FicWad

The tears that had been building up in my eyes suddenly broke lose and started pouring down my cheeks. I wasn't very good at keeping my emotions in. I was someone who either needed to do something violent or cry when they were upset. There was no other solution. I huddled on the corner of the couch and buried my head in my hands as I tried to cry all the unhappiness away. Unfortunately, it wouldn't go away. My heart continued to ache and I kept feeling like I didn't belong here. Maybe I should just grab my stuff, take a hundred dollars from James, and then go back to Downey where I belonged.

Footsteps sounded behind me. It had to be James since there wasn't anyone else who would be in the room. I ignored the footsteps. The last thing I wanted was for James to see just how bad he was making me feel right now. I tried to quiet my crying, but it didn't work very well. The footsteps came closer and I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Anger took place of my sadness, and I jerked away from James' touch, "Don't touch me. If you're looking for someone to 'touch' go and try to get in that receptionist's bed. I'm sure she'd be glad to let you in it." It probably wasn't the nicest thing to say, but I wasn't in the mood to be nice. I said what had to be said. There was no point in sugar-coating the truth. And, although I hated to admit it, this was the truth. James liked the receptionist and probably wanted to sleep with her.

"Oh Olive, I'm so sorry," James apologized, sitting next to me on the couch. "I didn't mean to. I honestly didn't." I resisted rolling my eyes. He had obviously meant everything he had done earlier, or else he would not have done it. It was as simple as that. Apparently, James didn't see that logic though.

"Don't give me shit, James," I snapped at him, "It's obvious you like that woman better than me. Seriously though, isn't it a little late for all this? You should've thought this through more before you decided to bring me to Los Angeles with you. What was the point in bringing me along? You obviously don't want me here. You're losing interest in me just like I predicted. And now you're fuckin' stuck with me. So how about this: give me a hundred dollars and I'll go back to Downey."

For the first time in the conversation, I looked up at James and held my hand out for the money. James was looking at me with shock and regret. Once he managed to get out of his stunned silence, he shook his head vigorously, "God, that's not at all what I want to do. You're overreacting. Screw that. I overreacted. I have a short temper, Olive. I shouldn't have gotten upset about you for the whole map thing earlier. I just don't like people telling me that I'm wrong. And about the receptionist...I was just trying to make you feel jealous I guess. You don't honestly want to go back home...do you?"

I nodded, tears still flowing freely down my cheeks. Things were not going so well between James and me so far. We both had short tempers and it was very easy for us to get into arguments. That would end up being a very big problem for us in the future. Wondering about James' previous sentence, I glanced up at him in confusion and choked out, "Why did you want to make me feel jealous? All you did was make my heart break. I should've learned not to trust guys after Ray."

James slapped himself on the forehead in a punishing manner and muttered something to himself before turning to me and pleading, "Please forgive me, Olivia? I'll try to keep my temper under control. But honestly, I don't like that receptionist. I only like you. And I guess I wanted to make you jealous so you would still want me..."

James shrugged as his sentence trailed off and his cheeks blushed a light pink. I stared at him as if he was crazy. James Hetfield was trying to make me jealous? Well, that was just crazy. No, it was more than crazy. It was insane. I glared at him through my wet lashes and said, "Goddamn, James, isn't it obvious that I want you? Isn't it obvious that I want you more than anything? I literally gave up my whole life for you and all you want to do is check out other women..."

I choked and became too overcome with tears to continue. James slid over next to me on the couch and wrapped his arms around my frail body. I was too upset to resist and allowed him to cradle me in his arms. He held me gently and rubbed my lower back with his right hand while I cried into his shoulder. Once there was not a single tear left in my eyes, James pulled me away from him to look in my eyes. In a genuine tone, he pleaded, "Forgive me?"

I was too weak and tired at this point to argue. I just simply nodded. I wanted James' love and comfort right now. Being in a strange place and being so far from home was already a lot for me to handle. Arguing with James was just going to make me feel a lot worse. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt to wipe all the remaining tears away.

Abruptly, James wrapped his arms around me and actually picked me up. I was so shocked that he had actually picked me up that I remained speechless for a few minutes. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that James could pick me up, but still! He carried me to the bed, rested me gently on one side of it, and then climbed in on the other side.

The bed was soft and plush; the perfect antidote to my aching body. I sighed contentedly and snuggled deeper under the covers. It was only then that I realized just how exhausted I was. The day had been quite long and all I wanted to do was sleep. Well, not exactly. It was almost impossible to sleep when there was the guy you loved more than anything lying besides you and watching your every move. I opened my closed eyes and gave him a little smile, "Hey, are you honestly going to go to bed wearing that?" He still had on his clothes from earlier...and so did I.

James shrugged, "I dunno..." He raised an eyebrow at me. Oh god, that was too much of an invitation for me. I crossed my side of the bed and climbed on top of James' body. He smiled at me sneakily and pressed his lips to my neck in soft, meaningful kisses. The kisses immediately got me going and I found my hands already snaking up James' shirt. Unable to keep all the longing built up in me, I slipped off James' tank top and threw it to the floor without a second glance. For some reason, I loved looking at his naked chest. He was so goddamn gorgeous. Needing to touch him, I let my hands travel from his shoulders all the way down to his soft belly. I kissed him right below his neck and pressed my body tighter to his.

James tossed my hair to one side and moved his lips around my neck, sucking down on my skin longingly. The previous events from earlier seemed to fade away. Our argument was now part of the past. I wouldn't think of it again. All that mattered now was that James and I were here together. I kissed up and down James' throat before I reached his lips.

Before kissing him again, I asked, "You know how you wanted to start that band? Are we going to meet that guy you wanted to start the band with tomorrow?" James, obviously distracted by our closeness, took a while to reply. He was fingering my hair with one of his hands and watching the way it shone in the light.

Finally, he replied, "Yeah, we'll met him tomorrow. We can look for a job for you tomorrow too." I nodded, content with that answer. It was only then that I realized that James was looking at my chest with curiosity. Wondering what he was looking it, I tilted my head and looked at him questioningly. James fingered the fabric of my shirt and looked at me questioningly, "Can I?"

Caught up in the moment, I shrugged and nodded. James eagerly slipped his hands under my shirt and flipped it over my head easily. I immediately felt self conscious without my shirt and regretted my impulsive decision. James didn't seem to notice that I was feeling self conscious though. He continued gazing at me like I was a treasure chest filled with gold. Abruptly, he flipped me over onto my back and mounted on top of me. His warm breath tickled my cheek and filled my body with adrenaline. James ran his hands down my sides and along my abdomen. He stroked my belly gently, tracing the scar I had there.

Damn that scar. It totally ruined the illusion of a perfect body. Needing to know if James thought that scar was ugly too, I asked, "James? Am I ugly?" James, continuing to explore my chest with his fingers, looked up at me and met my gaze, "That's one of the stupidest questions I've heard in a long time. You're everything but ugly. You're beautiful."

"You like me better than the receptionist?" I asked teasingly, stroking the side of his cheek his my fingertips. James rolled his eyes at me, "Can we forget about that bitch? I said I was sorry about that." I nodded and decided to let it go. Talking about the Kitty-replica didn't seem like such a good topic for us anyways.

We continued touching and kissing each other for a while until James started playing with my bra straps. I could tell he was trying to think about how he was going to get it off. But deep inside, I knew I didn't want to go that far right now. I was feeling self conscious enough with my bra on. Without it...without it would remind me of how Ray had bitten my nipples and twisted them in his teeth. I rested a hand on James' hand and shook my head, "I don't want to go any farther tonight, okay? I'm too tired."

It was a bad excuse, but I really was tired and didn't want to have to deal with trying to think up a better explanation. James nodded understandingly and rolled back other to his side of the bed. Once he was back on his side, I decided to be straightforward with him. Still snuggling against him, I asked, "James...do you...uh...want to do it with me?"

James, still wearing that desirous expression on his face, looked taken aback by my forwardness. Once he got over the shock of my question, he shrugged and blushed. Without exactly answering my question, he answered, "Well...I want to do whatever you want to do. I know that you probably don't want to do anything after what happened with you and Ray, so that's okay."

"What was making love to Kitty like?" I asked again. These questions were kind of awkward and probably none of my business, but for some reason, they seemed quite important at the moment. I was also starting to think that maybe I should just go ahead and do it with James even if it was going to hurt. Maybe that would keep his eyes off other women for a while.

"It was..." James searched around in his mind for the right word while I looked at him questioningly. Finally, he said simply, "it was nothing like what it would be with you. I wish I had waited..." My eyebrows shot up. James regretted making love to Kitty and wished he had waited to do it with me? Well that was something.

"I would...do it with you," I confessed, "but it hurt last time with Ray. It was pain beyond belief. It felt like he was trying to tear my insides into two pieces." James nodded, "I know. Being raped hurts. There's nothing gentle about rape. Making love to someone is different though. I know you probably have a hard time believing that, but it's true. Besides, I'd be gentle with you."

That was when I made up my mind. I would let James make love to me. Not tonight though because I was too tired, but soon. Meeting his eyes, I confessed, "Okay then...let's try it in a few nights." James stared at me with shock on his face. Smiling nervously, I added, "Well...why not? We love each other and we're living together now."

The shock left James' face and I could see anticipation in his eyes, "You surprise me everyday. But if you want to do it, I'm all for it. Just tell me when." I nodded peacefully, feeling my eyelids droop. Now that I had said everything that needed to be said, I pulled the sheets closer around the two of us and fell into a deep, peaceful slumber with James holding me in his arms.