Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Photograph
Charlotte’s POV
He tugged on my t-shirt lightly and his smile grew wider, “Let’s go somewhere.” He said and I raised my eyebrow at him.
“Where?” I asked, slightly confused by this random suggestion.
He paused briefly before leaning down to my ear again. His tongue darted out to my earlobe and he spoke gently, “Anywhere.”
Gerard took my hand in his and led me towards the exit of the building. I bit my lip nervously, where were we going? I looked around to see people staring at us questioningly, so I avoided their eyes and stared at the ground rushing by as we walked faster.
He held the door open for me and I stepped past him. He paused briefly and smiled at me before taking my hand again and reaching into his pocket with his free hand. He swiftly pulled out the keys to the van and unlocked it. I climbed in quickly and watched as he switched the engine on and began to back out of the parking lot.
A couple of minutes had passed and I still had no idea where we were going. We hadn’t uttered a word since we got into the van either, which made it sort of awkward almost. I decided in order to let times pass by more quickly, I had to think about this situation.
I thought back to when I found Gerard with that girl behind the curtain. I didn’t want to think about it, but I couldn’t help it. I understand he wanted to make me jealous, I didn’t exactly agree with that fact but I understand it nonetheless. Something still seemed to bother me though. I know I rejected him and he was obviously a little hurt and angry, but I only did it because I didn’t want him to get involved in my messed up life. But that didn’t give him the right to go make out with another girl to get back at me.
I glanced over at him and noticed his eyes were focussed on the road. He had a different expression than before though; he looked frustrated and somehow angry.
I decided to break the silence, “Gerard, what are we doing?” I asked quietly.
He looked at me for a second before returning his focus to the road.
“We’re driving.” He said bluntly. Oh jeez, what the hell was up with him now?
“You know I don’t mean it like that. What are we doing together?” I said a little louder than before. He sighed deeply and all of a sudden I felt the car swerve to the right. I gripped the seat to stop myself colliding with the door and stared out the window. He’d pulled up in a grassy area beside the freeway.
He quickly undone his seatbelt and before I knew what was happening, he’d gently pushed me against the car door and leaned over me. He stared into my confused eyes and bent down to touch his lips to mine. I couldn’t help but melt into his kiss, and any uneasy feelings about this had disappeared. He lightly brushed his lips against mine before pulling away and looking down on me. His right hand came up to my cheek and softly caressed it.
“We’re doing what’s right, and what’s meant to be. We’re continuing something we shouldn’t have let go.” He whispered.
I felt tears sting in my eyes listening to his words, he had no idea how that made me feel. I had dreamed every night that I’d see him again and escape from that house, that I’d run away with him like I have and forget all about Jason. And now that it’s actually happened, I’m not sure if I can go through with it. First of all, my belongings were still back in Dallas with Jason, and secondly… I was still married. I knew that Jason would never agree for a divorce, so what the hell was I meant to do? If I went home to collect my stuff and move away, Jason wouldn’t let me go. Not that easily anyway, and he’d certainly start something up with Gerard.
I didn’t want that. I didn’t want Gerard to get involved with Jason, because I knew that Jason would do anything to keep me his prisoner. And Gerard had a life to live, an amazing life that I was holding him back from. That thought made guilt course through my veins.
“What’s wrong?” He whispered lightly as a tear trickled down my cheek. I looked away, touched by his concern. He wiped the tear and brought my face back to look at him. “Tell me,” He said quietly but stern enough to let me know he was serious.
“I’m married Gerard.” I said plainly, not knowing what else to say. I didn’t want him to know how evil Jason was and what he’d done me; I was too embarrassed to let anyone know that.
“I know,” He stated looking away from me with sad eyes, “But I also know you aren’t happy, you don’t want to stay married.” He looked at me again with a hopeful expression; he took the words right out of my mind.
“It doesn’t matter what I want, I can’t let a silly fling ruin my marriage.” I said harshly, refusing to look into his eyes. It broke my heart to say that, and hell I didn’t mean a thing I’d said, but I had to say it. If I hurt him enough he’d let me go and I’d be out of his life, it was better that way.
“A fling? Is that what you think this?” Stared at me questioningly and bit down hard on his lower lip. I recognised that action from when we were younger, he always done that when he was frustrated or confused.
“Well yeah, what else would you call it?” I narrowed my eyes and dreaded the painful look on his face.
“Then what was that back there?” He urged, leaning harder on me. I winced when his elbow came into contact with my side, it still hurt like hell from when Jason… Well you know.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about that feeling when we kissed! I know you felt it, and you can’t just ignore it.” He raised his voice and I jumped slightly, “You just told me you loved me?”
I paused, hating what I was about to say, “They were only words.” I whispered, I didn’t want to hear myself saying that. I clenched my eyes shut and swallowed the lump of guilt in my throat.
He stared at me for a few seconds before slowly getting off me. Without meaning it, his hand slipped and he fell on top of me. His weight collided with the bruises on my ribs and stomach and unintentionally I let out a gasp. He sat upright and furrowed his eyebrows together.
“Sorry,” He muttered before settling back in his seat and starting the engine again. I tried to sit up, but every time I moved the pain in my ribs got worse. I pushed myself up with my hand and whimpered.
“Oh come on, I’m not that heavy for fuck sake, I didn’t crush you.” He snapped looking down at my fragile figure.
“No, it’s not that…” I said breathlessly as I tried to fix my seatbelt.
“Then what the hell are you making such a fuss about?” I could feel the car speeding up as he got angrier.
“Gerard, slow down.” I said evenly, I had to try and calm him down.
“Why? I’m the one who’s driving; I’ll go fast if I want to.” He said sternly and pressed his foot down on the pedal full force. Then I started to panic. I saw the trees whooshing past us and my heart started beating faster. I glanced at the metre and watched as the little red arrow continued to travel upwards to 100 mph.
“Gerard please slow down, you’re gonna fucking kill us!” I shouted and grabbed hold of the hand rest on the door.
“Well maybe that’s what I want! Maybe I want to leave this fucking world, don’t you?!” He raised his voice even louder than when I shouted and I felt my hands shaking in fear as I kept hold of the hand rest.
“No.” I said simply and watched his expression grow angrier, if that was even possible.
“Oh yeah that’s right, you don’t want to die because you have your husband back home e waiting for you. Well lemme’ ask you one question Charlotte, why the fuck did you come on tour with us?!” He shouted the question so loud it hurt my ears. I couldn’t take it any longer; if he kept this up he’d definitely end up crashing.
So I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Because I love you!”
And everything stopped. The van’s tires screeched against the tar on the ground and when it finally stopped, we were thrown forward from the force. And at that moment I thanked god that I had the strength to get that seatbelt on.
When the screeching had stopped and the only sound was our heavy breathing I looked over at Gerard. His hands were still fixed on the wheel and his head leaned against it, eyes closed firmly. I began to reach out to touch his shoulder when a searing pain ripped through my body.
“Ah, fuck…” I whimpered and cradled my stomach trying to ease the pain.
“What? Are you hurt?” Gerard’s head shot up and he shifted towards me. He took my hands from where I held my stomach and gently lifted my shirt up. His eyes widened when he saw the amount of bruises stained on my skin.
“Shit,” He muttered and continued to stare at the purple marks. “Shit, shit, shit…” He said over and over. “I’m disgusting…” He whispered and covered his face with his hands in shame.
“Gerard-” I began to explain but he cut me off.
“Look what my fucking stupidity has done to you! I can’t believe I let myself do this.” He motioned toward my stomach and started clawing at his skin. I couldn’t let him do this; he was punishing himself for something he hadn’t done. I had to tell him.
“Gerard stop!” I took hold of his hands and placed them firmly at his sides. He looked at me questioningly and breathed deeply. To my surprise his eyes started to glisten and rim with tear, but he refused to let them fall.
“This isn’t your doing Gerard.” I whispered, staring straight at him, “I’ve had these bruises for a while.”
“I don’t understand?” confusion spread across his perfect face and I loosened my grip on his hands.
I didn’t have a clue how to explain what really caused the bruising. My mind just went blank, and I couldn’t seem to find any words. So I looked down at the gold en ring settled on my ring finger and Gerard followed my gaze. It only took a few seconds for the realisation to hit him.
“Fuck no.” He spat and tugged his hands out of my grip harshly. He started up the van yet again and spun around so we were headed back to the venue. This was going to be a long ride.
Sorry for the wait, the next chapter will be up later tonight. R&R xo
He tugged on my t-shirt lightly and his smile grew wider, “Let’s go somewhere.” He said and I raised my eyebrow at him.
“Where?” I asked, slightly confused by this random suggestion.
He paused briefly before leaning down to my ear again. His tongue darted out to my earlobe and he spoke gently, “Anywhere.”
Gerard took my hand in his and led me towards the exit of the building. I bit my lip nervously, where were we going? I looked around to see people staring at us questioningly, so I avoided their eyes and stared at the ground rushing by as we walked faster.
He held the door open for me and I stepped past him. He paused briefly and smiled at me before taking my hand again and reaching into his pocket with his free hand. He swiftly pulled out the keys to the van and unlocked it. I climbed in quickly and watched as he switched the engine on and began to back out of the parking lot.
A couple of minutes had passed and I still had no idea where we were going. We hadn’t uttered a word since we got into the van either, which made it sort of awkward almost. I decided in order to let times pass by more quickly, I had to think about this situation.
I thought back to when I found Gerard with that girl behind the curtain. I didn’t want to think about it, but I couldn’t help it. I understand he wanted to make me jealous, I didn’t exactly agree with that fact but I understand it nonetheless. Something still seemed to bother me though. I know I rejected him and he was obviously a little hurt and angry, but I only did it because I didn’t want him to get involved in my messed up life. But that didn’t give him the right to go make out with another girl to get back at me.
I glanced over at him and noticed his eyes were focussed on the road. He had a different expression than before though; he looked frustrated and somehow angry.
I decided to break the silence, “Gerard, what are we doing?” I asked quietly.
He looked at me for a second before returning his focus to the road.
“We’re driving.” He said bluntly. Oh jeez, what the hell was up with him now?
“You know I don’t mean it like that. What are we doing together?” I said a little louder than before. He sighed deeply and all of a sudden I felt the car swerve to the right. I gripped the seat to stop myself colliding with the door and stared out the window. He’d pulled up in a grassy area beside the freeway.
He quickly undone his seatbelt and before I knew what was happening, he’d gently pushed me against the car door and leaned over me. He stared into my confused eyes and bent down to touch his lips to mine. I couldn’t help but melt into his kiss, and any uneasy feelings about this had disappeared. He lightly brushed his lips against mine before pulling away and looking down on me. His right hand came up to my cheek and softly caressed it.
“We’re doing what’s right, and what’s meant to be. We’re continuing something we shouldn’t have let go.” He whispered.
I felt tears sting in my eyes listening to his words, he had no idea how that made me feel. I had dreamed every night that I’d see him again and escape from that house, that I’d run away with him like I have and forget all about Jason. And now that it’s actually happened, I’m not sure if I can go through with it. First of all, my belongings were still back in Dallas with Jason, and secondly… I was still married. I knew that Jason would never agree for a divorce, so what the hell was I meant to do? If I went home to collect my stuff and move away, Jason wouldn’t let me go. Not that easily anyway, and he’d certainly start something up with Gerard.
I didn’t want that. I didn’t want Gerard to get involved with Jason, because I knew that Jason would do anything to keep me his prisoner. And Gerard had a life to live, an amazing life that I was holding him back from. That thought made guilt course through my veins.
“What’s wrong?” He whispered lightly as a tear trickled down my cheek. I looked away, touched by his concern. He wiped the tear and brought my face back to look at him. “Tell me,” He said quietly but stern enough to let me know he was serious.
“I’m married Gerard.” I said plainly, not knowing what else to say. I didn’t want him to know how evil Jason was and what he’d done me; I was too embarrassed to let anyone know that.
“I know,” He stated looking away from me with sad eyes, “But I also know you aren’t happy, you don’t want to stay married.” He looked at me again with a hopeful expression; he took the words right out of my mind.
“It doesn’t matter what I want, I can’t let a silly fling ruin my marriage.” I said harshly, refusing to look into his eyes. It broke my heart to say that, and hell I didn’t mean a thing I’d said, but I had to say it. If I hurt him enough he’d let me go and I’d be out of his life, it was better that way.
“A fling? Is that what you think this?” Stared at me questioningly and bit down hard on his lower lip. I recognised that action from when we were younger, he always done that when he was frustrated or confused.
“Well yeah, what else would you call it?” I narrowed my eyes and dreaded the painful look on his face.
“Then what was that back there?” He urged, leaning harder on me. I winced when his elbow came into contact with my side, it still hurt like hell from when Jason… Well you know.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about that feeling when we kissed! I know you felt it, and you can’t just ignore it.” He raised his voice and I jumped slightly, “You just told me you loved me?”
I paused, hating what I was about to say, “They were only words.” I whispered, I didn’t want to hear myself saying that. I clenched my eyes shut and swallowed the lump of guilt in my throat.
He stared at me for a few seconds before slowly getting off me. Without meaning it, his hand slipped and he fell on top of me. His weight collided with the bruises on my ribs and stomach and unintentionally I let out a gasp. He sat upright and furrowed his eyebrows together.
“Sorry,” He muttered before settling back in his seat and starting the engine again. I tried to sit up, but every time I moved the pain in my ribs got worse. I pushed myself up with my hand and whimpered.
“Oh come on, I’m not that heavy for fuck sake, I didn’t crush you.” He snapped looking down at my fragile figure.
“No, it’s not that…” I said breathlessly as I tried to fix my seatbelt.
“Then what the hell are you making such a fuss about?” I could feel the car speeding up as he got angrier.
“Gerard, slow down.” I said evenly, I had to try and calm him down.
“Why? I’m the one who’s driving; I’ll go fast if I want to.” He said sternly and pressed his foot down on the pedal full force. Then I started to panic. I saw the trees whooshing past us and my heart started beating faster. I glanced at the metre and watched as the little red arrow continued to travel upwards to 100 mph.
“Gerard please slow down, you’re gonna fucking kill us!” I shouted and grabbed hold of the hand rest on the door.
“Well maybe that’s what I want! Maybe I want to leave this fucking world, don’t you?!” He raised his voice even louder than when I shouted and I felt my hands shaking in fear as I kept hold of the hand rest.
“No.” I said simply and watched his expression grow angrier, if that was even possible.
“Oh yeah that’s right, you don’t want to die because you have your husband back home e waiting for you. Well lemme’ ask you one question Charlotte, why the fuck did you come on tour with us?!” He shouted the question so loud it hurt my ears. I couldn’t take it any longer; if he kept this up he’d definitely end up crashing.
So I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Because I love you!”
And everything stopped. The van’s tires screeched against the tar on the ground and when it finally stopped, we were thrown forward from the force. And at that moment I thanked god that I had the strength to get that seatbelt on.
When the screeching had stopped and the only sound was our heavy breathing I looked over at Gerard. His hands were still fixed on the wheel and his head leaned against it, eyes closed firmly. I began to reach out to touch his shoulder when a searing pain ripped through my body.
“Ah, fuck…” I whimpered and cradled my stomach trying to ease the pain.
“What? Are you hurt?” Gerard’s head shot up and he shifted towards me. He took my hands from where I held my stomach and gently lifted my shirt up. His eyes widened when he saw the amount of bruises stained on my skin.
“Shit,” He muttered and continued to stare at the purple marks. “Shit, shit, shit…” He said over and over. “I’m disgusting…” He whispered and covered his face with his hands in shame.
“Gerard-” I began to explain but he cut me off.
“Look what my fucking stupidity has done to you! I can’t believe I let myself do this.” He motioned toward my stomach and started clawing at his skin. I couldn’t let him do this; he was punishing himself for something he hadn’t done. I had to tell him.
“Gerard stop!” I took hold of his hands and placed them firmly at his sides. He looked at me questioningly and breathed deeply. To my surprise his eyes started to glisten and rim with tear, but he refused to let them fall.
“This isn’t your doing Gerard.” I whispered, staring straight at him, “I’ve had these bruises for a while.”
“I don’t understand?” confusion spread across his perfect face and I loosened my grip on his hands.
I didn’t have a clue how to explain what really caused the bruising. My mind just went blank, and I couldn’t seem to find any words. So I looked down at the gold en ring settled on my ring finger and Gerard followed my gaze. It only took a few seconds for the realisation to hit him.
“Fuck no.” He spat and tugged his hands out of my grip harshly. He started up the van yet again and spun around so we were headed back to the venue. This was going to be a long ride.
Sorry for the wait, the next chapter will be up later tonight. R&R xo
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