Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Please Speak Softly
Helena
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I looked into the mirror and sighed, I'm so plain and ugly... Everyone says the exact opposite but I don't believe them at all. I laughed to myself, I could hear them now:
"Oh Honey! You have the most perfect body"
"You're not fat! Why would you say that?!"
"I envy you so much Helena,you have the most beautiful eyes!"
"Oh my god, I fucking love your curly hair! I've spent so much money to try and get my hair to look like yours."
I just rolled my eyes then scanned over myself in the mirror. My hair, a bright neon orange, and very layered. The only thing I really knew what to do with my hair is leave it down,so if it's ever up,its a rare occasion. The one thing I did like about my hair though,was that even though I left it down all the time, it still looked good. I need a haircut, I thought. My hair was getting too long and unmanageable even though it was only an inch or two below my shoulders. I stared at my eyes, a deep shade of emerald, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, well this one is damaged beyond repair. My nose and lips we're perfectly proportioned with the rest of me, not too big, not too small. Next I moved down to my torso. Apparently, I'm lucky, I am sort of chesty, a "nice" D-cup. It made going out in public annoying after I started blossoming into a woman. I laughed a little bit at that thought. Me,a woman? Not in my family's eyes, to them, I'm as good as dead. I weigh about an average weight for my age of nineteen years young... I decided to be the typical fan-girl tonight and just wear a My Chemical Romance t-shirt to their concert. I looked at my skinnys and smiled. Something in my gut told me that tonight was going to be the start of a new beginning for me.
I put the finishing touches on my hair by teasing it a little, just for a little volume. I when to pull my phone out of my pocket but it wasn't there... Fuck! I started slinging all the clothes that were on the floor all over my bathroom floor then saw it sitting on the counter right next to where my straightener was...I'm an idiot, I thought. I picked it up and saw that I had a text from my best friend, Ashley, it read:
"Where ARE you?!? You're my ride,REMEMBER?! The concert starts in about an hour! HURRY UP!"
I looked at the time from when it was sent,that was at six-fifty,that was ten minutes ago. Frantically, I rushed around my shitty house and grabbed everything I needed: wallet, keys, cigarettes, camera, and my car charger for my phone. Once I made sure I had everything, including the tickets, I ran out to my car locking the door behind me. I sped to Ashley's house and made it there in fifteen minutes when the average time to get there would be thirty-five minutes.
When I pulled up, I saw my friend annoyed and pacing frantically outside her house. I honked the horn and she quickly walked to the passenger side and hopped in the car. When she fastened her seatbelt I stepped on the gas pedal so we wouldn't be late. I tried to drive carefully considering that she was trying to finish her makeup.
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We got to the concert just in time. Bring Me The Horizon was bound to start any minute now,so we sprinted to our spots. As her belated birthday present, I got her these tickets and they're floor seats,so they're not the cheapest... She hugged me when we got to our spots and almost screamed, "I fucking love you!" Once she let me go, the lights went out and then the stage lights came on and were dimmed,a somber orange color...
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When the concert ended, I surprised her yet again with a part two to her present, V.I.P. backstage passes. I knew Ashley would only be interested in Bring Me The Horizon but I didn't care,you only live once right? When I showed them to her, she acted like it was like I was handing her a free ticket to Heaven, she danced around like a giddy school-girl. I thought it was amusing actually,she never seemed to have a problem with making a fool of herself, even in a crowd...We tried to hurry so that we would be consumed by the numerous fans trying to sneak in backstage and luckily, there wasn't too many people there trying to fight their way through. When I spotted the security guard, I could see why. He was about six foot three and two-hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle. I felt tiny compared to him and I'm five foot six and honestly, if Ashley wouldn't have been there,I probably would have ran away. This guy just petrified me and I was too scared to look at his face. In a gruff voice he asked, "Where's your passes?" and it seemed to be more of an annoyed yell if you asked me. He studied our passes for a moment then nodded. YES! We got in! I followed Ashley over to where the bands were and they all just seemed so happy and down-to-earth...and normal, I heard myself think. I felt her tugging at my hand, pulling me forward almost actually, and she smiled the entire time. At that instant, I knew that her eyes were set on Oliver Sykes.
To me, honestly I thought that he looked like a girl. He had dark brown razored hair that fell to his shoulders and stood at about six foot-two and was as pale as paper. He looks dead almost, I heard myself thinking. He seemed to have tattoos from head to toe. The one that seemed most unique was the one on his knuckles. It read "DROP" on his right then "DEAD" on the left, it was quite interesting actually. He was wearing a white V-Neck t-shirt and it dipped down to about the center of his breast. Oliver was so skinny that in a way,it was almost gross to me.... He wore what appeared to be girl skinny jeans (they hugged to close to his body to be a cut for a man), but Ashley still liked him all the same. He was smiling and laughing, his hazel eyes glowing in the light. He was sipping a beer and then I remembered, he was at a legal drinking age. After the bottle was resting on his knee we were up by the bands and we were probably thinking that we were smiling like crazies... Great...they'll throw us out for sure now...we're just two fan girls who are smiling at these beautiful people... I heard Ashley say proudly, "Why hello, I'm Ashley and this is my friend Helena," she pointed to me," and we were wondering if we could chat with you good fellows for a bit." She smiled hopefully and everyone in the circle smiled and replied with a "yes" answer in some way shape or form. We sat down on what appeared to be a very old couch and the room we were in reeked of old booze and cigarette smoke. I felt as if I was going to need a tetanus shot after we left here... I seemed so awkward and out of place, I've always been a shy girl but never like this. Maybe because I was surrounded by celebrities and I felt inadequate. Ashley was the polar opposite of me almost, she was so confident and she talked to them like she didn't realize they were, in a way, different from us. Wow... I sound so ridiculous I thought, they're not different at all! they're normal people but just more popular. I laughed a little to myself, for a straight "A" student, this was a very insecure thought for me. Oh well I guess.
It was interesting to hear Ashley ask everyone the questions she did. They were just simple ones like, "Well how is it touring?" and, "Don't you get home sick? I know I would!" She certainly was a different than the average teenager but I loved her for it and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just kept noticing that I was getting lost in thought and she'd occasionally open up a spot for me to put my two-cents in but I was trying to muster up enough gonads to speak to somebody from My Chemical Romance, they were my idols.
Finally, I got up for a smoke break and I slipped away unheard and when I got outside, I sighed a sigh of relief. Now something that I noticed about when I smoke is that I can't stand in one spot, I have to pace. So in the middle of my cigarette and my pacing, I heard someone clear their throat and say, "Excuse me" in a sheepish tone. His voice was a tenor's and he had a Jersey accent. Out of habit, I turned around but I didn't expect to see Gerard Way standing there looking at me smiling. His skin was the fist thing I noticed. In the moonlight, he was so pale, but I didn't care. He had greenish-hazel eyes and they glistened when my eyes met his. His smile was just absolutely brilliant and his jet black hair fell to his shoulders framing his face making his features more dynamic,especially in the lighting we were in. I smiled back at him but not just out of curiosity but because I'm getting the chance to talk to my idol. My knees felt weak but I ignored it and strongly said, "Oh! Hello." I blushed and looked down a little then felt my fingers go into my mouth. NO! I refuse to to bite my nails in front of him, he'll think that I act like a five year old! I quickly took my fingers out of my mouth and fiddled with them as subtle as possible and I saw him smile more. "Do you have a lighter I could use for a moment?" I heard him ask. Instead of me sounding stupid and babble like an idiot I just nodded and handed him my lucky lighter. Damn right lucky lighter! He lit up his smoke then handed me my lighter back. I put it back in my pocket and while I was doing so, he thanked me. I smiled and squeeked out,"you're welcome" then I mustered up enough guts to strike up a conversation.... "So, um, how do you like touring? I always thought that it would be fun but I could never get the whole band thing to work out, so you're a lucky one. You're music is amazing." I gave the best smile I could and bit my lower lip. He nodded,"Yeah, the tour is pretty awesome but it helps that our fan base has grown and that more people are listening to us. With us, it's not about the money, it's about helping people and hearing that we've helped hundreds of people is the greatest feeling in the world and I wish that everyone could feel it. We are lucky and I'm so glad that we've had this opportunity for this."
"Yeah, I'm one of those hundreds of people that you guys helped. Thanks a lot." I smiled a little more softly now but I could tell that he knew that I meant it.
He bowed a little," Well I'm glad that we could serve you ma'am." He stood up, his eyes never leaving mine.
In return I curtsied and giggled a little, "Well I'm glad that one of my hero's is such a gentleman" when I stood up,we both laughed a little. "It's nice to meet someone that has a good sense of humor, it's rare now-days."
He nodded, "Indeed it is. May I ask what you're name is Miss?" He took another puff off his cigarette then put it out on the ground quickly.
"It's Helena, ironically enough. My mother had a Roman mythology phase when she was pregnant with me, so I was named after some powerful Roman chick." I laughed a little then remembered my cigarette. Damn it! It's almost out! I put my smoke out then sighed.
"It is ironic, but it suits you. It's a very strong name, so be proud of it." He smiled then took a seat on the ground and I sat with him so I wouldn't feel like a giant.
We ended up talking for what felt like hours but we only talked for a short while. We finally walked back in and Ashley ran up to me and hugged me as tight as she could. "Where have you been?!" she screamed in my ear almost. I thought I heard my eardrum shatter but it turned out, it was only the ringing enduced by her. I pushed her away slightly then looked in Gerard's direction. "OH! That's why! Talking during you're smoke break?" She winked at me. I rolled my eyes,she could be so childish sometimes... "ALL we were doing was talking Ashley, I only met him about two hours ago, you know I have a girlfriend!" I sighed angrily then walked away. She just laughed a little then went back to the guys at the couch. I looked at him apologetically and he was laughing a little bit. "Sorry, she has a mind of her own..." He nodded and replied, "Don't worry about it, it's fine." then he smiled his sweet smile. "So you have a girlfriend huh?"
I nodded, "Yeah, why does it matter?" I raised an eyebrow.
He laughed a little, "Not really, but I uh, I just wanted to ask you to dinner tomorrow night if you wouldn't mind joining me Helena." He looked down a little and I could tell that he was hopeful.
I felt my mouth drop. "Oh um, I'd love to go to dinner with you. I'd have to move plans around but this is worth it, It's a once in a life time chance and I wouldn't want to turn it down for the world."
He smiled then wrapped his arms around me in a hug. "Really? That's wonderful! Um, is an Italian restraunt good for you? And it's my treat so don't worry about paying for the bill alright?" I could believe what I just heard, Gerard Way just asked me to dinner tomorrow night. I nodded and smiled. "Of course an Italian restraunt it fine, it's wonderful actually. Just tell me the time and place and I'll be there, just don't be a no show okay?" He told me the time and places then I yawned and looked at my phone. One missed call from Veronica, my girlfriend, and it was one-thirty in the morning. I sighed, Fuck me... Veronica is going to bite my head off when I get home. Gerard looked at me funny and I just shook my head and simply stated, "my girlfriend". He nodded and showed the understanding. I then took his phone and searched for his number then programmed it in my cell then I put my number in his. "I have to get going back home,its a forty-five minute drive from here to my place and I want to get there before I start feeling sleepy. It was my pleasure meeting you Gerard, you're something special, that's for sure." I smiled then hugged him once more and took in the sent of him, sweat, the night air, cigarettes and something else that was pleasing to the senses. " Text me whenever you want to chat okay?" he said then yawned. We then said our goodnights to each other then I went to go get Ashley.
She wasn't too happy that I had to take her home but she'd have to deal with it. I wasn't going to let her take a cab home, we lived in too rough a town to do that, you'd get jumped or killed if you weren't careful. So when I finally got her to get away from Oliver and Matt from Bring Me The Horizon and got her to the car, she fell asleep as soon as we were on our way home. As soon as she was asleep, I turned on the radio to numb the silence, oh I hoped that Veronica was out at work or asleep or somewhere but not up because I couldn't handle the interrogation form her that I knew I would get from her. I started humming with the songs on the radio that I knew and changed the channels when the commercials kicked in. When we pulled up to her house I had to wake her up and help her open the door and climb into bed. When I left I drove home as slowly as possible. Two-twenty nine. She should be asleep if she's home by now, good.
It was three in the morning on the dot when I pulled up into the drive way. I cut the car off then almost sprinted to my front door to fiddle with my keys to try and find the right one for the door to unlock it. I lived in the worst part of New Jersey and I just happened to have horrible luck with the pieces of shit of society, trouble always found me. I found the key and quickly jammed it into the lock then went inside and locked the door behind me in a violent fashion. I set my bag down and sighed. I walked sluggishly to my bathroom then took a shower. I figured since I'd have to be getting up in a couple of hours why not make one less thing for me to do.
When I got out of the shower I threw on an old Pink Floyd t-shirt on and a pair of underwear. Of course I couldn't fall asleep so I just sat up thinking about what happened today and mainly about Gerard... Why couldn't I get him off my mind when I had a girlfriend and I'm a lesbian? It just makes no sense... To me, Gerard was, dare I say it, beautiful. NO! No, no, no, no, no! This is all wrong! I couldn't have fallen for him... I can't let myself. I'm his lesbian acquaintance. Nothing more than a friend....
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I sat up until five in the morning thinking about everything when I came up with the conclusion: I have fallen for a man for the first time in five years...
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I looked into the mirror and sighed, I'm so plain and ugly... Everyone says the exact opposite but I don't believe them at all. I laughed to myself, I could hear them now:
"Oh Honey! You have the most perfect body"
"You're not fat! Why would you say that?!"
"I envy you so much Helena,you have the most beautiful eyes!"
"Oh my god, I fucking love your curly hair! I've spent so much money to try and get my hair to look like yours."
I just rolled my eyes then scanned over myself in the mirror. My hair, a bright neon orange, and very layered. The only thing I really knew what to do with my hair is leave it down,so if it's ever up,its a rare occasion. The one thing I did like about my hair though,was that even though I left it down all the time, it still looked good. I need a haircut, I thought. My hair was getting too long and unmanageable even though it was only an inch or two below my shoulders. I stared at my eyes, a deep shade of emerald, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, well this one is damaged beyond repair. My nose and lips we're perfectly proportioned with the rest of me, not too big, not too small. Next I moved down to my torso. Apparently, I'm lucky, I am sort of chesty, a "nice" D-cup. It made going out in public annoying after I started blossoming into a woman. I laughed a little bit at that thought. Me,a woman? Not in my family's eyes, to them, I'm as good as dead. I weigh about an average weight for my age of nineteen years young... I decided to be the typical fan-girl tonight and just wear a My Chemical Romance t-shirt to their concert. I looked at my skinnys and smiled. Something in my gut told me that tonight was going to be the start of a new beginning for me.
I put the finishing touches on my hair by teasing it a little, just for a little volume. I when to pull my phone out of my pocket but it wasn't there... Fuck! I started slinging all the clothes that were on the floor all over my bathroom floor then saw it sitting on the counter right next to where my straightener was...I'm an idiot, I thought. I picked it up and saw that I had a text from my best friend, Ashley, it read:
"Where ARE you?!? You're my ride,REMEMBER?! The concert starts in about an hour! HURRY UP!"
I looked at the time from when it was sent,that was at six-fifty,that was ten minutes ago. Frantically, I rushed around my shitty house and grabbed everything I needed: wallet, keys, cigarettes, camera, and my car charger for my phone. Once I made sure I had everything, including the tickets, I ran out to my car locking the door behind me. I sped to Ashley's house and made it there in fifteen minutes when the average time to get there would be thirty-five minutes.
When I pulled up, I saw my friend annoyed and pacing frantically outside her house. I honked the horn and she quickly walked to the passenger side and hopped in the car. When she fastened her seatbelt I stepped on the gas pedal so we wouldn't be late. I tried to drive carefully considering that she was trying to finish her makeup.
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We got to the concert just in time. Bring Me The Horizon was bound to start any minute now,so we sprinted to our spots. As her belated birthday present, I got her these tickets and they're floor seats,so they're not the cheapest... She hugged me when we got to our spots and almost screamed, "I fucking love you!" Once she let me go, the lights went out and then the stage lights came on and were dimmed,a somber orange color...
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When the concert ended, I surprised her yet again with a part two to her present, V.I.P. backstage passes. I knew Ashley would only be interested in Bring Me The Horizon but I didn't care,you only live once right? When I showed them to her, she acted like it was like I was handing her a free ticket to Heaven, she danced around like a giddy school-girl. I thought it was amusing actually,she never seemed to have a problem with making a fool of herself, even in a crowd...We tried to hurry so that we would be consumed by the numerous fans trying to sneak in backstage and luckily, there wasn't too many people there trying to fight their way through. When I spotted the security guard, I could see why. He was about six foot three and two-hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle. I felt tiny compared to him and I'm five foot six and honestly, if Ashley wouldn't have been there,I probably would have ran away. This guy just petrified me and I was too scared to look at his face. In a gruff voice he asked, "Where's your passes?" and it seemed to be more of an annoyed yell if you asked me. He studied our passes for a moment then nodded. YES! We got in! I followed Ashley over to where the bands were and they all just seemed so happy and down-to-earth...and normal, I heard myself think. I felt her tugging at my hand, pulling me forward almost actually, and she smiled the entire time. At that instant, I knew that her eyes were set on Oliver Sykes.
To me, honestly I thought that he looked like a girl. He had dark brown razored hair that fell to his shoulders and stood at about six foot-two and was as pale as paper. He looks dead almost, I heard myself thinking. He seemed to have tattoos from head to toe. The one that seemed most unique was the one on his knuckles. It read "DROP" on his right then "DEAD" on the left, it was quite interesting actually. He was wearing a white V-Neck t-shirt and it dipped down to about the center of his breast. Oliver was so skinny that in a way,it was almost gross to me.... He wore what appeared to be girl skinny jeans (they hugged to close to his body to be a cut for a man), but Ashley still liked him all the same. He was smiling and laughing, his hazel eyes glowing in the light. He was sipping a beer and then I remembered, he was at a legal drinking age. After the bottle was resting on his knee we were up by the bands and we were probably thinking that we were smiling like crazies... Great...they'll throw us out for sure now...we're just two fan girls who are smiling at these beautiful people... I heard Ashley say proudly, "Why hello, I'm Ashley and this is my friend Helena," she pointed to me," and we were wondering if we could chat with you good fellows for a bit." She smiled hopefully and everyone in the circle smiled and replied with a "yes" answer in some way shape or form. We sat down on what appeared to be a very old couch and the room we were in reeked of old booze and cigarette smoke. I felt as if I was going to need a tetanus shot after we left here... I seemed so awkward and out of place, I've always been a shy girl but never like this. Maybe because I was surrounded by celebrities and I felt inadequate. Ashley was the polar opposite of me almost, she was so confident and she talked to them like she didn't realize they were, in a way, different from us. Wow... I sound so ridiculous I thought, they're not different at all! they're normal people but just more popular. I laughed a little to myself, for a straight "A" student, this was a very insecure thought for me. Oh well I guess.
It was interesting to hear Ashley ask everyone the questions she did. They were just simple ones like, "Well how is it touring?" and, "Don't you get home sick? I know I would!" She certainly was a different than the average teenager but I loved her for it and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just kept noticing that I was getting lost in thought and she'd occasionally open up a spot for me to put my two-cents in but I was trying to muster up enough gonads to speak to somebody from My Chemical Romance, they were my idols.
Finally, I got up for a smoke break and I slipped away unheard and when I got outside, I sighed a sigh of relief. Now something that I noticed about when I smoke is that I can't stand in one spot, I have to pace. So in the middle of my cigarette and my pacing, I heard someone clear their throat and say, "Excuse me" in a sheepish tone. His voice was a tenor's and he had a Jersey accent. Out of habit, I turned around but I didn't expect to see Gerard Way standing there looking at me smiling. His skin was the fist thing I noticed. In the moonlight, he was so pale, but I didn't care. He had greenish-hazel eyes and they glistened when my eyes met his. His smile was just absolutely brilliant and his jet black hair fell to his shoulders framing his face making his features more dynamic,especially in the lighting we were in. I smiled back at him but not just out of curiosity but because I'm getting the chance to talk to my idol. My knees felt weak but I ignored it and strongly said, "Oh! Hello." I blushed and looked down a little then felt my fingers go into my mouth. NO! I refuse to to bite my nails in front of him, he'll think that I act like a five year old! I quickly took my fingers out of my mouth and fiddled with them as subtle as possible and I saw him smile more. "Do you have a lighter I could use for a moment?" I heard him ask. Instead of me sounding stupid and babble like an idiot I just nodded and handed him my lucky lighter. Damn right lucky lighter! He lit up his smoke then handed me my lighter back. I put it back in my pocket and while I was doing so, he thanked me. I smiled and squeeked out,"you're welcome" then I mustered up enough guts to strike up a conversation.... "So, um, how do you like touring? I always thought that it would be fun but I could never get the whole band thing to work out, so you're a lucky one. You're music is amazing." I gave the best smile I could and bit my lower lip. He nodded,"Yeah, the tour is pretty awesome but it helps that our fan base has grown and that more people are listening to us. With us, it's not about the money, it's about helping people and hearing that we've helped hundreds of people is the greatest feeling in the world and I wish that everyone could feel it. We are lucky and I'm so glad that we've had this opportunity for this."
"Yeah, I'm one of those hundreds of people that you guys helped. Thanks a lot." I smiled a little more softly now but I could tell that he knew that I meant it.
He bowed a little," Well I'm glad that we could serve you ma'am." He stood up, his eyes never leaving mine.
In return I curtsied and giggled a little, "Well I'm glad that one of my hero's is such a gentleman" when I stood up,we both laughed a little. "It's nice to meet someone that has a good sense of humor, it's rare now-days."
He nodded, "Indeed it is. May I ask what you're name is Miss?" He took another puff off his cigarette then put it out on the ground quickly.
"It's Helena, ironically enough. My mother had a Roman mythology phase when she was pregnant with me, so I was named after some powerful Roman chick." I laughed a little then remembered my cigarette. Damn it! It's almost out! I put my smoke out then sighed.
"It is ironic, but it suits you. It's a very strong name, so be proud of it." He smiled then took a seat on the ground and I sat with him so I wouldn't feel like a giant.
We ended up talking for what felt like hours but we only talked for a short while. We finally walked back in and Ashley ran up to me and hugged me as tight as she could. "Where have you been?!" she screamed in my ear almost. I thought I heard my eardrum shatter but it turned out, it was only the ringing enduced by her. I pushed her away slightly then looked in Gerard's direction. "OH! That's why! Talking during you're smoke break?" She winked at me. I rolled my eyes,she could be so childish sometimes... "ALL we were doing was talking Ashley, I only met him about two hours ago, you know I have a girlfriend!" I sighed angrily then walked away. She just laughed a little then went back to the guys at the couch. I looked at him apologetically and he was laughing a little bit. "Sorry, she has a mind of her own..." He nodded and replied, "Don't worry about it, it's fine." then he smiled his sweet smile. "So you have a girlfriend huh?"
I nodded, "Yeah, why does it matter?" I raised an eyebrow.
He laughed a little, "Not really, but I uh, I just wanted to ask you to dinner tomorrow night if you wouldn't mind joining me Helena." He looked down a little and I could tell that he was hopeful.
I felt my mouth drop. "Oh um, I'd love to go to dinner with you. I'd have to move plans around but this is worth it, It's a once in a life time chance and I wouldn't want to turn it down for the world."
He smiled then wrapped his arms around me in a hug. "Really? That's wonderful! Um, is an Italian restraunt good for you? And it's my treat so don't worry about paying for the bill alright?" I could believe what I just heard, Gerard Way just asked me to dinner tomorrow night. I nodded and smiled. "Of course an Italian restraunt it fine, it's wonderful actually. Just tell me the time and place and I'll be there, just don't be a no show okay?" He told me the time and places then I yawned and looked at my phone. One missed call from Veronica, my girlfriend, and it was one-thirty in the morning. I sighed, Fuck me... Veronica is going to bite my head off when I get home. Gerard looked at me funny and I just shook my head and simply stated, "my girlfriend". He nodded and showed the understanding. I then took his phone and searched for his number then programmed it in my cell then I put my number in his. "I have to get going back home,its a forty-five minute drive from here to my place and I want to get there before I start feeling sleepy. It was my pleasure meeting you Gerard, you're something special, that's for sure." I smiled then hugged him once more and took in the sent of him, sweat, the night air, cigarettes and something else that was pleasing to the senses. " Text me whenever you want to chat okay?" he said then yawned. We then said our goodnights to each other then I went to go get Ashley.
She wasn't too happy that I had to take her home but she'd have to deal with it. I wasn't going to let her take a cab home, we lived in too rough a town to do that, you'd get jumped or killed if you weren't careful. So when I finally got her to get away from Oliver and Matt from Bring Me The Horizon and got her to the car, she fell asleep as soon as we were on our way home. As soon as she was asleep, I turned on the radio to numb the silence, oh I hoped that Veronica was out at work or asleep or somewhere but not up because I couldn't handle the interrogation form her that I knew I would get from her. I started humming with the songs on the radio that I knew and changed the channels when the commercials kicked in. When we pulled up to her house I had to wake her up and help her open the door and climb into bed. When I left I drove home as slowly as possible. Two-twenty nine. She should be asleep if she's home by now, good.
It was three in the morning on the dot when I pulled up into the drive way. I cut the car off then almost sprinted to my front door to fiddle with my keys to try and find the right one for the door to unlock it. I lived in the worst part of New Jersey and I just happened to have horrible luck with the pieces of shit of society, trouble always found me. I found the key and quickly jammed it into the lock then went inside and locked the door behind me in a violent fashion. I set my bag down and sighed. I walked sluggishly to my bathroom then took a shower. I figured since I'd have to be getting up in a couple of hours why not make one less thing for me to do.
When I got out of the shower I threw on an old Pink Floyd t-shirt on and a pair of underwear. Of course I couldn't fall asleep so I just sat up thinking about what happened today and mainly about Gerard... Why couldn't I get him off my mind when I had a girlfriend and I'm a lesbian? It just makes no sense... To me, Gerard was, dare I say it, beautiful. NO! No, no, no, no, no! This is all wrong! I couldn't have fallen for him... I can't let myself. I'm his lesbian acquaintance. Nothing more than a friend....
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I sat up until five in the morning thinking about everything when I came up with the conclusion: I have fallen for a man for the first time in five years...
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