FicWad

My whistle carried across the water, but there was nothing. No sunbleached mop of hair thrusting out of the water, no dripping face with its ever-ready smile, no gloved hand waving a greeting. Just waves.

I put my fingers back in my mouth and blew again. The high-pitched shrill went out across the waves once more, and there was still nothing. A third and a fourth sounded from my lips, but once again I had no answer. I heard footsteps behind me on the dock: Lulu, coming to check on me. Silently and without tears, I turned to go. Luca Stadium was full. The people of Spira were expecting me to speak to them about Sin's disappearance, but the only disappearance I could think about was yours. Every day for a week I had gone out to the end of the dock to whistle, to see if you would hear me and come back.

The next day, I did the same thing again before we left for Besaid. On the boat ride, all my time was spent staring into the sea to see if you were swimming alongside of us. When we got home, I kept it up, going to the beach every day. Lulu told me it was unhealthy. Rikku would act extra-cheery when she wasn't roaming around Spira with the Al Bhed and Wakka tried to get me interested in Blitzball. Kimahri was on Mount Gazaget helping the Ronso get back on their feet, with far more to worry about than one ex-summoner and her meloncholy. Auron, of course, was gone to the Farplane.

I was alone, more deeply and utterly so than I had ever been in my life. Before I had become a summoner -- before I met you -- I would go to the Temple and pray, or meditate, finding comfort in the steady resonance of the Fayth that resided in the chambers below. But now those chambers were cold and silent, and the temple itself was a mere symbol of the destructive lie that Spira had worshipped for a millenium.

But I did begin to move on. I suppose I had to, really. Factions were springing up all over the place. A new representative approached me every week. New Yevon was the first. They wanted to bring back the unity that the old church had fostered, without the summoners and the lies, or so they said. I said no. The Youth League was next. I wasn't sure what they wanted (and I'm still not sure), but they were all young people and they didn't like New Yevon. About half a dozen other groups and splinter groups started to visit me. Most didn't last long, but that didn't discourage people from making them: the United Blitzers of Spira, the Mages' Guild, the New Crusaders... though hardly a week went by when someone representing Mevyn Nooj or the leader of New Yevon found me. I was even offered marriage by the praetor of New Yevon.

I avoided tying myself to anyone. I didn't want to be "Grand Summoner Yuna." I didn't want to be "our great supporter" or "our distinguished guest." I had already been a puppet of the Yevon church, and I wasn't interested in doing it again. All I wanted to be was Yuna... but I wasn't even sure how to do that.

And then, out of the blue, came Rikku. Well, she usually comes out of the blue, but this time she brought an old video sphere that Kimahri found, and its recording was you. Now I know that it was Shuyin, but at the time I had no idea who he was. All I saw was you, alone in prison, demanding to see "the summoner" -- me, I thought. Suddenly, I wanted to rush off into the unknown. I wanted to search around the world, looking high and low. I wanted to find you.

When Rikku asked me, Wakka was the one who said that I couldn't go. My schedule was full. Everyone wanted to see me. But a small part of me was angry -- angry at Wakka for trying to say what I could and couldn't do, where I could go and when. Yes, people wanted to see me... but I didn't want to see them. And now, for the first time, someone was asking me what I wanted. Yes, what does Yuna want? I had never even asked myself that question. It was just like Rikku said : "Why is it, that when everyone's out making their dreams happen and everyone's getting their chance, Yuna's dreams are on hold?"

It got me thinking.

And I went with her. Obviously I did, or I wouldn't be talking to you right now.

It wasn't easy. It took me a while to get used to the outfit, for one thing. And even though Rikku said we were supposed to be "incognito," it was still easy for people to recognize me... and, as I discovered, it was hard to say "no." I guess people still saw me as the one to go to when they needed a helping hand -- "friendly neighborhood Gullwings," heh. It seems kind of cheesy now. But it was fun. I found out I could smile and like it, that I could laugh loud and long, and that I could feel happy without feeling guilty. It was... it was an entirely new world, and that just made me want it to protect it even more, when I realized the truth about Shuyin and Vegnagun. It was hard to believe that someone who looked so much like you could be so evil, so ruthless. So we -- well, the Gullwings -- stopped him. We defeated him and destroyed Vegnagun. But all through the battle, I was thinking: "I'm going to live through this. I'm going to see the new Spira." I wasn't intending to sacrifice myself. I wanted my life, for me. For Yuna.

And then, afterwards, the fayth asked me that question, and I said yes. So here we are.

You're back. But I'm not the Yuna that you left behind on the Farenheit.

And it's thanks to you, really, even if it was hard. Every time you tried to help, you shattered something. First it was my faith. Then it was my pilgrimage. And you ended up completely destroying what I thought would be the last chapter in my life.

Thank you. I mean that... I'm not being sarcastic like Paine. I fixed everything you broke and what I didn't fix, I threw out.

I love you, Tidus, and I'm glad you're back. But you don't need to try and rescue me anymore. I know who I am now.