FicWad

"The Last Night"

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus]

The last night away from me

[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,
Tonight.

[Chorus]

I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.

The last night away from me,
Away from me.


"Mom, Dad, Gerard, I need to tell you something." I said this chewing on my lip. "What is it Mikey?" Gee asked sitting down on the couch. He placed his feet on the coffee table and ran his hair through his long raven black hair. My parents took a seat next to him, with a smile on both of their faces. Tears pricked the back of my eyes. I don't know why they were smiling? What did they think I was going to tell them!? "I-I'm gay." I just said it that's it. My mom frowned and a few tears fell from her eyes, but not as many as mine. "My brother's a fag!" Gee said laughing. He got up and climbed the stairs to his room two at a time. I didn't know what to do. It hurt so fucking bad. I don't even know why I told them. It was stupid. "This is just a phase, Michael. You'll grow out of it, meet a nice girl, get married and have children." My mom smiled as if convincing herself. "Really?! A phase!?" I scream. "You think I would tell you this if I thought it was a phase? You think I would go through the daily ridicule to 'grow out of it'?" "It's just a phase son." My dad I added. I shook my head and wiped the tears from my eyes. "What about this? Huh?! Is this a phase too!?" I lifted the sleeve of my shirt, to expose layers of scars. Four years, two months worth to be exact. "Honey, yes is is. You know you don't have to do those things to fit in. It doesn't make anyone like you any better. You should be trying out for the baseball team and taking a girl to the movies." My mother said a smile returning to her face. I turned silently and walked up to my room. That was it. I was done living here I was 16, I couldn't take even two more years. This was it, I was done living. This was my last night. There was thing I had to do first. I had to tell Ray. I had to say goodbye, tell him everything. I loved him so much. One kiss, I was going to die tonight. No one would have to know, ever. Another tear fell from my eyes. I had been in love with Ray since I was 13. His big red hair, sparkling eyes, wicked guitar skills, he was my everything. I put a beanie on and pushed my glasses up my nose. He could never feel the same way about me.
I stepped outside into the crisp air. I walked to his house, about a mile away. His parents both worked all the time and were never home. I rang the doorbell and the tears came harder now. He didn't answer, I banged my fist on the door. Nothing. I banged both fists now, punching the door, sobbing. "RAY! YOU ASSHOLE! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!!" I scream in my anger, in my pain. It was eating me. My legs gave out and I crippled on his front porch. I was laying there curled into a ball sobbing. "Mikey?" A voice called from behind me. I fluttered my eyes half open, it was the only strength I had. It was him. "Mikey what's wrong?" He said his voice soothing me and I took deeper breaths. "Shhh, baby." He called me baby.. Why? Why did he tease me like that. Making me think that maybe he could like me back when I knew it was impossible. He picked my up bridal style and I sobbed into his shoulder. "Ray.." He opened the door and carried me inside. He sat down on the couch with me on his lap. He pulled of my beanie and ran his fingers through my hair. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. It was perfect, I wanted him. I wanted all of him. He pulled of my glasses and set them gently on the arm of the couch. He wiped away my tears. "Mikey… What happened? What's wrong?" "This is the last night, Ray. I just wanted to say goodbye." The uncontrollably crying came back and I was choking on my own tears. I had never felt such emotion before, love, hate, pain all swirled into one. "I'm f-f-fine." "Mikey shut the fuck up, you are not fine." I nodded. I didn't want him to see my like this. But he had to I had to say goodbye, for me. For my own selfish reasons. "They say it's my fault. They say it's a phase." I said into his ear. I couldn't look at him, I just let him hold me. I felt loved for one moment. It was only for me. Ray didn't feel that way for me. Not like I felt for him. He couldn't he never would. "What, angel, what?" I lifted my shirt and exposed the scars once again. "Aw, angel. No." He said kissing my wrist. Why did he do this!? "They say I'm ok, they say I'll be fine." Again I was choking. "Angel, depression isn't a phase it's a disease it eats you…" He kissed my forehead. He rubbed his hand over my cheek. "Ray…. I-I love you.."
I said looking into his eyes from my own tear stained ones. "I love you too, Mikey." "NO! NO YOU DON'T!" I scream at him. He looked shocked and sorry. "I'm gay! I love you like I want you! I love you like I want to kiss you Raymond!" I got cut off after that. I got cut off by him pushing his lips to mine. His lips were soft as the pushed against mine. I pushed him off. "I just came to say goodbye Ray." I grabbed his head again and shoved my lips to his. The kiss was hard and sloppy but I didn't care. I got up off his lap and ran to the door. "Why do you always mess me with you bastard?" I walked out the door and slammed it as hard as I could. "Mikey! Wait!" I heard the door opening again and I started running down the street. Footsteps behind me, gaining on me. Arms around my waist, pulling me down. I fell into the grass. "Mikey. I don't play with you! I fucking love you! Not like a brother! Like I want to fucking marry you! Like I want to adopt kids with you! Like I want to live the rest of my fucking life with you, you asshole!" He said kissing me again. "No you don't! You just feel bad for me!" I scream. "Mikey, I feel bad for you because I love you. I hurt when you hurt, I'm happy when you're happy! I'd give up everything for you, if only for your good! You're the only person I will ever love and if you die tonight so will I. I can't live without you.." He stood up and picked me up. I don't know why I let him but I did. He carried me back to my house and laid me on his bed. "This is the last night. Not for your life, but that you'll ever spend without me. The last night you'll ever have to live with those people who you call family. The last night you'll ever think I don't love you, because baby, I do. So much. This is the last night you'll spend alone." He pressed his lips to mine and my mind drifted to sleep, but just before I muttered, "I love you Ray Toro."