Categories > Original > Drama

Who I Would Be

by mysilentromance 2 reviews

I had often wondered who I would be if it were not for Tourette’s.

Category: Drama - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Published: 2010-06-12 - Updated: 2010-06-13 - 393 words - Complete

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I had often wondered who I would be if it were not for Tourette’s. I had spent innumerable sleepless nights fantasizing about a could-be life. I had imagined that certain aspects of myself would have been altered dramatically. If it were only not for Tourette’s, I would not be who I am.

If it were not for Tourette’s, I would not fear those around me. I have been taunted, mocked. I have been considered abnormal, never matching what society deemed as acceptable. I have withdrawn myself from others, knowing that the lesser individuals I spoke with, the less I would be ridiculed.

If it were not for Tourette’s, I never would have begun self-injury. For years, I had viewed myself as others had viewed me. I had believed what they had spoken. And, through my cuts, I had punished myself for the truth in the words that they spoke.

But through it all, I have often considered who I am because of Tourette’s. I have spent innumerable sleepless nights analyzing the life that I now possess. I have realized certain aspects of myself that have been benefited. If it were only not for Tourette’s, I would not be who I am.

Because of Tourette’s, I have learned to adapt. I have taught myself how to have the power over my own body, even through the times when my body attempts to dominate over myself. I have discovered ways to camouflage my tics. And I have found ways to substitute my tics for less noticeable ones, in order to draw less attention towards myself.

Because of Tourette’s, I have learned to be self-aware. I have become observant of every move in which I make. I have taught myself to focus on multiple situations at once so that I may have the knowledge of what my body is doing at all times. I have been learned to understand myself.

And while I often wonder who I would be without Tourette’s, I am certain of who I am with it. Although I imagine about this could-be life, I suppose I only desire it to be nothing more than a simple fantasy. Tourette’s has shaped me into who I am. And I would rather be who I am with it than who I would be without it.
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