FicWad

Alice was late. She was always late. I guess it was her thing. As I sat at the cafe table waiting for her, my latte long finished and my finger drumming on the table top, I considered the girl I'd known for the better part of my life. Her manner and disposition. As I considered these things, I saw her rush past the window. She wasn't a small girl, no, she was maybe 5'7'' or 8 and had broad shoulders. She wasn't slim either, she definitely had some meat on her bones. Alice had longish curly hair the colour of chocolate and big round blue eyes. She was a very sweet tempered girl, nice… yeah, that's the word. She walked through the door making the bell chime and as she went she stumbled slightly over her own shoes, something she did frequently. It was charming is a kind of way. I looked her up and down taking notice of her blue denim skinny jeans that clung to her thick thighs, the blue eyelet peasant style tank top and her blue and silver Nike high top runners. When her eyes met mine she smiled her common tight lipped smile and pulled her dj headphones off her head. "Hey." Alice's voice was interesting. She was very soft spoken and her voice was perfectly rasped from years of smoking, a vice she'd freed herself from the year before. I smiled up at her as she put her Ipod and headphones in her messenger bag, the one with all the button badges on it. She sat down and leaned back in her chair. "Sorry, I'm late." I just merely shrug. Right then the waitress came to our table and asked Alice her order. Alice looked up at the woman and ordered her coffee with a slight wince in her countenance. The lady nodded and asked if I wanted another. "Sure." With my reply she left me to Alice. "So, how's it going?" Alice nodded and smiled again. "It's fine… hot, but fine." I agreed. Alice then began to fill me in on the happenings with our mutual friend and her roommate Lily. As she did this I watched her speak. I had known Alice for about six years at this point. We'd met at the age of seventeen. She'd sat next to me the first day in English class, and had become my friend soon after. She had been a new student and after meeting me became a part of all my other friendships. "So about tonight…" She began and I realized immediately that she was about to bow out of our activity for the night. We had been invited to a party at my other best friend Frank's house. He frequently threw parties at his apartment and usually Alice tried to get out of them. She hated parties and usually when I forced to her to come she'd stand awkwardly in the corner of the kitchen and watch everyone else till someone talked to her. After a while people stopped trying to talk to her. It was hard to watch because she was such a sweet girl. Her shyness certainly standing in her way. None the less, I still had a better time when she was there, it made me feel a little better. "Come on Alice…" She sighed. "I'm sorry. You know I don't like parties, they are so awkward." I shake my head. "Please come. It's more fun when you're there." I see a smile stretch across her lips. "Okay, I guess." I nod in triumph. A second later, the waitress returns with our coffees.


That night at about nine-thirty I pull up out front of Alice's apartment building. In the passenger seat, my older brother prattles on about something I'm pretty certain I don't care about. I see two figures emerge from the door. As they come closer, I see Alice and Lily. Lily is quite pretty. Brunette and brown eyed, tall and slim. Very pleasing to look at. Next to her Alice stands and for a moment, I'm not sure it is Alice. She's wearing a deep blue floral twirly skirt and a black tank top, black tights and blue sparkled flats. When they get in the car my brother looks back and smiles, obviously not feeling the same shock as me. I have known Alice a very long time and had only seen her in a skirt a handful of times. "You look awesome Alice." Is my brother's comment. I see a slight blush creep up Alice's face and she attaches her eyes to mine in the rearview mirror. I can only nod in agreement. "It's Lily's stuff. She insisted." Lily nodded as well obviously proud of herself. It wasn't that Alice didn't look good. She did. But it was weird. I'd never seen her try so hard with her looks. I stole a look at her in the mirror again only to meet her eyes. Looking away I ask if they are ready, I receive a confirmation. The drive over, Lily and my brother discuss things that I'm not paying attention to. I listen carefully to Alice's silence in the backseat, searching for some kind of explaining change. Something to tell me why she looked so different. I got nothing.
Frank was very pleased it would seemed with Alice's appearance, mentioning it several times much to her dismay. It did not take long before the party was in full swing. I was talking to a girl I'd never seen before in the living room. We were talking about how each of us knew Frank, when the girl changed turned the topic to Alice, whom I'd not seen for a while. "Did you see that girl Frank was flirting with in the kitchen a while ago?" I shook my head. "Uh no. What did she look like?" The girl thought for a moment. "Blue skirt, brown hair, really pretty." I thought for a moment and couldn't really find anyone who matched that description. "Hmm…" The girl's eyebrows furrowed and just then Frank and my brother joined the conversation. "Frank! Who was the girl you were talking to in the kitchen?" She asked. Frank grinned. "Oh she's a really good friend of ours, Alice." I instantly turned to look at him. Alice was the really pretty girl? I mean I guess she's pretty but really? "Nah, must have been someone else." I said and their attention turned to me. "Huh?" Frank asked. "She was talking about the really pretty one, with the brown hair and blue skirt." Frank gave me a confused look. "Yeah, Alice." I laugh slightly. "You think Alice is really pretty?" Gerard and Frank exchange a look. "Uh, yeah. What? You don't?" I shake my head. "Not really…" I begin. Gerard tries to interrupt. "I'm she's cute and nice and all but I wouldn't call her really pretty, she's kinda big." Gerard isn't looking at me anymore but past me. "Mikes…" I give him a confused look before turning to find the object of his eyes. Instantly I freeze. Alice isn't looking at me but I am sure that she'd over heard my words. Her eyes and darker and she has a weak half smile on her lips, the other half turned down slightly at the corner. "Alice…" She looks up and I automatically feel like shit. I can read her expression perfectly. It's a cocktail of hurt and betrayal, with a touch of real pain. "Excuse me." Her voice couldn't be heard over the music and crowd but I heard her. With that she spun on her heels and hurried to the apartment door. "Fuck!" I hiss before going after her.
I can hear her footsteps flying down the stairs and can't seem to catch up with her. When I finally do reach her, we are out on the sidewalk out front of the apartment building. "Alice wait!" She just kept walking. "Alice…" She turns and I see her make-up has begun to run and her face is slick with tears. I stop dead, stunned by this outward show of emotion from my friend. Neither of us say anything for a moment before she speaks in a whisper. "What?" I'm not sure what to say. What the hell was I thinking before? I mean I know that she's not extremely pretty and she is on the heavier side but still, I shouldn't have said it out loud. That was cruel. "I… I'm sorry." She lets loose a quick soft sob before taking a deep breath. "It's alright. I'm sorry." I am shocked by her reply, why isn't she mad at me? Why the hell is she apologizing? I try again, not fully understanding. "I didn't mean to…" She just shakes her head and tries to smile. "It's okay, Mikey. I understand." I feel confused. What does she understand? I don't understand! She puts a hand to her stomach and presses there slightly. "I just wish…" She starts and pauses briefly, letting a few more tears break through. "I wish I hadn't made such an ass of myself." I shake my head to clear it then ask her what she's talking about. "I wish I hadn't tried so hard." She says waving a hand over her self. I look into her wet eyes for a moment and then I understand what she means. She had intended herself for me. "You like me?" I say with shock in my expression. Instantly her face crumples and I feel a slight fear, not knowing what to say or do. Alice leans forward bracing herself on her knees, her hand pressing harder against her stomach and her body shaking. I watch her a moment feeling like the worst sort of man. Had I said or done something to make her believe that I'd liked her? Had I lead her on? Not that I could see. After a moment Alice's sobs calmed and she wipes her face on the back of her hand. "I'm really sorry that I offend you so. Had I known the situation was as is, I never would have thrust myself under your under your eye. Forgive me." And with that she once again turns to leave. But I don't want her to leave. She's my best friend, just because I don't find her attractive doesn't mean that I don't enjoy her company. "Alice, please. Don't be ridiculous, you aren't that bad." Again she stops and I realize I have once again wounded her. "I didn't mean it like that." I quickly try to fix my misstep. She turns tears again flowing free. "Mikey, I tried so hard. For years. And I never would have been enough. I understand that I am ugly and it's true that I am heavier than an attractive girl should be. I suppose I just thought…you'd love me enough that it wouldn't matter." I feel her pain radiating off her on waves. It sends an unbelievable amount of sadness through my body. Standing there on the street, telling me how hard she'd tried, completely broken down, she looked smaller than I'd ever seen her. Her shiny eyes and sweet countenance completely washed out. I was to blame. I regretted it then. All those words. I wanted so badly to be able to look at her and see a beautiful woman as the others had, but all I could see was Alice. Just Alice.

AN: So yeah... this story is quite sad. I didn't mean it to be so sad when I began it, it just came out this way. I hope you enjoyed it. I was trying out a more formal approach to the dialog and whatnot. So yeah... Please review!