FicWad

Canst thy can handle acts of Congress?
Or doth it o’erflow and make a big mess?
Wilt thou dare to squeeze the Charmin?
Or dost thou still think there is harm in
Downloading songs off the Internet?
Dost thou think Macintosh a good bet?
Dost thou let thy friend drive a Chevy?
Hast thy remote control become too heavy?
Wouldn’t ye like to be a Pepper too?
Thy call is very important but hath no value,
But what the hell art thou gonna do?
Call Ma Bell and bitcheth about it?
Thy USDA allowance of video bullshit
Broadcast every hour on the hour.
Rice-A-Roni!
Now thou’rt playing with Power!

Quoth Sabrina: ‘To pause is human, to play, divine.’
Quoth David: ‘Fast-forward!’
Quoth Matt: ‘REWIND!’

’Twould take all this shit to Equal one bowl of Total.
Time for some patented space-age moon-waffles.
So just l’eggo my Eggo, thou son of a bitch!
Or try new Special K and maketh the switch.
Eateth Green Eggs and Ham from Hillshire Farms,
Else we shall come and have thy Lucky Charms.
I do not like thee, Sam I Am! Louse!
And now for Bob Villa with “This Damn House”
Paid for by The Gap so payeth The Man.
For he hath Bill-Gates-In-A-Can
And thou hadst better let him out! hee hee!
For it sliceth, it diceth, too! See!
It shall even do thy homework for thee!
Buy now, pay later, we repeat:
Call now, then wait 6 to 8 weeks.
Offer doth expire whilst ye wait:
Call right now before ’tis too late!
Goeth on, giveth it a try:
Operators art standing by!
For there is so much
To come and see…
Grab thy remote and come
Channel-surfin’ with me!

‘I wouldst tell thee what the weather is like out there, but it’s so fucking foggy!’