Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You Shut Me Up And Bleed Me Dry.
When i thought about Spencer, I though about love. It was true, the rumors were correct, but never would I ever ever ever speak a word of my undying love for the male. Especially considering he had been my best friend since we were rather young. And especially since he was very very straight.
Every time I was with him, I wanted to throw myself at him and beg for him to consider us being together. But I knew deep down inside, it wasn't very often that a gay man could turn a straight man. And I knew, after Spencer being with Jaime for 3 years, that it would never ever happen. I rolled slowly and un-happily out of bed. I was 18 years of age, gay, and in a band that I prayed would start to get recognition sooner, rather than later.
After a rather quick shower and an even quicker dry of my ear length-ed hair, I scooped up my bag in my hand and made my way out of the door, met by Brendon as I walked quickly down the foot path to Spencer's house.
"Ryan! Slow the fuck down! Jesus!" Brendon sped up to me and basically wrapped his hand around my upper arm, I didn't take a lot of notice of it, or how close he was to me, and I also didn't notice the fact that Spencer was wearing extremely tight jeans today, a deep dark red pair, his hair was slightly brushed, the slightest bit of wave in it, and the fact that his mouth radiated a wide, white smile. (Okay...so Maybe I did notice....the Spencer part any ways.)
"H-Hey Spence..." I said almost in a whisper that made Brendon cock his brows. Was it that obvious? The only person who didn't see it was Spencer. And he was the only person that I wanted to see it. He turned to look at me and grinned, That smile made my heart flitter flutter.
"Hey Ry! You guys ready? I gotta meet Jamie before class...she..want's her own lecture....prior" he winked and I literally felt sick to my stomach, a sarcastic laugh escaping my lips as I sat in the back seat of his car. Generally I sit up front and make Brendon sit in the back, he gave me the weirdest of looks before shrugging and sitting in the front passenger seat. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, Somehow I knew this day was just going to get worse.
By the time we had gotten to the school, it was 8:30am. Earlier than any of us had ever been to school, Generally we got there mere minutes before the bell chimed and we raced to classes laughing as the teachers glared at us. But today, Spencer yelled a "SEE YA LATER!" and ran off to find Jamie. Ugh. The thought of them both fucking made me want to punch a wall. Brendon followed slowly behind me, it felt as though he was hesitant to be near me, like I would scream at him if he got to close. I stopped in my tracks, Brendon, who obviously hadn't noticed walked right into the back of me and gasped.
"Will you fucking relax...what is up with you?!" I turned to look at him only to see him look down, shy all of a sudden.
"Nothing...Lets...Lets just keep walking..." I frowned at the sudden sadness in Bren's eyes and wondered just what was on his mind. Biting my lip I caught up to him in a few small strides, Smiling as he glanced to me.
"Why do you love someone who will never love you that way....?" I shot my eyes up only to swallow and look away. I never thought in a million years that...that Brendon would even come out with something like that. I frowned and brushed my hair from over my eyes, away.Should I answer him?....Was it worth explaining it, and recollecting every small thing I loved about Spencer?
What the fuck was I going say.....
Every time I was with him, I wanted to throw myself at him and beg for him to consider us being together. But I knew deep down inside, it wasn't very often that a gay man could turn a straight man. And I knew, after Spencer being with Jaime for 3 years, that it would never ever happen. I rolled slowly and un-happily out of bed. I was 18 years of age, gay, and in a band that I prayed would start to get recognition sooner, rather than later.
After a rather quick shower and an even quicker dry of my ear length-ed hair, I scooped up my bag in my hand and made my way out of the door, met by Brendon as I walked quickly down the foot path to Spencer's house.
"Ryan! Slow the fuck down! Jesus!" Brendon sped up to me and basically wrapped his hand around my upper arm, I didn't take a lot of notice of it, or how close he was to me, and I also didn't notice the fact that Spencer was wearing extremely tight jeans today, a deep dark red pair, his hair was slightly brushed, the slightest bit of wave in it, and the fact that his mouth radiated a wide, white smile. (Okay...so Maybe I did notice....the Spencer part any ways.)
"H-Hey Spence..." I said almost in a whisper that made Brendon cock his brows. Was it that obvious? The only person who didn't see it was Spencer. And he was the only person that I wanted to see it. He turned to look at me and grinned, That smile made my heart flitter flutter.
"Hey Ry! You guys ready? I gotta meet Jamie before class...she..want's her own lecture....prior" he winked and I literally felt sick to my stomach, a sarcastic laugh escaping my lips as I sat in the back seat of his car. Generally I sit up front and make Brendon sit in the back, he gave me the weirdest of looks before shrugging and sitting in the front passenger seat. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, Somehow I knew this day was just going to get worse.
By the time we had gotten to the school, it was 8:30am. Earlier than any of us had ever been to school, Generally we got there mere minutes before the bell chimed and we raced to classes laughing as the teachers glared at us. But today, Spencer yelled a "SEE YA LATER!" and ran off to find Jamie. Ugh. The thought of them both fucking made me want to punch a wall. Brendon followed slowly behind me, it felt as though he was hesitant to be near me, like I would scream at him if he got to close. I stopped in my tracks, Brendon, who obviously hadn't noticed walked right into the back of me and gasped.
"Will you fucking relax...what is up with you?!" I turned to look at him only to see him look down, shy all of a sudden.
"Nothing...Lets...Lets just keep walking..." I frowned at the sudden sadness in Bren's eyes and wondered just what was on his mind. Biting my lip I caught up to him in a few small strides, Smiling as he glanced to me.
"Why do you love someone who will never love you that way....?" I shot my eyes up only to swallow and look away. I never thought in a million years that...that Brendon would even come out with something like that. I frowned and brushed my hair from over my eyes, away.Should I answer him?....Was it worth explaining it, and recollecting every small thing I loved about Spencer?
What the fuck was I going say.....
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