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4/12/10(html)

Episode 24: Interstitial Interchange (Part 3)

"Was it easy for you to leave?"

"Hm?"

"With Sara."

"Ah."

Jin slowly turned and squarely faced the river, closing his eyes. After a long, heavy pause, he finally spoke.

"Yes...and no."

Sometimes, Jin was so cautious that Fuu wanted to punch him. Mugen's frankness was hard to deal with but at least she rarely had to wonder what he was thinking since he spoke his mind without censure. Later on, she would have to decide what hurt more: the sharp edge of truth that cut into her many times over or the agony of trying to keep wisps of hope from evaporating with every word that was never said.

Fuu looked up at Jin's profile, the moonlight illuminating his pale skin. She watched as the night clouds projected moving shadows across his face and held her breath at his stillness, willing him to speak further. When he didn't, she turned to face the river also, standing only a few feet away from him yet feeling the tethers slowly slipping away. She let out asmall, exasperated sigh. "It's been a long time and distance since we were at Hakone Checkpoint. You barely spoke three words to me that whole time and not much more since. It occurred to me then that you may not be particularly fond of me but, won't you, just this once, talk with me for a little while? It will be morning soon..."

Jin felt one side of his mouth turn up into a little smile, too faint for Fuu to see. She had expressed this in her diary; the notion of him not talking to her because perhaps he didn't like her. But he couldn't very well put her mind at ease without admitting that he and Mugen read the entirety of her personal entries. Even though she was preemptive enough in catching them without actually seeing them do it, it was something he and Mugen would keep to themselves. He found it difficult to comfort her without it seeming unnatural but she was giving him the opportunity now.

"Yes , it was easy to leave - because I knew at last that she would make her intentions fully known and I would be able to confront her openly. "

He had gone willingly, she thought to herself, knowing the risk that faced all of them if he didn't. When he returned to them, she had an entire evening to sit by his side as he recovered from that confrontation, letting it sink in just how much her choice might have cost him...and her.

"And no...?" Fuu pressed on.

"And no - because you asked me to go."

Fuu winced. Would he take this time to finally judge her for her the gamble she made in choosing him instead of Mugen to go with Sara? Would he condemn her at last as she had already condemned herself? She let her chin drop and closed her eyes; preparing herself to hear the words she already impaled herself on daily for her choice that day.

"I had no reason to deny you what you asked, "Jin continued."I figured you must have felt your choice was justified. You seemed so troubled when I caught up with you on that bridge. But the moment you requested I go with Sara, you sounded so certain. I must admit, I was a little taken aback because I found myself wanting to ask you a question similar to the one Mugen had posed. He wanted to know why he couldn't go. I wanted to know...why Icouldn't stay."

Fuu's eyes flew open but she dared not turn his way. Had she heard him right?

"But that thought came and went quickly, "Jin continued. "This separation I've had to make from others, it was always a little easier when it was my choice. So I was not prepared. Regardless, I had come to accept it as apart of life. So, when you asked me to leave, it was a somewhat familiar situation, one I would endure. I knew what lay before me and I wasn't going to shy away from it. Do not burden yourself so much because of the choice you made. It was obviously meant to be."

She hadn't known until tonight just how alone Jin had been. She didn't know his parents died when he was a child or that all he had ever known was training. And even in that environment surrounded by others his age, he was shunned, ostracized, for being nothing but exemplary and distinguished. Had she unwittingly done the same thing to him? Was his honor to be rewarded with expulsion, always? Even with these thoughts, she found it very comforting to know that he had not wanted to leave that day.

"She had asked me to choose one of you the day before we reached the town. Honestly, I don't remember much of anything after that. It was as if I was walking in a haze. I knew the day would come when our journey together would end but I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon, you know?I wasn't ready and I didn't want to be. I couldn't let either one of you go. But then, you came after me. It seemed like you might have even cared a little,"Fuu said with a small chuckle. "And that's when I made up my mind. I figured, if I had to let one of you go, I could choose the one who might actually want to stay. That's why I asked you, Jin. It had to be you. I was trying to give Sara what she needed but thought I'd be off the hook if you said 'no'. I guess I was just being selfish, huh?"

"You were doing your best to keep us together, "Jin said encouragingly. "Admittedly, Mugen and I haven't given you the greatest confidence to that end along the way but even I did not realize how right he was when he said we were destined to end up back together. I hope you know that, had you sent Mugen along with Sara, he would have eventually found his way back as well. I think even he would agree. And here we are. It will soon be morning and the new day may bring you to your Sunflower Samurai and our journey to an end at last. I am glad for you."





In the beginning of it all, Fuu couldn't wait to get to the Sunflower Samurai. She was driven and focused. And now, she saw dawn's light as a harbinger of change that she wished desperately to stave off. How precious these fleeting moments were to her. She never imagined that she would be standing with Jin, in the waning night, having the longest conversation she had ever had with him. Her heart swelled to know that, in looking back, he continued along on this journey because he wanted to and, if it were up to him, he'd go to the very end with her until she looked upon the face of her father.

But it wasn't up to him. She had gotten up in the night because she had finally come to a decision about them and about herself. And that decision broke her heart into a million pieces. If she had to say goodbye, she would do it on her own terms. Just imagining them as they knowingly walked away from her made her chest contract painfully. And Jin was right, it would be a little easier to choose when to say goodbye. This last leg she would do on her own. They had done everything they could for her, and beyond. Though she had gotten into a fair amount of trouble because of them, she knew she never would have made it this far without their help. How could she thank them properly for delivering her safely into fulfilling such a long awaited desire?Maybe show them how much she learned from them; that she would always carry them with her by being as fearless as Mugen and as disciplined as Jin, especially as she neared her goal. She didn't want to see their faces as she bade farewell because then she would have to stop herself from exploding into tears in front of them and she wasn't sure she could. That's not how she wanted them to remember her. She would be as brave they had been throughout their journey, even if she was just acting it. They deserved much more from her but it was the best she could offer.

Jin noted all the slight changes in Fuu's expression as her varied emotions played across her face. She never could hide them well, at least not from him. Her youth and sincerity were often at war with the drudgery the world had to offer and he found that refreshing. He was certain she would still exude that genuineness of spirit even at an old age. This was also why he noticed when she was anxious or distraught, though there didn't seem to be much he could do for her. At last, her countenance settled into one of grim determination even as her slight frame was shaking subtlely. He turned to face her and closed the distance between them. As he placed his hand on her shoulder once again, he was surprised at how much it concerned him to see her this way and increasingly wanted to comfort her, not knowing how.

"Fuu..."

"Jin..." she said at the same time, looking up at him as evenly as she could. "Thank you. Thank you for all that you've done. I'll never forget it. Please, let's get some sleep while we can and don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

Jin nodded at her and then looked towards the dying embers of their campfire. But somehow he knew that this would only be the start of his worries. Looking past her, his hand slid down her shoulder to her upper arm where he gently squeezed before letting go. To Fuu, the smallest gesture from Jin was as if the mountains moved and she knew she made the right decision. She could go happily now.

They both walked slowly back to their mats. Fuu felt much more at peace now than she did when she first got up. As she settled back down, she looked toward Mugen's sleeping form and whispered, "Thank you, Mugen,"closed her eyes, and fell asleep.

Jin and Mugen, however, were wide awake.



To Be Continued...

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4/19/10 Note - Gah, this was hard to write! This took me a week whereas the previous two chapters took one night each. I guess I didn't organize my thoughts very well and it may come across that way here, too. Sorry if it comes across as scatterbrained. Will do better planning next time. Ja ne!