FicWad

My one and only shining star said
Stick with me and I'll take you far
Your eyes are sparkling with teenage fire
I'll satisfy your made desires

It would be an absolute lie if I denied the fact I love thrill that surrounds me in life. Something about breaking boundaries just makes me weak in the knees. I suppose I live for adrenaline. You know, the rush that courses through your vains, heart pumping so fast, butterflies in stomach, tingles run all around your body, consuming your mind. You're smiling so much, you think your jaw will stay that way. The pain somehow soothes me. Reminds of how much I'm enjoying myself, just like I am right now. Especially when I'm with him...

Yeah him. The way his black hair is slightly matted with sweat, his soft breathing hitching ever so slightly in my ears, the guilt obvious in his eyes, but I couldn't give a shit. His body obviously disagrees, and that's all that matters. I can tell he's thinking about her, distaste for her so much, I don't even mention her by her name. It's not like she deserved it, she was the complete opposite of a human being. Oh how much I savor each every moan he gives to me, only proving she's not the best in his life. I can't help but wonder when we're together like this, if she makes him moan as loud as I do. Does she make him shake with such pleasure, you'd think he was having a seizure?

It's the curiosity that gets me everytime, but the thrill hits me even harder. Even if we're in this dumpy hotel room, it still satisfies the need. The comfort of him being with me and not with her. The thoughts of her wondering where he is. Was his really at the studio like he'd said he be? Of course not. He lied to her. Just like always. He loves her, but he lies to her, so he doesn't hurt her. But I know that's not true. It's the fact that he loves the thrill just as much as I do. The sneaking around, our endless encounters, our touches, our kisses. Only shared between us, will it most likely stay between us. Even if we didn't want it to, we knew it was a must. We couldn't share the real love that existed, but beggers can't be choosers can't they?

I push the thoughts away for just a second as I lean over him, my mouth leaving slow butterflies down the soft smooth flesh. It's so tempting, so inviting, I can't look away. Just like I couldn't with the rest of him. His hazel eyes, his pink lips, it's was almost unreal. He whispers my name and I smile in approval, feeling the heat between us, almost like a fire. Just igniting itself in the middle of us, flames of passion in some sort of messed up way. This fire is what I live for. It's so dangerous playing with fire, and believe me I don't want to get burned, but I can't stop it. This thrill controls me, and I surrendered to it. Every. Single. Time.

It's the time like this that makes me remember why I even do this in the first place. Our kisses our intense, our hands are just about everywhere. Our breathing is almost matched, getting louder with each thrust, moans becoming screams of desperation. It mixes all into one and I do my best to make it last, knowing when we're finished here, he'll go back to her and I'll go back to my life as if he doesn't exist. But I'll be waiting until we meet again, just like we always do. Because we know no matter how much we try to end it, we never will. It's just how it works in the world, and I was fine with that.

We still continue our little lovefest, his name constantly spilling out of my mouth, his hands purposely moving harder as I claw the sheets, and bite my lip, a moan escaping when I accidentally pierce the flesh when he hits a spot inside me, no one has ever ever reached. The room smells exactly like what's taking place right here and right now. It's intoxicating to me. I'll never get enough.

As our high is slowly starting to come down, I close my eyes to steady myself, keeping myself up only by my hands. His mouth leaves kisses down my back and I smile before he slowly removes himself from me, sending me tumbling down into the wonderland of hotel sheets and pillows. My heart swelling so much, you'd think it'd burst into pieces by now. Sweat drips down my body but I ignore it. Everything around us stills for a moment. The silence is the best as we both recall what happened only a second ago.

Eventually I feel him stir and stand up, I don't have to guess to know he's getting dressed. Getting ready to go back to her, but I can't do much about it. Even if I begged him, it wouldn't do much good. I hear the rattle of his belt buckle, confirming my prediction. I slowly turn around to face him. He quietly puts his shoes on, finishing with his leather jacket. He grabs my phone, checking it before I hear the sound of his fingers typing a message, most likely to her as I sigh to myself. He turns back to me and gives me a sympathetic smile, as I return the gesture, letting him know I understand. He usually never stayed the full night. He leans in and gives me one more kiss as I pull him back in just to feel his lips once more time.

"I love you Frankie." he whispers as he slowly stands up before grabbing his keys and sunglasses and walking out the hotel room door as I watch it shut and he disappears. I sigh to myself and fall back into the sheets, thinking I'll just stay here a little while longer. It seemed wrong, but it believe me it felt so right. It always did and always will. Even if it couldn't be anything more, I was happy with what I got. It was dangerous to string myself along like this, but no one ever said you always had to play it safe. I could be just a little bad if I wanted to.

They say sooner or later, by keeping my hand in the fire, I'll get what I'm asking for. I smile to myself and close my eyes.

I'll guess I'll never learn will I?