FicWad

Before I knew it, we were in Arizona, at the beginning of what residents called early summer. I found myself sweating after being off the bus only fifteen minutes. Because of this, there was no time for lollygagging and most roadies were busy setting up merch tables and getting equipment backstage. While I held the privilege of working backstage, were it generally was cooler, I avoided it as much as I could that morning. Vicky had informed me a week earlier on our plane back to the states Gabe had changed his way of thinking and no longer wanted the world to feel sorry for his mistakes. Simply put, he wasn’t going to wait for me anymore; he was once again on the hunt. Thus, it was crucial I avoided backstage as much as possible. It was upsetting enough that Dirty wouldn’t be joining us this tour, as he wished to stay home with Emily and Elizabeth. Abigail too, was at home, nursing her seven month old belly and complaining about the bed rest her doctor had put her on. So, similar to the European tour, I was for the most part on my own. Though, my new found friendship with Vicky and Patrick seemed promising. Pete had tried to play a part in “protecting” me, but soon became distracted by his own son joining the tour group the first few weeks.

Mesa Ampetheatre was a strange venue to say the least. Three large grass covered steps that served as mock seats made up the area where fans would stay. It was all connected by a large walkway in the back where I was currently figuring out where to place barricades to keep people from getting backstage. Clipboard in hand, walkie-talkie clipped to my belt loop and cell phone turned high, I was in full work mode once more. It didn’t help me however with the consistent day dreaming I was experiencing.

This time, I found myself flipping through paperwork, wanting to know the official line-up for tonight so I could know when to avoid the backstage area. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that it wouldn’t matter much; lately I felt that Pete was conspiring to get me and Gabe together again; and if not together, at least on talking terms. Elizabeth had called to tell me that she too felt like there was something going on behind our girls’ backs. Getting back to the matter, I noticed that tonight’s fright hour, as I called it, was from seven to eight. I looked down at my phone once more and sighed, knowing the heat was going to lead to a headache. I glanced at the map on my clipboard one last time before starting for the stage once more; it was time for things to get rolling.

-

It was a couple of hours before doors were to open that Patrick found me sitting on my bus, messing around on my laptop before I had to be backstage again. I looked at him skeptically as he stepped on board, wondering why he didn’t just knock.

“So I have to give up my privacy too?” it seemed to catch Patrick off guard, but he still sat down across from me.

“What do you mean?” he asked. I shook my head.

“I already have to sneak around like a terrorist,” I mumbled, fixing my gaze back to the computer screen. Patrick moved his hand and snapped it closed, making me look at him with a wide glare. “What the fuck, Pat,” I hissed. He shook his head.

“First, don’t call me that,” he snapped before softening his gaze. “Second, it’s your decision to sneak around avoiding Gabe,”

“I’m not-”

“Don’t lie,” Patrick cut me off, looking at me sternly. I wanted to get mad, but sighed, looking away.

“What do you want?” I muttered, lowering my eyes even more. “You came here to lecture me?” I asked. Patrick cleared his throat.

“Gabe wants to see you,” he simply said. “He wants to know where you are,”

Gabe wanted to know where I was. I looked at Patrick with dead eyes.

“You on his side now?” I barked. Patrick rolled his eyes and gave the same look back.

“There are no sides,” he paused. “He wants to talk to you, Elié, and that is healthy,”

“We can never be healthy,” I added. Patrick shook his head again.

“That’s because you never even tried,” he urged. My scowl faltered into a pout. “Please just let him take you out tonight after their set,” he spoke.

“What?” I whispered. Patrick nodded.

“Pete got somebody to cover your duties, so don’t worry, ok?” I skewed my mouth to one side as Patrick stood up, looking down at me. “Just let me know so I can tell him, ok?” he asked. I nodded and watched him go.

I slumped into the seat before covering my face with my hands. I knew agreeing to this tour was a bad idea. Especially since Abigail and Dirty weren’t here. Shaking my head to myself, I looked at my phone and decided it was time to get backstage and make my rounds, regardless of how heavy my heart was at the time.

-

Gabriel_Saporta : I’m not your lover. I’m not your friend. I am something that you’ll never comprehend.

I was sitting at a Tempe bar a few hours after the concert when my phone buzzed in front of me, and when I glanced down, I sighed; knowing somebody had hacked my twitter so that I was not only following Gabe again, but getting his tweets sent to my phone. Lowering my shoulders, I glanced over at the other patrons at near the bar then shifted my vision towards the crowd that was enjoying the music playing over the sound system; a Prince song, ironically.

We can fuck until the dawn, makin love till cherries gone; Erotic city can’t you see, thoughts of pretty you and me

“All my hang ups are gone, how I wish you felt the same,”

I heard a voice singing along behind me and couldn’t help but laugh a little when I saw Gabe, wearing the same black and white plaid shirt I had seen him in earlier when I was making the rounds backstage. He observed me and I felt my cheeks flush with heat when I remembered I was in a dress. Arriving to my bus after the show, I no longer wished to be burdened by the Arizonan heat by being in jeans and a tour shirt. So I grabbed a purple baby-doll dress and hitched a ride to the bar. Gabe simply smiled at me.

“You look pretty, Aurelie,” he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear it over the music. My smile faltered as I remembered our situation.

“Gabe,” I responded, sighing. He nodded solemnly but still took a seat at the barstool right next to mine. We sat in silence for a moment before I glanced at him again. “Why are we here?” I asked. Gabe seemed to be upset by my question.

“We’re here to fix things,” he suggested. “To fix us,” I glared at him for a moment.

“Gabe, there is no us,” I corrected. He pulled back his lips and lowered his head as the bartender approached us.

“Can I get you guys anything?” he asked. I shook my head while Gabe nodded. After exchanging a look, Gabe paused before ordering just a beer.

“Aurelie,” he skewed his mouth to one side and scooted his stool closer to me. His knees were close to mine, making me slightly uncomfortable. I still looked at him, letting my hands drop to my lap. His hand reached over and I felt my heart pick up speed as it wrapped around one of my own. “Why can’t we just figure things out?” he asked. I shook my head.

“We’re not in an appropriate setting,” I motioned to a few obvious concert goers in the distance, one staring over and pulling what looked like a camera out of her purse. I sighed and Gabe gulped. He nodded.

“I agree. I thought coming here would be safe but I guess we can go back to the buses,” he offered.

I thought for a moment, but after a bright flash shot in our direction, my mind was made up. I stood up with Gabe and after he awkwardly explained to the bartender what was going on, we walked out, avoiding the fan girls as we found ourselves outside. I stood next to Gabe on the sidewalk and peered up at him shyly. He jingled a pair of keys and I raised an eyebrow.

“Whose car are you driving?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Some roadie’s,” he said. I smirked but followed him around the corner to the parking lot and let him open the door for me before he landed next to me in the driver’s seat. The minute the car started, I smiled as I heard Michael Jackson playing, but soon frowned, instantly remembering my nickname. Gabe noticed as he started driving and switched the radio to a more current one, a new single from Rihanna playing. I sighed.

“I don’t share a bus with anybody,” I mentioned. Gabe nodded, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

“Lucky,” he joked. I shrugged, but found myself toying with the bottom of my dress as we grew silent. I wasn’t familiar to the area and didn’t know we were even remotely close to the buses till I saw the lights of the stage and some buses already leaving the parking lot. “I guess there won’t be much time to talk tonight if we’re leaving,”

I turned my head to look at his expression and felt my heart flutter, surprisingly. I gulped down the knot in my throat and realized that Gabe and I really did need to sort things out; no matter how gruesome it might be. Communication was what we didn’t have when we were together.

“Communication,” I mumbled, making Gabe look at me as he parked the car in the lot near the buses. I widened my eyes, but we seemed to disregard it as we walked up to the security gate. They quickly let us in, and while Gabe was distracted by giving the keys to a random roadie, I started walking towards my bus; wondering if I should have invited Gabe after all I had been thinking about.

“Aurelie,” I stopped walking at the sound of Gabe shouting across the lot. I waited till he was next to me to lift my head up and saw he was frowning. Nobody was around us and I honestly felt vulnerable. He inched closer and touched my arm, softly. “We need communication,” he offered a smile. “That’s what you meant, right?”

I didn’t want to deny it. Gabe pierced my eyes with his own and slowly, I nodded. We stood still for a few moments before I fished around for my bus key, still glancing up at him every few moments as he followed closely behind me. We were almost to the door when Ryland and Nate appeared, looking at us skeptically. I twisted my hands together as they approached us, Ryland looking straight at me while Nate hit Gabe’s arm playfully.

“You coming to the bus soon?” he asked. “We’re gonna be hitting curfew soon and be leaving for California,” he continued. Gabe looked at me and then at Ryland. I stayed quiet as Ryland continued to peer at me.

“Uhm,” he paused, his eyes shifting from Nate to Ryland to me. He only seemed more confused. I let a deep breath go and finally looked up at the guys.

“He’s gonna stay with me,” I wish I would have continued my sentence rather than pausing. Ryland’s expression was one of pure hatred as he looked at Gabe while Nate widened his eyes, shocked. Gabe inched back as Ryland raised his arm. I instantly clung to it and he relaxed, softening his look as he lowered his head. “We are talking about everything,”

Gabe seemed to find his confidence and stepped forward, taking my arms away from Ryland and placing a hand on my shoulder.

“We’d appreciate some privacy,” he stated bluntly. “For once,” he continued. I smiled, respecting his courage.

Nate shrugged and nudged Ryland before he could stare at me again. They walked away and Gabe seemingly forgot his arm was wrapped around my shoulder as we continued to walk. I felt flustered, and sighed as he finally dropped his arm. I opened the bus door and looked back at him. He smiled.

“I’m gonna go grab a bag,” he offered a sheepish grin. “I am staying here, right?” he asked. I nodded, still feeling weird about the entire situation.

When I got inside, I sat down my stuff and found my lap top on the kitchen booth table and sighed, sitting down and opening it up. That’s when I remembered my twitter had been hacked and now, I realized, my computer had been too. I looked at the computer screen asking for a password and sighed. Clicking on the hint, I only saw “Prince and Gabe”. I scoffed and balled up my hands before typing a few things. I heard the door open and glared over the top of my lap top at Gabe. He offered a smile then wiggled the fabric of the purple hoodie he was now wearing over his plaid shirt.

“Purple,” he spoke. I rolled my eyes and typed it, my heart stalling as I saw the desktop picture he had posted on my computer all those months ago. “Admit you miss it, Aurelie,” he whispered.

“Miss what?” I found myself staring at the picture of us; me softly sleeping while Gabe kissed the top of my head as I asked. Gabe scooted into the seat across from me.

“Being the girl Gabe Saporta was talking about,” I sharply looked up and found him frowning; eyes drooped down as he spoke. “Being Billy Jean… being my girl,”

“Gabe, I don’t think I ever was your girl,” I mentioned, closing my laptop and moving it behind me on the empty kitchen counter. I noticed the bus driver arrive and he waved before closing the privacy curtain. I sighed. “I mean…”

“We had a good thing,” he said softly. I avoided his solemn expression.

“You assumed I was your girl,” I shook my head, closing my eyes. “You never made anything official or asked me to be your one and only girlfriend,”

“Doesn’t sleeping with me clarify that I wanted you all to myself?” he asked, voice rising. I looked at him again, his pupils more sharply dilated. “That you were mine?” I scoffed.

“You lost the right to call me yours when you slept with somebody else,”

Gabe’s demeanor completely shattered in that moment and he lowered his head, making me feel guilty for only a moment.

“I did something wrong, but I know that I shouldn’t have when I think about it now,” I closed my eyes while he talked. “I’m sorry Aurelie,” he pleaded. My eyes snapped open as his hand met mine once more. Upon gazing at him I found his eyes glazed over, obvious stress on his mind. “I-”

“Don’t,” I stopped him from saying something he would regret and found my own tears surfacing. “Gabe,” a cry rattled through me and I held it back as the bus roared to life, it jerking as it started to move.

Gabe and I shared the same look, knowing we were now trapped on the bus together for the next 8 hours. I pulled my hand away and stood up, bracing myself on the kitchen counter as I turned away from him. I was nervous, angry and sad all at once and I wanted to smack myself for letting the tears flood my eyesight. Gabe’s arms slithered around me and I reluctantly collapsed into his arms, letting him hold me tightly to his chest while I sobbed. He too sighed into my ear and combed my hair back with his hands, hushing me now and then. I pursed my lips long enough to quiet the sobs and meekly looked up at him, his eyes closed until he realized I wasn’t clinging to him as tightly. We shared a look and I gulped.

“Why did you cheat on me, Gabe?” I asked finally. I felt the muscles in his arms tighten as he brought his lip between his teeth. “Why?” I pleaded. He loosened his grip.

“I was so unsure of everything,” his eyes scanned all over my face and again, they became hazy with tears. He reached up to wipe an eye on his sleeve and shook his head. “I got arrogant and drunk and thought I could have every girl in the world when all I wanted was you,” As he finished, he was locking eyes with me again, a soft smile on his face. I was still upset, but nodded.

“Then why didn’t you ask me to be your girlfriend?” I asked next.

Gabe motioned that we sit back down again. I sat down on the couch next to the kitchen booth and brought up my legs, making sure that not too much thigh was showing. Gabe sat closely next to me, his hand reaching to hold mine again.

“I was stupid,” he simply answered. “When you are blinded by upcoming fame and screaming girls, you lose track of what really matters,” he then paused and peered at me skeptically. “Aurelie,” he let a deep breath go. “You hurt me too,”

Lowering my gaze, I felt guilt tug at my heart when I remembered the one night Patrick and I had shared. Albeit it was a one-time thing, it may have happened too fast after Gabe and I had our falling out. While he did cheat on me, I acted just as sleazy towards him. Maybe Dirty was right; there was no being classy with Gabe. I turned my body so I was facing him more.

“I’m sorry, Gabe,” I spoke, looking him dead in the eye. He nodded and gripped my hand tighter.

“I’m sorry too,” he whispered.

Slowly, he leaned over and I allowed him to wrap his arms around me a little tighter than before as we embraced. It wasn’t long before I realized that we had taken a huge step towards recovering our broken relationship. While I was still unsure if I wanted to be with Gabe again as his girl, I was glad we were at least a little past what went wrong. As we separated, Gabe gave me a small grin to which I flashed one back. Almost instantly, I regretted everything I had been thinking about as he leaned down and kissed me. It was a soft kiss, but it still made me jump back and look at him, a little shocked. He seemed to realize what he had just done and pulled his arms away, sinking into the couch sheepishly.

“Sorry,” he whispered. I licked my lips nervously.

“I’m just not ready to pick this up quite yet,” I explained softly. Gabe nodded and watched as I stood up. “Are you staying on the couch?” I asked, changing the subject. I heard a voice in the back of my head call me an idiot for even mentioning it. Gabe looked like he was going to say something smart, but held it back. He eyed the couch and shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess I can fit here,” he lifted up his legs and stretched out, his feet dangling off the edge. We shared a soft laugh and I felt my cheeks heat up as he stared up at me. “What?” he asked, sitting up again. I rubbed my arm nervously with my other hand and eyed the back room where a rather large bed laid.

“If you promise to keep it between us and keep your hands to yourself…” I trailed off and watched as Gabe stood up, me laughing as he towered over me. He seemed intrigued by my offer.

“Are you sure, Aurelie?” he asked.

I nodded, surprised by how genuine I was actually being. I turned and awkwardly started walking towards the back, slipping off my flats and turning off the bus light as I moved. When Gabe arrived in the back, he turned to pull the privacy curtain and observed me as I stood near my suitcase, grabbing some shorts and a camisole. I giggled softly and his cheeks turned red, his body turning and staying that way while I changed. When I sat down, Gabe turned and shifted his eyes before reaching down to unbuckle his belt. I looked away nervously and grabbed my phone, setting my alarm before plugging it into the charger. Looking over my shoulder, I noticed Gabe picking at his undershirt and glanced at me.

“It’s really hot in Arizona,” he joked, lifting it over his head.

My heart slowed and I had to tell my brain to not be persuaded by a half-naked Gabe sitting vulnerably in my tour bus. Instead, I pulled the sheets over my legs and laid down, facing away from him and closing my eyes. The bed shifted a little and I felt his body heat near mine as he shifted to bring the covers over himself. I was just about to doze off when his hand met my side, it cupping my waist. I instantly lost the fight with my brain as I became intoxicated by his deep breath swirling around my neck and ear. He scooted himself closer and I let my bottom lip quiver in anticipation. Gabe slowly wrapped the rest of his arm around me and brought my lower half closer to him so we were intertwined quite perfectly. I let out a soft sigh.

“Gabe,” I mumbled in the darkness. His arm tightened a little.

“Just let me hold you this once,” he insisted. “Because who knows when we’ll get away with staying on the same bus again,” he explained. I nodded into the pillow and closed my eyes, smiling as Gabe gave a light chuckle into my ear. “Plus, did you really expect me to keep my hands to myself?” he asked.

I decided not to answer, but instead moved my lower back closer to his abdomen and breath out, contently. Gabe soon followed suit and I contemplated what had happened. While we did take a step towards fixing things, we were already falling back into old habits; taking steps backwards towards what would ultimately end in another heartbreak. As I fell asleep, I realized that things would never be the same between Gabe and Billy Jean.