FicWad

Vision getting more and more blurred as the seconds tick by. I can barely even see where I am, much less remember. But it's not like it absolutely matters though. It'll all be over soon. Just as long as no one finds me here, my plan will finally succeed, unlike all the my past attempts, which failed miserably because the timing was off. But now, I hope I've gotten it right this time. Usually no one's here around this time. I think. Like I said, i can't remember where I am anymore, so how am I supposed to know the time?
I straighten my legs out onto the cold cement floor, groaning at my burning wrists. The razor blade next to me glistens in a small puddle of sticky, red blood. I squeeze my eyes shut, why the hell can't this all just fucking end already?! Maybe if I went with a different method, this would all end sooner. I raise a bloody hand and grab the small rectangle, which instantly slipped from my grip. I could barely hold on to it tight enough at this point, how the hell am I going to do this? I attempt to pick up the blade again, this time frozen at what I think I just heard. It's either, it was real or my mind is messing up from the increasing loss of blood.
My eyes widen as I figure out what I heard was, in fact, reality. SHIT. The last thing I need is for someone to find me like this AGAIN. They'll never let me leave that cold, dark place again after this, that old, hard matress....
I blink out of my memory and I try to hurry up with getting this over with, only failing even worse because of my frantic anxiety. Footsteps get closer and closer, my fingers also getting closer to grasping the damn thing I need.
Then, FINALLY. I cross the bright red slits on my wrists to make an X, almost screaming from the intense pain. I clenched my jaw, trying not to draw attention. maybe the person hasn't noticed me? Who gives a shit. As long as they don't find me alive, I'm fine with their presence.
I curl up into a little ball, my tan pants covered in dark red spots, along with majority of me including the floor around me. Thank God I picked the darkest corner of the room to do this.
I can't hear anymore footsteps, so maybe who ever was in here left. I hope to god they did.
I watch the red liquid flow from the X's on my arms, this was actually pretty mesmurizing and i didn't happen to notice the person standing right fucking in front of me until they were about 2 inches from my pale face. I couldn't make out who this person was, my vision was now like trying to see clearly under water. It just wasn't going to happen.
Now, everything suddenly felt like I was submerged into a pool of darkness, I couldn't feel my weight. I couldn't see clearly. And, of course, all the screaming and yelling that was going on between the four figures before me sounded like they were above my waters. I just sat there, nearly lifeless, trying to let go of the edge of this unsteady cliff, which you'd probably call life. My heavy head fell forward, everything below covered in blood. Some people would be grossed out by this. I, personally, am intrigued by the amount of blood spilling from these small slits.
Then silence. Either the four dasrk figures from before left me to die, or stopped yelling at eachother. I'm really hoping for the first thought, if it wasn't already obvious.
My original intent of closing my eyes was to blink, but apprently my mind had other intentions.
I sunk deeper and deeper into the black water, sure there was no bottom. The deeper I got, the more numb I felt in the real world. I couldn't feel, see or hear a thing. I didn't know I was being lifted into a stranger's arms and taken to a disease incubator, and I had no idea what they were doing to me there. Still don't. But then again who cares? Some would say I should be grateful that these four figures came to my aid, but really, I'm fucking pissed about it. Like, what the fuck, man? I didn't just cut myself to see what would happen. I don't want to be alive. So why did you have to save me?!? Assholes. I didn't even know who these guys were! They could be serial killers for all I knew, but hey, that's not a bad fit for me, right?
When I awoke, I could not believe my fucking eyes. And I didn't. I thought they were still fucked up, or maybe I was dead. Either way, where the fuck am I?
Everything was so white. The walls, the bed, the chairs, the doors, EVERYTHING in this fucking place was WHITE. Geesh, add some fucking color. I didn't even know where I was and I already hated it. I looked over to see not four, but one figure standing in the corner of the room next the bed. Finally, I could see his face instead of just a pale circle with huge black holes for eyes. I blinked, I seriously HAD to be dreaming. I wasn't dead, but I wasn't exactly sure if I was awake. Nikki fucking Sixx was standing less than 3 feet away from me. I was speechless, which is unusual. After a moment of complete awkwardness (Yeah, nice going, dumbass. Just embarass yourself in front of your idol. No biggie.) he smiled at me, and i almost died right there. This time, I wasn't looking forward to it. Uh, why's he so gorgeous? Seriously.
Like the complete stupidass I am, I just sat there and stared as he walked over and sat down next to me on the bed. Any closer, and I might just end up ripping his clothes off right then and there. He was unknowingly teasing me. That bastard.
"Why'd you do it?" He asked, his emerald eyes peircing through my soul. I stuttered a bit, surprised at his sudden question. Then I suddenly found myself pouring everything out to him. I felt like slapping myself across the face. What the hell was I doing? "Well, I just couldn't take it anymore, everyone I know and love has completely deserted me and my life is basically going no where at all. i can't take any more of the stupid depression or any other of these fucking medical problems I have, it's just not worth it. I'm not really even living. Just exsisting." I looked up with wide eyes to see his reaction. i sounded like such a little wimp right now, I'm so fucking pathetic. i know I am, and Nikki probably knows it too even if we've only known each other for a few minutes.
My thoughts were interrupted by warm arms wrapping around me, comforting me. It felt a little strange to me, I wasn't used to this kind of treatment. Especially from a stranger. I couldn't help but fall into his warm embrace though. I mean, how many times do you get a hug from Nikki Sixx? Or any rockstar for that matter?
I closed my eyes, feeling satisfied for the first time in so many years. It ended all too quickly though, when he pulled away. I wanted to lean back in and hide beneath his tattoo-covered arms forever, but only in Wonderland will that occur.
Then, what i thought was impossible happened.
I saw a bit of hesitation in his eyes, before I could think I felt Nikki's soft lips press against mine. Did he just....?
Before he pulled away, my slow brain finally processed what was happening and i deepened the kiss, accepting the fact that my mind wasn't 100% clear. I felt so weird. I mean, the dumbass hospital had me all drugged up, which i don't see why that was necissary. So of course I got sloppy. Who gives a shit. It's Nikki Sixx.
I can't even begin to explain how amazing it is to be connected to this man in this way. I sound like a freak, but it's true. He's so, soft and.... beyond amazing. I never wanted to separate, or anything that involves not being around him. Again, wishful thinking.
The deeper we got, the more intense. It got to the pint where I was nearly on top of him, bodys pressed closely together.
Then the nurse walks in. This is like, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and some bitch walks in. UGH.
The small black-haired woman looked back and forth between us awkward as we scrambled apart. I felt like i've been caught cheating on someone, which is far from the actual case.
She smiled, trying to get past weird feelings saying, "it's time to take your medicine now, you need rest, especially with all the blood you've lost." Ugh. Thanks for the fucking reminder.
I glared at her as she quickly walked over and and put tons of drugs in my system. Joy.
It wasn't long before my eyes got heavy. I didn't want to go into the black pool again. I wanted to stay with Nikki, wanted to be in the real world for once...
my eyes completely shut as I fell asleep, hoping to see this dark figure again when I eventually woke up.
I fell into a deep, dark sleep no one would ever want to imagine....
I woke the same as any other day, same dark ass room with the hard matress. I squnited as I opened the old rags for curtains, sunlight beaming through the whole room. I winced as there was a sudden pain in my wrists. I don't exactly remember what I was doing, but it's obvious I was cutting. No surprize there. I stopped in my tracks as a memory of something popped into my head. I remembered this dream I had, I woke up in a hospital room with Nikki Sixx, and... damn my fuzzy memory. I think we kissed or something. Finally a good dream. I'm sick of nightmares. I walked out into the living room, there seated my cousin on the couch, absent-mindedly channel surfing. His eyes lazily moved upon me. "So, did you enjoy your stay at the hospital? A day out this shit hole, lucky bastard. Oh, and who was that dude who walked out of your room? He looked like that one guy you obsess over."


A/N: I know this is supposed to be a Crue fic, but there's a Soundgarden reference in here. Lets see who can find it first. Anyway, rate and review, please? (: