Categories > Original > Drama > The Caffeinated Diaries
22.06.10
14.44, TL.
I didn't cry. I didn't burst into tears over everything that's going through my head and has been going on and about how I feel. I didn't cut myself. I didn't do anything.
I can't do anything.
Today I'm a corpse. I won't eat. I will hardly think. I'm just staring. I can't seem to do anything. It's the way I used to be. It's all going back to the way I used to be. and I can't figure out why. Just why. why? why fucking why?
I just sort of want to lie down and do nothing. Think nothing. Be nothing.
I want people to ignore me. The way they used to when I was like this before. They didn't notice. But I know now, well I think now - they might.
My mother also said one of those things again. Where it hurts me but she doesn't notice.
We were arguing about how fat I am. She said I'm not fat. I said I am. Blah blah. It went on and all that crap. She then said "I hope you don't turn anorexic."
Which I almost burst out laughing, because when all this started happening, all this "Finness" I didn't eat for days maybe. Weeks. I only ate some breakfast and the sweets my granny gave me.
And a tiny bit of dinner. I just drank alot of coke. I lost alot of weight. Like I could of fitted ito a size 6. And a size 6 in the US I think is a size 4. Which isn't bad, I think. Or is that fat in America? I don't know. But yeah. I wasn't anorexic, but I was...just not eating.
The old woman of a mother wants me to go to the doctors. Again. Oh no, it's nothing about my cutting or "finness" or anything. It's about some crap that most likely won't drive me to suicide. It's bloody laughable.
Everything's going grey again. Maybe I'll explain that later.
14.44, TL.
I didn't cry. I didn't burst into tears over everything that's going through my head and has been going on and about how I feel. I didn't cut myself. I didn't do anything.
I can't do anything.
Today I'm a corpse. I won't eat. I will hardly think. I'm just staring. I can't seem to do anything. It's the way I used to be. It's all going back to the way I used to be. and I can't figure out why. Just why. why? why fucking why?
I just sort of want to lie down and do nothing. Think nothing. Be nothing.
I want people to ignore me. The way they used to when I was like this before. They didn't notice. But I know now, well I think now - they might.
My mother also said one of those things again. Where it hurts me but she doesn't notice.
We were arguing about how fat I am. She said I'm not fat. I said I am. Blah blah. It went on and all that crap. She then said "I hope you don't turn anorexic."
Which I almost burst out laughing, because when all this started happening, all this "Finness" I didn't eat for days maybe. Weeks. I only ate some breakfast and the sweets my granny gave me.
And a tiny bit of dinner. I just drank alot of coke. I lost alot of weight. Like I could of fitted ito a size 6. And a size 6 in the US I think is a size 4. Which isn't bad, I think. Or is that fat in America? I don't know. But yeah. I wasn't anorexic, but I was...just not eating.
The old woman of a mother wants me to go to the doctors. Again. Oh no, it's nothing about my cutting or "finness" or anything. It's about some crap that most likely won't drive me to suicide. It's bloody laughable.
Everything's going grey again. Maybe I'll explain that later.
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