Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco

Unspoken Nostalgia

by rkeeler 3 reviews

The fights that take them nowhere. All Ryan wants is the old Brendon back. Ryden/Rydon oneshot.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2010-08-10 - Updated: 2010-08-11 - 2064 words - Complete

Ryan climbed the steps and shut the door behind him. Spencer and Jon were out together doing who knows what, probably blowing random shit up, and Brendon was, well who knew where he was either. Ryan threw his guitar on the floor and slumped down onto the couch. His thin frame was hunched over with his head in his hands, dark straightened hair falling in his face. The hurt and pain trapped inside this boy was threatening to overflow as his mind just ran in circles. The fights. The silence. It was Brendon, and he was changing. The boy that used to be blithe and silly was now sullen and angered. It tore Ryan apart to see his best friend hurt. All the boys were different now, and their band was coming apart at the seams. A sob racked his small shoulders as he thought about what would happen. He lifted his head up when he heard the click of the door, and quickly rose from his seat on the couch when Brendon walked in. He was looking down and didn’t even notice Ryan, meanwhile muttering, something along the lines of “fucking crazy”. Ryan knew his friend was troubled, but their recent arguments made the attempt at trying to comfort him impossible.
“Are you ok?” He tried anyway. Brendon looked up, noticing him for the first time. Ryan flinched at the cold and hostility in his glare, trying to keep a soft look on his face and hide the turmoil inside. Brendon continued to stare at the thin boy with a look Ryan couldn’t read. This was coming from person that he had grown up with, and here he was being treated as just an annoying outsider.
“I’m fine. Just tired.” Brendon was lying through his teeth. Ryan knew it, and Brendon knew he knew it.
“Please tell me what’s wrong.” the older boy asked gently laying a hand on his shoulder, hoping to coax his friend into telling him the truth.
“Just leave me alone!” Brendon stood up ripping himself away from Ryan’s touch, his voice rising, “I’m sick of you and your sympathy!” By now he was yelling, each word a verbal blow making Ryan shrink into the couch and try to understand what the hell had ever happened to make things this bad. “Just. Leave.” He growled angrily at Ryan. This was not his Brendon. Not the Bden to his Ryro. Not the Brendon Urie he would steal kisses from onstage and off. But the confusion, heartbreak, and pain disappeared only to be replaced by blind sighted rage.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ryan shouted back. “I hate this! Tell me what’s going on!” They were face to face, both glaring angrily at the other. He continued to stare into Brendon’s innocent chocolate eyes. Ryan could see in those eyes questioning, asking what had ever happened. Brendon lowered his head, face disappearing behind his luscious hair. When he looked back up, Ryan noticed a tear running down his cheek. The anger that had just recently been controlling him disappeared. He wanted to reach out and cradle his broken friend, stroke his hair and tell him everything was going to be ok. More tears fell from the boy’s face as he just continued to stare, before finally turning around and walking out of their room. Ryan crumpled to the ground, left heartbroken, alone, and weak. He punched himself in the leg and cursed before curling up with his head between his knees. In the silence he let the tears fall, rolling down his face in lugubrious droplets.
Ryan lifted his head, awakened by the sound of shuffling feet. He clutched his head and cursed at his god awful headache caused by falling asleep on the hard floor. He looked up to see Spencer standing there above him, a look of concern visible across his face. Ryan recalled the events of last night and simply slumped back to the floor, wanting so desperately for it to all go away, for everything to go back to the band’s good old days.
He ignored Spencer and rolled over and curled up into fetal position, wanting Spencer and everything else to disappear.
“Ryan.” Spencer tried again. “I’m not here to scold you, or comfort you as much as I’d like to…” he trailed off before starting again, “We have a problem. Brendon’s missing.” At this Ryan shot up, his concern overpowering the wooziness threatening to bring him to the floor again. “Normally this isn’t a big deal, but after what happened….we’re worried Brendon’s going to do something stupid. I don’t think you understand just how much he truly cares for you.” It was at this that whatever remained of Ryan’s heart fell away, to land broken in his chest. Brendon was his friend, his boyfriend, his everything. Without him he was just a ship lost at sea searching for the love and affection only his Bden could provide. Ignoring Spencer, Ryan barreled out to his car, still a little dizzy. The sky was getting dark, meaning he had slept for a good ten hours.
“Fuck,” he cursed at himself, throwing the car into drive and pulling out onto the road as fast as he could. Ryan knew exactly where Brendon was, and there was no need to worry, but all of this needed to be fixed now. As he drove, he recalled Brendon first telling him about his “special place”. They were both only nineteen at the time. Brendon had grabbed Ryan’s hand and pulled him down a path in a nearby park to a little pond. Beyond the pond was a small clearing with nothing but a bench. Ryan had sat on the younger boy’s lap on the bench as he explained smiling, “This is my place. My Brendon place. Whatever’s going on, I like to come here and think, it clears my head and it’s nice to get away from it all.” It was then that he pulled Ryan a little closer, until their lips touched. Ryan savored the memory, recalling his sweet and gentle lips filled with lust and passion. It had been a while since they had shared a moment as tender as that, their most recent caresses taking place on stage though it hardly counted. Those were simply planned for the fangirl’s enjoyment and had never meant anything. The park pulled into view and Ryan’s heart started to beat. What if Brendon rejected him again? What if they never made up? He stopped in the parking lot and climbed out, starting the walk to the “Brendon Place”. His head was telling him to go back and let Brendon figure things out for himself before all hell broke loose, but his heart was telling him to forge on and comfort his lost lover. It seemed his heart was controlling his feet, and the bench was soon visible.
Brendon didn’t hear Ryan coming, the skinny boy made no noise on the soft grass, so he was free to stand quietly and admire the younger boy’s beautiful physique and features. But at the sight of him shedding tears, Ryan walked over and placed himself as close to his weeping friend as he could, an arm protectively draped around his shoulders. Brendon looked up at his paramour, before curling up against him, tears dripping onto Ryan’s shirt. Each wet stain was a painful reminder to Ryan that he should have been there for comfort earlier. Brendon sat there, his head resting on the other boys shoulder as Ryan gently stroked his hair. When the tears had stopped falling, Brendon looked up to see Ryan staring down. In their eyes were love and compassion, and no words needed to be said to understand that the fights were over. No more glares, silence, or lonely nights. Brendon sat up and pulled Ryan onto his lap, as he did those four long years ago. Smiling, he whispered, “I love you Ryro.” Ryan started to say “I love you” back, but was silenced by a kiss.
Ryan melted into his touch, his heart beating faster. He wrapped his arms around Brendon’s neck with fingers gently tangled through the boy’s gorgeous locks. Ryan could feel hands on his waste; hands pulling him closer and tighter, two femininely skinny bodies locked together. Eyes closed and in the moment, he took Brendon’s bottom lip, biting and nibbling on it gently. But when his act of adoration generated no response, he opened and eyes and looked to his lover.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan whispered. Confused, he knit his eyebrows together and cocked his head, wondering what had changed and rendered Brendon so expressionless.
“You look like a confused puppy,” he began in a monotone, “and it looks adorable” he finished with a goofy smile. Ryan looked away and giggled from Brendon’s silliness and adorable compliment. This was the missing Bden. This Brendon had been locked away behind a more troubled persona. Ryan sat there, filled to the brim with inexpressible happiness that he had gotten his friend back. But this brought a question to his mind…were they really friends? Or more? They weren’t officially dating, so would it be too weird to call him a boyfriend? Friends with benefits was just a term Ryan had always hated and quickly shot down the option. While he mused, Brendon was left sitting there, free to admire Ryan’s face.
To Brendon it was nice, just to sit there and stare at the lovely appearance of Ryan Ross. He reached out and gently traced the round face with his guitar calloused fingertips. The touch brought Ryan out of his brooding phase, and smiled that easy smile Brendon loved so much. He continued to trace the contours of the thin boy’s face, and pushed the deflated ryhawk out of his golden eyes. To Ryan it was equally enjoyable, he shivered slightly at the light stroke and just gazed into Brendon’s endless deep brown eyes. Who knows how long they sat there, just studying each other and conveying silent words through their eyes.
Yet out of nowhere, Brendon stood up. Ryan, still sitting on his lap, started to slide towards the ground. He closed his eyes waiting for the contact with the hard earth, but gasped when he was caught then none other than his Brendon Urie. Brendon just continued to carry him wife-style all the way up to their lone parked cars. He opened his car door and laid Ryan down on the leather seats, before slipping on top of him and quietly shutting the door. Their lips touched, but this time it was a forceful hungry kiss. Ryan, still trapped under Brendon’s body, wrapped his hands around him pulling him closer. Kissing Brendon’s forehead, he worked his way down leaving little kisses along the boy’s cheek, chin, and neck. His long skinny fingers were intertwined in his Bden’s hair, restraining him from creating any distance between them.
Ryan separated his mouth from Brendon’s long enough to say what he’d always wanted to. “I love you.”
Brendon smiled, kissed him right by the ear, and whispered, “Guess what?” Ryan rolled over, his body now on top. “I love you more,” he continued, emitting the most adorable giggle. “And….” Ryan frowned at the more serious note in the other boy’s voice. “I’m sorry. I know I acted like a real dick. I don’t know what happened, I just...” he fumbled searching for the words to describe what he was feeling and what had been going on in his mind.
“You know you scared me,” Ryan confessed, “I thought I was losing you.”
“Don’t you know by now? You can never truly get rid of me. I’ll always be there whether you want me to or not.” To prove his point he pulled Ryan closer to his chest and conveyed everything he couldn’t in words through a kiss.

Author’s Note: After reading many Ryden, I was inspired to write my first one. I’m aware it’s not the best and is cheesy, but reviews are always appreciated.
Sign up to rate and review this story