Categories > Anime/Manga > Weiss Kreuz
Instrumentality
0 reviewsThis was originally going to be NGE-based, instead this came out. Only a ficlet really. I'll try to expand it, although I might leave the ending as is.
0Unrated
Warning: Some spoilers for Gluhen and Weiss Side B regarding the fates of Weiss and Schwarz. Not a happy ending, I know some people like to be warned of that. Drug use.
~o0o~
I know when it all began. I spent several weeks just recovering after that building fell in on us. I realised a lot of things in that time. The most important was that I was in love. I hated being so damned sentimental, but it was the truth. Somehow, during the last few years, I had fallen head-over-heels, completely break your heart in love with Kudou Yohji. It was stupid of me. I should have realised then that it was. It seemed alright at first. I found where he was living, as an amnesiac, with his wife, Asuka... funny how that name always haunts him even when he can't remember. I watched him, as he struggled, he seemed fine outwardly, his wife probably didn't suspect a thing, but inside, he was constantly searching for his past. I knew it was love. I didn't even care if he still hated me, I just wanted to take away that lost look in his eyes, as he searched for his past and continually failed. Finally I faced him. He was heartbreakingly polite. He had no idea who I was. I knew, that I had to restore him, but still, I had to ask first. He had to want it.
"I know you already." He stared at me, and demanded to know how. "I can help you remember, but... you may not want to." He expressed incredulity. "It will change the way you see the world." And me. I couldn't say that though. He frowned. He was thinking about what could be so terrible. "I'm only offering an option. You could tell me to go away, and I will. It might even be the best choice, I don't know. I never could see the future." He wanted to know what I thought was so funny about that. That question was funny too. If he chose to remember, he would already be in on the joke. "Never mind. Just think about it. I'll see you later." I walked away.
He chose to remember. Afterward, he left his wife. He felt that she deserved better than a murderer. I watched him, as he struggled again. I saw the shock as he remembered who Takatori Mamoru had once been. As he recognised the inobtrusive young bodyguard behind him. As he remembered who wasn't there. Apparently he had sent Fujimiya's sword to him, via Hidaka. He had just passed it on, not even realising why he had felt the urge to pass the sword to a complete stranger. Who hadn't been at all. I watched him through it all. Then one day, he stood in the middle of a nearby park, and I heard the mental call.
-Schuldig?- I answered of course.
-You want something kitten?- He jumped. Maybe he hadn't expected me to answer.
-Why?- I smiled to myself.
-Why what kitten?- I felt his frustration, and reached out, drawing him further into my mind. Let him read the truth for himself. He froze. And then he looked up, directly in my direction. He moved, and before I knew it, he was standing before me.
We became lovers after that. He stayed with me, at first, because I was someone familiar, then because he didn't want to be alone. I almost missed when he first said that he loved me, it was just so mundane at the time. But I should have realised that it wasn't enough. There had been reports in the news of a new designer drug. It had been Farfarello that had first told me of it. Warned me of the effects. He had taken it, although he still... I don't recall the official name, but the drug's street name was 'Instrumentality'. It seemed at first to mimic the effects of telepathy. The users all seemed to be able to communicate mentally. I didn't think too much of it. But then, the prominent politician Takatori Mamoru had stepped down. He was later found to be a user. This was the beginning. Mamoru had gotten Nagi hooked. Then they both turned to their former teammates. Somehow, Mamoru had hooked both Fujimiya and Hidaka on the shit. Nagi got to Brad. Of Weiss and Schwarz, there was only myself and Yohji left. But then Yohji came home one day, and I knew. He'd gotten it from Hidaka. Turns out that Mamoru had organised for his former teammates to join him in Tokyo. Mamoru - that damned Takatori! - had given the drug to Hidaka, and he gotten my Yohji hooked on it. I wasn't too worried at first. Thought it might have been a harmless diversion. Until I touched his mind, and felt most of Tokyo - no, half the world - crushing in on my head. Instrumentality doesn't simulate telepathy. It removes barriers between you and the rest of the world. You have a physical form, but your mind is merged with everyone else. Just one huge oversoul. I stopped touching Yohji's mind after that. Then one day he came home and tried to get me to take the drug.
"Join us," he said. I couldn't. I value my individuality too much. I didn't want to be some small fraction of the oversoul, I wanted to be Schuldig. I wanted Yohji as my lover, without the rest of the world intruding. He kept trying to bring me in. I finally made a decision. I packed only what I couldn't live without. I kissed Yohji, and told him why I was leaving.
"I can't share you with the rest of the world. If you ever manage to kick the habit, I'll find you." It seemed to penetrate.
"No, you can't leave us!" I winced.
"Listen to yourself Yohji. You talk in first person plural. That shouldn't happen. Do you know what happens if you take too much of that shit? I can't find Nagi in there anymore. His mind has dissolved completely. I can't find Mamoru anymore either. As people they no longer exist. I don't want that for me. I don't want it for you either. I don't care about the world Yohji. I just want you." He watched me leave. I walked out the door, and out into the world, determined to find at least one other person not addicted to Instrumentality. Every night I braved the oversoul, both dreading and hoping for the day Yohji was no longer to be found in there. And for the first time in my life, I was completely alone in the world, still searching for someone who understood why I left.
~o0o~
I know when it all began. I spent several weeks just recovering after that building fell in on us. I realised a lot of things in that time. The most important was that I was in love. I hated being so damned sentimental, but it was the truth. Somehow, during the last few years, I had fallen head-over-heels, completely break your heart in love with Kudou Yohji. It was stupid of me. I should have realised then that it was. It seemed alright at first. I found where he was living, as an amnesiac, with his wife, Asuka... funny how that name always haunts him even when he can't remember. I watched him, as he struggled, he seemed fine outwardly, his wife probably didn't suspect a thing, but inside, he was constantly searching for his past. I knew it was love. I didn't even care if he still hated me, I just wanted to take away that lost look in his eyes, as he searched for his past and continually failed. Finally I faced him. He was heartbreakingly polite. He had no idea who I was. I knew, that I had to restore him, but still, I had to ask first. He had to want it.
"I know you already." He stared at me, and demanded to know how. "I can help you remember, but... you may not want to." He expressed incredulity. "It will change the way you see the world." And me. I couldn't say that though. He frowned. He was thinking about what could be so terrible. "I'm only offering an option. You could tell me to go away, and I will. It might even be the best choice, I don't know. I never could see the future." He wanted to know what I thought was so funny about that. That question was funny too. If he chose to remember, he would already be in on the joke. "Never mind. Just think about it. I'll see you later." I walked away.
He chose to remember. Afterward, he left his wife. He felt that she deserved better than a murderer. I watched him, as he struggled again. I saw the shock as he remembered who Takatori Mamoru had once been. As he recognised the inobtrusive young bodyguard behind him. As he remembered who wasn't there. Apparently he had sent Fujimiya's sword to him, via Hidaka. He had just passed it on, not even realising why he had felt the urge to pass the sword to a complete stranger. Who hadn't been at all. I watched him through it all. Then one day, he stood in the middle of a nearby park, and I heard the mental call.
-Schuldig?- I answered of course.
-You want something kitten?- He jumped. Maybe he hadn't expected me to answer.
-Why?- I smiled to myself.
-Why what kitten?- I felt his frustration, and reached out, drawing him further into my mind. Let him read the truth for himself. He froze. And then he looked up, directly in my direction. He moved, and before I knew it, he was standing before me.
We became lovers after that. He stayed with me, at first, because I was someone familiar, then because he didn't want to be alone. I almost missed when he first said that he loved me, it was just so mundane at the time. But I should have realised that it wasn't enough. There had been reports in the news of a new designer drug. It had been Farfarello that had first told me of it. Warned me of the effects. He had taken it, although he still... I don't recall the official name, but the drug's street name was 'Instrumentality'. It seemed at first to mimic the effects of telepathy. The users all seemed to be able to communicate mentally. I didn't think too much of it. But then, the prominent politician Takatori Mamoru had stepped down. He was later found to be a user. This was the beginning. Mamoru had gotten Nagi hooked. Then they both turned to their former teammates. Somehow, Mamoru had hooked both Fujimiya and Hidaka on the shit. Nagi got to Brad. Of Weiss and Schwarz, there was only myself and Yohji left. But then Yohji came home one day, and I knew. He'd gotten it from Hidaka. Turns out that Mamoru had organised for his former teammates to join him in Tokyo. Mamoru - that damned Takatori! - had given the drug to Hidaka, and he gotten my Yohji hooked on it. I wasn't too worried at first. Thought it might have been a harmless diversion. Until I touched his mind, and felt most of Tokyo - no, half the world - crushing in on my head. Instrumentality doesn't simulate telepathy. It removes barriers between you and the rest of the world. You have a physical form, but your mind is merged with everyone else. Just one huge oversoul. I stopped touching Yohji's mind after that. Then one day he came home and tried to get me to take the drug.
"Join us," he said. I couldn't. I value my individuality too much. I didn't want to be some small fraction of the oversoul, I wanted to be Schuldig. I wanted Yohji as my lover, without the rest of the world intruding. He kept trying to bring me in. I finally made a decision. I packed only what I couldn't live without. I kissed Yohji, and told him why I was leaving.
"I can't share you with the rest of the world. If you ever manage to kick the habit, I'll find you." It seemed to penetrate.
"No, you can't leave us!" I winced.
"Listen to yourself Yohji. You talk in first person plural. That shouldn't happen. Do you know what happens if you take too much of that shit? I can't find Nagi in there anymore. His mind has dissolved completely. I can't find Mamoru anymore either. As people they no longer exist. I don't want that for me. I don't want it for you either. I don't care about the world Yohji. I just want you." He watched me leave. I walked out the door, and out into the world, determined to find at least one other person not addicted to Instrumentality. Every night I braved the oversoul, both dreading and hoping for the day Yohji was no longer to be found in there. And for the first time in my life, I was completely alone in the world, still searching for someone who understood why I left.
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