Categories > Theatre > Cats

No more Sardine Mice

by CrazyIndigoChild 0 reviews

Tugger wants to see a magic trick, Quaxo wants to sleep. When a magic trick goes wrong Quaxo soon finds himself more than awake.

Category: Cats - Rating: G - Genres: Humor - Characters: Mr. Mistoffelees,Munkustrap,Rum Tum Tugger - Published: 2010-09-03 - Updated: 2010-09-04 - 2174 words - Complete

This was a request from a friend on . Please don't mind the countless mistakes for I didn't have a beta reader for this one :S

Enjoy :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Ahhh, I need this," Quaxo sighed as he stretched out on the TSE1, the hood of the trunk was warm from the mid-day sun. The tux tom closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

"Misto!" Tugger yelled next to his face; unaware that the cat was sleeping. Quaxo jumped five feet in the air before landing a belly flop on the rusty trunk of the car. "You Okay, Mist?" Tugger laughed when he saw the tom wince in pain at the olympic style fail.

"It's Quaxo, actually," he said while rubbing the sore spots on his front, motioning to the white fur on his arm and legs; he really didn't like it when other cats got his names confused.

"Not for long!" Tugger smiled broadly as he hooked his gloved paws to his belt.

"Tug, I don't know what you have planned, but I'm not interested," he told the maned coon as he settled himself back on the warm surface of the TES1. "This is my alone time; I'd like to spend it, you know, alone," he hinted when he noticed the older tom not leaving.

Tugger's face fell. "But Quax-"

"Shhh," Quaxo shushed as he closed his eyes, slightly annoyed that the other cat didn't get the not-so-subtle hint.

"Quaxo..." Tugger whined

"Shh..." The tux put a paw over his mouth for emphasis.

"Just one trick?" he pleaded, lowering his voice.

Quaxo groaned in frustration and rolled onto his back to look up at the mane coon who had just climbed up next to him, returning his gaze expectantly.

"Then you'll leave me alone?" Quaxo's voice was careful, he knew that if he didn't make the reasoning with Tugger clear, concise and straightforward then the black and leopard spotted tom would find a way around the deal; consequently causing Quaxo more grief.

"Yes," Tugger nodded eagerly.

"So, one trick. That's it." Quaxo repeated slowly.

"Yes, now come on!" He leaped off the dented hood onto the junkyard floor below; turning to make sure that his friend was following.

'You're going to regret this.' Quaxo could hear his alter ego mutter at the back of his mind. He sighed internally. He knew that what the Mistoffelees was saying was more than true, he chose to ignore his better mind and followed the bouncing tom into an empty clearing.

Tugger sat on a broken lawn chair, got comfortable, and stared at the small tom in anticipation. Quaxo stared back in exasperation, waiting to take the other's request so he could go back to his napping.

"So...?" Quaxo began.

"Show me what you got!" Tugger filled him in excitedly.

"That's not how it works. You tell me what you want to see, I do the trick, I go to sleep," he explained lightly.

"You got this all planned out-"

"It's planned for a reason, now are you just going to stand here and waste my time?" Aggravation lined the edges of his voice; causing Tugger to take a more serious tone or lose his only source of entertainment.

"Ok, ok. Ummmm," the maned tom searched frantically for an idea, he should really have thought of exactly what trick he wanted to see on the way over. "Can you conjure up some rats?" Quaxo raised an eyebrow in a 'are you serious' look, this cat had gone through all this trouble just for a stupid rat?

"That's it? Uh, ok." He reached over and grabbed a small sardine can from a nearby pile of junk. He waved it around the air to show his audience. He placed his paw over the can and when he removed it there sat a big, juicy rat.

"Whoa!" Tugger jumped down from his seat to inspect the rodent. Mistoffelees closed both paws over the squirming rat and pulled them apart slowly, revealing a duplicate rodent.

"There, one for each," Mistoffelees smiled as he handed an obviously impressed Tugger one of his charges.

"...Are they safe?" He looked over his meal, something that's made of an old, metal can can't be too edible.

"I would think so," Mistoffelees chuckled as he stuffed his face hungrily. If Misto can eat his tin rats then I guess I can too, he thought to himself before tipping his head back and swallowing his lunch whole.

"That's disgusting," Mistoffelees stared at his friend in shock; dropping his own meal and pushing it away from himself.

"I've had practice," Tugger winked suggestively. Mistoffelees' eyes widened at the comment.

"That's disturbing." He got up and turned to leave, his end of the deal was done so now he was free to go.

"Wait u-" the maned coon started to trot after him but was interrupted when a loud belch errupted mid sentence.

"Classy Tugger," Mistoffelees called back before letting out a very large fart himself; a look of horror and embarrassment twisting his features. Tugger let out a hardy chuckle as he pointed accusingly at his tuxedoed friend.

The two toms laughed hysterically as the gas attacks continued; each release louder than the first. They soon found themselves rolling around on the ground and gasping for breath. Tugger rolled over and spotted a tiny structure about a quarter of his full height a few inches from his face, upon further inspection the tower looked like a stack of miniature car pieces and dollhouse furniture.

"Hey, Misto," he giggled, prodding at the weak jenga puzzle. "You gotta see this, it's like a mini junk pile." Mistoffelees crawled over to where his friend layed, he was slightly entertained when he spotted the object of Tugger's amusement.

"Wow, someone must have a lot of time on their hands." This started a small wave of chuckles to pass through the toms. After a few moments of silence Mistoffelees sighed; giving Tugger a hardy pat on the shoulder. "Well, I held up my end of the bargain. I'm going to sleep." Using Tugger's shoulder, Mistoffelees pushed himself up and turned to leave. Tugger picked apart the tiny tower, inspecting the miniature pieces that composed it. His attention was quickly brought back to his friend when he heard him gasp and stumble back over to him.

"Tugger! Stand up!" Mistoffelees ordered. Tugger raised an eye at his obviously distressed companion, questioning his sudden loss of composure. The tux tom continued to pull at his arm, ushering him to his feet; Tugger decided to humour him and stood up, holding out his arms when nothing spectacular happened.

"Look," the tux pointed a shaky finger past Tugger. He turned around to find a crowd of the tiny junkpiles, each familiar to the two cats. In the middle of these short stacks was a small space; Tugger's stomach clenched when he recognized it as the clearing, the TSE1, Misto's pipe, his brother sitting on the now tiny tire.

The mane coon's jaw dropped when the small, silver tabby started calling out to them. "Holy Sh-"

"Shhhh! I can't hear him," Mistoffelees hushed the now freaking out tom, he himself regaining his in-control composure. Tugger, in slight hysteria, picked up Munkustrap by the fur on his back, the Jellicle protector hissed in outraged at being grabbed in such a way. "Munku?" He poked the barbie sized tabby with his free paw.

"Yes, Tugger, it's me. What happened?" Munkustrap yelled from his brother's grasp. Realization dawned on the golden tom's face.

"You!" he nearly shouted as he pointed at the magician. "You and your sardine rats did this!" he jeered at the now flustered tux, dropping his brother in the process.

"Tug, watch out!" Mistoffelees caught the Jellicle protector just as he was about to make face time with the ground. He inspected the shaking tabby after placing him on his palm.

"If it weren't for you, I'd still be me!" he continued.

"Tug, you're still you; only bigger," the tux tried to reason with him, obviously his words meant nothing to the flirt for he continued his pointless rant.

"Still! I'm not Tugger sized anymore, so technically not me," he groaned in frustration as he pulled at his head fur. "What do we do? I'm never going to meet a giant queen, I can't live without sex!" He continued, clasping onto the magician's shoulders.

"You're overreacting," Mistoffelees stated flatly.

"You're under-reacting!" Tugger shot back.

"Is that even a word?"

"It is now," the mane coon huffed

"Wait," Munkustrap interrupted. "Magic rats made you big, couldn't you use magic to get yourselves small again?"

The two giants shared a look that just screamed 'Of course!'. Mistoffelees furrowed his brow in thought, how was he going to use magic to make them small again?
He didn't know any potions that could shrink them or any reversing spells. During his contemplation, Tugger walked over to where his den should have been. He squinted in search of his broken-faced vanity; tripping over a burnt, rusted bulldozer. The large body came crashing down to the junkyard floor; knocking over many surrounding piles and completely crushing others. Munkustrap, who sat comfortably in Mistoffelees' paw, nearly passed out from the sight of Tugger destroying their home, unable to think of the cats that could be trapped beneath the rubble.

"I have it!" the black and white tux exclaimed suddenly. "I could maybe alter what's left of my rat. Instead of making us bigger it could shrink us back to normal size!"

"Yeah, and then we could go find Macavity and give him a piece of our minds; like that'll ever work," Tugger mocked in a high pitched voice that was meant to mimick the magician's.

"Fine, I'll go back to being my normal size and you can become a sex-less, freak of nature for the rest of your life." Mistoffelees reached down and grabbed what was left of the rodent, secretly spliting the rat in two in case his plan did work and Tugger changed his mind, which was more a fact than gamble when his lifestyle and reputation was on the line.

"Maybe I could try it, you know, for the sake of science," Tugger said non-chalantly without missing a beat. Munkustrap rolled his eyes at the predictable flirt, a small chuckle was the only sound that escaped him, unknowest to his brother.

Mistoffelees handed Tugger half of the altered rodent, popping his half in his mouth as a human would do with a pill. Tugger did the same and quickly checked his person to see if he was shrunk, nothing changed except his thinning patience.

"Nothing hap-" he started but was, once again, interrupted when a loud belch echoed throughout the lot; knocking him backwards. The other two started laughing until Mistoffelees was one to be cut off by a wave of hick-ups. Tugger looked to his right to see a giant pool table, he smiled as he realized he was now 'Tugger-sized'. He heard a loud thump and turned to find Quaxo lying on his stomach with Munkustrap sitting on his back.

"You did it!" The mane coon exclaimed as he yanked the tuxedo cat into a bear hug. He pulled away at the realization that something about his friend was different;
he looked at the small cat who now stood at half his height and seemed to be shrinking, Fearing the worst, he compared his height to Munkustrap who was also staring in terror at the black and white tom.

Quaxo looked between the two and let out a shrill cry of fear: he was shrinking! The world around him grew bigger and bigger by the second.


He sprung up, smacking foreheads with Tugger who let out a scream of surprise and pain.

"Bad dream?" Tugger muttered as he rubbed his forehead, wincing at the thought of a bump developing. Quaxo glanced around; he was on the old TSE1, Munkustrap was sitting on the tire a few metres away, the kittens were playing by the stove and there was no sign of a collapsed junkpile anywhere in sight. He sighed as he fell back onto the trunk of the rusted car, the maned coon glanced cautiously at the younger tom as Quaxo turned his attention to the leopard spotted flirt.

"What are you doing here?" he asked calmly, still recovering from the terrifyingly realistic dream.

"Got time for a magic trick?" the other cat perked up, honey-brown eyes glistening with anticipation. Quaxo hissed and began to box in Tugger's ears before speeding away into one of the many trails that mapped out the junkyard.

Tugger stared after him in utter confusion. "He could've just said 'no'."

So there you go :) I just noticed that I wrote in a subtle sex joke xD It was pointed out to me by one of my other DA friends, can you see it? Cookies for those who find it! But we have to share because I said so and they're mine!

Please RxR
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