Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy
Twitter For Dummies
4 reviewsAs you all know Patrick had a tweeting frenzy a couple days ago so yeah you do the math. (oneshot)
2Funny
Yes, they say Twitter is easy even the internet in general but when someone like me who doesn’t really use neither of them that much it’s quite complicated.
“Okay so I signed in. Now what the fuck does following and lists mean?! I just wanna tweet!” I screamed to myself.
There’s only one person I can think of that will help me but if I call him it will be a life mistake. Something that he’ll bring up every time I see him I’d rather go insane in front of this computer but I’ve been receiving some threats in the mail and in my email so I need to tell them I’m still alive and my solo album will be coming out soon. (I hope.) So I grabbed my blackberry out of my pocket and dialed him.
“Hello?”
“Hey man.” I said as I rubbed my temples.
“Ohh so he’s alive!” Pete said sarcastically.
“Yeah apparently.” I said as I gave him a fake laugh.
“How you doing my sexy better half?”
“Good but I’ve come across a dilemma.”
“Oh?”
“Why don’t you come over and I’ll tell you.”
“Okay I wouldn’t want to annoy you over the phone it’s not as fun.”
“But of course.” I said before I hung up.
Not much longer after I called Pete was knocking at my door.
“Okay no longer fear Pete is here!!” He said through the door.
I laughed. “Good to see you too.” I said as I opened the door.
Pete walked around my house checking it out. I’ve done some redecorating since the last time he was here. He came back to the kitchen where I was at and stopped in his tracks in front of me.
“What?”
“Nothing it’s just you’re so goddamn sexy.” He said as he chuckled and sat down.
“Um thank you?” I said as I laughed again and handed him a drink.
“So what’s your dilemma?” He said as he took a sip.
“Um uh well erm-“
“Spit. It. Out.” He said as he grinned.
“Please don’t laugh.” Why did say that? This Pete of course he’s gonna laugh.
“Okay I won’t laugh. Scout’s honor.” He said as he as saluted.
“I need help…with twitter.” I said quietly.
“Seriously?” He said as he raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.”
“Why do you need me? What about those tweets the ones that sounded like a robot did it?”
“My assistant did that for me.”
“Just have her do these ones.”
“Pete you don’t understand I’m getting death threats either I tweet or I release an unfinished record.”
“Oh so you want to do it personally.”
“Yes but I don’t know how so..”
“That’s where I come in.”
“Yeah so you wanna help a brother out?” I said as I scratched the back of my head.
“Okay come on.” He said as he picked up my laptop.
He pulled up twitter and signed in for me.
“Wait what’s your password?”
“I can’t tell.” I said quietly.
“Come on! It’s twitter not your fucking social security number!”
“Which you know.”
“Exactly so tell me the password and I’ll show you the magical world of twitter.”
“Peterick.” I mumbled.
“What?”
“Peterick dammit! I said Peterick!”
“Aw I’m flattered.” He said as he patted my head and began to type.
Once he signed in he handed the computer to me.
“So what now?”
“If you want I’ll do it for you while you tell me what to type.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because all the kids are gonna know.”
“How Patrick? How are they gonna fucking know?!”
“Trust me they’ll just know.”
“You lurk don’t you?”
“What’s it to you?”
“I just find it fucking adorable that’s all.” Pete said as he snickered at me.
“Alright never mind that just show me how to do this!”
“That’s what she said.” He mumbled causing me to laugh. “Okay on a serious note see that little square box?” He said as he pointed to the screen.
“Yes.”
“Type in it.”
“And then?”
“Then click tweet.”
“That’s all?” I said as my eyes widened. I felt so stupid.
“Yes.” Pete said in a tone of voice that me made me feel even more stupid.
“But what does all of the other shit mean?”
“Whaddya mean?”
“The followers and following and lists and what the fuck is a hashtag?!”
“Followers is people who are following you…which is 26,050. HA! I have more.” Pete said as he stuck his tongue out at me.
“Okay whatever let’s just do this.”
“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!” He and I screamed at once and started to laugh hysterically.
“Okay back to business here tweet. Tweet your little heart out.”
“Alright but don’t get used to it this is a just one time thing to clarify some rumors and shit.”
“I got you. You’ll surely be missed.”
“Okay here I go.” I said as I cracked my fingers.
“Wait let me get the camera.” He said as he got up.
“Pete! Come on!” I whined.
“Fine.” He said as he pouted.
Once Pete sat back down I began to type.
This is the first tweet I'm typing myself. Gonna clear up some misinformation.
“AHHH!!! MY BOY TWEETED HIS FIRST TWEET!!” Pete screamed as he began to jump and down.
“I’m not done so be quiet.”
“Why?”
“I can’t concentrate while you’re screaming like a mad man.”
“Dumb ass.” He mumbled.
Matt Rubano is playing in my band, he's a genius, but he is not playing on the record.
“OH MY GOD TWO TWEETS IN ONE DAY! I’M GONNA CRY! I SWAER TO GOD I’M GONNA FUCKING CRY!!” Pete screamed again.
“I’m still not done.” I said as I laughed.
“Okay finish.” He said as he placed my hands back on the keyboard and waited eagerly.
Mike Fasano isn't playing on the record either, he's my drum tech, and a damn good one.
“SQUEEE!! I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!!” He said as he squeezed me.
I began to laugh. “I am on a roll aren’t I?”
“Yeah it’s a huge turn on.”
I shook my head and laughed harder. Five tweets and a couple beers later I was done.
“I don’t think you needed my help.”
“Yeah I did.” I said looking confused.
“I think you just wanted me here. You didn’t wanna be alone.”
“Think what you want.”
“Okay.” He said as he pecked me on the cheek and left.
“Pete do you want a ride?”
“From you? Sure!” He said excitedly.
“Ew no not like that I meant to drive you home your drank.”
Pete started to laugh hysterically once again. “You’re very literal my friend. Don’t worry it takes a lot more than two beers to get me buzzed.”
“Alright man call me.”
“I will Pattycakes. I love ya.” He said as he patted my head.
I closed the door and leaned against it.
“I love you too Peter Panda.”
This was so stupid but I'm very bored and I couldn't help it. XD
“Okay so I signed in. Now what the fuck does following and lists mean?! I just wanna tweet!” I screamed to myself.
There’s only one person I can think of that will help me but if I call him it will be a life mistake. Something that he’ll bring up every time I see him I’d rather go insane in front of this computer but I’ve been receiving some threats in the mail and in my email so I need to tell them I’m still alive and my solo album will be coming out soon. (I hope.) So I grabbed my blackberry out of my pocket and dialed him.
“Hello?”
“Hey man.” I said as I rubbed my temples.
“Ohh so he’s alive!” Pete said sarcastically.
“Yeah apparently.” I said as I gave him a fake laugh.
“How you doing my sexy better half?”
“Good but I’ve come across a dilemma.”
“Oh?”
“Why don’t you come over and I’ll tell you.”
“Okay I wouldn’t want to annoy you over the phone it’s not as fun.”
“But of course.” I said before I hung up.
Not much longer after I called Pete was knocking at my door.
“Okay no longer fear Pete is here!!” He said through the door.
I laughed. “Good to see you too.” I said as I opened the door.
Pete walked around my house checking it out. I’ve done some redecorating since the last time he was here. He came back to the kitchen where I was at and stopped in his tracks in front of me.
“What?”
“Nothing it’s just you’re so goddamn sexy.” He said as he chuckled and sat down.
“Um thank you?” I said as I laughed again and handed him a drink.
“So what’s your dilemma?” He said as he took a sip.
“Um uh well erm-“
“Spit. It. Out.” He said as he grinned.
“Please don’t laugh.” Why did say that? This Pete of course he’s gonna laugh.
“Okay I won’t laugh. Scout’s honor.” He said as he as saluted.
“I need help…with twitter.” I said quietly.
“Seriously?” He said as he raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.”
“Why do you need me? What about those tweets the ones that sounded like a robot did it?”
“My assistant did that for me.”
“Just have her do these ones.”
“Pete you don’t understand I’m getting death threats either I tweet or I release an unfinished record.”
“Oh so you want to do it personally.”
“Yes but I don’t know how so..”
“That’s where I come in.”
“Yeah so you wanna help a brother out?” I said as I scratched the back of my head.
“Okay come on.” He said as he picked up my laptop.
He pulled up twitter and signed in for me.
“Wait what’s your password?”
“I can’t tell.” I said quietly.
“Come on! It’s twitter not your fucking social security number!”
“Which you know.”
“Exactly so tell me the password and I’ll show you the magical world of twitter.”
“Peterick.” I mumbled.
“What?”
“Peterick dammit! I said Peterick!”
“Aw I’m flattered.” He said as he patted my head and began to type.
Once he signed in he handed the computer to me.
“So what now?”
“If you want I’ll do it for you while you tell me what to type.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because all the kids are gonna know.”
“How Patrick? How are they gonna fucking know?!”
“Trust me they’ll just know.”
“You lurk don’t you?”
“What’s it to you?”
“I just find it fucking adorable that’s all.” Pete said as he snickered at me.
“Alright never mind that just show me how to do this!”
“That’s what she said.” He mumbled causing me to laugh. “Okay on a serious note see that little square box?” He said as he pointed to the screen.
“Yes.”
“Type in it.”
“And then?”
“Then click tweet.”
“That’s all?” I said as my eyes widened. I felt so stupid.
“Yes.” Pete said in a tone of voice that me made me feel even more stupid.
“But what does all of the other shit mean?”
“Whaddya mean?”
“The followers and following and lists and what the fuck is a hashtag?!”
“Followers is people who are following you…which is 26,050. HA! I have more.” Pete said as he stuck his tongue out at me.
“Okay whatever let’s just do this.”
“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!” He and I screamed at once and started to laugh hysterically.
“Okay back to business here tweet. Tweet your little heart out.”
“Alright but don’t get used to it this is a just one time thing to clarify some rumors and shit.”
“I got you. You’ll surely be missed.”
“Okay here I go.” I said as I cracked my fingers.
“Wait let me get the camera.” He said as he got up.
“Pete! Come on!” I whined.
“Fine.” He said as he pouted.
Once Pete sat back down I began to type.
This is the first tweet I'm typing myself. Gonna clear up some misinformation.
“AHHH!!! MY BOY TWEETED HIS FIRST TWEET!!” Pete screamed as he began to jump and down.
“I’m not done so be quiet.”
“Why?”
“I can’t concentrate while you’re screaming like a mad man.”
“Dumb ass.” He mumbled.
Matt Rubano is playing in my band, he's a genius, but he is not playing on the record.
“OH MY GOD TWO TWEETS IN ONE DAY! I’M GONNA CRY! I SWAER TO GOD I’M GONNA FUCKING CRY!!” Pete screamed again.
“I’m still not done.” I said as I laughed.
“Okay finish.” He said as he placed my hands back on the keyboard and waited eagerly.
Mike Fasano isn't playing on the record either, he's my drum tech, and a damn good one.
“SQUEEE!! I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!!” He said as he squeezed me.
I began to laugh. “I am on a roll aren’t I?”
“Yeah it’s a huge turn on.”
I shook my head and laughed harder. Five tweets and a couple beers later I was done.
“I don’t think you needed my help.”
“Yeah I did.” I said looking confused.
“I think you just wanted me here. You didn’t wanna be alone.”
“Think what you want.”
“Okay.” He said as he pecked me on the cheek and left.
“Pete do you want a ride?”
“From you? Sure!” He said excitedly.
“Ew no not like that I meant to drive you home your drank.”
Pete started to laugh hysterically once again. “You’re very literal my friend. Don’t worry it takes a lot more than two beers to get me buzzed.”
“Alright man call me.”
“I will Pattycakes. I love ya.” He said as he patted my head.
I closed the door and leaned against it.
“I love you too Peter Panda.”
This was so stupid but I'm very bored and I couldn't help it. XD
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