FicWad

I do not own anything but my own ideas and the help I get from my invisible friend{ wouldn't mention him but he cranky I got last marshmallows for my hot choc}



Short and I mean a short story.


Hero Dudley ???? What the hell.



Harry was annoyed his godfather was locked up at Grimmauld Place he was locked in his bedroom. His cousin and him had just escaped from a pair of Dementors and both felt like crap. Harry had a single chunk of chocolate while Dudley had the rest of the bar.

“Harry how can we protect my poor dudykinns from them evil things.”

Harry looked at his aunt Duddykins, Dudley had once been mistaken for a stranded baby whale while on holiday.

Harry decided to be sarcastic “well as you can,t see them guess you can't only I can but as you hate me and my freakishness guess you up the Khyber.”

Then came a moment in history something that changed the world for ever, Dudley had a good idea.

“Harry, you can see them right?” He continued as harry nodded, well in one of my magazines about planes it says you can paint a target.”

Harry looked confused “paint a target? What's that mean?”

Dudley thought for a second well several seconds really “ You know them Laser pointer thingy's that teachers use?”

“ hmm no our teachers don't use them.”

“ok well they like a torch but instead of a large beam.... hold on I have one upstairs.”

Harry, and petunia, watched as Dudley, stomped up the stairs and came down several minutes later with something that looked like a bullet.

“See this is a laser pointer I push this little button and this red beam comes out... you want see something cool?”

Harry, nodded partly in shock and partly because hell he was in shock what more reason did he need.

Dudley, went into the kitchen and closed all the curtains and shut the door, he then got a small amount of flour and tossed it into the air.

Petunia, gasped but held her tongue it would not do to berate Dudley after such a scare.

Dudley, turned on the laser pointer and Harry watched as an almost solid beam of light went through it. He could see a vivid red line of light going through the flour dust.

“ You have to be careful with these it says in my magazine that people in America have been arrested for trying to blind pilots for dazzling them while in flight with one of these.”

Harry, nodded he was shocked no shocked was to small a word he needed an Earth shattering one Dudley had a brain......and could use it?????? what the hell was the world coming to?

“well a person on the ground points something like this onto a building and then a plane targets it with its missiles and boom no more building. Well could you light up one them demnty things so some one else could shoot it. All they would need is to see the light or were the light stops.”

Harry had to sit down a torch and boom, he started to giggle then he laughed.

“Dudley remind me to get you the best magical sweets I can you are without a doubt a bloody genius.”

They looked at him shocked.

Several days later Harry, and his Godfather snuck into an air-force base Sirius, used no longer looking like his old self due to a Polyjuice potion and the base commanders hair.

He was also a lot healthier after harry pointed out all he needed was Polyjuice and he could go out and shop do what ever he wanted, no mater what Dumbles said.

“So Harry, We use a Confundus Charm on the person handing out orders and we get a couple of the red torchy things?” Sirius grinned “ This is so cool.

Harry just shook his head. “Yes we get a few laser pointers and set up an airstrike for tomorrow. At Little Hangleton.....Then we leave.”

Sirius, looked disappointed as he was told they had to leave he already had his eyes on a couple of female officers.

With a Polyjuice Potion disguised Sirius, it was so easy to get all the forms needed, The trip to the armoury and removing the {pointy red lighty thingis} as Sirius, kept on calling them. Harry, was sure he only did it to wind him up.

The next day Harry, and Sirius, both under a Polyjuice Potion disguise entered - Little Hangleton and set up the pointers. Mouldy Voldy had already helped them a lot by have such a huge area around his family home under a muggle repelling charm.

Harry smiled “who would thought little whale would give me such an idea? I can't tell you how shocked I was he knew about anything but eating and being a bully. He even said what the best missiles would be and what planes to use.

Flashback.


Harry stared at his cousin standing in a pool of flour. “Dudley what would be the very best way to destroy a house with a basement?”

Dudley thought “well if you want an English one then I would say the Storm Shadow launched from an Tornado GR4.... that combination would work on just about anything and it is long range.”

Harry's jaw officially dropped. “A what and what?”

Petunia was almost in as much shock.

“Duddlykins, how do you know so much about planes and bombs?” She just had to know a small part of her remembered Harry always scored better on test until that was beaten out of him.

“well mum” Dudley started “it's a missile not a bomb. Bombs just fall down a missile is a mini jet with an explosive payload, bombs are not directed as such were missiles like homing one have a small level of intelligence. As to your question we all know I am fat not big boned and lazy, I worked out long ago I needed to concentrate on being able to get a job like dads that would mean a lot of sitting down.”

Harry's eyes went into bug mode “what- the -hell” he shook his head and even pinched himself. As a precaution he snuck his wand out. An intelligent Dudley, no way. It must be an imposter.

“ I found I quite like planes but didn't understand them so I started to look into them somehow I got hooked.” He smiled. Then it hit me I could design planes and missiles and stuff, so that's what I have been working up to.”

Harry and Petunia took a kitchen chair and sat down. This was a lot to take in.

“So Dudley, that combination why?”

Dudley, smiled and seemed to almost go into a teacher mode something else that shocked Harry and Petunia.

“you said you wanted to destroy a house with a cellar yes?”

Harry nodded “yes I know where Voldemort is and many of his Deatheater's will be, he could also be the one that sent them Dementors after us.”


Dudley smiled “ so you want to kill the man who murdered your mum and dad and in a round about way forced you onto my family?”

Harry was shocked that was a summarization he never knew Dudley could do more than grunt groan or put 4 maybe 4 words together at once. This was huge even bigger than Dudley and Vernon's stomach combined this was something to record for the history book or at least family gatherings. “Yes” he finally managed to choke out. A person can only take so many shocks a day.

“Good. O.k I used that combo because the Storm Shadow can be fired from 150 miles away. It has a fire and forget capability meaning once it is fired you can no longer control it from the plane. However if it has trouble locating a target it will self destruct in a place preprogrammed as safe. The BROACH warhead features an initial penetrating charge to clear soil or enter a bunker, then a variable delay fuse to control detonation of the main warhead. The missile weighs about 1,300 kilograms (2,866 lb) has a maximum body diameter of 1 metre (3.3 ft) and a wingspan of 3 metres (9.8 ft). Intended targets are command, control and communications; airfields; ports and power stations; AMS/ammunition storage; ships at sea; ships/submarines in port; bridges and other high-value strategic targets. So you see a house with a cellar would be no problem. The initial penetrating charge should take out most of the house. With its level of penetration a cellar will be no problem. The plane is just the one our airforce uses to deliver that type of missile.”

Harry wished he had a strong drink or even a weak drink.

Dudley was not finished “ The missile follows a path semi-autonomously, on a low flight path guided by GPS and terrain matching to the area of the target.
Close to the target, the missile bunts, climbing to an altitude intended to achieve the best probability of target identification and penetration. During the bunt, the nose cone is jettisoned to allow a high resolution infrared camera to observe the target area (the bunt enlarges the field of vision). The missile then tries to locate its target. So you need to have the area lit for the initial part so a pilot can program the missile.” Dudley smiled “then BOOOM bye bye Dementy things and Moudywart.”

Harry was stunned “ Dudley I think I might just have to buy a sweet shop for you, that was amazing you may have struck back at an enemy of the family and solved a problem of an upcoming war before it becomes a war.”
It had taken a while and some research but had culminated in Harry and Sirius impersonating airforce officers.

PRESANT TIME


As they left the base Sirius no longer able to contain himself got the phone numbers of several females. Looked at Harry and shrugged his shoulders “can't teach a old dog new tricks? Ha well I will show them.” he smiled and made exaggerated movements with his eyebrows.

Harry and Sirius crept as close as the needed to set up the stuff so the GPS signally thingy type stuff that Dudley seemed to understand but to Harry and Sirius it was plain Goblin. “All set Harry?” came over the short range radios he and Sirius had. Harry grinned “yep tango leader alpha bossman.”

Sirius moaned “Harry I am the immature one stop stealing my lines before I use them.” He sighed when was harry going to learn.

Harry grinned- {bet that annoyed him}


2 days later



Lord Voldemort the most feared man alive was fuming someone had been taking shots at his loyal Deatheater's nothing fatal but still, how dare the headless chickens attack first. Malfoy, Nott, Goyle; even Snape and Draco had been attacked. He had decided enough was enough and called an emergency meeting.

Harry and Sirius laughed to themselves “Tango foxtrot the target is hot repeat the target is hot.”

Several miles away 4 Tornado GR4 took off with 4 missiles each their target an inland terrorist poison gas manufacturing plant. All the GPS had been sorted and the target had been painted.

Harry smiled to Sirius then turned and walked to the pay phone. He dialled a number and it was answered in under 4 rings. “Dudley they on the way.” Several miles away \Dudley and his family watched and waited. As it had been partly because of Dudley the whole thing had started they felt it was only right he got to watch.

“ I want to know who has been attacking my loyal followers? Crucio.” Wormtail curled up into a ball some days he wished he had left his master as a ghost.

Every one turned as a load “Sqeeeeeek” sounded many jumped and looked around to see who had their hands near a chalkboard or bit of slate. Then all sound seemed to stop followed by a massive explosion then another.


Gates of hell



“Name?”

Lord Voldemort looked around.

“name!...... Listen you in bred morons NAME!”

many jumped Voldemort stepped forward “ Do you know who I am?”

“ Geez Pureblood's from earth so bloody dumb....if I knew who you were would I be asking your NAME!!!!!”

One of his servants stepped forward “He is, He- Who-Must -Not -be -Named.” then he jumped back as he suddenly got a look at what he was talking to. Yes it was a case of what and not who.


The figure stood up “ Now listen here you inbred morons I want your names and if I don't get them then you will wish you had never been anything .”

One the Deatheater's came forward “ I am Lucius Malfoy how dare you speak to me in that ton...” He stepped back the masters eyes might glow red but this persons glowed red around the edges in the centre he saw flames and the flames seemed to be getting bigger and bigger.

The other Deatheater's looked on in shock as flames shot out the beings eyes and melted Lucius.

“Right..... So one Lucius Malfoy ...o.k next.” what followed was a scramble to be next Lord Voldemort was not happy when the being said “real name not your poncey fake name” when he told {it} that he was lord Voldemort. “o.k, o.k it Tom Riddle.” Most never heard what he said as he said it in a very quiet voice. The ones that did were not impressed Dark Lord Tom had no ring to it.

“Right Tom Riddle got a few here ready to torture you including one Salazar Slytherin seems you screwed up his family's reputation and has a special dispensation to come down from heaven and torture you 3 days off the week” The name taker smiled at the looks of confusion on many faces. “duh”

“ But I was doing his great work?” Tom moaned “why he want to torture me?”

“Because.... you are a git, you made the schools sacred protector kill a student then you had it try kill another student, that student one Harry Potter ended up killing …. Cassandra?? weird name o.k Ended up killing Cassandra the Basilisk to save his own and another life.”

Tom looked confused “ I never met Harry Potter with a Basilisk?”

One of the smaller Deatheater's cleared his throat “my dad gave your old school diary to Ginny Weasley and she and Harry h..” he stopped Tom was not happy.

The name taker was “ Yes Tom one of your Horcrux was destroyed.”

The older more intelligent Deatheater's knew this was not good.

“Now for a bit of common sense that was your first Horcrux so it had exactly one half of your soul in it. That was the only reason you survived the rebounded killing curse. Now after that you made several more. Each one halved whatever you had left off your soul. You see when a soul is halved by black magic it never ever recovers so you do not grow more soul. Now your second Horcrux had half of half your soul in it and so on. When the house you were in blew up the two horcrux that were in there the ring and nagmi? Nagami? Your snake also blew up leaving nothing powerful enough left to be able to bring you back. So you are here for the long haul.”

Tom looked round and the remembered Malfoy Snr. had been burned up so he stalked over to junior and kicked him hard between the legs several times until he felt better.

The name taker smiled this would be so much fun. Shame many did not find out until they died that God and the Devil were friends and they had swap of souls so people who were 50/50 like Salazar could go to either. He could relax in Heaven or come here to hell and torture Tom. This worked out in a simple way By punishing Tom for his wrong this was a good act by using torture this was a bad act so 50/50 Tom would learn this lesson well so would the other pillocks now for more fun. “Say Tom your muggle dad wants kick your ass as well so he has been invited down. We really do not agree with patricide.”

All the Deatheater's turned to Tom “Muggle? You had a muggle father you are a half-blood?”

Yes it was fun to be him. The name taker smiled and dropped his hood “ I forgot to introduce myself... I am James Potter the first gate keeper for you.... my wife is your second one.”

Severus Snape blanched {the Potters ran hell....OH SHIT!!!!!}

Yes before them stood James Potter and he looked pissed. “Now because of you lot my son has been through hell guess what....its a parent job to make their child's life hell and embarrass them not you numb nuts so we had a word with a few people and we get to decide what punishments you lot have to suffer. Draco your dad is not destroyed he is with my wife getting sterilised.”

Lucius was being sterilised but not with hot water and soap no he was being castrated for the 10th time. “See Lucius I got this idea from a muggle myth about a Greek man cursed to forever be chained to a rock and a huge bird come down each day and eat his innards while he remained alive then they all grew back and the same the next day... there are many here who want to do this to you so got make sure it works right now done axe knife saw ok hammer next....” {crunch, crunch} anyone listening would have heard a very loud scream hell even ones who were not trying to listen heard it.


Little Hangleton


Harry and Sirius spent a few minutes cleaning out their ears. “Dudley did say BOOOM yes?”

Harry nodded “Yer he said BOOOM.....why?”

Sirius shook his head “ I heard KABOOOOMMMM never heard one BOOM. You should call him and tell him his descriptions suck.”

Dudley was staring in shock “Kaboooommm, KABOOOM, that was so cool. I got study harder I need to make ones even louder.”

Petunia and Vernon looked at their son and shook their heads, this did not sound good. Then another sound hit them “Bingbring bringbring” Dudley put down his omnocyy things and went to answer the phone. “Harry?”

“ Dudley did you or did you not say Boom as me and my Godfather never heard one boom but did hear quite a few KABOOOMS.” Dudley moved his ear away from the phone and tried cleaning it with a finger. “No need to shout, and tell Sirius I recorded it all on them ominocy things with sound on and with full zoom.” Harry shook his head Dudley had gone into great detail on what was needed and how to use it yet could not remember Dementors, Voldemort or even Omnioculars . “ Thanks Dudley and Sirius says we getting you your own pair and a huge sweet hamper with some other stuff all safe for you to eat and drink. You have probably saved loads of lives and me a crap load of hassle. Thanks big D.” Harry had no fears of using Dudley's nick name as a sign of respect today now all he need was a recording and him and Sirius were off to Morocco.


Hell the second gate.

“ But... the prophecy I can't be dead? No way has Potter that much power no way. AARRRRRR...”

“Riddle shut up and stop bad mouthing my son. The prophecy stated he had a power that you did not know. So do you know how he killed you all?”

Riddle and the others shook there heads “O.k so therefore he had a power you know not see the prophecy is happy I am happy James is happy well to be honest James is happy torturing Wormtail and Snape but he is still happy. So why all the complaints.... it's the nut screws isn't it you don't like when we turn them like this.” and matching actions to words several of the Deatheater's previous victims turned hells version of thumb screws a bit tighter. “ You have no need to worry if we crush them then in 20 minutes they will grow back....mind you that does mean the next load of victims get their go but who cares as long as it is for the greater good and more people being happy than unhappy most certainly counts as the greater good.... now where was I?” Toms scream told everyone she had remembered.

3 months later

“Wicked hay Duds you want try this?” harry shouted to his cousin. Dudley looked up and shook his head “nah thanks still got some this coconut thing left.”

The change in Dudley had been fast and amazing he still ate like a hungry hippo but now he read and studied and he was on holiday! The wizarding community had given him and Harry a large reward Sirius had been cleared of all charges life was good so where the babes in Morocco according to Sirius. Only Dumbledore seemed put out but he was now a second rate wizard after the ministry had seen Harry and Sirius standing near a huge crater and Harry shouting who's the bitch now over and over, They had asked him what had happened Harry lied through his teeth said Voldemort and al his Deatheater's where dead and this was their hide out. When he said he suddenly while battling Tom a.k.a Voldemort he seemed to gain a huge power boost Dumbledore had in shock stated that Harry had completed the Prophecy when the whole prophecy thing was revealed Harry smiled “Justice yay”

After Dumbledore's little mistake and some rounds of truth serum on Sirius who was cleared very fast- Harry did wonder if it had anything to do with every one watching him toss his wand in the air and catch it or the very big hole they were standing next to that they all thought he had just made. Either way was good as long Sirius and him didn't miss their plane.

After a few wand tricks like catch the wand and point the wand at people taking to long chatting to Godfather everyone seemed to agree that Sirius was innocent and the sooner Harry left England for a holiday the safer they all would feel. Hell they even gave them spending money. They had brought the Dursleys as well... after all it was Dudley who helped the most. Now Harry going to live else where they had no problems taking his money and a free holiday. Strange that Harry mused.

The end




I do not own anything but my own ideas and the help I get from my invisible friend{ wouldn't mention him but he cranky I got last marshmallows for my hot choc}



Short and I mean a short story.


Hero Dudley ???? What the hell.



Harry was annoyed his godfather was locked up at Grimmauld Place he was locked in his bedroom. His cousin and him had just escaped from a pair of Dementors and both felt like crap. Harry had a single chunk of chocolate while Dudley had the rest of the bar.

"Harry how can we protect my poor dudykinns from them evil things."

Harry looked at his aunt Duddykins, Dudley had once been mistaken for a stranded baby whale while on holiday.

Harry decided to be sarcastic "well as you can,t see them guess you can't only I can but as you hate me and my freakishness guess you up the Khyber."

Then came a moment in history something that changed the world for ever, Dudley had a good idea.

"Harry, you can see them right?" He continued as harry nodded, well in one of my magazines about planes it says you can paint a target."

Harry looked confused "paint a target? What's that mean?"

Dudley thought for a second well several seconds really " You know them Laser pointer thingy's that teachers use?"

" hmm no our teachers don't use them."

"ok well they like a torch but instead of a large beam.... hold on I have one upstairs."

Harry, and petunia, watched as Dudley, stomped up the stairs and came down several minutes later with something that looked like a bullet.

"See this is a laser pointer I push this little button and this red beam comes out... you want see something cool?"

Harry, nodded partly in shock and partly because hell he was in shock what more reason did he need.

Dudley, went into the kitchen and closed all the curtains and shut the door, he then got a small amount of flour and tossed it into the air.

Petunia, gasped but held her tongue it would not do to berate Dudley after such a scare.

Dudley, turned on the laser pointer and Harry watched as an almost solid beam of light went through it. He could see a vivid red line of light going through the flour dust.

" You have to be careful with these it says in my magazine that people in America have been arrested for trying to blind pilots for dazzling them while in flight with one of these."

Harry, nodded he was shocked no shocked was to small a word he needed an Earth shattering one Dudley had a brain......and could use it?????? what the hell was the world coming to?

"well a person on the ground points something like this onto a building and then a plane targets it with its missiles and boom no more building. Well could you light up one them demnty things so some one else could shoot it. All they would need is to see the light or were the light stops."

Harry had to sit down a torch and boom, he started to giggle then he laughed.

"Dudley remind me to get you the best magical sweets I can you are without a doubt a bloody genius."

They looked at him shocked.

Several days later Harry, and his Godfather snuck into an air-force base Sirius, used no longer looking like his old self due to a Polyjuice potion and the base commanders hair.

He was also a lot healthier after harry pointed out all he needed was Polyjuice and he could go out and shop do what ever he wanted, no mater what Dumbles said.

"So Harry, We use a Confundus Charm on the person handing out orders and we get a couple of the red torchy things?" Sirius grinned " This is so cool.

Harry just shook his head. "Yes we get a few laser pointers and set up an airstrike for tomorrow. At Little Hangleton.....Then we leave."

Sirius, looked disappointed as he was told they had to leave he already had his eyes on a couple of female officers.

With a Polyjuice Potion disguised Sirius, it was so easy to get all the forms needed, The trip to the armoury and removing the {pointy red lighty thingis} as Sirius, kept on calling them. Harry, was sure he only did it to wind him up.

The next day Harry, and Sirius, both under a Polyjuice Potion disguise entered - Little Hangleton and set up the pointers. Mouldy Voldy had already helped them a lot by have such a huge area around his family home under a muggle repelling charm.

Harry smiled "who would thought little whale would give me such an idea? I can't tell you how shocked I was he knew about anything but eating and being a bully. He even said what the best missiles would be and what planes to use.

Flashback.


Harry stared at his cousin standing in a pool of flour. "Dudley what would be the very best way to destroy a house with a basement?"

Dudley thought "well if you want an English one then I would say the Storm Shadow launched from an Tornado GR4.... that combination would work on just about anything and it is long range."

Harry's jaw officially dropped. "A what and what?"

Petunia was almost in as much shock.

"Duddlykins, how do you know so much about planes and bombs?" She just had to know a small part of her remembered Harry always scored better on test until that was beaten out of him.

"well mum" Dudley started "it's a missile not a bomb. Bombs just fall down a missile is a mini jet with an explosive payload, bombs are not directed as such were missiles like homing one have a small level of intelligence. As to your question we all know I am fat not big boned and lazy, I worked out long ago I needed to concentrate on being able to get a job like dads that would mean a lot of sitting down."

Harry's eyes went into bug mode "what- the -hell" he shook his head and even pinched himself. As a precaution he snuck his wand out. An intelligent Dudley, no way. It must be an imposter.

" I found I quite like planes but didn't understand them so I started to look into them somehow I got hooked." He smiled. Then it hit me I could design planes and missiles and stuff, so that's what I have been working up to."

Harry and Petunia took a kitchen chair and sat down. This was a lot to take in.

"So Dudley, that combination why?"

Dudley, smiled and seemed to almost go into a teacher mode something else that shocked Harry and Petunia.

"you said you wanted to destroy a house with a cellar yes?"

Harry nodded "yes I know where Voldemort is and many of his Deatheater's will be, he could also be the one that sent them Dementors after us."


Dudley smiled " so you want to kill the man who murdered your mum and dad and in a round about way forced you onto my family?"

Harry was shocked that was a summarization he never knew Dudley could do more than grunt groan or put 4 maybe 4 words together at once. This was huge even bigger than Dudley and Vernon's stomach combined this was something to record for the history book or at least family gatherings. "Yes" he finally managed to choke out. A person can only take so many shocks a day.

"Good. O.k I used that combo because the Storm Shadow can be fired from 150 miles away. It has a fire and forget capability meaning once it is fired you can no longer control it from the plane. However if it has trouble locating a target it will self destruct in a place preprogrammed as safe. The BROACH warhead features an initial penetrating charge to clear soil or enter a bunker, then a variable delay fuse to control detonation of the main warhead. The missile weighs about 1,300 kilograms (2,866 lb) has a maximum body diameter of 1 metre (3.3 ft) and a wingspan of 3 metres (9.8 ft). Intended targets are command, control and communications; airfields; ports and power stations; AMS/ammunition storage; ships at sea; ships/submarines in port; bridges and other high-value strategic targets. So you see a house with a cellar would be no problem. The initial penetrating charge should take out most of the house. With its level of penetration a cellar will be no problem. The plane is just the one our airforce uses to deliver that type of missile."

Harry wished he had a strong drink or even a weak drink.

Dudley was not finished " The missile follows a path semi-autonomously, on a low flight path guided by GPS and terrain matching to the area of the target.
Close to the target, the missile bunts, climbing to an altitude intended to achieve the best probability of target identification and penetration. During the bunt, the nose cone is jettisoned to allow a high resolution infrared camera to observe the target area (the bunt enlarges the field of vision). The missile then tries to locate its target. So you need to have the area lit for the initial part so a pilot can program the missile." Dudley smiled "then BOOOM bye bye Dementy things and Moudywart."

Harry was stunned " Dudley I think I might just have to buy a sweet shop for you, that was amazing you may have struck back at an enemy of the family and solved a problem of an upcoming war before it becomes a war."
It had taken a while and some research but had culminated in Harry and Sirius impersonating airforce officers.

PRESANT TIME


As they left the base Sirius no longer able to contain himself got the phone numbers of several females. Looked at Harry and shrugged his shoulders "can't teach a old dog new tricks? Ha well I will show them." he smiled and made exaggerated movements with his eyebrows.

Harry and Sirius crept as close as the needed to set up the stuff so the GPS signally thingy type stuff that Dudley seemed to understand but to Harry and Sirius it was plain Goblin. "All set Harry?" came over the short range radios he and Sirius had. Harry grinned "yep tango leader alpha bossman."

Sirius moaned "Harry I am the immature one stop stealing my lines before I use them." He sighed when was harry going to learn.

Harry grinned- {bet that annoyed him}


2 days later



Lord Voldemort the most feared man alive was fuming someone had been taking shots at his loyal Deatheater's nothing fatal but still, how dare the headless chickens attack first. Malfoy, Nott, Goyle; even Snape and Draco had been attacked. He had decided enough was enough and called an emergency meeting.

Harry and Sirius laughed to themselves "Tango foxtrot the target is hot repeat the target is hot."

Several miles away 4 Tornado GR4 took off with 4 missiles each their target an inland terrorist poison gas manufacturing plant. All the GPS had been sorted and the target had been painted.

Harry smiled to Sirius then turned and walked to the pay phone. He dialled a number and it was answered in under 4 rings. "Dudley they on the way." Several miles away \Dudley and his family watched and waited. As it had been partly because of Dudley the whole thing had started they felt it was only right he got to watch.

" I want to know who has been attacking my loyal followers? Crucio." Wormtail curled up into a ball some days he wished he had left his master as a ghost.

Every one turned as a load "Sqeeeeeek" sounded many jumped and looked around to see who had their hands near a chalkboard or bit of slate. Then all sound seemed to stop followed by a massive explosion then another.


Gates of hell



"Name?"

Lord Voldemort looked around.

"name!...... Listen you in bred morons NAME!"

many jumped Voldemort stepped forward " Do you know who I am?"

" Geez Pureblood's from earth so bloody dumb....if I knew who you were would I be asking your NAME!!!!!"

One of his servants stepped forward "He is, He- Who-Must -Not -be -Named." then he jumped back as he suddenly got a look at what he was talking to. Yes it was a case of what and not who.


The figure stood up " Now listen here you inbred morons I want your names and if I don't get them then you will wish you had never been anything ."

One the Deatheater's came forward " I am Lucius Malfoy how dare you speak to me in that ton..." He stepped back the masters eyes might glow red but this persons glowed red around the edges in the centre he saw flames and the flames seemed to be getting bigger and bigger.

The other Deatheater's looked on in shock as flames shot out the beings eyes and melted Lucius.

"Right..... So one Lucius Malfoy ...o.k next." what followed was a scramble to be next Lord Voldemort was not happy when the being said "real name not your poncey fake name" when he told {it} that he was lord Voldemort. "o.k, o.k it Tom Riddle." Most never heard what he said as he said it in a very quiet voice. The ones that did were not impressed Dark Lord Tom had no ring to it.

"Right Tom Riddle got a few here ready to torture you including one Salazar Slytherin seems you screwed up his family's reputation and has a special dispensation to come down from heaven and torture you 3 days off the week" The name taker smiled at the looks of confusion on many faces. "duh"

" But I was doing his great work?" Tom moaned "why he want to torture me?"

"Because.... you are a git, you made the schools sacred protector kill a student then you had it try kill another student, that student one Harry Potter ended up killing .... Cassandra?? weird name o.k Ended up killing Cassandra the Basilisk to save his own and another life."

Tom looked confused " I never met Harry Potter with a Basilisk?"

One of the smaller Deatheater's cleared his throat "my dad gave your old school diary to Ginny Weasley and she and Harry h.." he stopped Tom was not happy.

The name taker was " Yes Tom one of your Horcrux was destroyed."

The older more intelligent Deatheater's knew this was not good.

"Now for a bit of common sense that was your first Horcrux so it had exactly one half of your soul in it. That was the only reason you survived the rebounded killing curse. Now after that you made several more. Each one halved whatever you had left off your soul. You see when a soul is halved by black magic it never ever recovers so you do not grow more soul. Now your second Horcrux had half of half your soul in it and so on. When the house you were in blew up the two horcrux that were in there the ring and nagmi? Nagami? Your snake also blew up leaving nothing powerful enough left to be able to bring you back. So you are here for the long haul."

Tom looked round and the remembered Malfoy Snr. had been burned up so he stalked over to junior and kicked him hard between the legs several times until he felt better.

The name taker smiled this would be so much fun. Shame many did not find out until they died that God and the Devil were friends and they had swap of souls so people who were 50/50 like Salazar could go to either. He could relax in Heaven or come here to hell and torture Tom. This worked out in a simple way By punishing Tom for his wrong this was a good act by using torture this was a bad act so 50/50 Tom would learn this lesson well so would the other pillocks now for more fun. "Say Tom your muggle dad wants kick your ass as well so he has been invited down. We really do not agree with patricide."

All the Deatheater's turned to Tom "Muggle? You had a muggle father you are a half-blood?"

Yes it was fun to be him. The name taker smiled and dropped his hood " I forgot to introduce myself... I am James Potter the first gate keeper for you.... my wife is your second one."

Severus Snape blanched {the Potters ran hell....OH SHIT!!!!!}

Yes before them stood James Potter and he looked pissed. "Now because of you lot my son has been through hell guess what....its a parent job to make their child's life hell and embarrass them not you numb nuts so we had a word with a few people and we get to decide what punishments you lot have to suffer. Draco your dad is not destroyed he is with my wife getting sterilised."

Lucius was being sterilised but not with hot water and soap no he was being castrated for the 10th time. "See Lucius I got this idea from a muggle myth about a Greek man cursed to forever be chained to a rock and a huge bird come down each day and eat his innards while he remained alive then they all grew back and the same the next day... there are many here who want to do this to you so got make sure it works right now done axe knife saw ok hammer next...." {crunch, crunch} anyone listening would have heard a very loud scream hell even ones who were not trying to listen heard it.


Little Hangleton


Harry and Sirius spent a few minutes cleaning out their ears. "Dudley did say BOOOM yes?"

Harry nodded "Yer he said BOOOM.....why?"

Sirius shook his head " I heard KABOOOOMMMM never heard one BOOM. You should call him and tell him his descriptions suck."

Dudley was staring in shock "Kaboooommm, KABOOOM, that was so cool. I got study harder I need to make ones even louder."

Petunia and Vernon looked at their son and shook their heads, this did not sound good. Then another sound hit them "Bingbring bringbring" Dudley put down his omnocyy things and went to answer the phone. "Harry?"

" Dudley did you or did you not say Boom as me and my Godfather never heard one boom but did hear quite a few KABOOOMS." Dudley moved his ear away from the phone and tried cleaning it with a finger. "No need to shout, and tell Sirius I recorded it all on them ominocy things with sound on and with full zoom." Harry shook his head Dudley had gone into great detail on what was needed and how to use it yet could not remember Dementors, Voldemort or even Omnioculars . " Thanks Dudley and Sirius says we getting you your own pair and a huge sweet hamper with some other stuff all safe for you to eat and drink. You have probably saved loads of lives and me a crap load of hassle. Thanks big D." Harry had no fears of using Dudley's nick name as a sign of respect today now all he need was a recording and him and Sirius were off to Morocco.


Hell the second gate.

" But... the prophecy I can't be dead? No way has Potter that much power no way. AARRRRRR..."

"Riddle shut up and stop bad mouthing my son. The prophecy stated he had a power that you did not know. So do you know how he killed you all?"

Riddle and the others shook there heads "O.k so therefore he had a power you know not see the prophecy is happy I am happy James is happy well to be honest James is happy torturing Wormtail and Snape but he is still happy. So why all the complaints.... it's the nut screws isn't it you don't like when we turn them like this." and matching actions to words several of the Deatheater's previous victims turned hells version of thumb screws a bit tighter. " You have no need to worry if we crush them then in 20 minutes they will grow back....mind you that does mean the next load of victims get their go but who cares as long as it is for the greater good and more people being happy than unhappy most certainly counts as the greater good.... now where was I?" Toms scream told everyone she had remembered.

3 months later

"Wicked hay Duds you want try this?" harry shouted to his cousin. Dudley looked up and shook his head "nah thanks still got some this coconut thing left."

The change in Dudley had been fast and amazing he still ate like a hungry hippo but now he read and studied and he was on holiday! The wizarding community had given him and Harry a large reward Sirius had been cleared of all charges life was good so where the babes in Morocco according to Sirius. Only Dumbledore seemed put out but he was now a second rate wizard after the ministry had seen Harry and Sirius standing near a huge crater and Harry shouting who's the bitch now over and over, They had asked him what had happened Harry lied through his teeth said Voldemort and al his Deatheater's where dead and this was their hide out. When he said he suddenly while battling Tom a.k.a Voldemort he seemed to gain a huge power boost Dumbledore had in shock stated that Harry had completed the Prophecy when the whole prophecy thing was revealed Harry smiled "Justice yay"

After Dumbledore's little mistake and some rounds of truth serum on Sirius who was cleared very fast- Harry did wonder if it had anything to do with every one watching him toss his wand in the air and catch it or the very big hole they were standing next to that they all thought he had just made. Either way was good as long Sirius and him didn't miss their plane.

After a few wand tricks like catch the wand and point the wand at people taking to long chatting to Godfather everyone seemed to agree that Sirius was innocent and the sooner Harry left England for a holiday the safer they all would feel. Hell they even gave them spending money. They had brought the Dursleys as well... after all it was Dudley who helped the most. Now Harry going to live else where they had no problems taking his money and a free holiday. Strange that Harry mused.

The end