FicWad

Gerard and Mikey sat in the back seat of their car as their mother drove as quickly as possible. Gerard didn’t have much time to explain what Frank had told him over the phone the few minutes beforehand. All he and Mikey knew was that Frank was at the hospital and Eve had been rushed away while he sat in the waiting room. The moment their mother pulled the car over, Gerard raced out and inside with Mikey close behind him. Gerard burst into the waiting room and saw Frank sitting in a chair with his head in his hands, shaking.

“Frank,” Gerard called as he walked over. “What the fuck is going on?”

Frank stood up, his face red from crying, and hugged Gerard. “Her dad forgot again.”

“Shit…” Gerard breathed as he hugged Frank back. “Where is she? What happened?!”

“He-He - Fuck! Gerard, he stabbed her!”

Gerard tensed. “He what?”

“Is she okay?” Mikey choked, standing next to Gerard and Frank, having heard Frank cries.

Frank pulled away from Gerard and wiped his eyes. “I-I don’t know. He attacked her and tried to get me, but I knocked him out. I called the ambulance, they took us here and then they took Eve somewhere else to help her, but no one’s told me anything since. I don‘t want her to be hurt!”

“It’s okay, dude,” Mikey said, putting one arm over his shoulder, “Eve's stubborn as fuck.”

Frank gave a small laugh.

“She’s gonna fight her way through this,” Gerard finished.

Frank nodded, but still felt sick from worry. His hands were shaking and just wouldn’t seem to stop. The moment he got to the hospital, he brokedown completely. He just cried and cried and he needed help from someone. So, his first thought was to call Gerard. Frank could barely remember the conversation because he was so sick from worry, but he was sure he hadn’t made a great deal of sense. It scared the crap out of Gerard, through. Once he hung up, it took him just two minutes to explain to Mikey and convince their mother to drive them. Speaking of his mother, she sat silently beside the three boys and decided not to ask any questions. By the looks of things, it was bad and she didn’t want to prod them any more than needed.

Frank sat between Mikey and Gerard the way he had before they entered; head in hands, crying, shaking, worrying. Gerard just sat there, staring at a wall and Mikey kept his hand on Frank’s shoulder to offer some kinda of support. Mikey and Gerard were going half insane with worry, so they couldn’t imagine how Frank must have been feeling. Everyone’s minds were blank. They all had a similar feeling in their chests. It felt like someone was using their heart to beat a drum really fast while at the same time, was squeezing it as tightly as they could.

“How long are they just gonna fucking keep us waiting?” Frank breathed, incredibly close to snapping completely.

“Don’t worry, man. They’ll tell us what’s going on when they can,” Gerard comforted Frank, but it was no use.

He stood up and stormed over to the front desk, “Get a doctor down here, right now and tell me what the fuck is happening to Eve!” He growled at the receptionist.

She looked a little nervous from his outburst and went to say something before she was interrupted by Gerard.

“Frank, cool it,” He hissed, after he walked over and began pulling Frank away from the receptionist, “I’m sorry. His worried.”

She gave an understanding nod and a sympathetic smile.

Frank pulled sharply out of Gerard’s grip and started pacing in front of Mikey and their mother. Gerard sighed a sat down again as Frank paced back and forth, muttering to himself. Mikey went to comfort him, but Gerard pulled him back down by the arm, giving him a look that told him it was no use.

Minutes seemed to drag on and on. They turned into half an hour, which turned into an hour.

Mikey had fallen asleep on Gerard’s shoulder while Gerard was explaining to his mother the entire situation with Eve. Even though Frank had been pacing non-stop the entire time, he still kept going. Despite the fact that he felt as though his entire body and mind were about to give out, he kept pacing. He didn’t know what else to do. The feeling of knowing Eve was in serious trouble and he knew nothing of where she was or how she was, was killing him.

Before too long, a doctor walked towards them. Frank stopped pacing and saw the doctor. He rushed over to the doctor immediately.

“Are you here on behalf of Eve Carr, was it?” The doctor asked, checking the sheet for her last name.

“Yes, yes! What happened? Is she okay?” Frank rushed all in one breath. Gerard had woken Mikey up and the two of them were standing behind Frank waiting for the doctor to share the news.

“Alright,” he said, taking a deep breath. “The doctors…they did everything they possibly could-”

Frank practically felt his heart rip in two, “No,” He whispered.

The doctor didn't want to be the one to break the news, but still continued, “They tried their best, but the knife hit her arteries and-”

“Please. Please don't say it..”

“I’m so sorry. We lost her.”

Frank swore he could feel his heart stop beating. All the breath left his body, and he couldn't hear a thing. He couldn't feel a thing. He couldn't even feel himself slowly tipping backwards, until Gerard rushed to catch him before he hit the floor.

Frank looked up, his face blank, at Gerard who had tears falling down his cheeks. Frank saw his mouth forming words, but he couldn't make sense of any of them.

"It's all my fault," Frank muttered, weakly, "My fault."

Gerard started shaking his head frantically, and started talking again, but, to Frank, it was all muffled noise. He saw Mikey come into his fram of vision, and he also had tears running down his face. Frank could only make out Mikey saying his name, and shaking him. Gerard and Mikey then hauled Frank up, and into on of the seats. Suddenly, he could hear again.

"--not for something like this, Frankie," Gerard whimpered, "It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is," Frank breathed, feeling the tears stinging his eyes, and the sobs building in his chest, "Oh, my god."

"Frankie--" Mikey started, but was soon interrupted.

Frank inhaled shakily before bursting into heart-wrenching sobs. His whole body shook, while Gerard and Mikey tried to wrap their arms around him, but it didn't really work.

"She's dead," Frank cried, "And it's all my fucking fault."

"Frankie, listen," Gerard and Mikey's mother was kneeling in front of him, and holding his face in her hands, "Listen to me, honey. What happened tonight is fucking horrible. And the last thing you should be doing, right now, is blaming yourself. Okay? Eve's dad is sick, and what he's done is terrible, but it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't your fault. I know this hurts, but you can't blame yourself, alright? Promise?"

Frank sobbed harder, but nodded before burying his face in Gerard's neck, shaking uncontrollably. Gerard and Mikey only tightened their hold on him.

The three friends stayed in that position for at least an hour. Frank had soon cried himself to sleep, Gerard absentmindedly kept rubbing Frank’s back and Mikey was slowly drifting off on Gerard’s shoulder. All three of them were so overcome with grief that they were utterly exhausted. Gerard and Mikey’s mother took care of talking to the nurses and doctors about the usual offering help and counseling routine. She decided to let the kids decide for themselves what they wanted to do. All the boys were beginning to nod off when a different doctor came into the waiting room. He saw the boys weren’t going to be the ones to talk to, so he turned his attention to Gerard and Mikey’s mother, Donna.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, but the surgeons did absolutely everything they could,” He expressed sympathetically.

Donna nodded, “I know, I know…They’re just taking it kinda hard,” She said looking towards the three friends, “Especially Frankie, y'know? Young love, and all.”

“That’s perfectly understandable. I just came in to ask if there was anything else any of you needed?”

“I wanna see her…” Frank mumbled from Gerard’s side. He’d woken up, vaguely, when the doctor walked in.

“Oh, Frankie, I’m not sure if you can-” Donna began.

“Oh, no. We can arrange that, if you’d really like to,” The doctor explained.

“Yes. Please,” Frank sniffed.

“Frankie, honey, are you sure?” Donna asked.

“Yes, I‘m sure,” he whispered, close to crying again as he stood up, “I need to see her. Please.”

Donna nodded, “Okay, sweetie.”

“Do you want us to come with you?” Mikey yawned, standing up as Gerard did the same.

Frank thought for a moment and slowly shook his head, “Is it okay if I can just be alone with her?” He asked as sobs started to escape his throat again.

“Of course, man,” Gerard said, “We’ll be waiting here when you get back.”

Frank nodded and let the doctor lead him to the room where Eve’s lifeless body lay. The doctor put a hand on Frank’s shoulder, telling him to take all the time he needed. Frank just nodded and walked to the bed Eve was lay down on. The doctor took that as his queue to leave. Then it was just Frank and Eve alone.

His heart felt like it was sinking inside of his chest.

“You look just like you did when you were sleeping,” Frank whispered to her, stroking her ice cold cheek with his fingers. “You’re so beautiful…I can’t believe you’re gone.”

Frank’s voice erupted with sobs once more. He grabbed Eve’s lifeless hand and kissed it as a few of his tears fell onto her cold, pale skin. Frank breathed heavily and sobbed, his heart feeling beyond broken, while he continued to talk to the corpse.

“I’m so sorry, Eve. I shouldn’t have left you alone. It’s my fault. I’m sorry. It should‘ve been me, not you...I love you so much. You never deserved this. I’m so fucking sorry, Eve.”

Frank began crying so hard, he felt dizzy and sick. He knew he needed to leave, but couldn’t find the right last words to tell Eve, even though he knew she could no longer hear him and never would again. So, he leant down and placed one last kiss on her frozen cold lips, pressed his forehead against hers, closed his eyes and whispered.

“I’ll never let you go, okay? I love you.”

*

Two weeks later, Frank was inspecting himself in the mirror. Eve’s funeral was that day and he was the person everyone thought should say the few words about Eve. He hadn’t written anything. He’d barely been thinking at all those last two weeks. Frank had skipped a lot of school and spent his days crying, hoping desperately that he’d wake up with Eve in his arms and it would all have been a dream.

His friends had been worrying about him a lot. Never in their lives had they seen him that miserable. When Ray and Bob found out, their reactions were similar to those of Gerard and Mikey’s.

Everyone had been having a tough time dealing with it. Especially after what happened with Eve‘s father. He was sent to a mental health clinic, but couldn’t bare what he had done to his only daughter. He was found dead with a tie used as a noose around his neck three days later.

The news had quickly spread around school and all of a sudden, everyone decided to leave them alone and some cheerleaders were even nice to them. They wanted none of it. It only pissed them off more that it took one of them dying for everyone else to back off.

Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Bob all stood at the bottom of the stairs in Frank’s house, waiting for him to come down. None of them were wearing suits. It just wasn’t their thing. Besides, they figured Eve wouldn’t have minded that much if they just wore their semi-formal jeans and shirts. It’s something even she might have done.

Frank looked over himself once more and spoke to his reflection, “You look fine. You aren’t going to cry. You’re going to be strong. You look fine. You aren’t going to cry. You’re going to be strong,” His voice cracked on the last sentence and he had to close his eyes and bite his lip to stop the tears from falling. He took a deep breath, “You can do this. Make her proud.”

Once he had pulled himself together, he walked out his bedroom door and made his way downstairs. His friends all gave him small smiles when he came down.

“You ready?” Gerard whispered once he’d reached the bottom.

“Yeah,” Frank said, nodding, “Let’s go.”

*

It had only been ten minutes, but to Frank and the others, it felt like a lifetime. It was a small funeral. Only Frank, Gerard, Mikey, Bob, Ray and their parents came. They’d been listening to the usual stuff priests say at funerals until finally he called upon Frank to say a few words. Everyone’s eyes were on Frank as he walked to the front of the small church. He had tried to get a handle on how much he was crying while he walked up. He got to the front and took a deep breath before saying whatever came into his head.

"So, I didn't actually write anything for this," Frank said, "Realistically, it's probably because I just couldn't do it, but I'd like to think that there are really no words to describe her."

Nervously, Frank peered up, relieved to see everyone smiling at him.

"Eve was one of the most amazing people ever to have walked this planet. She was smart, and she was funny, and she put everyone else before herself, no matter what. She was selfless, and gorgeous, and at the same time, possibly the most awkward girl I have ever met."

All the guys laughed quietly.

Frank smiled, even though some new tears were forming, "All of us had endless amounts of inside jokes with her, and ironically, while half the time, she made no sense at all, when we met her, she seemed to make everything make sense. I think we all fell for her, a little."

"Not as much as you, Frank," Ray laughed.

"Yeah," Frank replied, smiling softly, "I guess not."

He looked at Eve's coffin to the side of him, placing his hand on it, "Eve, you didn't deserve anything you went through, and the fact that your life ended at all is so unfair to the point where I could just scream forever. But, when we remember you, we're not going to remember all of that. We'll remember the day in the park, or the day we first met you. That's what's worth remembering.

"We're never gonna forget you, Eve. Ever. We love you, and we'll miss you. Rest in peace, okay?"

Frank wiped the tears from his face, and sat down next to his friends again, who were wiping their tears, as well.

*

A few weeks later, all the boys were starting to feel a little better about Eve. Frank, however, was still feeling depressed over it. He missed her every single day and never stopped thinking about her once. He was never really ready to say goodbye.

It was a Saturday afternoon and by the time Frank had gotten to his destination, the sun was beginning to set.

“How convenient,” He muttered to himself, walking over to the tree, pocket knife obviously placed in his pocket.

Frank wasn’t sure how he was ever going to let Eve go. He had nightmares about that night, all the time, and wondered if it would ever stop.

Frank walked over to the tree and gazed upon all the carvings he, Eve and the others had put on the tree. He laughed softly remembering exactly what had happened that day to cause everyone to write what they did. Gerard as Peter Pan, Ray and Bob battling over who was better at video games, Mikey being a completely random dork. His eyes also ran over Eve’s message and his heart sank when he read ‘Life savers in disguise!’

“If only…” Frank whispered as his fingers reached out and traced over the message. He felt the tears pricking at his eyes again. Frank took out his pocket knife and prepared to make the cuts he’d been planning to make ever since the funeral, and as he cut in, he started crying more and more. The pain of losing Eve struck him harder and harder as the seconds passed. Once he’d finished, his face was drenched with tears. He folded the knife back up and shoved it back in his pocket. Frank pulled his hoodie on, protecting himself from the evening’s harsh cold breeze, took one last painful look at the tree and walked home, wiping tears the entire time.

The park was now empty and there was only one difference. A difference no one was likely to notice.

It was simply a message.

A message left by Frank on the tree:

I can't get your eyes out of my head.
I'll never forgive myself for letting you slip away.
Now I die for one more day, because I can't stop loving you.
You're still beautiful. Never change.
I love you. Rest in peace.

- Frank.