FicWad

For a minute, it felt like the whole world was falling down on top of me. Everything starting spinning, my gaze went blurry, and I felt a sharp pang in my chest. It felt like someone had taken a knife and was holding it against my heart. For a long five minutes, I was completely speechless and unable to say a thing even if I had wanted to. The only thing running through my mind was the fact that James had slept with another girl. It shouldn't have hurt me as much as it did, but for some reason, I felt betrayed. James had always been constantly reminding me of how much he loved me. Now I wasn't sure if James really did love me or not. If he was going off and spending nights with strippers, that must mean that I wasn't enough for him. Maybe my body wasn't good enough.

"Um, Olive?" James asked nervously, trying to make me look at him with those innocent-looking hazel eyes. "Are you okay?" I wasn't okay. This news was just something I had never expected and it was taking quite a toll on me. However, I didn't want to let James know how hurt I was by this, so I just nodded my head without saying a word.

The two of us sat on the bed in silence for a long time without either of us speaking. There really wasn't much to say. I spent the whole time on the bed just trying to prevent myself from crying. Finally knowing that I couldn't hold back the tears any longer, I choked out bitterly, "I'm gonna go get a glass of water." With that said, I slipped off of the bed and hurried out the bedroom door, making sure to close it firmly behind me. When I stepped into the kitchen, I literally ran smack into Ron.

When he saw me, he gave me a guilty smile and took a step backwards. It was obvious that he had been listening in to our conversation through the door. Normally, this would've made me angry. But today? Well, I couldn't be angry at Ron. All my anger was focused on myself. For some reason, I was determined that fate had done this to me. James sleeping with the stripper was obvious fate's way of paying me back for having oral sex with Dave.

Forgetting to be embarrassed in my nightie in front of Ron, I sank down heavily on the couch and buried my head into my hands so Ron couldn't see the tears that were silently streaming down my face. There was a quiet squeak on the cushion of the couch next to me as Ron sat down. I wanted to be left alone right now, but I didn't have the strength to tell Ron to go away. Besides, it wasn't like he was hurting anything by sitting next to me. His presence was definitely more welcome than James' anyway.

"I hope you'll forgive me for listening to your conversation," Ron said apologetically. "I think you should forgive James though. I think it's obvious that he's pretty sorry for his actions." I gave Ron a sharp look that pretty much told him to shut the fuck up. Ron held up his hands in surrender and said, "Okay, okay, I get the point. I'll leave now. Just think about what I said." Ron got up from the couch and exited the door to our apartment, leaving me all alone in the living room.

Now that I had scared Ron away, I had the whole living room to myself. I cried for a very long time. I just couldn't make myself believe what James had done to me. It totally ruined the idea of us being soul mates. It clearly showed that James had gotten tired of me in just over six months. I had always loved James, but maybe he had never truly loved me the same way. Maybe he had just felt sorry for me after all I had been through with Ray. I would never know.

A little while later, there was the creak of the bedroom door opening and I heard footsteps approaching the couch. I knew it was James, but I didn't have anything to say to him, so I just kept my eyes closed and didn't acknowledge his presence. Sadly, James wasn't gonna leave me alone. I heard him sit down next to me. We sat in silence for a moment before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. All the anger inside of me told me to pull away from him, but I was too weak to fight. Instead, I just melted in his arms and cried into his shoulder. My sobs grew louder and my body shook and trembled.

Somehow, James managed to slide me onto his lap as he held me while I cried my heart out. I cried and cried until their were no tears left in me, and after that, I felt completely drained and exhausted. When I had been silent for a few minutes, James looked at me nervously and said, "Tell me what you're thinking. Are you really mad at me?"

Unable to meet his eyes, I shrugged my shoulders and chocked out in a weak voice, "Not exactly. I...I had just thought that you really loved me. It was stupid of me to assume that, but I guess I just loved you enough to think that. James, you should've told me earlier that you were interested in other girls. It would've made breaking up with me a hell of a lot easier."

"But I don't want to break up, Olive!" James insisted miserably, pulling me away from his shoulder so he could meet my eyes. "I'm not at all interested in other girls. The reason I even talked to the stripper was because I was drunk. The reason I was drunk was because I had made the wrong assumption about you and Dave. I guess the only reason I slept with the girl was because I wanted revenge for what I had thought was going on with you and Dave. I still love you the same way I used to though. Actually, I love you even more and that's why I'm back here with you right now and that's why I'm admitting all this to you."

It took me a few minutes to process everything James had said. My whole theory about fate was starting to make sense. In a way, I had brought all this down on myself. If I had only had the sense to tell Dave that James was my boyfriend, then none of this would've ever happened. James and I would probably be making love right now or something instead of having this discussion. However, I couldn't go back in time and redo my actions. All I could do was try to figure out what to do next.

"This is all my fault," I confessed, finally speaking my true thoughts aloud. "If I hadn't messed around with Dave, none of this would've ever happened. Now, we're gonna have to break up or something." James' brow creased and he frowned, "I really don't want to break up with you. You're like the only thing that gets me through the days sometimes. Ron has told me how lucky I am to have you. Losing you would be one of the worst things that has ever happened to me."

I really hoped James wasn't making this all up, because his words were really convincing. However, I couldn't just go running back into his arms after everything that had happened. Biting my lip, I retorted, "How do you expect me to believe that when you won't even touch me? The other girl's body must've been a lot better than mine since you won't have anything to do with me."

James closed his eyes for a long moment and then reopened them. Looking completely sincere, he said, "You're getting the wrong idea. I couldn't touch you because I felt guilty that you didn't know what I had done. I guess I was trying to punish myself in a sense for what I had done to you. I couldn't bear to make love to you when I had fucked up everything between us. But look, I'll touch you now." James placed a hand on my cheek and then traced my jawbone.

"What was it like though?" I asked, unable to fight my curious nature. "Was it really good?" James, looking completely lost, asked gently, "What was what like and what was really good? I'm not sure what you're asking." Sighing, I said in a rush, "I mean, was the sex with the prostitute really good? What was it like?"

James blushed bright red at my question and his hand faltered against my neck, "She wasn't a prostitute, she was a dancer." Kind of mad at him for avoiding the question, I muttered under my breath, "Same fucking difference." Knowing that he wasn't going to get away without answering my question, James finally said, "It was fine I guess. It reminded me of having sex with Kitty. It just didn't feel right though. I...um...this is gonna sound bad, but I kept imagining you as the girl the whole time."

I knew exactly what James meant when he said that the sex hadn't felt right. I had felt exactly the same way when I had woke up after having oral sex with Dave. Feeling the tiniest bit better, I asked, "Why did you imagine me as the stripper girl? I mean, she was probably a lot better looking than me and she probably was a lot more experienced."

"Maybe," James admitted, "but you're the only girl I want to make love to. You're the only one I see. Can you forgive me, Olive? Please? I know what I did was wrong, but I can't bear to lose you." Looking into those begging hazel eyes, I felt my heart betray me and my lips moved automatically, "Of course I forgive you. I guess we're kind of even in a sense. I mean, I had oral with Dave and you slept with a stripper. Let's just forget about those incidents and go on as we did before, okay?"

"Yeah, let's forget all about it and make some memories instead," James agreed. Not really getting what he meant by "making memories", I opened my mouth to speak, but James was already unclasping my nightie and tossing it aside, determined to get to my body after denying himself me for the whole week. Normally, I wouldn't have chosen this as a good time to have sex since we had just had a fight and I was really tired, but James made me forget all about that.

I let out a little moan as James pressed my naked body against his and kissed my neck ravenously. His lips sucked down on the sides of my neck so hard that I whimpered in pain. Realizing that he was hurting me, James quickly let up and whispered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that." I waved away his excuse, just glad to have him back and murmured, "It's fine. Just don't stop."

"Believe me, I won't," James gave me an evil smile and knocked me onto my back. Part of me thought that maybe we should head to the bedroom, but we never ended up making it that far. Instead, I ended up on my back on the carpet with James straddling me. James had a strange fire in his eye that I hadn't seen before. His lips trailed down my neck and onto my chest. He kissed my breasts so long and so gently that he almost drove me crazy with the torture.

Wanting him naked too, I dropped my hands to his pants and yanked them off, feeling James press hard against my legs. Silently, we rubbed against each other's bodies, kissing and caressing each other all over. James was a little rougher with me than usual. He pushed our bodies together much more forcefully and pressed his cock hard between my legs. A soft cry escaped my lips as James touched that sensitive spot between my thighs. Rolling over, the two of us changed positions so that I was lying on top of James. He seemed surprised by the change of events, but didn't say anything since he was too busy running his hands up and down my sides.

I slithered down his body and licked his cock lightly with the tip of my tongue. James squirmed under my touch and groaned a little. Just as I was about to suck down on him, a funny thought ran through my head. Watching my changing expression, James looked over at me and said, "Something wrong?"

I shook my head and tried to clear my head. Dirty images of pretty strippers doing this exact thing with James were running through my head. No matter how hard I was going to try to forget about James and the girl, it wasn't going to be gone from my brain for a very long time. Somethings just couldn't be forgotten easily.