FicWad

Author's Note: This a little story that I wrote when I was listening to "All You Want" by Dido. Beautiful song, if I do say so myself. And like the song, this story is rather sad. It's said in Kurama's point of view about Hiei. Please just give it a try and tell me what you think. Lyrics to the song are posted at the bottom for reference.


All You Want



There's something about you that I just can't understand yet. It's in the way that you sleep each night, lying right there by my side. It's in the way that your soft breath stirs gently against my skin, each heartbeat echoing against my own. There's something there that's hidden from me. And when morning comes again, you're gone, but somehow I know you'll return.

So here I lay watching you, moonlight caressing your silken skin, sleeping tight within my arms. Your face looks so happy now, but in the day I know it will fade. And even as my fingers run through your ebony hair, I know it has to always be the same. No matter how much I love you, it can't ever reach your heart. No matter how hard I try, I know you'll never feel the same for me.

So then why do you come to me, each night with the same request? Your lips against mine taste so sweet and delicious and I hate myself because I can never resist. So each night I take you in my arms, passionate kisses laid upon your lips. Your body pounds against mine, our lustful cries screaming out in the heated night. Could that be all it is, just lust that fuels your desires?

Then we collapse against each other, our bodies spent for another night. My heart is hurting, but I want to believe it will be different this time. So I watch as you drift off into another sleep, our fingers interlacing with each other. My head is drooping, but I don't want to close my eyes for fear that if I do you'll be gone again. And yet, even as my heart aches, I know there is no other place I'd rather be. I want you by my side...always.

Eventually I drift away into sleep, even though I've tried my hardest. Your warming heat inside my arms always seems to soothe me. And when I wake I find that you have gone again, as though it never happened at all. I curl tight up against myself and feel just how cold it is. My hands feel so empty, with no one to hold onto anymore. I turn to face the sun's first rays, knowing that there's all this space for me. Yet, it's just not the same with you gone.

Why don't you stay with me for once? I could make you truly happy if you gave me half a chance. I don't want this empty lie, this "love" that's just a shell. You tried to fool me with your hands that caressed my body with such fire, but I know it's all just fake. You tried to deceive me into thinking that all those kisses were for real, but I knew, it's all just a show.

And yet I know of all the lies, but I still just keep playing along. The truth is, that I'm weak inside. I really love you with all my soul and I want to pursue this ugly lie. I want to pretend that each night as we join, we unite in love.

If only you knew, that all you could ever want, is right here...right here in this room. I could hold you in my arms all day long if you let me. These lips could capture yours in true passion if you let me.
If only you knew that all you could ever need is lying right here next to you right now. If only you knew that this could be true love.

I can't believe it's been three years now. Three years of horrible lies, of lustful needs never satisfied with each new night that comes. Each night you tear my heart apart and scatter the pieces. Here I am trying to sew them back together, but I find myself unable. Your crimson eyes pierce so deep into my soul and I feel so dirty and exposed. And as I lie naked in front of those piercing eyes, twisted in this sick pleasure, I know I'm caught inside your trap forever.

If only that first night had never happened. If only I could just stand to sleep alone, without your beating heart soothing me to a troubled sleep. I've tried to run away before, but I always just came crawling back. The truth is I can't really live without you, even if you give nothing in return. The truth is I know I'm used, but I can't live without it anymore. It's like I'm addicted to your caress.

And so we keep up with this charade. I know it can't last forever and one day I'll just break apart, but for know I can't live without you. And so as I hold you tight in my arms tonight, moonlight caressing your features, I know I'm lost to you. If only you could realize...that I'm all you could ever want.