deep, dark desires and fears. We'll never share them, though. Not all of them anyway.

You'll never know how bad it hurt when you left; how lost I was for months. Dad had worried about possession or something, but I hid it after his relentless prying got annoying. You'll never know how many times I woke to check on you and you weren't there. You'll never know how badly I missed your scolding; sometimes dad just didn't care enough to do that.

I can't tell you how many times you were the one that entered my dreams and not some super model poster girl. I couldn't do that to you. You want normalcy and that would make fighting for it that much harder. It would make you that much more eager to leave again, too.

I could tell you how many times it was your name on my lips when I had time to myself. It's a sin, and I know I'm damned to hell. The thoughts won't leave me, and, I don't want them to. They give me a reason to wake up so I can enter a new nirvana every night.

I'm sick, Sammy, but for me this is normal. I can't keep a steady girlfriend because of the job, but you're always there for me. Well, you have been lately anyway. If I'm going to hell, I want to go knowing that you were at least okay, which is why I won't tell you.

I want to shield you from this, even if it means pissing you off with keeping my secret. I'm saving you, Sammy, but I'm mostly saving myself. I don't want to lose you again. No. I can't lose you again. Forgive me.
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