FicWad

I am a burden – nothing greater, nothing less. I am simply a burden. With the worry that lines your lips and the sadness that glazes your eyes I am reminded of this. And it is these physical hints rather than the vocal ones that inflict the heaviest guilt upon me.

For you, I attempt to achieve the unachievable. I strive to attain perfection, just simply to satisfy your desired vision. I struggle for nothing more than to please you. And while you speak of your praise for me, I feel there is a lack of emotion, a lack of sincerity in your words. But while you speak of your disappointment for me, I am able to hear truth in your voice.

It is the disappointment that I hold dearest, for it is the disappointment in which you vocalize and in which you act upon. And it is this disappointment that causes me to desire perfection. When I am able to achieve this perfection, I am certain that you will no longer see me for who I truly am.

I have never been proud of myself. I have never been granted reason to be so. Each effort to become something better has remained futile. I am flawed, a failed individual. I am nothing greater than the one I see. I am nothing greater than the one you see.

And perhaps that is worse than being far less than perfect. Perhaps the worst fault of mine is allowing myself to be the one in which you see. Though I try, I have never become more. I have never achieved your vision of perfection, never once even nearing it. And because of this, I will never be the one you desire me to be. I am too flawed, too imperfect.

I am a burden – nothing greater, nothing less. I am simply a burden.