FicWad

Time stood still.
The blackness and the still lives. A withering sun and the closing of light. Dust, waste, what could be seen? What could happen if seen?
Time stood still.
He noticed that he was in this blackness. He thought of what this meant, where he was, why he was. He thought and his thoughts moved. Moving at a second per complete sentence.
Time stood still.
But his mind did not. He stood still, but his mind kept active. He wondered, and that wonderment added to the thoughts. He thought of the possibility that time itself worked in layers. Outside, it was still. Inside, he could hear each second tick, and yet somehow, still...
Time stood still.
...He thought of how this must be what it's like to be born. Growing, but not seeing. He could have seen life as all like that. But there was no growing. It must have been hours, days, weeks, months, years. But it wasn't. He felt it had been the same. But he couldn't know if there was a change. He wondered about his birth, if there was a change. Was this a birth? Or could it be...
Time stood still.
...Death. Death at the bleakness. The blackness could be that. But was it that? He couldn't tell. He couldn't move. His mind refused to tell, yet the thoughts continued. Could he be in Hell? Is the true Hell nothing more than stalled time away from any? He thought those questions. Questions that weren't given an answer aside from more questions.
Time stood still.
Or perhaps Heaven. He didn't know if he had deserved Hell. And still, did he deserve this? No. This couldn't be Heaven. What was this, though? Was this a punishment or an accomplishment?
Time stood still.
And he thought of the concept of it being neither. A purgatory that wasn't Hell. A safe haven, but not Heaven. It was just still. Still, dark, unknowing. He did not know whether to like it or not. He surely did not like the idea of nothing after death, but at the same time wondered if he really was dead.
Time stood still.
But what about his heart? Did he have a pulse left? Could he move his arm, place his hand over his chest, feel the beat (or the lack of beat) of his heart? All that he needed to do was slide his arm over. One way, right? He couldn't think of other ways. So yes, it was necessary. A confirmation. If he is dead, let that be the only request.
It seemed so simple, so primitive. Just let it slide. Slowly, he moved his left (or was it right?) arm. Slowly, he placed what could have been his hand on what could have been his chest. It was the very feeling of nothing. But that nothing was a feeling of numb and not a lack of pulse. Quite to the contrary, he felt a vibration. One that could be interpreted as a pulse. A pulsation. He couldn't feel, but it felt like he could feel certain things.
Time stood still.
He now knew (or thought that he knew) that at least he wasn't dead. At least? The purpose of being alive here was... And the purpose of being dead here was...
Time stood still.
Wondering, just wondering. He wondered. Was 'he' even a 'he'? "He" had thought so, but 'he' now had the need to make sure. 'He' could be a 'she' Could he/she be? Feeling around the body, 'he' felt nothing. Nothing but a pulse. A pulse that may not be.
Time stood still.
It now wondered with a new question for It's identity. Was it born yet? Yes, back to the beginning, that question. But it had to be brought up. Could it have even asked that before, anyway? Can anything repeat when
Time stands still?
Surely alive, wholly alive. Only alive.
Time stands still.
And with Time, tenses are everything. Nothing can be past tense. Nothing can be present tense. Nothing can be future tense. But nothing can't not have a tense.
Time stands still.
And what it needs is context. No prior memory to fall back on. So is this be beginning? It remembers a phrase--- "Nothing Lasts Forever". Is this forever? Is this eternity? Is it now living forever?
Time stands still.
It curses chromosomes. Curses the possibility of being born. Curses the idea of having a little more of one side determines identity. Curses not knowing whether it has chromosomes. Curses it all. But forgets to curse nothing.
Time stands still.
Cursing, but not aloud. Doesn't know whether it's able to. Whether it's possible. Is it? It's allowed to ask inside because that's where the mind is. But if it opened it's mouth, would a sound come out? It was afraid to find out. Yet it was unafraid all until now.
Time.
Doesn't know. Doesn't know. No remembrance.
Time.
It didn't know. Didn't know. Had no remembrance.
Stands.
It didn't move. Couldn't move. Until it tried. Once it tried, each movement was more of a challenge. Soon it started to make noises. The noises grew louder.
Time will stand still.