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Quinn was 99% sure he was going to die. And/or pass out from oxygen deprivation to his brain. Bert looked at him with amusement and disgust in equal measures.
"You do re-" Gerard began and Quinn nearly choked on the pasta he was gulping.
"No talking when I'm eating. You're distracting my senses." Quinn said. Well, no actually, he kind of mumbled through about three mouthfuls worth of Bert's magical homemade tomato pasta. It really just sounded like "N'Halking en um e-ing, y-r 'astracting my thenses" Gerard rolled his eyes and Jeph snickered, having known Quinn for long enough to understand what he was saying.
"Oh my God..."Quinn moaned, gulping. "Oh my God..." He repeated and inhaled the almost the entire remainder of the bowl.
"Bert," Quinn choked and Jeph thumped him on the back until he could breathe around the huge lump of half-chewed pasta in his mouth, "Bert, come live with me and marry me and I swear to God; as long as you cook for me I'll blow you every day. Fuck, you don't have to marry me, let me live in your basement and be your filthy mistress, I don't care; I'll still blow you every day as long as you cook for me."
Jeph was nodding in agreement and drifting into a small fantasy when he noticed Gerard doing that weird twitchy thing he did when Mikey had coffee and he didn't. He was jealous. Hmm, Jeph thought. Hmm.
"I love when you cook." Quinn informed Bert who rolled his eyes. "I know." Bert replied drily.
"I think..." Quinn said sagely. "I think I'm going to throw up."
Bert frowned. "You better not, you know how long it took me to make this? Not to mention you need the calories, you skinny fuck."
Gerard didn't say anything, merely handed him a nearby bucket that Jeph usually used for carrying water to throw over Dan's head. "Please don't get it on my jeans."
"Speaking of, " Quinn coughed, stroking his peroxide hair back off his face and kicking the bucket away. "Speaking of jeans, I think I have a food boner."
Jeph was Musing. Nothing good ever came out of Jeph's Musings. "You know, " he began to Quinn who lolled against Jeph's side and oozed down the couch. "You are a skinny fuck. Your hipbones always dig into me."
Quinn would retort that Jeph wasn't much better, but the urge to drift into a carb-coma (as he had christened it) was too great and he just closed his eyes.
Gerard looked un-impressed. "Why do I hang out with you guys?"
Bert was the first to reply, "Because I'm an awesome cook with an awesome cock."
"Because I'm adorable. And I'm the only one who laughs at your jokes." Jeph put in.
"'Ecuz ah'm hawt." Quinn yawned. "And we have the best band orgies." Quinn added.

Gerard scowled, obviously not expecting a volley of replies.
"I don't think 'band orgies' can be categorized by the fact that you and Jepha are fucking and so are Bert and Dan. And you occasionally swap. S'tame, really, you call yourselves rockstars?" Gerard sat back, obviously pleased with his ability to offend an entire bus full of people with just one statement.
Bert frowned and Jeph went red and Quinn's scowl was diminished by the fact that he was still lying on Jeph's back.
Gerard continued regardless;
"Bert's food simply can't be that amazing enough to make Quinn wanna live in your basement and suck you off every day," He argued for no good reason. "It just can't. And there's no such thing as a food boner. And it's chef, not cook."
Jeph sat up so suddenly Quinn rolled off him and off the couch, obviously not reaching out to save himself because of all the food weighing him down and making him lazy. He thumped onto the floor and made himself quite comfortable there instead, head resting on Jepha's bare feet. Bert, Jeph and Gerard looked at him and looked at each other and Jeph said "I don't plan on developing a foot fetish anytime soon so don't like, start licking me or anything" to him and the three went on with their conversation.
"Duuuuude, you have to try his food before you go making rash judgements like that. Try it. Try it and just see if it doesn't make you kinda wanna suck Bert." Jeph said with heat.
"It can too. My food is amazing." Bert informed Gerard, quite seriously.
Gerard gave them both a disparaging look.
Jeph leaned forward and scooped up the few pieces of penne Quinn had managed to not stuff down his throat and gestured with the fork to Gerard who closed his mouth and shook his head slowly. "No thank you." He said and jammed his lips together again. Jeph sighed, not having the patience to persuade him and simply clamped Gerard's pointy nose with his knuckles until he turned a purple colour. He opened his mouth for breath, which was when Jeph jammed the fork into Gerard's mouth. Gerard's hazel eyes widened in shock before he starting chewing, very deliberately and swallowed slowly.
"Well," he said. "Well." He swallowed, fondly remembering the brief burst of soft, strong tomato which gave way to al dente penne, seasoned perfectly with pepper and what tasted like cream cheese.
"Is it or is it not like a tiny orgasm for your mouth?" Jeph demanded. Bert looked smug.
"Well, " Gerard said again, seemingly lost for words.
"It's magical," Quinn's wistful voice floated up from the floor.
Gerard swallowed again."Yeah, alright," he said.
"Is that a 'yeah, it was alright' alright, or a 'oh my god let me live in your basement and suck your cock for pasta' alright?" Bert wanted to know.
"I don't know," Gerard said, and his voice sounded dreamy to his own ears.
Bert picked up the plate and went to the tiny tour bus kitchen to clear the plate, and what the fuck, Bert doesn't clear plates. But he is when Gerard walks in, he's washing up the dishes in the mini sink carefully and Gerard just kind of stalker-stares at him for a second and he can hear Quinn snoring and Jeph dragging him off the floor onto the couch and wrapping him quickly in a blanket. The air smells like tomato and the smell is stronger in the kitchen, teamed with the steam-warmth of cooking and Bert finally realizes Gerard is just standing behind him, staring and he turns around and swallows and Gerard can see the sharp jut of his Adam's apple move up and down his throat. The chunk of dirty black hair that is Bert's side fringe rests on his cheekbone and he blows it away irritably and very suddenly Gerard notices the tiny, glittering pearls of sweat on Bert's collar bone from the steam and the fact that his eyes are very, very blue, and very, very big and that might just be about the most devastating thing Gerard has ever seen.
"You here to suck me?" Bert says eventually and Gerard rolls his eye and the moment of weirdness has passed, thank God because Gerard doesn't think he can take anymore noticing.
"Haha," he croaks and Bert grins at him and Gerard realizes that they're less than a step away from each other, even though they're leaning on separate counters in the tiny kitchen and the older man thinks that if he leans forward, just a little, he thinks Bert will tilt his head too. Then their lips will be touching and Gerard thinks that Bert might taste like the sauce he made. But then he remembers that Bert didn't eat anything, he just smoked and he feels stupid because he's wondering what Bert will taste like, as if that's a possibility at all.
"Yeah," Gerard says suddenly and Bert is drying his hands on his jeans and looks up.
"Hnn?"
"Yeah, I wanna suck you off," Gerard says because that's what Gerard does, he leaps headfirst into things and he doesn't understand himself sometimes but at the same time, he feels a small twinge of pride for at least being able to say it. He feels like he's grown from the immature loser kid in his mom's basement and yeah, telling his friend he wants to suck his dick may not be the most intelligent thing Gerard's ever done, but he doesn't really care at this point because Bert's red-rimmed eyes are wide and his lower lip is a fraction away from his top lip. "Ok," Bert says in a vague tone and his tongue flicks out to wet the dry skin on his lip and Gerard swallows with a click.
"Ok," Gerard repeats and squeezes past Bert into his and Dan's bunkroom. Bert follows quickly, locking the door and insanely grateful that Dan is off fucking Frank or whoever because he's not here. Gerard is sitting on Bert's bunk, twisting his fingers into the sheets and Bert is about to tell him he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to, Gerard looks up and grins. There's relief and a little bit of giddiness in it. Bert bites back his words and sits in front of Gerard. And again, he's going to say something when Gerard's long, pale fingers creep out and brush over the front of his shorts, up and dip into them. "Oh, um," Bert says, blinking quickly and there are warm fingers wrapping tightly around his base and Bert realizes he's at least half-hard already. Gerard leans forward and kind of pushes Bert on his own bed and kneels over him, looking at him apologetically. Bert groans because really, Gerard is the only person who could look apologetic while his hand is wrapped around Bert's dick.
"Bert," Gerard starts, dragging his hand up as he speaks. "B-"
"Sh," Bert says, with his sheets bundled messily under his warm back and his head resting on his favourite pillow and his dick in Gerard warm hand. Gerard suddenly draws his hand out and Bert glares at him before he realises Gerard's only scrabbling at his shorts, unbuttoning them clumsily and pulling them down, then off Bert's legs. Bert's not wearing underwear because he thinks Dan stole his last somewhat-clean pair and it doesn't seem to matter because Gerard is leaning forward and kissing his tip very gently. Bert swallows. Gerard is nervously leaning forward and Bert thinks, looking down at him. "Don't be mad at me if I do it wrong," Gerard pleads and drops his head down and Bert doesn't have time to respond because holy shit that's Gerard mouth around him and working, drawing his hot, wet tongue up the underside. He takes the younger singer further into his mouth, bracing himself on one hand and knees, the other fist still around Bert's base and drawing up, pushing back down. Bert is really kind of awed when Gerard takes his hand away and quickly deep-throats him in two clumsy swallows, kind of bobbing his head a little bit. There are small, shivery shocks of pleasure running up and down Bert's spine and he works his hips up and down. He grunts and looks down at Gerard's long, clean-ish hair brushing over the tops of his thighs and he tangles a shaking hand through it and pulls. Bert gasps when Gerard releases a tiny moan around his cock and the vibrations shudder right up into the pit of his stomach where there's a warm, happy feeling building.
Suddenly Gerard swallows again and his pointy nose is buried in the pale hairs at his groin and he draws back, and laves the underside wetly again and looks up at Bert. "F-fuck," Bert chokes out and thrusts up and Gerard just looks relieved. He glances up again and Bert's eyes are half lidded and he's shoving his hips up rhythmically and Gerard moans a little and Bert shudders again from the vibrations. Then, it all just sort of clicked.
Bert groans and rocks his hips up and Gerard is actually going for it now, he's swallowing and releasing in a steady rhythm with his cheeks hollowed and Bert can feel it building in his stomach. Gerard keeps looking up at Bert's face and he shifts a little because his own cock is heavy and starting to get somewhat painful. So he draws right back and Bert looks down in abrupt, needy terror that he'll stop but he doesn't, he just runs his fist down his shaft, stroking back his foreskin and lapping at the head and Bert whines, arching his back and jerks his hips up again. Gerard has pushed his other hand into his pants and wrapped it around his leaking cock and jerks quickly, sucking back and bobbing his head again. Bert is crying out obscenities, and coming in hot, bitter splashes inside Gerard's mouth. Gerard swallows, more is shock than anything else and then he's coming in hard, quick spurts in his own fist with the echo of Bert's choked "Gerard!" ringing in his ears.

Bert drops back onto his bed with shaky breathes and Gerard takes his hands out of his own pants, with a hoarse, half-chuckle and sits nervously near Bert's side until Bert growls "Stop fucking hovering, you're making me nervous," and drags the older down beside him.

"Jesus," Gerard said faintly, and Bert swallowed and nodded. "Did you c-"
Gerard nods quickly, because yeah, it's a little bit awkward and he doesn't really want to tell his crush that he maybe, kinda came in his pants.
While Gerard's been thinking this though, it seems Bert has been talking. Gerard's missed pretty much all of it, only getting a few snatches of phrases.
"You know? And it's like...weird but...nice, right?" Bert is rambling and his back is arched again, he's stretching and Gerard maybe can't breathe a little. "Yeah," he croaks hoarsely. Bert turns his head and surveys Gerard with his stupid, bright eyes.
Gerard feels a sudden, inexplicable rush of fury and hatred and he sits back up, swallowing because this doesn't like the kind of thing he wants to be lying down while feeling. Bert sounds vague and sleepy when he asks what he's doing. Gerard hates that too because he hits him shockingly, he's not in The Used and yeah, maybe he feels a little bit jealous because his band won't, can't have the same kind of intimacy The Used have because of numerous stupid reasons, like there are an uneven number of members so there'll always be someone left out; where the numbers are equal in TU. And that's it that's the problem, Bert and his band love each other, and it may have been in a strange way but still and hell, maybe one of the ways they expressed their love was sex and they all seemed pretty fine with that. Gerard's blood was hot, and his heart was pounding with envy because he knew he really didn't mean anything to Bert. If he was Quinn, or Dan, or Jeph he'd probably be curling up and sleeping right now with Bert or even fucking or something but he couldn't, because he wasn't. No matter how successful he ever got, he could still never fully share the intimacy TU had without even trying.
"I'm going," Gerard said and his voice sounded far-away and cold even to his own ears and he stood up, quickly righting his appearance and maybe, kind of waiting for Bert to stop him. To sit up and ask him why he was leaving and Gerard would bite his lip and tell him he might have loved him, a little bit and Bert would be fine with it. And he'd stop with the rest of his band and he and Gerard could just be...not settled or anything, just...mutually exclusive.
Gerard swallowed and looked down when he realised Bert was asleep. He didn't leave a note. He just left and as he exited the bus he passed by Jeph curled around Quinn's taller body as they both slept on the couch. Quinn's calloused hands were gripped around Jeph's small waist as he pressed his face into Quinn's skinny chest.
Gerard felt an insane urge to spit on them which he didn't indulge in. He just left and went back to his bus and didn't call Bert or go over to their bug again.







When Bert woke up, it was dark outside and in the bus and he was cold. He was alone. Bert swallowed and called for Gerard, but it was Dan from the top bunk who answered. "He's not here man, why w'sup?"
Bert croaked and wrapped his blanket tighter around him. "Nothing. Thought he was here. Doesn't matter."
Dan's head is suddenly upside down on the upper edge of Bert's bunk and he questions "Are you ok?"
Bert nodded quickly. "Cold."
"Want me t-"
Bert nodded again and Dan threw himself into Bert's bunk and tossed an arm around his waist. Bert closed his eyes and drew his knees up to his own scrawny chest and pretended he couldn't smell Gerard on his pillows.






Gerard didn't come over anymore, so there was one evening a few years later when Bert went to his house instead.
He didn't answer and Bert thought it was maybe an omen until he turned around and walked slap-bang into someone, knocking everything from their grasp. Bert quickly picked up some of the books he had knocked and looked up. Gerard was standing in front of him, letting him pick up the books and push them back into his grasp. His hair was different. "Your hair is different."
Gerard's jaw tightened and he nodded. It really was different, it was shorter and still black but there was a random patch of colour at the back. It looked good. "It looks good."
"It looks like yours." Gerard pointed out. Bert put a hand in his own hair. He felt stupid. "Right. But it looks better on you."
Gerard looked down at the ground. "Do you wanna...come in or something?"
Bert nodded a little. Gerard pulled his keys out of the pocket of his tight jeans and jangled them before unlocking the door and walking in, Bert followed.
"So," Gerard said, once they were sitting on his couch in his living room and drinking coffee. "Why are you here?"
Bert drank a little bit to hide his voice and sat Indian style on Gerard couch, dragging muck over the material with his shoes. He didn't notice. Gerard looked irritated. "You remember that night on tour when you left for no reason and refused to talk to me for two fucking years until I had to come to your house to make you talk to me?"
Gerard stared down at the warm liquid in his favourite mug that Ray had given him. "I think I recall."
"Don't be a fucking smartass with me, you wanna tell me what the fuck you abandoned me for?" Bert demanded.
Gerard looked irritated again and finally glanced up. Oh.Oh.
Bert looked furious.
"You..." Gerard tried. "You..."
"I what, Way, what?" Bert screamed and God knows the kid had a set of pipes on him.
Gerard kissed him.
It maybe lasted a minute and Gerard noted with satisfaction that Bert tasted like cigarettes and sweet coffee before Bert shoved him off and landed a resounding slap across Gerard's face.
They were both quite stunned for a second and then Gerard said "Well."
And Bert scolded "Oh Christ, don't start with the fucking 'well's again."
There was another pause and then they were both laughing, hunched over with the force of it. They gasped for breath and Gerard said quite sadly. "I missed you."
Bert stiffened. "I'm not the one who ran out in the middle of the night."
Gerard bit his lip. "I'm sorry."
Bert prodded. "For?"
Gerard sighed. "For running out in the middle of the night."
Bert tugged at Gerard's hair and he yelped, wriggling away. "Why?" he demanded and Gerard shrugged. Bert's jaw tightened and he folded his arms.
Gerard relented. "I...it's hard to explain. I don't... you...you had a partner." Gerard said with satisfaction, crossing his arms.
Bert frowned. "What am I, eighty? I had a friend/fuck buddy. It was all very casual. Why the hell do you have a problem with that? It didn't stop you from sucking me off but it stopped you from hanging out with me again?"
Gerard winced, and sat down again, running his fist over his eyes. "Because..."
"Because what Gerard, what?"
"Because I maybe kinda loved you a bit and I didn't want to have to be your...your whatever. Bit on the side. Something." Gerard snapped, tugging on the ends of his own hair.
Bert stared at him for a minute. He just watched and Gerard's skin itched with it."God, you're a fucking tool." He said finally.
Gerard tensed, offended.
"A fucking tool," Bert repeated and tugged on the back of Gerard's hair where his own hand was tangled and dragged him forward, pressing his plump lips against Gerard's thinner, paler ones.
Gerard's mouth was suddenly very warm and he was paralysed from the neck downwards, all he could think was that's his mouth again and then that's his tongue, fuck and it felt like his mouth was the only part of his body that could really feel anything.
"Well," Gerard said breathlessly when they broke apart.
Bert raised an eyebrow. "Is that a 'get the hell out of my house before my wife and 2.5 kids come home' well, or a 'do you wanna move in with me' well?"
Gerard breathed. "Definitely a move in with me 'well'."
"Good," Bert kicked off his shoes and sat back on the couch. "I get lonely in that big house all by myself."
Gerard looks at him for a second and Bert grinned back and before he could help it, he was laughing hard.
"Alright," Gerard said with fond irritation. "Alright then."