Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > They Say Quitters Never Win
"Good morning."
Early morning slithered into a dim room, only lit by a tired sun, crawling its way through an unshaded window. The sweet of her voice left a smile stapled on my face, and she had placed tender kisses on my eyelids to open them. She smiled at me, her red hair limply falling around her sun-glazed shoulders. I looked up at her, with love bubbling in the empty places of my insides, full and bursting. This is where I adored her the most- in the dawn of todays. She wore no make-up, her hair was ruffled by the night's sleepy torments, and she was born from her dreams. She was never more perfect to me.
"Good morning, darling." I whispered to her, pushing a hair behind her hair and kissing her gently. We were tangled against each other on our bed, and I never wanted to leave.
"Don't forget to feed the dogs." she said, getting up, as I laid there completely confused.
"What?" I tried, but she was already out of the bedroom door. I began to panic. Where was she going?
I jumped out of bed and ran after her, but she was gone. Nowhere to be found.
"Ashlee!" I yelled, but out came no sound. I yelled again and again, yet I did not hear anything. I ran throughout the house, but no matter where I looked, I could not find her. I continued shouting her noiseless name. I started running, but I ended up back in my bedroom. This happened again and again. She still had not shown up.
She had completely disappeared.
I jolted awake, a coat of sweat emerging from pores all over my body. I was disoriented for a few moments as I rubbed my eyes. I could never sleep without having these dreams. No matter what, she was always the main character in them. I couldn't get her off my mind, whether I was conscious or not. It made me sick. My crusted eyes made their way to the red digits on my clock that read 4:30 PM. I had slept all day. I lied back down, hearing the thrash of rain outside of my window. I was thankful for Patrick taking Bronx. Though I love my son to death, I needed some time to myself.
I managed to actually lift myself off of my bed and make my way to the kitchen. The whole house was dark. I wondered if the electricity was just out or if Patrick had just turned all of them off when he left. I couldn't quite remember. All I remember is passing out after they left. But as I saw a shopping list in Patrick's hand writing, I could tell that he came back. I looked around, and the kitchen had been cleaned. No dishes, no dirty floor.
Mental note: yell at Patrick for cleaning my house.
I hated when he did this, although he was probably correct in thinking it were necessary. Yet I still felt irritated that he felt the need to help me out so much. I agree that I've been an utter basket case without Ashlee, but I was trying to keep things as under control as possible. And when he did things like this, it just made me feel like more of failure.
I ignored the shopping list and opened the fridge, where I was only greeted by half-empty gallon of milk and cream cheese. I closed the door and ripped off the list from under a magnet. I figured it would be best for me to go grocery shopping now, anyway. It was raining, so there was going to be a slim chance of paparazzi squirming about. So I got dressed in clothes that weren't wrinkled by sleep and headed to the nearest supermarket.
I pulled up my hoodie as I got out of my car and into the pouring rain. Luckily, there were few cars in the parking lot, so I got a pretty good spot. I darted into the store, and when I got where it was dry, I removed my hood and grabbed a shopping cart. There weren't many people in the store, just a few moms with their hyper toddlers begging for candy. The numbing of my heart wobbled with a pang as I watched the mothers interact with their children and how I longed for Bronx's mother to be here doing the same. I looked at them for a long time, with sadness defined into my expression. I looked around the store, and there was absolutely nothing here that didn't remind me of her and her absence. Everywhere I went, she was with me, clinging to my veins, sucking out the remnants of my energy to go on. I suddenly felt very broken, in the most literal sense. My bones ached and my heart rate began to speed, as my ears got hot. The anxiety of what she has done burned within me. I couldn't move. I looked to the shopping list with tired eyes, realizing I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know what was a good deal and what wasn't, I didn't even know why I needed half of the things listed.
I pushed the cart into the vegetable isle, because no one else was there, except some girl in purple scrubs and a shopping basket hanging from her arm. I thought I could calm down a bit. I breathed out and looked at a random item on Patrick's list. Celery. I put down the piece of paper and rolled the cart to where the celery was located.
"What even is the point of celery?" I mumbled to myself, as I picked up a stalk and looked it over. Was it even a necessary vegetable?
"Well, it's a zero calorie food." a strange voice replied, startling me, as I turned to look at the girl in purple scrubs. I hadn't even noticed she was close to me.
"What?" I asked, confused. Why was she even talking to me?
"Uh, it means that it the energy you use to eat celery offsets the calories in the celery. If you just ate celery all the time, you wouldn't gain weight." she smiled at me, as she took a bite off one of her cookies that were opened from a box in her basket.
"Um." I didn't even know what to say. I was so trapped in my own thoughts and I haven't even spoken to anyone in weeks. I almost had forgotten how.
"That was stupid, I'm sorry. I have no idea why your wife put celery on your shopping list." she blushed, not realizing what she said had offset a domino effect of my heartache. It was just one thing after the other. My insides crashed, crumbled, cracked, everything.
"I um, my wife... She, uh." I couldn't even construct a sentence without falling apart. She just looked at me with large green eyes, waiting for me to finish. I must have looked completely insane, with my eyes getting wet and my face getting hot. Finally, I was able to produce, "I don't have a wife." in utter defeat. She had noticed the visible depression that had took over as she said that.
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry for your loss." she said, glancing down at my ring finger, noticing that it still bore a ring. I somehow couldn't bring myself to take it off. It felt like a heavy weight on my finger, yet I refused to remove it. It was a masochistic reminder of sorts; it reassured me that this was all real, the pain, the past, and even though I wish it weren't real, the present.
I wondered if she thought my wife had passed away. And for some reason, I felt the need to explain to her that it wasn't the case. That my wife had abandoned me. That it was all my fault. That I didn't even deserve to be having this conversation with her. All I deserved was to be breathing in dirt for the rest of eternity.
"Thank you, but I doubt she feels the same way." I tried, taking in how her eyebrows raised. She must have thought I was a complete mess. And she wouldn't even be wrong.
"Cookie?" she offered, moving her basket in my direction. I could tell she was trying to change the subject, and I was grateful.
"No thanks, I have to get this shopping done." I rejected, looking to my list. But as I scanned the page, that realization of not knowing what the hell I was doing washed over me again. I frowned at the paper and rubbed my eyes.
"Um, you know, I could help you if you want. I'm pretty good at picking out the best deals."
And even though it was going against my better judgement to say no, I did need help. But not just with this shopping, with everything. And this girl was willing to help, even though it was just with groceries. And though I knew I had difficulties with getting too attached, I shoved that lingering thought in the back of my mind. I wasn't interested in her particularly, but more or less interested in actually having someone around to help. Even if it was just for an hour.
"Sure. I could use the help, actually." I accepted, as she smiled at me.
"I'm Avery, by the way."
"Pete."
--------------
A special thanks to my beta for her help with this chapter.
Early morning slithered into a dim room, only lit by a tired sun, crawling its way through an unshaded window. The sweet of her voice left a smile stapled on my face, and she had placed tender kisses on my eyelids to open them. She smiled at me, her red hair limply falling around her sun-glazed shoulders. I looked up at her, with love bubbling in the empty places of my insides, full and bursting. This is where I adored her the most- in the dawn of todays. She wore no make-up, her hair was ruffled by the night's sleepy torments, and she was born from her dreams. She was never more perfect to me.
"Good morning, darling." I whispered to her, pushing a hair behind her hair and kissing her gently. We were tangled against each other on our bed, and I never wanted to leave.
"Don't forget to feed the dogs." she said, getting up, as I laid there completely confused.
"What?" I tried, but she was already out of the bedroom door. I began to panic. Where was she going?
I jumped out of bed and ran after her, but she was gone. Nowhere to be found.
"Ashlee!" I yelled, but out came no sound. I yelled again and again, yet I did not hear anything. I ran throughout the house, but no matter where I looked, I could not find her. I continued shouting her noiseless name. I started running, but I ended up back in my bedroom. This happened again and again. She still had not shown up.
She had completely disappeared.
I jolted awake, a coat of sweat emerging from pores all over my body. I was disoriented for a few moments as I rubbed my eyes. I could never sleep without having these dreams. No matter what, she was always the main character in them. I couldn't get her off my mind, whether I was conscious or not. It made me sick. My crusted eyes made their way to the red digits on my clock that read 4:30 PM. I had slept all day. I lied back down, hearing the thrash of rain outside of my window. I was thankful for Patrick taking Bronx. Though I love my son to death, I needed some time to myself.
I managed to actually lift myself off of my bed and make my way to the kitchen. The whole house was dark. I wondered if the electricity was just out or if Patrick had just turned all of them off when he left. I couldn't quite remember. All I remember is passing out after they left. But as I saw a shopping list in Patrick's hand writing, I could tell that he came back. I looked around, and the kitchen had been cleaned. No dishes, no dirty floor.
Mental note: yell at Patrick for cleaning my house.
I hated when he did this, although he was probably correct in thinking it were necessary. Yet I still felt irritated that he felt the need to help me out so much. I agree that I've been an utter basket case without Ashlee, but I was trying to keep things as under control as possible. And when he did things like this, it just made me feel like more of failure.
I ignored the shopping list and opened the fridge, where I was only greeted by half-empty gallon of milk and cream cheese. I closed the door and ripped off the list from under a magnet. I figured it would be best for me to go grocery shopping now, anyway. It was raining, so there was going to be a slim chance of paparazzi squirming about. So I got dressed in clothes that weren't wrinkled by sleep and headed to the nearest supermarket.
I pulled up my hoodie as I got out of my car and into the pouring rain. Luckily, there were few cars in the parking lot, so I got a pretty good spot. I darted into the store, and when I got where it was dry, I removed my hood and grabbed a shopping cart. There weren't many people in the store, just a few moms with their hyper toddlers begging for candy. The numbing of my heart wobbled with a pang as I watched the mothers interact with their children and how I longed for Bronx's mother to be here doing the same. I looked at them for a long time, with sadness defined into my expression. I looked around the store, and there was absolutely nothing here that didn't remind me of her and her absence. Everywhere I went, she was with me, clinging to my veins, sucking out the remnants of my energy to go on. I suddenly felt very broken, in the most literal sense. My bones ached and my heart rate began to speed, as my ears got hot. The anxiety of what she has done burned within me. I couldn't move. I looked to the shopping list with tired eyes, realizing I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know what was a good deal and what wasn't, I didn't even know why I needed half of the things listed.
I pushed the cart into the vegetable isle, because no one else was there, except some girl in purple scrubs and a shopping basket hanging from her arm. I thought I could calm down a bit. I breathed out and looked at a random item on Patrick's list. Celery. I put down the piece of paper and rolled the cart to where the celery was located.
"What even is the point of celery?" I mumbled to myself, as I picked up a stalk and looked it over. Was it even a necessary vegetable?
"Well, it's a zero calorie food." a strange voice replied, startling me, as I turned to look at the girl in purple scrubs. I hadn't even noticed she was close to me.
"What?" I asked, confused. Why was she even talking to me?
"Uh, it means that it the energy you use to eat celery offsets the calories in the celery. If you just ate celery all the time, you wouldn't gain weight." she smiled at me, as she took a bite off one of her cookies that were opened from a box in her basket.
"Um." I didn't even know what to say. I was so trapped in my own thoughts and I haven't even spoken to anyone in weeks. I almost had forgotten how.
"That was stupid, I'm sorry. I have no idea why your wife put celery on your shopping list." she blushed, not realizing what she said had offset a domino effect of my heartache. It was just one thing after the other. My insides crashed, crumbled, cracked, everything.
"I um, my wife... She, uh." I couldn't even construct a sentence without falling apart. She just looked at me with large green eyes, waiting for me to finish. I must have looked completely insane, with my eyes getting wet and my face getting hot. Finally, I was able to produce, "I don't have a wife." in utter defeat. She had noticed the visible depression that had took over as she said that.
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry for your loss." she said, glancing down at my ring finger, noticing that it still bore a ring. I somehow couldn't bring myself to take it off. It felt like a heavy weight on my finger, yet I refused to remove it. It was a masochistic reminder of sorts; it reassured me that this was all real, the pain, the past, and even though I wish it weren't real, the present.
I wondered if she thought my wife had passed away. And for some reason, I felt the need to explain to her that it wasn't the case. That my wife had abandoned me. That it was all my fault. That I didn't even deserve to be having this conversation with her. All I deserved was to be breathing in dirt for the rest of eternity.
"Thank you, but I doubt she feels the same way." I tried, taking in how her eyebrows raised. She must have thought I was a complete mess. And she wouldn't even be wrong.
"Cookie?" she offered, moving her basket in my direction. I could tell she was trying to change the subject, and I was grateful.
"No thanks, I have to get this shopping done." I rejected, looking to my list. But as I scanned the page, that realization of not knowing what the hell I was doing washed over me again. I frowned at the paper and rubbed my eyes.
"Um, you know, I could help you if you want. I'm pretty good at picking out the best deals."
And even though it was going against my better judgement to say no, I did need help. But not just with this shopping, with everything. And this girl was willing to help, even though it was just with groceries. And though I knew I had difficulties with getting too attached, I shoved that lingering thought in the back of my mind. I wasn't interested in her particularly, but more or less interested in actually having someone around to help. Even if it was just for an hour.
"Sure. I could use the help, actually." I accepted, as she smiled at me.
"I'm Avery, by the way."
"Pete."
--------------
A special thanks to my beta for her help with this chapter.
Sign up to rate and review this story