Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo
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Thou art reading the Book of Hondo. Now back to the story:
And it came to pass that after the Gods of Hondo didst drop the Dudes off at the end of the Endless Highway, that a fell figure didst appear at the Spooky Door.
‘Naginata…’ quoth Scoot.
‘I standeth between thee and the HellRazor,’ quoth Naginata. ‘Now would ye be so kind as to granteth me a re-match?’
And Scoot didst power up.
‘Bring it on!’ cried both of them in unison.
‘Jinx!’ quoth Scoot.
And Naginata was speechless. So he didst give Scoot the finger.
‘And thou calleth thyself the Polite Assassin,’ quoth Scoot. ‘Cat got thy tongue? Hast thou run out of bold threats already?’
And Naginata didst stomp away.
‘Art thou gonna cry off?’ quoth Scoot. ‘Oh yeah. Ye can’t.’
And there was much laughter.
‘Hot-damn!’ quoth Nori. ‘He doth look mad enough to implode!’
And it came to pass that the Polite Assassin Naginata didst implode, and didst collapse in on himself and become a singularity.
‘Cool!’ quoth Yoco. ‘Kungfucius must’ve taught ye that move!’
And the singularity didst begin to suck everything up.
‘Run away! Run away!’ cried Scoot.
And the Dudes didst retreat into the Spooky door to a place of light and song, for the singularity didst not only consume the Mushroom Thieves, but the Spooky Door, and every mile of the Endless Highway, as well.
‘Homewrecker!’ cried Kungfucius as the Spooky Door didst stretch and shrink out of existence.
‘Wait one fucking minute!’ cried Nori. ‘Doth this mean we art trapped in this shithole now?’
‘Shit? Hole?’ quoth Kungfucius. ‘My home this is! …But alas, no, trapped here thou’rt not. Many other Spooky Doors in my world there art.’
‘Then why didst the Gods of Hondo send me down the Endless Highway when there were other ways in?’ quoth Scoot.
‘For the hell of it,’ quoth Kungfucius. ‘Want to know who’s to blame, the cats will…’
‘Blameth the implosion on Yoco,’ quoth Casey.
‘Hey!’ quoth Yoco.
‘Thou art the Sacrificial Goat,’ quoth Scoot. ‘Thou art at fault by general principle.’
‘Worketh for me,’ quoth Kungfucius. ‘Now come to train, hast thou not? Get started we shall. Yes… First thou, tall one. Maketh me laugh!’
‘Oy…’ quoth Scoot.
And so it came to pass that the Dudes didst begin their training with the mystical Master Kungfucius.
Thou art reading the Book of Hondo. Now back to the story:
And it came to pass that after the Gods of Hondo didst drop the Dudes off at the end of the Endless Highway, that a fell figure didst appear at the Spooky Door.
‘Naginata…’ quoth Scoot.
‘I standeth between thee and the HellRazor,’ quoth Naginata. ‘Now would ye be so kind as to granteth me a re-match?’
And Scoot didst power up.
‘Bring it on!’ cried both of them in unison.
‘Jinx!’ quoth Scoot.
And Naginata was speechless. So he didst give Scoot the finger.
‘And thou calleth thyself the Polite Assassin,’ quoth Scoot. ‘Cat got thy tongue? Hast thou run out of bold threats already?’
And Naginata didst stomp away.
‘Art thou gonna cry off?’ quoth Scoot. ‘Oh yeah. Ye can’t.’
And there was much laughter.
‘Hot-damn!’ quoth Nori. ‘He doth look mad enough to implode!’
And it came to pass that the Polite Assassin Naginata didst implode, and didst collapse in on himself and become a singularity.
‘Cool!’ quoth Yoco. ‘Kungfucius must’ve taught ye that move!’
And the singularity didst begin to suck everything up.
‘Run away! Run away!’ cried Scoot.
And the Dudes didst retreat into the Spooky door to a place of light and song, for the singularity didst not only consume the Mushroom Thieves, but the Spooky Door, and every mile of the Endless Highway, as well.
‘Homewrecker!’ cried Kungfucius as the Spooky Door didst stretch and shrink out of existence.
‘Wait one fucking minute!’ cried Nori. ‘Doth this mean we art trapped in this shithole now?’
‘Shit? Hole?’ quoth Kungfucius. ‘My home this is! …But alas, no, trapped here thou’rt not. Many other Spooky Doors in my world there art.’
‘Then why didst the Gods of Hondo send me down the Endless Highway when there were other ways in?’ quoth Scoot.
‘For the hell of it,’ quoth Kungfucius. ‘Want to know who’s to blame, the cats will…’
‘Blameth the implosion on Yoco,’ quoth Casey.
‘Hey!’ quoth Yoco.
‘Thou art the Sacrificial Goat,’ quoth Scoot. ‘Thou art at fault by general principle.’
‘Worketh for me,’ quoth Kungfucius. ‘Now come to train, hast thou not? Get started we shall. Yes… First thou, tall one. Maketh me laugh!’
‘Oy…’ quoth Scoot.
And so it came to pass that the Dudes didst begin their training with the mystical Master Kungfucius.
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