Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Humorous Romance
A series of funny barely connected one shots. Taking a short break from my other two stories as yours truly has some writers block. Please don’t hurt me?
The tour bus was still asleep. Everyone was knocked out from a concert that they’d performed the night before, which lasted past 2 in the morning. By the time they’d finished signing autographs, and meeting and greeting the fans, it was nearly 6. So at 10 it was easy to assume that everyone was still out. Except for one Bob Bryar. This particular Bryar was up and about with minimal sleep because he had never believed in being namby pamby about things. He had just gotten into the bathroom, and closed the door. He had intended to use the toilet, take a shower, shave, brush his teeth and hair, and get on with his day. In that order, might I add.
Just as he was lowering his pants, something caught his sharp eye. A single brown strand of hair laying on the toilet seat. WTF it was doing there I don’t know. And quite frankly, I don’t want to know. “Dammit!” Bob shouted, turning and unlocking the door. He opened it and stepped out. But apparently he forgot that his pants were around his ankles.
He went sprawling on the floor, knocking his head upon the floor. He was halfway out of the bathroom, with about everything below his waist inside the bathroom. The first thing out of his mouth was a very loud “HOLY FUCK!”
The only reply he got to this was a rather loud snore out of the bunkroom. Bob cursed, and attempted to stand up. He nearly lost his balance again. Grumbling, he stooped to pull up his pants, and knocked his forehead on the sink. He cursed, rubbed his head, and resumed the pulling up of pants. He got it, then they fell back down. He cursed once again, and pulled them up again. They fell again. He pulled them up again this time, only to give himself a wedgie. He cursed, jumping up, and hitting himself on the ceiling of the bus. He removed the offending wedgie, and turned to move out the bathroom.
Instead, he moved right into the edge of the bathroom counter. A shot straight to his nether regions. He doubled over, putting his hands over the pained area. He managed to smack his forehead on the faucet this time. One hand moved up to his forehead. He shouted out an oath I’d rather not say on here. It may cause some eardrums to shrivel up and die. Drummers sure have filthy mouths when they want to. Now, Bob was in the bathroom, doubled over, one hand holding his forehead which was starting to show evidence of two bruised lumps forming, one on top of the other, the other hand over his ‘area’. He straightened up. Just then, his pants fell off again. This time, they took his boxers down with them.
“Damn these fucking pants, they never did this shit before! And fuck these boxers into the deepest circles of hell! Dropping off, leaving me naked. No one wants to see my naked ass first thing in the morning! Unless this was some plot from a little stupid-assed 12 year old fan-girl whose only thought is ‘Gerard Way is sexy’! On that thought, the same people responsible for making the elastic on my sleeping pants and undies go bad are probably the same people who went feeling up Gee last night!” Bob said, this being a very long sentence from what we normally heard from the beloved drummer.
Standing naked in the bathroom and in pain, Bob decided to hell with the clothes. After all, it was all guys in the bus. There was nothing that they hadn’t seen before. He hopped down the bus towards the bunk room. The air was chilly against him, considering he was in his birthday suit as it was. When he looked in there, only the Way brothers and a shrimpy Iero was asleep in there.
Bob turned, and walked out to where the couch was. Ray was sprawled across the couch, snoring slightly. Bob grabbed a bottle of water and dumped it on to sleeping Torosaurus. Said Torosaurus jumped up, shouting, and fell off the edge of the sofa. “What the fuck Bob?” He asked, groggy, and fuzzy eyed as he had taken out his contacts before he went to sleep.
“You left a hair on the toilet seat.” Bob said matter-of-factly. Ray looked pissed off, before replying, “How did you come to the conclusion that it was mine?” Bob looked at him like he was a moron, before he said, “It was brown.” Ray blinked, and pulled himself up onto the sofa. “How come you didn’t think that it was Mikey’s? After all, there are two people on this bus with brow hair. More if you count whenever Frankie’s hair gets lightened by the sun. Or the bus driver had to use out bathroom.”
Bob sighed, and said, with a comical roll of his eyes, “You’re the only fucker around here who has a fucking afro! Am I going to have to buy our toilet a shaving razor?” Ray let out a laugh and said, “That might help it if it’s growing hair.” Bob sighed once again, and said, “Come on, get up! Go clean it up. “
Ray was the one who rolled his eyes this time, and got up off the couch slowly. He walked towards the bathroom, fuming that he’d been woken up to go clean a single hair from the toilet. Bob trailed behind him, a pissed off look in his eyes. Ray walked into the bathroom. Bob followed him inside. “Go ahead. We’re all waiting.” he said.
The Torosaurus grumbled something under his breath. “Well, if I’m going to cook and clean for this band like I’m all your mother, I might as well bitch at you to clean up after your asses yourself” This coming from a nude Bob Bryar who was wearing pink socks (WTF?)
Ray plucked the hair from the toilet, and dropped it into the garbage can. “Happy now queen bitch?” He asked. “Very.” Bob said, moving aside to let the Toro out of the bathroom. Just then, he slipped, and fell to his knees in front of him.
He stayed there a moment, slightly dizzy for some reason. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Just then, Gerard, who had rolled out of bed from the amount of noise that he heard, walked past the door. The look of shock on his face was priceless. The sight of seeing one of his bandmates only in a pair of pink socks, the other in his boxers. They looked like they might be in a compromising situation. “Why didn’t you guys tell us you were together?” Gerard asked. Ray and Bob looked at him shocked. “Huh?” Ray asked. “Well come on, you look like you’re about to do something for Bob.” Gerard said, before he added, “Come on, there’s no reason you’d do that unless you were together or he was threatening you.”
Ray and Bob gaped open-mouthedly. Just then, Frankie walked out of the bunkroom, and asked, “Hey Gee, were Bob and Ray really screwing? There was so much noise earlier.” Ray looked like his eyes were bugging out. Just then, Mikey walked out of the bunkroom, hair askew, and still rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He had his glasses in his hand. “Bob and Ray were screwing?” he asked. Bob fainted. The perfectly shitty way for him to complete a shitty morning. To seriously put the icning on the cake, he fell on Ray. Poor Torosaurus. Ray let out a strange, strangled squeaking noise, before he too fainted. “What did I do wrong?” Mikey asked. Gerard rumpled his hair and said, “Nothing lil’ bro.”
“But they did look like they were going to do something when they were like that.” Frankie said. His two unfainted band members looked at him with incredulousness. “Admit it was funny though!” he added quickly in his defense. The Way brothers shared a look, then busted out laughing. Frankie joined in after a minute. Gerard then closed the bathroom door, and all three of them walked away like nothing happened.
Rate & Review, tell me what you honestly thought about that. The ending didn’t come out as planned, though I think it just might work? Also, since there are so many fic’s that center on Gerard, Frankie, and sometimes Mikey as the main characters, I noticed that there aren’t all that many Bob and/or Ray stories. So in a sense, they might get 100 stories about them in this, because each of these are one shots, unless otherwise noted, even though they are posted in a single story format. Tell me…Should I continue this?
The tour bus was still asleep. Everyone was knocked out from a concert that they’d performed the night before, which lasted past 2 in the morning. By the time they’d finished signing autographs, and meeting and greeting the fans, it was nearly 6. So at 10 it was easy to assume that everyone was still out. Except for one Bob Bryar. This particular Bryar was up and about with minimal sleep because he had never believed in being namby pamby about things. He had just gotten into the bathroom, and closed the door. He had intended to use the toilet, take a shower, shave, brush his teeth and hair, and get on with his day. In that order, might I add.
Just as he was lowering his pants, something caught his sharp eye. A single brown strand of hair laying on the toilet seat. WTF it was doing there I don’t know. And quite frankly, I don’t want to know. “Dammit!” Bob shouted, turning and unlocking the door. He opened it and stepped out. But apparently he forgot that his pants were around his ankles.
He went sprawling on the floor, knocking his head upon the floor. He was halfway out of the bathroom, with about everything below his waist inside the bathroom. The first thing out of his mouth was a very loud “HOLY FUCK!”
The only reply he got to this was a rather loud snore out of the bunkroom. Bob cursed, and attempted to stand up. He nearly lost his balance again. Grumbling, he stooped to pull up his pants, and knocked his forehead on the sink. He cursed, rubbed his head, and resumed the pulling up of pants. He got it, then they fell back down. He cursed once again, and pulled them up again. They fell again. He pulled them up again this time, only to give himself a wedgie. He cursed, jumping up, and hitting himself on the ceiling of the bus. He removed the offending wedgie, and turned to move out the bathroom.
Instead, he moved right into the edge of the bathroom counter. A shot straight to his nether regions. He doubled over, putting his hands over the pained area. He managed to smack his forehead on the faucet this time. One hand moved up to his forehead. He shouted out an oath I’d rather not say on here. It may cause some eardrums to shrivel up and die. Drummers sure have filthy mouths when they want to. Now, Bob was in the bathroom, doubled over, one hand holding his forehead which was starting to show evidence of two bruised lumps forming, one on top of the other, the other hand over his ‘area’. He straightened up. Just then, his pants fell off again. This time, they took his boxers down with them.
“Damn these fucking pants, they never did this shit before! And fuck these boxers into the deepest circles of hell! Dropping off, leaving me naked. No one wants to see my naked ass first thing in the morning! Unless this was some plot from a little stupid-assed 12 year old fan-girl whose only thought is ‘Gerard Way is sexy’! On that thought, the same people responsible for making the elastic on my sleeping pants and undies go bad are probably the same people who went feeling up Gee last night!” Bob said, this being a very long sentence from what we normally heard from the beloved drummer.
Standing naked in the bathroom and in pain, Bob decided to hell with the clothes. After all, it was all guys in the bus. There was nothing that they hadn’t seen before. He hopped down the bus towards the bunk room. The air was chilly against him, considering he was in his birthday suit as it was. When he looked in there, only the Way brothers and a shrimpy Iero was asleep in there.
Bob turned, and walked out to where the couch was. Ray was sprawled across the couch, snoring slightly. Bob grabbed a bottle of water and dumped it on to sleeping Torosaurus. Said Torosaurus jumped up, shouting, and fell off the edge of the sofa. “What the fuck Bob?” He asked, groggy, and fuzzy eyed as he had taken out his contacts before he went to sleep.
“You left a hair on the toilet seat.” Bob said matter-of-factly. Ray looked pissed off, before replying, “How did you come to the conclusion that it was mine?” Bob looked at him like he was a moron, before he said, “It was brown.” Ray blinked, and pulled himself up onto the sofa. “How come you didn’t think that it was Mikey’s? After all, there are two people on this bus with brow hair. More if you count whenever Frankie’s hair gets lightened by the sun. Or the bus driver had to use out bathroom.”
Bob sighed, and said, with a comical roll of his eyes, “You’re the only fucker around here who has a fucking afro! Am I going to have to buy our toilet a shaving razor?” Ray let out a laugh and said, “That might help it if it’s growing hair.” Bob sighed once again, and said, “Come on, get up! Go clean it up. “
Ray was the one who rolled his eyes this time, and got up off the couch slowly. He walked towards the bathroom, fuming that he’d been woken up to go clean a single hair from the toilet. Bob trailed behind him, a pissed off look in his eyes. Ray walked into the bathroom. Bob followed him inside. “Go ahead. We’re all waiting.” he said.
The Torosaurus grumbled something under his breath. “Well, if I’m going to cook and clean for this band like I’m all your mother, I might as well bitch at you to clean up after your asses yourself” This coming from a nude Bob Bryar who was wearing pink socks (WTF?)
Ray plucked the hair from the toilet, and dropped it into the garbage can. “Happy now queen bitch?” He asked. “Very.” Bob said, moving aside to let the Toro out of the bathroom. Just then, he slipped, and fell to his knees in front of him.
He stayed there a moment, slightly dizzy for some reason. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Just then, Gerard, who had rolled out of bed from the amount of noise that he heard, walked past the door. The look of shock on his face was priceless. The sight of seeing one of his bandmates only in a pair of pink socks, the other in his boxers. They looked like they might be in a compromising situation. “Why didn’t you guys tell us you were together?” Gerard asked. Ray and Bob looked at him shocked. “Huh?” Ray asked. “Well come on, you look like you’re about to do something for Bob.” Gerard said, before he added, “Come on, there’s no reason you’d do that unless you were together or he was threatening you.”
Ray and Bob gaped open-mouthedly. Just then, Frankie walked out of the bunkroom, and asked, “Hey Gee, were Bob and Ray really screwing? There was so much noise earlier.” Ray looked like his eyes were bugging out. Just then, Mikey walked out of the bunkroom, hair askew, and still rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He had his glasses in his hand. “Bob and Ray were screwing?” he asked. Bob fainted. The perfectly shitty way for him to complete a shitty morning. To seriously put the icning on the cake, he fell on Ray. Poor Torosaurus. Ray let out a strange, strangled squeaking noise, before he too fainted. “What did I do wrong?” Mikey asked. Gerard rumpled his hair and said, “Nothing lil’ bro.”
“But they did look like they were going to do something when they were like that.” Frankie said. His two unfainted band members looked at him with incredulousness. “Admit it was funny though!” he added quickly in his defense. The Way brothers shared a look, then busted out laughing. Frankie joined in after a minute. Gerard then closed the bathroom door, and all three of them walked away like nothing happened.
Rate & Review, tell me what you honestly thought about that. The ending didn’t come out as planned, though I think it just might work? Also, since there are so many fic’s that center on Gerard, Frankie, and sometimes Mikey as the main characters, I noticed that there aren’t all that many Bob and/or Ray stories. So in a sense, they might get 100 stories about them in this, because each of these are one shots, unless otherwise noted, even though they are posted in a single story format. Tell me…Should I continue this?
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