Categories > Anime/Manga > Mirage of Blaze

"The Meaning of My Life"

by erah_haruna205 0 reviews

Set before Naoe met Takaya. A Naoe-centric oneshot fanfic.

Category: Mirage of Blaze - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst - Characters: Naoe Nobutsuna - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2010-07-23 - Updated: 2010-07-23 - 1388 words - Complete

A MIRAGE OF BLAZE FANFICTION : “The meaning of my Life.”

Time setting : set before Naoe met Takaya. The first half of the text in italics are excerpts from the prologue novel, Exodinus whie the lower half of the italicized texts are Naoe's his memories.

"So Haruie is also a high school student..." Irobe sighed. "I'm the only one whose age differs so much from everyone. How old are you now?"

"I am twenty-four."

"I see... So it's been about twenty-five years since then...already..." Irobe murmured.

In the last battle with Nobunaga, Irobe was the only Yashashuu to survive. Naoe had not lost much time between losing his previous body and performing Taiji-kanshou on Tachibana Yoshiaki. He was now twenty-four. Yasuda Nagahide was as yet missing. It seemed that he had been serious about the vow he had made in his previous life to break off from the Yashashuu.

And finally...Kagetora...


Looking hard with a suddenly serious expression at Naoe's downcast gaze, Irobe said in a low voice, "It seems that this time he is really gone."


"Your wrist..." Irobe said, looking askance at the silver wristwatch around Naoe's left hand.

"Oh," Naoe responded, covering the watch concealing his scar with his right hand. "This...?"

"Seeing you these days, I'm a little relieved. It seems that you've become much calmer. Before, I would never see you smiling."

Naoe, still with eyes lowered, gave an ironic smile. "I've merely become accustomed to fabricating expressions."

"But you've stopped injuring your wrist."


The smile Naoe had contrived disappeared from his lips, to be replaced by a gloomy look devoid of expression. It was true that he had stopped cutting up his wrist as he had several years ago. Perhaps one could say that he had calmed himself down, since he had suppressed his fitful impulse to commit suicide.

"It's already been...twenty years," Naoe said after a moment of silence, "that you told me about him. Almost twenty years."

That Kagetora was probably no longer in this world.

Irobe gazed at Naoe with something like pity.

Naoe somehow managed to dredge up a smile, not wanting to worry Irobe, "Recently I've had a strange recurring dream."

"A strange dream...?"

"Yes. there. But somehow he always takes the form of a twelve- or thirteen-year-old boy," Naoe said, looking out at the greenery through the open windows. "He calls out to me to go meet him quickly. Then he turns away. I force him to turn back towards me, but there are scars covering his face, and tears overflow from his eyes..."

"Do you think that it is...a prescient dream?"

"I will go to meet him." A stray breeze tangled in Naoe's hair. He stared at the verdant green of the forest. "He looks like a child, you know, always waiting with his back to me. Alone and lonely... He is afraid to reach out; no one is there for him. That is why I will go."

The smile on Naoe's face as he spoke seemed to Irobe an expression of agony.


Naoe reached his hotel room.

His short conversation with Haruhie as he exited the hospital echoed in his mind throughout the journey back.

Ayako was currently a slightly-taller-than-average 16-year-old. Sun-burnt, with wavy hair down to her shoulders, she was the image of an energetic, charming high school student.

" know, Naoe..." Chastened, Ayako suddenly put on a serious face. "I dreamed of Kagetora today."

Naoe's eyes widened.

"But he was...crying."


"Yeah. Kagetora was somehow still so small that you could hold him in your lap. He looked so lonely as he cried. When I asked him what was wrong, he glared straight at me and told me, "Because my mom isn't here. She left." Then he ran away. I didn't recognize the face, but I knew that it was Kagetora. I wonder what it meant, that dream..."

Naoe, eyes narrowed, was silent. Ayako lightly inclined her head and gave a bitter smile.

"I'm lonely too, you know. After that dream I needed to hear Kagetora's voice so much. And suddenly I wanted to see you."


"I don't know. Maybe because you're still the one who is closest to Kagetora."

Naoe sighed as he take off his tie and undo his cuffs.

“The closest to.... Kagetora-sama?” he smiled bitterly, “I have no right... to be at his side. The crime I committed against that woman....”

“You alone... I will never forgive you for eternity!!”

He winced, even after 23 years, the words rang in his head like he just heard it yesterday.

It was eerie to witness Kagetora’s frightening rage....marred with her face and resonated with her voice, it would have been more fitting if it was Minako who cursed him to death... rather than Kagetora’s. But ironically, it was the victim who consoled the perpetrator.

“I forgave you.... for Saburo’s sake... so please, don’t cry. Don’t cry, Kazahara-san...”

Was it really Minako who said this?

Or was it all part of Naoe’s madness?

That night, in a drunken state, he attacked her.

She screamed his name for help.

Naoe screamed Kagetora’s name too...out of base ecstasy.

And the next morning, when he saw her expression....

“I forgave you...”

Naoe could never forget Minako’s expression that morning....“Trully.. like the Virgin Mary...”

The number of cigarettes in the ashtray increased steadily.

He could not help the regrets and shame of the past. He had never once felt any comfort or ease in the present. Perhaps he somehow did not have any significant consciousness of crime towards Minako? But one thing is clear, Naoe’s jealousy had not died out with her.



The man was so depress that he fell asleep on the couch. Thankfully the alcohol aided him a bit to blur the memories. Usually Naoe would either call one of his... female acquiantances... to indulge in a short artificial bliss or just get drunk.

It seems like tonight’s dream will not be a dreamless one like usual.

“Yoshiaki! Stop! Why are you doing this again?!”


Mr.Tachibana quickly called the maids to aid Teruhiro, whose arm was bleeding from the slash wound.

“Father, it’s not Yoshiaki’s fault. It was me who carelessly came to him.” The young Teruhiro explained as he was helped out of the room.

Leaving behind two people.

The father stared at Naoe whose down on his knees, cheeks wet with tears. Calmly, he knelt before his youngest son and hugged him, “Please don’t do this, your mother will cry again...”

Naoe allowed the older man to embrace him. How he wish that this pair of arms are those belong to him.

“Living no longer holds any meaning if he’s not here.... “ Naoe whispered under his breath.

The 8 year old child whose body housed a 400 year old soul.

He is nowhere... at least let me follow him in death...”

The father listened to his murmurs and then told him, “I... do not know what sort of burden you were born with but... death... death is not the only way to solve this problem.”

Naoe woke up sluggishly. Ironically more tired than before, as if the short time he slept just now was merely a waste of time. Slowly he stood up and and pull the curtains of the window.

The moon shined brightly that night.

“Father, after 400 years of ‘fake deaths’, this monster has forgotten how it feel to die once again...” He said. Eventhough he knew it’s impossible for his... for Yoshiaki’s father to hear him from Kyoto.

“Yes... I am a monster with the face of a man. An.... abnormal creature yearn it. Longing for a death where I can rest for eternity. No more carrying this tainted love to the one man whom I could never have as my own. I’m... so tired of constantly loving him and hating him... awed at his charisma, jealous of his admirers, jealous... of that .... that woman....”

“I will never forgive you for eternity!!”

Naoe sighed tiredly.


As if even the moon couldn’t bear to witness this pitiful man’s depressing state, the dark clouds began to gather around it.

Shadowing Naoe in dim darkness.

The End.
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