Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy

I learned to live half alive

by Syn_INC 0 reviews

I know I can't take one more step towards you, cuz all that's waiting is regret... *patrick story*

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2010-08-11 - Updated: 2010-08-12 - 1463 words

The end of the line was coming closer and for that Patrick felt grateful. He loved his fans but tonight he wasn't up to the fake smiles and small talk that accompanied these impromptu signings. He had just wanted to go back to the bus and sleep the night away...but the fans had lined up to greet whatever member they could see and moody or not he could never bring himself to say no to them. They were, after all, the reason why he was there. Because of that here he was after 34 minutes. he was nearly done but his wrist was killing him and he was even more tired than any of them could imagine. He smiled at the girl who's name was Samantha and gave her back the CD sleeve and smiled for her picture. He scanned the people left and sighed in relief when he saw only 2 figueres. The one who eagerly stepped up to him next and shoved a ticket stub in his face. She looked like shed explode if he looked directly at her so he avoided eye contact. Like before he made small talk 'did you like the show' 'thank you! you are great not us.' After a few more squeals she walked off with her friends. he looked at his iPhone quickly and saw the time. 1230a. The busses would be leaving soon. He sighed and turned back as the  hooded figure of the last person stepped forward.
"Do you have somewhere to be?" The person asked and At the sound of that voice he felt a cold shock wash over him, he stood frozen in place with his phone half between up and down and staring ahead to the light pole in front of him.
"I should have known you'd be too busy for me. You were always such a busy bee." He bit his lip and closed his eyes letting the words wash over him. Could she be real? After all this time of hearing her voice in his head and seeing her face in the crowds had the universe finally answered his prayers.
'So many people but I only see you'
"I guess you're still mad. Understandable but can you at least say something?"
She pressed on as she stepped closer to the gate separating them. She put her fingers through the holes on the fence and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch them. Make sure she was real this time and not just his mind playing tricks again. If so he'd finally gone insane.
He found some guts and his voice and tried to express so many pent up emotions and unspoken words but all that came out was
"Why" he meant why are you here why now what do you want. But in true Daniella fashion she knew him better than he'd ever give her credit for and she looked into his head and picked out exactly what he meant with his mumbles and babel.
"Well Rick you know what they say about bad habits..." she trailed off sadly. She was no longer using light banter and humor.
He was a bad habit.
He was her addiction. He knew.
He basked in that fact for 5 years back when he thought that her dependency on him would keep her with him always. He was so wrong.
"If I'm so horrible then why Dany why are you at this show why are you talking to me now."
"Ricky" she said in that tone, the one he both loved and hated. He loved the way she said his nickname; R's rolling beautifully off her tongue. Only she could say it just right. Again he found his eyes closing. His head falling back into memories of her and his heart soared a bit.
"I'm always at your Chicago shows. I haven't missed one since i was 16 so why start now that I don't have to sneak away from mom"
This shocked him though he should have known that her loyalties to his success and band wouldn't end with their relationship. I guess now he felt a little less crazy and seeing her face in crowds made sense....well at least seeing her in Chicago did, the other times...
"Every show?"
"You sound surprised" she rolled her eyes.
"You told that story about us sneaking in to that pool in the city but you said it was Chris which I recent because Chris is a fucking coward and didn't want to do it."
He laughed at the thought and then They were quiet for a second before she spoke up again
"How's Lissa?"
He tensed and not without her notice. It made him feel dirty just to hear her say that name. Lissa was a sore a subject between the 2 ex friends...ex lovers...
But he refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing he was sorry and so He set his face in a defiant scowl and answered coldly.
"I see" that wasn't the answer she hoped for so she looked away hurtfully and kicked a rock out of the way.
Patrick looked at her and like that she looked much the way she did when she was 16 and they first met. Young and innocent...and beautiful. He added the last part bitterly and before he let his heart win and yell that he loved her that he couldn't live without her and that he needed her back he decided he'd do what he did best when it came to her. He'd walk away.
"Well this was..." he trailed off and smiled bitterly. This was her rubbing salt in his still bleeding wound that's what this was.
"I'm sorry." She whispered "I shouldn't have come"
"So why did you?" He snapped angrily.
"I-" she stuttered
He snorted after a minute of waiting. Typical Daniella. Always had to get the last stab in. Make sure he was fully dead before she walked away and lived her life happily without him.
"Patrick don't be like that"
He glared at her slightly. He hated when she read him like a book.
"And how do you propose I be? Welcoming you with open arms?"
"I just wanted to make sure you are OK"
He laughed hysterically that was the last straw he was nuts and he didn't care.
"Am I OK? I'm fucking dandy! Cant you tell? I'm just fabulous here because you didn't fucking ruin my life?!" He yelled and paced 
She was frozen in shock. She watched him pace and didn't know what to say to that. Ruined HIS life. Suddenly she got very angry.
"You are really something else you know. I never wanted to believe that you'd changed but this...the man I knew is nowhere in there."
"The man you knew died when you left me. You've done this"
"Yes Patrick blame it on me because everything's always My fault and you did nothing wrong. You didn't change at all when you left to LA, you didn't stop calling to the point where you'd go weeks without speaking to me."
"I was working" he said sobering up a bit. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to confirm his fears of the past 2 years. He didn't want to Admit that he'd doomed their relationship all on his own and he had no real explanation as to why.
"Right. You were always working. Always too busy to answer back. All the texts calls emails. Then I show up and you act as if..." she chocked up and and he cringed. He remembered her trip she showed up at his door and he walked out and didn't come home for 2 days.
"I tried so hard to make it work. I had all these excuses id make up for you but then I just got tired of lying to myself and being in a relationship by myself. I was always alone. You stopped being my boyfriend a year before I could finally bring myself to admit it and leave. And then I left and you didn't come after me. I didn't really expect you too" she smiled sadly
"Then a week later you and..."
"Stop" he winced all her words stabbing his chest like daggers.
"Right" she said as she looked away
"This wasn't why I came... I guess I don't really know why that is anymore. I'm sorry to have bothered you" she pulled away from the fence and walked away.
He wanted to run after her and tell her he was sorry but he just couldn't. He couldn't let her win again it was enough pain to go through once he couldn't risk that rejection again. He couldn't bare it. He would never survive it.

Sign up to rate and review this story